Difference between revisions of "The Defeat of Tessan"

Latest revision as of 12:38, 18 May 2007

The Defeat Of Tessan was an RP describing The Archregimancy's 3-2 victory over Tessan in World Cup 29, and was written by the Archregimancy.

Inspired by the fact that Tessan's team were conceptualised as mediaeval knights and princes, the Archregimancy started out by writing a mock play loosely inspired by Shakespeare's Henry V, but writing this from scratch proved to be too much work, and once the "play" reached Fr. David the Water-Drinker's monologue, most of the dialogue was adapted straight from Shakespeare.

The paraphrased Shakespeare plays include: Richard III, Hamlet, Macbeth, Julius Caesar and King John.

The original RP follows.

THE DEFEAT OF TESSAN

or

THE NARROWLY-AVERTED TRAGEDY OF FR. DAVID

Surviving excerpts from a play in 2 acts by Fr. Basilicus of the Shaken Spear

[Act 1 scene 1 - The King of Tessan's encampment]

Duke Conway -

My liege, your knights this day do face a foe

Whose name resounds on football fields.

And I myself doth fear their hearts shall falter 'fore the task.

The King -

Be calm, Your Grace, and fear not death

Whose calm embrace shall claim us all.

Which knight shall state he is not ready for the battle

In which our men must perforce engage?

Doth Sir James withdraw from the task at hand?

Shall your son, Prince Daniel, flee the field?

Shall the Crown Prince - whose mighty hands hath

Stopped many an enemy goal - shake and quail with terror?

Nay, nay Your Grace. We hath eleven men of courage true

And they shall give the monks a mighty battle before this day shall end

And I myself shall offer reward to any player who scores.

[Act 1 - Scene 2 - the Monastery of Pantocrator]

Metropolitan Kyrill of Solovetsky-

What news doth come of the heretic crusading knights?

Fr. David the Water-Drinker-

Alas, my coach, I have grave news, which I am most reluctant to report.

Kyrill-

Come, now, my captain, and report, and commit not

The grievous sin of presumption.

How knowest you that I shall take your news amiss?

Search your heart in Christ's name and share your misgivings.

David-

For many a day hath we assumed

That these crusaders would crumble before us.

Yet their preparations are advanced, and they believe -

Though many of my fellow footballers credit it not -

That they shall still prevail this day.

Kyrill-

They are fools, my brother, for are we not ranked 16th in the world?

This Pierson-led Tessan, where rankest they? With the very rankest!

They are not simply rank, they also reek;

Reek with the stench of heresy, with the thousand sins of their kith and kin.

The Lord shall not deliver us to defeat before our time

And victory shall be ours upon the field of play!

[exits]

David-

Alas I fear my bishop doth also commit a sin.

His is not my sin of presumption, but the great dread sin of pride.

I would care not if we were the first among teams

And Tessan the very lowest

Still I would not underestimate the opposition

And I will fear that we shall pay before this day doth close.

[exits]

[Act 1 - scene 4 - the field of play]

Fr. Constantine the Learned-

How easily we doth sieze the lead.

These schismatic fools have not yet played but 3.5 minutes

And already Fr. Silouan doth volley the ball home

Past the hapless king's son!

This shall be a rout of this contemptible rabble!

David-

Say not these things, my brother!

Canst you not see the fire that burns within yon Kenmore's eyes?

Canst you not see the skill with which brave Dallas doth pass the ball?

Verily we hath taken the lead, but the Lord shall punish us for our pride

If we doth asssume that victory is ours!

[exit - enter Prince Jeffrey and Sir James Kenmore, their hearts beating fast, sweat pouring from their brow]

Prince Jeffrey-

My lord, we are lost!

Sir James Kenmore-

Say not these things, my prince!

Canst you not see the arrogance that breeds within Fr. Constantine's heart?

Canst you not see the slowness of Fr. Michael the Lesser on the right?

Verily they have taken the lead, but the King shall not reward us

If we doth assume that victory cannot be ours!

[Act 2 - scene 1 - the field of play]

David-

Now is the winter of our content made hideous summer by this

Younger son of Pierson

Who hath scored two early in this half.

To play, or not to play, that is the question!

Whether it is better to suffer the slings and arrows

Of the opposing forwards' outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of heretical footballers

And by opposing, beat them.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Coach Kyrill

Than are dreamt of in your footballing philosophy!

Our team has been but a walking shadow;

Poor players that strut and fret their hour and a half upon the stage

And then are heard no more: it is a game played by XI idiots,

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Unless our play doth improve,

I pray you bear me henceforth from the noise and rumour of the field,

Where I may think the remnant of my thoughts in peace,

And part of this body and my soul with contemplation and devout desires.

But no, I shall not give up this day!

I could be well moved, if I were weak;

If I could pray to move, prayers would move me:

But I am constant as the northern star,

Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality

There is no fellow in the firmament.

The skies are painted with unnumber'd sparks,

They are all fire, and every one doth shine;

But there's but one in all doth hold his place:

So on this team; 'tis furnish'd well with monks,

And monks are flesh and blood, and apprehensive;

Yet in our squad I do know but one

That unassailable holds on his rank,

Unshaked of motion: and that I am he,

Let me a little show it, even in this,--

That I was constant we should not be defeated,

And constant do remain to keep this so.

[Act 2 - scene 5 - the sidelines, just before the final whistle]

Duke Anton-

My Lord, the Crown Prince's play hath led to our downfall

And all our plans are rent asunder.

Twice hath the monks' captain shot from afar late this half

Twice hath the Prince let the ball squirm under his body

Thus undoing all of his brother's good work!

The King-

Your Grace, I have set my life upon a cast,

And I will stand the hazard of the die:

I think there be six Fr. Davids in the field:

Five have we tackled to-day instead of him.--

A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!

I shall not watch the final whistle blow.

[both exit, enter Coach Kyrill, humbly]

Coach Kyrill-

Praise the Lord, for we hath won.

But I confess my foolish sin of pride did complicate the task at hand.

Fr. David did wring victory from Tessan's grasp

And I shall here do penance for my sins.

Fr. David was the noblest player of them all:

All the players, save only he,

Did that they did in arrogant presumption of Tessan's inferiority;

He only, in a general-honest thought

And common good to all, made one of them.

His life is gentle; and the elements

So mix'd in him that the Lord our God might stand up

And say to all the world, "This is a monk!"