Justice and Law in Roach-Busters

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RB is famous - perhaps infamous would be a better word - for its extraordinarily harsh, brutal, and repressive methods of punishment. It has earned the ire of many countries and all human rights organizations for the excessively violent manner in which prisoners are tortured and killed. RB, however, nonchalantly deflects such criticism. Due to both an all-pervasive police force and harsh methods of suppressing crime, law and order prevail and crime is an extreme rarity, making RB one of the safest nations in the world.

Execution Methods (in order of "most extreme" to "least extreme")

Torture Methods

Crime & Punishment

  • Treason = Scaphism or hanging, drawing, and quartering, depending on the judge's decision
  • First-degree murder = Hanging (if the criminal was a noble or upper-class), disembowelment (if the criminal was middle-class), or boiling alive (if the criminal was lower-class)
  • Second-degree murder = Firing squad
  • Manslaughter = 5-25 years' imprisonment at hard labor
  • Tax evasion = Punishable by 2-5 years' imprisonment
  • Shoplifting = Amputation of one arm (or firing squad if it is a repeat offense)
  • Pickpocketing = Amputation of one hand (or firing squad if it is a repeat offense)
  • Vandalism = 5 lashes & 5 years' imprisonment at hard labor
  • Rape = Castration without anesthesia, followed by boiling if the victim was an adult, or followed by roasting in a brazen bull if the victim was under 16
  • Non-rape sexual abuse = Castration without anesthesia (if it is a repeat offense, the punishment is the same as it would be if the crime were rape)
  • Theft of private property = Amputation of both arms
  • Assault = 10 lashes & 10 years' imprisonment at hard labor
  • Kidnapping = Impalement
  • Slander = 3-5 years' imprisonment
  • Leading a riot = Firing squad
  • Participating in a riot = 25 lashes & 10-25 years' imprisonment at hard labor
  • Leading a strike = Punishable by 40 lashes & life enslavement by the employer
  • Participating in a strike = Punishable by 20 lashes & 15-20 years' enslavement by employer
  • Breaking and entering = Denailing & 5-10 years' imprisonment at hard labor
  • Possessing or selling hard drugs = Denailing, foot roasting, disfigurement, and Shabach technique, followed by 10-30 years' imprisonment
  • Possessing, advertising, selling, publishing, or promoting media or literature considered subversive = Disembowelment
  • Following an outlawed religion* = Burning at the stake
  • Fraud = Firing squad
  • Non-sexual child abuse = 50 lashes
  • Animal abuse = 12-15 lashes, forbidden by law from ever again owning a pet
  • Insulting Parthia or Shah Khosru III = Roasting in a brazen bull
  • Insulting a Roach-Busterian ally = Burning at the stake
  • Promoting public unrest/disorder = Crushing
  • Insulting a law enforcement officer or a member of the armed forces = 20-30 lashes
  • Insulting a minor, local, or state government official = 2-5 years' imprisonment
  • Insulting a member of the National Assembly = 6-10 years' imprisonment
  • Insulting a member of the cabinet = 11-15 years' imprisonment
  • Insulting J.L. or a member of his family = No punishment necessary, as anyone stupid enough to do such a thing would be immediately killed by citizens
  • Advocating Shooban or Turtan "rights" = 10-30 years' enslavement
  • Possessing or selling soft drugs = Fine of $500-1,000
  • Singing the Internationale or any other subversive song = Disembowelment
  • Wearing, selling, or promoting a Che Guevara T-shirt = Impalement
  • Belonging to an illegal political party = Roasting in a brazen bull
  • Littering = Fine of $50
  • Speeding = Revocation of drivers' license for 2 months for every mile above the speed limit (i.e., if the speed limit was 50 m.p.h. and they were driving 52 m.p.h., it would be revoked for 4 months)
  • Offering or accepting a bribe = Hanging (if the amount is less than $5,000), disembowelment (if the amount is greater than $5,000 but under $50,000), or boiling alive (if the amount is $50,000 or greater)
  • White-collar crime = Hanging
  • Inciting/promoting racial tension = Disembowelment
  • Inciting/promoting tension between sexes = Disembowelment
  • Inciting/promotion class hatred = Impalement
  • Inciting/promoting religious hatred or religious extremism = Disembowelment
  • Plagiarism = Hanging

Note: The outlawed religions are Christian Identity, Liberation theology, Mormonism, Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientology, Wicca, and Satanism

Media, Literature, etc. Considered "Subversive"

Books

  • The Communist Manifesto
  • Das Kapital
  • Prison Notebooks
  • Letters From Prison
  • Mein Kampf
  • The Doctrine of Fascism
  • Quotations From Chairman Mao
  • The Kinsey Report
  • Sexual Behavior in the Human Male
  • Sexual Behavior in the Human Female
  • Democracy and Education (as well as everything else written by John Dewey)
  • The Feminist Mystique
  • The Course of Positive Philosophy
  • Beyond Good and Evil
  • General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money (as well as everything else written by John Maynard Keynes)
  • The Humanist Manifesto
  • The Gay Science
  • Origin of Man
  • Descent of Man
  • Guerrilla Warfare
  • Steal this Book
  • The Chomsky Reader (as well as everything else written by Chomsky)
  • A People's History of the United States (as well as everything else written by Howard Zinn)
  • A People's History of the Vietnam War (as well as everything else written by Jonathan Neale)
  • Vietnam: A History (as well as everything else written by Stanley Karnow)
  • What Is To Be Done
  • Authoritarian Personality
  • On Liberty
  • Beyond Freedom and Dignity
  • Reflections on Violence
  • The Promise of American Life
  • Madness and Civilization
  • Soviet Communism: A New Civilization
  • I, Rigoberta Menchu
  • Coming of Age in Samoa
  • Unsafe at Any Speed
  • Silent Spring
  • Wretched of the Earth
  • Introduction to Psychoanalysis
  • The Greening of America
  • The Limits to Growth
  • Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Champion of Freedom
  • Earth in the Balance
  • People's War, People's Army
  • Theory of Justice
  • The Jungle
  • The Grapes of Wrath
  • Death of Somoza
  • The Inequality of Human Races
  • The Rising Tide of Color Against White World-Supremacy
  • The Passing of the Great Race
  • White America: The American Racial Problem as Seen in a Worldwide Perspective
  • Hold Back This Day
  • The Camp of the Saints
  • Take Your Choice: Separation or Mongrelization
  • Foundations of the Black Nation
  • War In America: The Malcolm X Doctrine
  • The Malcolm Generation & Other Stories
  • If They Come in the Morning: Voices of Resistance
  • Frame Up: The Opening Defense Statement Made (as well as everything else written by Angela Davis)
  • The Autobiography of W.E.B. DuBois (as well as everything else written by DuBois)
  • The Philosophy and Opinions of Marcus Garvey (as well as everything else written by Marcus Garvey)
  • Malcolm X Speaks: Selected Speeches and Statements (as well as everything else written by Malcolm X)
  • Legal Lynching (as well as everything else written by Jesse Jackson)
  • Go and Tell Pharaoh: The Autobiography of Reverend Al Sharpton (as well as everything else written by Al Sharpton)
  • My Life
  • Sharing Good Times (as well as everything else written by Jimmy Carter)
  • Stupid White Men (as well as everything else written by Michael Moore)
  • Dutchman and the Slave (as well as everything else written by LeRoi Jones)
  • Who Let the Dogs In?: Incredible Political Animals I Have Known (as well as everything else written by Molly Ivins)
  • Hearts in Atlantis
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • The Green Mile
  • Everything written by Herbert Marcuse
  • Everything written by Jack London

Films

  • All films directed by Oliver Stone
  • All films directed by Michael Moore
  • All films directed by Emile de Antonio
  • All films directed by Bernardo Bertolucci
  • All films directed by Larry Clark
  • All films directed by Sydney Pollock
  • All films directed by Steven Spielberg
  • All films directed by Francis Ford Coppola
  • All films featuring George Clooney
  • All films featuring Jane Fonda
  • All films featuring Robert Redford
  • All films featuring Kevin Costner
  • All films featuring Woody Harrelson
  • All films featuring Chevy Chase
  • All films featuring Mike Farrell
  • All films featuring Jack Nicholson
  • All films featuring Leonardo diCaprio
  • All films featuring Tim Robbins
  • All films featuring Dennis Weaver
  • All films featuring Peter Yarrow
  • All films featuring Whoopi Goldberg
  • All films featuring Ed Asner
  • All films featuring Barbra Streisand
  • All films featuring Danny Glover
  • All films featuring Susan Sarandon
  • All films featuring Tom Cruise (or any other Scientologist, for that matter)
  • All films featuring Jessica Lange
  • John Q
  • Gandhi
  • Mandela
  • Reds
  • The Green Mile
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • The Last Temptation of Christ
  • Jesus Christ Superstar
  • Birth of a Nation
  • Malcolm X
  • The Day After Tomorrow
  • The People Under the Stairs
  • They Live
  • The Crazies

Comics

  • The Boondocks
  • Doonesbury

Note: These lists are by no means complete

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