Alex Tehrani

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Alex Tehrani
Ali_Daei011.jpg
Nation Omigodtheykilledkenny
Title Secretary of State
Predecessor Kumar Ashfari
Birthdate April 11, 1972
Place of birth Paradise City, K.M.D.
Previous occupations
Political affiliation God-fearing, Freedom-loving Conservative Patriot Party; staunch Fernanda loyalist
Languages English, Farsi, Arabic
Education B.A., physics, Cartman College

Alex Tehrani is the secretary of state of the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny. Persian by blood, he is the first Muslim to hold his office, where, aside from directing the administration's foreign policy (including the nation's dealings with the United Nations), Tehrani remains President Manuelo Fernanda's closest adviser, confidant and political ally. The president's utmost confidence in him has served him well in his dealings with foreign leaders, as well as his attempts to temper Defense Secretary Charlie Valentine's insatiable warmongering.

Early Career

A native of Paradise City, Tehrani graduated from Cartman College in 1998 with a B.A. in physics, only to discover later how utterly useless his degree was and begin to pursue other career fields. He alternately worked as assistant manager at a McDonald's, a sailor, Abercrombie & Fitch model, male stripper, back-up dancer for Jennifer Lopez, and male gigolo. Rumors also persist that during this period, Tehrani starred in a porno or two. In an effort to establish himself in an industry without obvious gay overtones, Tehrani took a job as a Playboy photographer and international sports reporter, finding time between shoots and assignments to moonlight as an Xtreme Sports afficionado, NASCAR driver, trapeeze artist, mall Santa, star defender for Omigodtheykilledkenny's spectacularly awful soccer team, and foreign jihadist.

It was during a 2001 shoot at the Playboy Mansion that Tehrani met Fernanda, then a professional boxer. He took the fall for the future president when, after the shoot, Hugh Hefner demanded to know who had stolen his weed and his Mercedes Benz to party with a bunch of his girlfriends. Tehrani won Fernanda's respect that night, and years later, when one of those girls turned up with a little Mexican son, a paternity suit and some cock-a-mamey story about getting knocked up by some boxer in the backseat of Hef's Mercedes, Tehrani as secretary of state would have her exiled to Palixia, because that's the kind of friend he is.

In 2005, while accepting an award for sportsmanship from the king of Siabsolam, whose soccer team had torched the Federal Republic's just the day before, the king, amused at some of Tehrani's past career choices, made so many terrible gay jokes at the Kennyite soccer player's expense that he finally hauled off and popped the good king right on the nose. Fernanda hired him as his foreign policy adviser the next day.

Secretary of State

During the 2005 presidential campaign, Tehrani and Fernanda found themselves throwing back a few over a game of cards with The Palentine's Emperor Captain Spaulding I and Sen. Horatio Sulla. Fernanda dared Tehrani to streak a ladies' society luncheon to be held the next day in his opponent's wife's honor, and was so convinced Tehrani would not do it, he told him he'd make him secretary of state if he did. Tehrani asked the president if they shouldn't be strategizing for the campaign just then, but Fernanda said no, "We'll just smear my opponent's war record and call him unpatriotic. Now are you gonna streak the First Lady's dinner or not?" A side order of beef kabab the dining society ladies weren't expecting and 500 horrified gasps later, Tehrani got the job.

Fernanda had pledged to withdraw Omigodtheykilledkenny from the UN if elected, but Tehrani insisted that remaining a part of the intrernational body would make it easier to call for badly needed reforms there. He supported Jack Riley's controversial appointment as ambassador, and decried liberal senators' filibuster of his nod. Noting the lackluster success of his predecessor's embassy-exchange program, he encouraged the president to open a new one, and even though Fernanda was wary of "becoming too namby-pamby," Tehrani convinced him that, like his presidential run, an embassy exchange would be a prime opportunity to meet women.

Tehrani also dislikes sushi.

Additional Material

fernandasmall3.jpg Officials of the Fernanda Administration
Manuelo Fernanda | Antigone Morgan | Alex Tehrani | Jack Riley | Jimmy Baca | Charlie Valentine | Karen Greene | Susa Batko-Yovino | Jenny Chiang
Omigodtheykilledkenny and the United Nations
Administration and Policies: Department of State | Mission to the United Nations | Voting Record | Creative Solutions Agency | Kennypoll
Mission Staff: Susa Batko-Yovino | Jenny Chiang | Sammy Faisano | Alex Tehrani | Jessie McArthur | George Brown | Jack Riley | Surly the Repealinator
Sponsored Legislation: Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" | Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act" | Repeal "Gay Rights" | Abortion Legality Convention | Unconventional Arms Accord | Prohibition of UN Military | Repeal "Mutual Recognition of Borders" | Accessible Family Planning | Repeal "SPCC Regulation Act" | Repeal "Max Barry Day"