Amityvillington

The Great Ghetto District of Amityvillington is a large nation in Antarctica.

History

Johnny Spaeth, founder of Amityvillington, is, arguably, the greatest and most inspirational leader ever born. He was raised by chimpanzees somewhere deep in the jungles of South America.

He was wrestiling crocodiles by age 5, (It should be noted that the "Crocodile Hunter" was instructed by Johnny) and he invented a device to hunt them at age 6 which he dubbed a "Yaeeahaba," which translates to "Crewing Boat" in English. This boat is now used all over the world.

Natives of the jungle began to wonder why the chimpanzee population was getting out of control. They investigated and found that all natural predators had been killed by lethal punches to the face. (They discovered later that Johnny had done this.) They soon located and caputured Johnny Spaeth, mistaking him for the "missing link" or "white ape." (It should be noted that "Tarzan" is based on these facts.)

Realizing that Johnny would fetch a high sum in the Americas, the natives sold him to Barnum and Bailey and used the money to buy toilet paper, since this is a rare commodity in rain forests and works better than leaves.

The circus owner, being much more educated than the South American native, realized that Johnny was just a hairy white guy who spoke gibberish. After the death of several clowns in a year-long attempt to tame Johnny, they decided to shave him and send him to Sacramento State College. Johnny was 20 years old by this time. (documents pieced together indicate he spent his life from age 6 to 19 crewing and killing animals.)

Genius that he was, he graduated within two years, left North America and established his own country, Amityvillington. The exact location of the country is unknown but it is surrounded by mountains and the fertile soil grows coca plants and cocoa beans in abundance. This attributes to the main exports of chocolate and cocaine. Unsure of what type of government to adopt, he opened the nation's borders, invited starving Africans and opressed Chinese to the country, and let the people decide for themselves. He realized he had unwittingly created a democracy, but he named himself emperor, and appointed a Parliament just for kicks. To this day, the government is constantly shifting between a dictatorship and democracy, but citizens live in relative happiness.

After three years, Johnny had established "Crewing" as the national sport, man-eating kolas as the national animal, boones (bottle caps) as the national currency and the coca plant as the national tree. Since then he has constantly been passing conflicting laws that accomplish absolutely nothing. (For example: He declares that all humans are created equal, but charges Asians double income tax.) Federal taxes usually fund national defense, but for the good of the average citizen the state is providing electronic rowing machines (ergs) in every home. Today Amityvillngton most closely resembles a constitutional monarchy, as Emperor Johnny Spaeth can usually be found smoking or erging while Parliament runs the country.