Ariddian reporter crisis

Perhaps the most famous international crisis to have shaken the continent of Uhuhland, it erupted when an Ariddian reporter began travelling round the continent and publishing articles on the nations he visited. Those articles were often highly critical, and rapidly generated an escalation of international tension, as the region's dictators (most notably those of Backwardistan and Utter Stupidity) issued threats to the Ariddian government, demanding that the reporter in question (who remains anonymous to this day) be silenced.

Below are those articles. They offer a highly biased but interesting insight into the nations observed.

the Common commons

Spotlight on: The Common community of the Common commons

Ariddia's official stance towards the oddly named Common Commons is a friendy one. The nation delighted Ariddians when it adopted a law on compulsory vegetarianism, similar to the PDSRA's own legislation. The Ariddian Prime Secretary himself personnally congratulated the Commoner ambassador, calling the decision "one which firmly established our two nations amongst the progressive, humane and civilised few of this world."

There seems little over which to level reproach at the Commons. It is a vibrantly healthy democracy which cherishes the rights of its people. Social rights and environmental issues are high on the government's agenda, as they are here in Ariddia, and the population appears well-educated and highly intelligent.

If one looks below the cheery, innocent and bubbly-looking national flag, are there dark corners in the Commons? Our government would no doubt like to see this like-minded nation impose further restrictions on its private sector, but this reporter believes the Commoners have found a style that suits them well. Businesses are in no position to curb the Commoner government's commendable social program.

It is likely Ariddia and the CCCC will remain friends for many years to come...

Philosophers Inc

Spotlight on: The Tea Drinking Nation of Philosophers Inc

Ask any passer-by in the street what they know about Philosophers Inc., and the reply will almost invariably be "They make great tea!". Of course, many in Ariddia would not know this for a fact, since our virtually moneyless economy prevents us from actually importing the delicious beverage... But, reporting here from the Philosophising Land, I can confirm they do indeed make "great tea".

Let's look a little deeper, though. Is production of this tea given more importance than the rights of those who produce it? The very name "Philosophers Inc." would give shudders to many an Ariddian philosopher, who would never dream of equating his passion with business. Yet, let me reassure you. Philosophers Inc. has achieved the stunning feat of maintaining a powerful economy without in any way trampling on basic social rights; nay indeed, in many ways it is a champion of those rights. As an added bonus, the environment is well cared for, and civil rights are blooming.

Fellow Ariddians, you may drink your Philosophical tea with a clear conscience... if you manage to get hold of any. Far from deserving criticism, Philosophers Inc. is a nation which could offer much for our own government to learn from...

Backwardistan

Spotlight on: The Noitan Esrever of Backwardistan

Backwardistan! Having been there once, I find myself thanking the powers that be I will never have cause to go back there again. Images of Backwardistan, to most minds, would conjure up fantasised visions of hell. Vast, barren landscapes scraped bare of life stretch where once bloomed beautiful forestry. In the sprawling industrial cities, the air you choke on is thick and grey.

The nation is a capitalist nightmare gone mad. There is little or no government to tend to the needs of Backwardistan's desperate people, and huge business gleefully, mercilessly crush and exploit all whose sole crime is to not be rich and powerful. In fact, rights of any kind are virtually unheard of, and the nation's elusive leaders-cum-businessmen gleefully outlaw every possible right they can conceive of.

Jails are full of teenagers arrested for walking the streets at night, and animals, pets included, regularly vanish, processed into the industrial nightmare of mass food and medicine production. Those who seek to uphold the most basic of animal rights, and to urge Backwardistan along the path of Uhuhland's more progressive nations, are jailed with little more than a parody of a trail. The only rights held sacrosanct are those of big businesses. Finally, as though to add to an overflow of cold cynicism, the "government" consistently refuses to contribute to any form of international aid programs.

Backwardistan is sadly deserving of its name. We have all heard of horror stories from what few refugees have reached the safe haven of Ariddian soil. They pale by comparison with the full horrific scale of the truth. Backwardistan's population is over 1.3 billion. Millions upon millions living in abject poverty and daily terror of the authorities. Had they the right and the means to, it is a safe bet those millions would flee... anywhere. They would just flee.

In the meantime, Backwardistan continues to oppress its people with impunity, bottling in a growing population that can only, eventually, smash that bottle open in its face.

Uncle Pete

Spotlight on: The Rocky Mountain Federation of Uncle Pete

A corrupt dictatorship? So say the United Nations, labelling Uncle Pete somewhat hastily with harsh words indeed. This reporter begs to differ. I visited Uncle Pete just as celebrations for the birth of its three billionth citizen were beginning to fade, and was pleasantly surprised by what I found.

True, there are grounds for accusation of mismanagement. The government soaks in masses of tax money, and where a lot of it goes is somewhat difficult to trace. But this Federation does put much of its money to excellent use. The environment is well looked after, the nation's children, benefiting from a highly effective education system, can look forward to a bright future, and it would be hard to fault Uncle Pete on its social rights' record.

People's lifestyle is, on the whole, good, and the government has recently passed laws to protect its citizens' right to privacy. Still, it is undeniable that Uncle Pete remains a tight-fisted dictatorship, its leaders firmly holding on to power and making sure no one comes close to challenging it. In the realm of political freedoms, this country still has a long way to go. We Ariddians sometimes tend to forget how lucky we are to be in a democracy.

But, as I walked through the streets and took in the smiling faces, I found myself thinking there are far worse places to live...

New Romulus

Spotlight on: The Slightly Evil Nation of New Romulus

Before we look at today’s nation, it would seem this reporter’s article on Backwardistan has sparked the fury of that benighted country’s dictator. You have no doubt by now all heard of Backwardistan’s shocking allegations, seeking to portray Ariddia as a repressive regime. Today the Ariddian government has reacted; a spokeswoman called the allegations “too ridiculous even to need refuting.” She added that the Secretary for External Affairs had demanded an official apology from the Backwardistani ambassador in Rêvane, and concluded with the somewhat ambiguous statement that “the Relur Emerpus must measure the weight of his words”. Media in Ariddia are already denouncing the “buffoon regime” in Backwardistan.

Now, New Romulus. The self-proclaimed “slightly evil nation”. This time the United Nations, seemingly fond is mislabelling countries after the briefest of surveys, has called it an “inoffensive centrist democracy” – a label the New Romulan government is no doubt highly offended at. And yet there is some merit to the qualification; it is admittedly difficult to pin down this nation’s government, as it appears in many ways so elusive.

In fact, it is hard to see where the government of New Romulus intervenes at all. It is pulling out increasingly from most aspects of its citizens’ lives. There are subtle, almost invisible regulations here and there to prevent freedoms from spiralling too far out of control, but mostly the government appears to be cutting loose strings, sitting back and just watching. Only the police is everywhere, but even they have little to do save serve as a highly effective deterrent to crime, which in this country is virtually unheard of.

So what does the government do? Commendably enough, it ensures the protection of the nation’s beautiful natural environment. But in this one may compare it to a father who lovingly prunes his garden’s roses while neglecting the very basics of his own children’s well being. Appallingly, the private sector in New Romulus is left to run utterly wild, and the citizens have not even the most minimal of social rights. New Romulans are a compassionate people, and help one another out in time of need. . . no doubt all the more so as they know they can expect nothing in the way of social aid from their all but ethereal government.

Any Ariddian visiting this country should prepare for a massive culture shock. The rights we hold so dear are unheard of here. . . and yet in many ways New Romulans seem to go about their daily routine without excessive complaint. Those who aren’t homeless and starving, that is.

Denebrisia

Spotlight on: The Principality of Denebrisia

Oft overlooked, Denebrisia has only just begun to emerge into the Uhuhland international community, and draw attention to itself. As well it should. Here we have a textbook example of all that can go wrong within a country; this nation’s iron-fist, oppressive government has few if any redeeming features.

To request the slightest ounce of political freedom here is a treasonous crime, punishable by death. The only way to ascend the echelons of power is not through the confidence of your fellow citizens, but through entering into the sphere of business, where you will be left relatively free to prosper and oppress in turn those less fortunate than you. Nay, the government actively encourages you to do so; while the rich may flout the law with impunity, the poor are crushed under the full measure of its wrongful wrath.

Despite all this, the government, incredibly, still finds it within its arrogant, vacuous righteousness to add an extra layer of oppression through the steady, continuous, monotonous moralising droning it inflicts upon its people. Need I even mention the calamitous lack of environmental awareness in this backward nowhere of a land? Already it resembles a wasteland with little hope of revival.

Avoid Denebrisia. You will find here nothing save suffering and sorrow.

Utter Stupidity

Spotlight on: The Semi-democratic Dictatorship of Utter Stupidity

One would be challenged indeed to identify that which makes Utter Stupidity « semi-democratic », or anything other than a ruthless dictatorship. It makes little pretence, save in name, to conceal its true nature.

The nation’s most bizarre particularity – one of many – is to be found in the economic field. Though taxation is massive, barely a trickle of that money is returned to the people in the form of social welfare; most is poured endlessly into ever more paranoid defence measures, be they internal (the police is omnipresent and far better equipped than hospitals) or external (swelling up a staggeringly bloated army). And yet, deviating from the norm of such nations, Utter Stupidity allows no private sector. Huge companies, whom the law entitles to know no law, are run by the government.

That same government, not surprisingly, gleefully embraces literary censorship and the death penalty. . . the latter seemingly applied more to wealthy dissenters whose property the regime is keen to seize, than to more common criminals. However, even this reporter must, to mingle and mangle metaphors, sound a silver lining. The government has adopted a consistent stance of environmental protection. Thus, if the people have virtually no rights, animals on the other hand have rights aplenty. . . Vegetarianism – and here we can but applaud this otherwise despicable regime – is compulsory; environmental diversity and animals’ natural habits are preserved almost as sacred ground.

Is this enough to redeem the government of Utter Stupidity? Seeing the fear in the eyes of the people, eyes that betrayed the emptiness of the effusive but nervous praise they poured upon their rulers, I found that doubtful. Abandon hope, all ye who are born here. . .

Total n Utter Insanity

Spotlight on: The Independent State of Total n Utter Insanity

This is a society that has to be seen to be believed. Though one may argue the dictator of this nation is not entirely malevolent, insane might indeed be an adequate term to describe him. The massive Insanican government is fond of spending, and has a pet passion for its military, which is generously fed in equipment and funding both. The government has made some effort to regulate all aspects of the economy, but unlike more successful nations has merely succeeded in generating a widespread and highly effective black market. A criminally trigger-happy police, prone to abusing its authority at the expense of minor offenders, has been powerless to prevent its emergence and continuous growth.

As long as they can avoid antagonising the police and openly criticising the regime, however, Insanicans can usually go about their daily lives without having too much to fear from their leaders. Government omnipresence comes more in the way of annoyances than of threats. Citizens have learned to ignore the constant background noise of propaganda they are subjected to over loudspeakers, and likewise seem to have accepted that life in TnUI’s grey, pollution-blanketed cities is not conducive to a long and healthy life expectancy. By contrast, the government’s truly harmful policies include its refusal to address the catastrophic state of the environment and the growing level of poverty and social misery.

Few people would choose to live here. Few people do. But, as dictatorships go, it is more of a perplexing oddity than a tyrannical monstrosity. For those, at least, who have the luxury of observing it from the outside. . .

Feidippides

Spotlight on: The Empire of Feidippides

Feidippides is not so much a nation as a disaster. Here we have a country that has sunk to a level of repression as yet unheard of in this continent. Most outside viewers agree that the dictator of Feidippides is a deranged, unpredictable psychopath, whose pathological need to control every small thing that happens within the borders of a land so appalling misgoverned can be seen in all aspects of Feidippides’ society.

There are no elections, of any kind. No great surprise there; the dictator is an absolute ruler who tolerates not even the faintest flicker of dissent, and who would find the idea of citizen sovereignty – be it even to elect a small town mayor – appalling in the extreme. No political parties, no freedom of the press, no freedom of assembly. The list goes on, tedious and depressing. Some whisper that the dictator occasionally wakes up in a cold sweat at nights, thinking suddenly of some minor right not yet abolished, some last, fragile glimmer of freedom to be snuffed out like the proverbial candle. . .

Feidippides’ ruler adroitly wields two instruments of absolute oppression. On the one hand, laws – enforced by a massive police force – constrict and tightly regulate the lives of the people. On the other comes religion and morality, both perverted into tools for the dictator’s use, both crushingly imposed upon the people from above by a monotonously moralising regime. Citizens have little choice but to warship their oppressor as one would a cruel, insane and mortal god.

One arguably good thing to come out of the dictator’s freakish obsession with control is the government’s control over the economy, preventing blatant economic injustices and guaranteeing some small degree at least of social rights. But this is a poor solace indeed for political repression, denial of the most basic rights. . . and pervasive poverty born of economic mismanagement.

As if I even needed to say it, this place is not the ideal choice for a holiday.