Bestiville

Bestiville, a nation in Lancre nearing two billion people, was before its end, hacked, and then deleted, the nation was been replaced by Determined cows. It was headed by Emperor Besty the Majestic, who resided in The Tower of the Majestic. Its currency was the Bestiville pound

Bestiville’s military

Bestiville had a huge defence program, completely devoted to giving the average Bestiville citizen the chance to feel safe in his or her home.

Military service was voluntary. Voluntary in that males over the age of 16, if summoned, could choose not to enter. They could also choose to be fed to rabid, fire-breathing Bestiville bears-mutated from the huge amount of radiation which came from the nuclear and nano-weapon testing labs. This was not really a choice if one was over 16, male, and refused to join the Bestiville army. More a public service.

The military operatec in huge numbers and were equipped with all the latest weapons and equipment. The main weapon used by the soldiers was the CB16, an assault rifle with unerring accuracy and massive range, developed by sending spy satellites into all the nations in Lancre and stealing their ideas.

The army operated in the streets, and formed an all-persuasive police force which if find criminals shall beat them within an inch of their life before sending them to join the Bestiville army. Because of this the army is a constantly growing entity, and forms Bestiville’s powerful Military Might.

Bestiville’s Landscape

Bestiville was a giant, dry, barren desert land. Occasionally huge cities could be picked out in the desert, but for the most part it is just a vast stretching desert. The only sights in the waste land were the Weapon testing labs, the occasional spy satellite zooming past and wary travellers who complain a lot about how they’re getting burned to a crisp by the giant, fire breathing Bestiville bears.

Little was known about how the Bestiville bears survive with only the occasional idiot traveller and little to no water. We do know that they were mutated from the radiation pumped out of Areas 1 through to 100, and became the most fearsome brutal and bad tempered creatures ever. Perhaps they don’t die due to sheer anger, we’ll never know.

The absolutely massive cities were the highlights of Bestiville. From the nightlife to the day life you’re always guaranteed a good time without getting mugged (except by the troops of Nano-augmented soldiers who roam the streets, but they’ll just lightly bruise you). Go anywhere and you’re sure to have fun and end up with a lot less money from when you started having fun (always the case).

The only part of the landscape which was not neon city or dusty desert was the 5 mile tall Tower of the Majestic, and was home to most of Bestiville’s growing population and to the space-development company SMALLSTEP enterprises. The huge titanium structure was a welcome reminder to neighbouring nations that despite the fact that Bestiville was a UN member, if attacked it would not hesitate in taking on the persona of Dictatorship and crushing them to a pulp.

And on top of the structure was the office of Emperor Besty the Majestic, who looked down over his nation and generally playing chess (or, if he’s lost some of the pieces, snakes and ladders) with the lives of his people. Occasionally he would wear an eye-patch, stroke a white cat and laugh manically, but that’s just on weekends.

Bestiville’s society and culture

Bestiville’s society consisted of three layers of people. People who live in the Majestic tower, people who want to live in the Majestic Tower and people who get burnt to a crisp by Giant Bestiville Bears. The people in the Majestic tower regularly shout and spit at people who aren’t, these people hurl insults about the people in the Majestic tower’s mothers, and people who are getting burnt to a crisp, well, are usually too busy in huge agonizing pain that they don’t do much.

There was little culture in Bestiville, apart from a hereditary love of football and a tendency to wear designer clothes (the most popular make at the moment is Iceberghut), go around saying things that make no sense and acting tough. The people who wore designer clothes and act tough were commonly known as Shaves because-more often than not-what they needed was to go and have a shave, have a shower and go and get a life. Shaves are frowned upon by Besty the Majestic, but he didn't have them all executed because he seemed to have been doing that an awful lot lately.

Bestiville’s football team was called the Bestiville Brutals, nicknamed the ‘Giant Bestiville Bears’ because of their tendency to burn people to a crisp and mate madly with anything/everything. The star player near the end of Bestiville was Aaron ‘the Beast’ Parkin, a man who had so many muscles that his arms dragged along the floor.

Most of the culture in Bestiville came from other nations, possibly by crossbreeding. Bestiville’s people wouls deny any knowledge of how any of the people of these nations got into Bestiville, but it probably included force.

Despite the general intelligence that was of the people of Bestiville, they still had not mastered using a knife at the dinner table without stabbing it randomly at people. Emperor Besty thereby banned knives and after it was a common sight to see people attempting to cut Steaks with spoons.

Heroes of Bestiville’s past

Possibly the most famous person of Bestiville’s past was the fatal female warrior known only as Lorna. Leading Bestiville’s troops against the War of Hoge, she managed to single headedly murder every one of the opposing troops, killing most of her own troops in the mad killing spree, before running towards Hoge with intent to kill every single one of them. She was then eaten by a passing Bestiville bear who she’d managed to wake up from his hibernation. Scientists retrieved some of her genes and have now managed to create a clone of her which-if Bestiville ever needs to-shall be placed on the battlefield in a cage and released when the Bestiville army are very, very far away.

Another famous hero has to be Emperor Besty the Majestic, the invisible hand, ear and any other miscellaneous body part you care to name. Apart from building the 5 mile tall Tower of the Majestic, he has also created the worlds most notorious spy network (named ‘This passing spy satellite is not a spy satellite. Return to your places of work immediately. This is not directly linked to Bestiville or any of its counterparts. May Contain Nuts’ but this may just be what is put on the side of its spy satellites). He has been known to hire soldiers to be his own personal spies. What is not known is if he called one of them ‘Double-o my god a bloody huge bear has just started to fry me’.

He has also taught the rare martial art ‘Kcikurass’ to all the top officials. In the meeting halls in the Tower of the Majestic, delegates from other nations are now regularly karate kicked out of the window when Bestiville officials are irritated or just plain bored. Being a leader aware of relationships with other nations, Emperor Besty the Majestic has installed a trampoline at the base of the tower. It doesn’t save them, but it’s the thought that counts.

Bestiville and the UN

Bestiville became the Delegate of Lancre and one of the most powerful political superpowers in the world prior to its demise.