Borkistan

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Borkistan
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Flag of Borkistan
Motto: One nation, wearing funny hats
No Map Available Yet
Region Axis of Absurdity
Capital Svenopolis
Official Language(s) Mock Swedish, English
Leader His Grand High Imperial Majesty, Jan I
Population over 7 billion
Currency Yurdi Gurdi Kroner 
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Region: Axis of Absurdity

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The Cheftocratic Empire of Borkistan is the Founder and United Nations Delegate of the Axis of Absurdity

History of Borkistan

Borkistan was a small, fledgling nation of 5 million for many centuries after reaching that plateau in the 1400's, founded as a Duchy by Duke Sven I in 1273, in the tradition of his idol, the Swedish Chef (a little known fact is that the Muppet Swedish Chef was an adaptation of ancient story concocted for children in the 11th century almost to the letter). Grand Duke Sven XXII created the Grand Duchy in 1819, representing its new status, and also as a celebration of his wedding, into the prestigious Gürdi family, thus creating the Yürdi-Gürdi dynasty. A rarely used title for the head of state, but still valid, is that of "Protector of the Yürdi-Gürdi". Over the centuries, Borkistan has become known as one of the best places to get pies in the world, jealously guarding the recipes as state secrets.

More recently, with their staunch ally, Spoonland (now defunct), the Grand Duchy of Borkistan created the Axis of Absurdity in November 2002, leaving their long slumber as an unknown country in an unknown area. One of the oldest regions remaining in the collective NationStates, the Axis of Absurdity grew from 2 nations to as many as 150. Reflecting the change in status once they reached over a billion people in population, the constitution was modified to give Jan I the first imperial throne in Borkistan's history. The former Grand Duke (and now Emperor) had been reigning over Borkistan for almost a decade at this critical stage.

People

Borkistan is made up of an intelligent and strong people, who often wear very tall chef hats. Mock Swedish, the national language, is a dying language, but official business is still done in it. Revivals occasionally happen, but for the most part, people don't much care. The proper term for residents of Borkistan is "Borkistani". Calling them Borkiemen and Borkiewomen is technically correct, but is often more of a derogatory term. As a matter of fact, about the only things the people of Borkistan care about is pie... and buying lots of things, as rabid consumers. As of the last UN ranking based on size, Borkistan was 72nd in the world in population, putting it in the top 0.06%. It is also the second largest nation in the Axis of Absurdity, having apparently slipped behind the slightly younger nation of Sambonia at some point.

Crime is rare, though there are occasional outbursts of rioting by armed lobsters and chickens running through Svenopolis towards the Imperial Rhombus. Typically, these revolts are put down mercilessly, with the offenders boiled. Coincidentally, feasts often follow these outbursts and are little more than for comic effect.

Culture

The official holiday of the Empire is Swedish Chef Day on November 20th, which roughly approximates the entry of Borkistan into the NationStates and the founding of the Axis of Absurdity, in which all of the residents wear their very best chef hats and fake moustaches. This is the only day in which Mock Swedish is enforced as the only language natives are allowed to speak. Tourists, however, are not expected to pick up the language in a day.

Tourism is popular in the largest nation in the Axis of Absurdity, especially the nudist resort in the northern islands and the tourist cooking schools, which offer crash courses in Borkistani delicacies, especially pies. Visas are needed for entry into the country, but these are typically rubberstamped upon request, unless, of course, there is some tension between the countries involved.

Economy

Though not a major part of GDP, the creation of pies is the passion of many Borkistanis. The gambling industry is the strongest, raking in the most profits and drives an economy considered by the UN to be "frightening" in its massive size.

Government

Borkistan has two ruling dynasties - the head of state (the Emperor) and the head of government (the Imperial Grand Vizier). Jan I Yürdi-Gürdi is, as said before, Grand High Emperor. However, Sven Borkus is Imperial Grand Vizier, as will be his descendants. In 2004, Lars Blürdi was removed as head of government by the Emperor. The Blürdi Dynasty had been Prime Ministers to the Yürdi-Gürdis for two hundred years, but the problem was that Lars Blürdi was 9 years old. The resulting mess was that there was a Prime Ministerial Regency Council (headed, not incidentally, by then-Minister of State Sven Borkus), which meant that the running of the country was clunky at best. Realizing that there was no precedent and no constitutional provision for the removal of the hereditary prime minister, Borkus and Emperor Jan removed him from office. The office of Prime Minister became the office of Grand Vizier, with no real change in them.

Borkistan is not known for political liberality. The emperor is constitutionally limited, but the Grand Vizier isn't nearly as much. Since they both are dynastic orders, there isn't much turnover in high office, nor, for that matter, all that many elections. Most tend to be rather cynical of the system.

Imperial Throne of Yürdi-Gürdi

Emperor Jan's full title (though there is, on occasion, attempts to lengthen it further to sound more formal) is typically only used in angry messages to impress the weight of someone who reigns a nation of over six billion people to the recipient. Currently, the formal title is His Most Glorious High Imperial Majesty and Protector of the Yürdi-Gürdi, Duke of Svenopolis and the Provinces of Svengård and Borkenfeld, the Most Borkie Jan I. The Provinces of Svengård and Borkenfeld are distant possessions that have been under the personal control of the Yürdi-Gürdi clan for ages and briefly joined the NationStates with an official name of Svengard-Borkenfeld to be the roving spokescountry of Borkistan without the latter needing to leave the region. Its diplomatic mission, diffusing tensions between a rogue country from Europe and a member of the Axis of Absurdity, being over, it eventually dropped out of the NationStates, to be called upon later as needed. Svenopolis is the capital city of the Empire. There are several other Duchies within the Empire, often granted to favored families and generals for their support of the Imperial Family.

Jan is a rather cantankerous old man who likes golf and pies immensely. The Emperor is a widower, as his wife, Grand Duchess Elena, rather famously threw herself off a cliff in shame after her pie recipe was rejected by the Borkistani Cooking Academy as lacking creativity. This only increased Jan's cantankerousness, since he is considered about the least eligible bachelor in the entire country (meaning that there are several hundred million unmarried men ahead of him). His father was Grand Duke Sven XXV and named his first son something other than Sven for the first time in many, many generations and scandalized the country for years until they got bored with it. Any of the Emperor's trips to another country involve the Imperial Golf Clubs and the famous Yürdi-Gürdi Pie Tins. The only thing in common with these interests is that both involve the Emperor slicing something horribly. There have been rumors that he may well abdicate so that pesky affairs of state won't bother his golf game.

In recent times, the Imperial inheritance law has been changed to allow females equal access to the throne as males, in order of birth to the royal family. The heir to the throne is Prince Sven, closely followed by Prince Bob (normal convention was not followed in his naming), Princess Katarina, Princess Mikhaila, and Prince Erik (often with the well-deserved suffix "the Rotund"). The best known on the international stage is Prince Erik the Rotund, who won the pie-eating competition at the Celebration Games held every year in Pirate Hampsters. The odds being laid in Svenopolis' Gambling District are only 3:2 against that Prince Sven will do something incredibly stupid to preclude him from taking over the throne and rumor has it that the odds are going to be even within the next year. The populace is shuddering in fear about potentially having an Emperor Bob I, in a country where 30% of the males are named Sven. There have never been two rulers in a row without the name Sven in Borkistan over its 700 year history.

Borkistan's Secondary Dynasty

Grand Vizier Sven Borkus has been a faithful servant of Emperor Jan since the latter was Grand Duke. He is the most capable man in the government and speaks the best English, though he has been known to get horribly hungover and yell at people in Mock Swedish. Little else is known of him other than his great ambition and ability to smoothly run the ship of state from an official back seat to the Emperor. His quirks include leaving the Palace Janitor, Bob (not to be confused with Prince Bob), in charge of the government from time to time while he is off on retreats with the government. Bob has done an admirable job considering, apart from the near disaster of the nuclear kind that is still officially highly classified (though the worst kept secret in Svenopolis). Borkus' son, Sven Borkus Jüunior, is next in line for the Vizierial chair, though this is not likely anytime soon. Borkus Jüunior is kept in an undisclosed location, either because the government is afraid of a disaster or they just don't want him anywhere near the government for now.

Civil Ministries

The Borkistani government has many ministries under its purview, and, strangely enough, seems to have some invented and then disappear. The ones that have stayed for a long time are the Ministry of State (which governs international affairs), the Ministry of Information, the Ministry of Regional Affairs, the Ministry of Interior, the Ministry of Culture, and the Ministry of Pie Manufacture.

In international relations, Borkistan deals with the rest of the world in a kind of realpolitik sense. It tries to create positive governmental relationships with as many countries as possible - especially within its own region. The government has no qualms dealing with everything from psychotic dictatorships to left-wing utopias.

The Permanent Mission to the United Nations handles all requests by the region for endorsing certain resolution proposals. The Mission has been authorized to get behind any region member's proposal in order to give the region as much clout in the world as it desires. Any non-UN member or one which has not met the endorsement threshhold who wishes a resolution In the UN will be published by Borkistan in the same vein. The Mission is highly intergovernmental, normally voting against resolutions and for repealings, though this is not always the case. Borkistan prides itself at finding some rather creative loopholes around historically poorly written UN resolutions, a hallmark of the institution since its founding. The government believes in a well-controlled United Nations, with international law being separate from national law - international law being that which has to do with agreements between nations, not meddling in the affairs of other countries, and will normally vote as such. The Borkistani government's stated intent is that nations are very different from one another and that the UN should not be creating a world government to dictate this. Except for pies, since the government staunchly believes in bringing more pies to the world.