Cake vs pie

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Cake vs pie
viking_warrior-752252.jpg
Flag of Cake vs pie
Motto: In chaos, there is oppurtunity.
Region Viking Empire
Capital Prager City
Official Language(s) English
Leader Strategist CvP
Population 799 million
Currency Viking Pie 
NS Sunset XML

The Nation

The Viking Strategist of Cake vs Pie is a huge, safe nation, remarkable for its devotion to social welfare. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 799 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, socially-minded government stops and the rest of society begins, but it concentrates mainly on the Environment, although Law & Order and Education are secondary priorities. The average income tax rate is 100%. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out.

Dog breeding has been banned in accordance with recent animal experimentation laws, all industry is owned and run by the government, motorists' locations are constantly tracked by intelligence and law enforcement agencies, and the psych wards are overflowing with transsexuals. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cake vs Pie's national animal is the flying axe, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its currency is the viking pie.


The Rise of the Viking Strategist and leader of CvP

The air was cold; it had an unmistakeable smell of pine mingled with the blood of thousands. Strategist CvP, or Cake vs Pie, as he was known, gazed out across the empty battlefield (littered with bodies) and looked upon the enemy's massive main camp. His force was but 500, the enemy's was said to number in the millions. He remembered how they had survived the attack of the enemy's advance guard only because his men were well rested; now, after each of them killing at least 100 of the enemy, they were weak, and couldn't be expected to win by brute force again. "We shall have archers here by dusk; they should be able to help us..." He grasped the slightly curved hilt of his sword, and slowly walked into the group of tents and cottages, all with a relatively thick sheet of snow on them to protect against fire.

The War Meeting

As promised, the archers arrived before nightfall, and they were silently merged into the camp so that enemy scouts, if there were any, would not detect their presence. Some time after the archers had arrived, CvP called a war meeting with his officers.

"The enemy outnumbers us vastly... we will need to trap them somehow..." said CvP. "Sir, there is a valley with tall cliffs somewhat to the west of our camp," said his officer, Hit Men. "Perhaps we could trick the enemy into thinking we had retreated and ambush them from above?" "Yes," replied CvP, "That sounds like a good idea... Ah... I have a plan..."

The Third Day

The next day, as the first part of his strategy, a little bit after dawn he had his troops use the retreat horns as loud as they could. Since their camp was made of tents and temporary shacks, they quickly packed up and began to move to the valley. Since the battlefield was a large plain surronded by mountains, with two valleys leading in and out, the enemy had no way to simply go around the valley. The enemy's leader was also arrogant and stupid, and had no reason to suspect that they were retreating to acheive anything other than save their lives. The enemy, due to their massive size and poorly chosen fortifications, took about two hours before they were able to begin pursuit, by which time the Vikings were almost out of the valley and into their positions.

Throughout the day the sound of axes above the valley was constant, yet not thunderous. A few hours after the enemy had begun pursuit, the Vikings had at least two hundred pine trees felled, and had already moved them into position across the cliff-drop. Elsewhere, ropes the color of the cliffs had been placed near the entrance of the pass, which was long and narrow. The archers, who were themselves quite strong, had assembled behind the trees, and knew their orders. At the end of the pass two-hundred-and-fifty Vikings had assembled, waiting in ambush for the enemy. They had taken the liberty to go hunting, and had brought back enough deer to feast the entire army upon.

CvP was far away from the camp and yet not far away; he had a falcon and plenty of sheets of paper and writing instruments to safely convey messages to his main camp. He was surveying the enemy's formations, which he was able to do by a viewing device he had constructed, which had many times the magnification of binoculars. "The fool leads his army on, without stopping or questioning what could happen once his troops are inside the pass... Yes, it will be a joy to kill him." And with that, he drew his sword, which was light and quick, yet powerful enough to hack through the strongest set of platemail. On his belt he had an axe, and carried on his back was a weapon of his own creation, a "telescopic" spear which could either have an extremely sturdy shaft not even two feet long or a long-reaching-yet-sturdy shaft five feet long, as well as a longbow. He began slashing at invisible enemies, ending with a powerful slash that cut a hole in the air that remains to this day.

Preparations

By dawn the next day the enemy was beginning to enter the pass; all the troops prepared and flawlessly went to their positions. The second-best troops were to attack the enemy from behind; the best trained troops, as well as CvP, were to drop down into the center after the archers had exhausted their payload and were to wipe out the remaining enemies. Half the archers stayed on the cliffs on either side of the pass; each of them behind a felled tree. The other half were near were the pass opened; they were armed not with arrows, but FIRE arrows. Their orders were clear; none of them asked any questions. "Ahh, the time has come... I can feel the tension and anticipation in the air..."

About an hour later, the enemy was reported to be near the exit of the valley. "Alright then," said CvP, and then, with a voice that shook the sky, he roared, "ATTACK!!!"

The Battle

Almost instantly the archers pushed the felled trees down into the pass, and began firing arrows at the enemy. Within the first five minutes a sizable amount of dead bodies were in the pass, and those that were alive were either wounded or scared to death. However, there was still the matter of the enemy at the mouth of the pass. Seeing that there were no troops worth fighting inside the valley, CvP yelled to his remaining archers to light their arrows and burn the enemy camp. Within a minute the fire was blinding, and, as the Vikings lowered their helmets over their eyes, they charged into the mass of fire and men, with CvP himself leading them.

They fought as one unit and as many, assiting each other when necessary but mainly fighting their own targets. Although they were still outnumbered by two-hundred to one, they overwhelmed the enemy. CvP, being born and raised a warrior, ran into the middle of the enemy, obliterating them with unexpected circular and backwards blocks and slashes, often-times killing those behind him who were ready to launch an attack. He hadn't even drawn his sword yet, and didn't intend to, except a rather large enemy troop, thrown by one of the strongest Vikings, broke his axe in half. "Dammit, I liked that axe. Oh well."

With this he still refused to draw his sword; instead, he whipped out the spear (quite literally) and began decimated his enemies with that, only stopping when it nearly got snapped in half by an enemy with a warhammer.

At this incident, he quickly withdrew the spear with his left hand and almost instantaneously drew his sword with the other. With this he was most deadly, slashing with a rapidity that was sworn by his enemies that survived the battle, "Not at all human." He stabbed, slashed, twisted, jumped, and even through this blocked every attack aimed his way, including deflecting the rare arrow shot at him. It was said that three quarters of the total men he killed began to retreat before he even got near them; however, he was quite fast and even caught up with some officers escaping on horse back, yanking them off the the blunt edge of his sword (his sword had the sturdiness of the best smithed two-handed sword, and the shape and weight of a scimitar) and stabbing them all the way through before they even landed.

The enemy quickly retreated, however, CvP could not let this happen, so he took the horse closest to him and ran in front of the enemy army, which still contained about two-hundred thousand men. At the sight of him they stopped; they knew they could not get past him and they could not turn around; in fact, even if they had, CvP had secretly (and personally) placed boulders on top of the cliffs at the other end of the battlefield, so as to not have any chance of the enemy escaping. He dismounted his horse, drew his sword yet again, and danced into the enemy formations, cutting his way through and not letting anyone escape his blade. Those who begged for mercy were beheaded; the rest often had their organs spilled out onto the ground. He did not look at those he killed in that way; though he was a warrior, he did not like watching suffering.

The enemy quickly fell; a half-hour after he began his attack on the front of the enemy, there were only one-hundred remaining. These he spared, remarking their courage, and later they would repay him in kind by fighting like animals against other invading armies, all crushed like this one. The one of the remaining one-hundred that he did not spare was the commander; instead, he surronded him and, before killing him, remarked, "You stupid, arrogant, fool. You led your troops into battle carelessly, now look what has happened to them. You will feel their suffering; only, I will multiply it by a thousand against you." With that, he cut off all the Commander's limbs, and cut open his stomach. He suffered this way for a minute, after which CvP said, "Die," , and he beheaded him.

The Aftermath

After the battle, CvP was quickly revered as a hero and grew in fame, which did not end until his death at the age of one-hundred. He walked out into the woods, and fought bare-handed with a bear that was said to be over twenty-feet tall. Neither survived.

Political Alignment

Democratic Socialism.