Culdado
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| Flag of Culdado | |
| Motto: I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying! | |
| No Map Available Yet | |
| Region | Lancre |
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| Capital | Arra City |
| Official Language(s) | Tagalog |
| Leader | King Mark |
| Population | less than 1 billion |
| Currency | The Navarro |
| NS Sunset XML | |
The The Dumb and Idiotic Republic of Culdado is a huge, safe, environmentally stunning, economically powerful, and socially progressive nation, remarkable for its devotion to social welfare and renowned for its punitive income tax rates. Its compassionate, hard-working, intelligent population of 680 million have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.
Contents
Government and Economy:
It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it devotes most of its attentions to Education, with areas such as Defence and Law & Order receiving almost no funds by comparison, although Social Welfare and Social Equality are secondary priorities. The average income tax rate is 92%, and even higher for the wealthy. A powerhouse of a robust private sector is led and dominated by the Automobile Manufacturing industry, followed by Book Publishing, Uranium Mining, Soda Sales, Gambling, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Cheese Exports.
Society and Culture:
Surveillance cameras are banned, the government's new 'Crime Can Fight Itself' policy appears to be backfiring rather badly, waste is frequently shipped to other countries, a cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country, citizens are regularly found digging for treasure in their gardens, and a niche industry catering to S&M enthusiasts has sprung up, programmes of questionable content are shown at peak-hours, organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region, the government is making attempts at curtailing the flood of spam emails with little progress, X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low, government-run brothels can be found on every street corner, employers may fire workers without giving any reason, corporations donate huge sums of money to favored politicians, people who are terrified of needles are torn between their phobia and free health care, the study of medicine is popular throughout Culdado, colleges adhere to rigid ethnic quotas for admissions, people reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight, military spending is on the increase, inheritance tax has recently been abolished, the arms industry is backed by government subsidies and harsh anti-protest laws are in place, the government is seen to favor Catholics, suburban families are finding themselves increasingly short on food as they waste precious water on their lawns, the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller, guns are banned, truth is often impossible to tell from fiction on the evening news, the government has undertaken a massive education and health program to combat VODAIS, citizens are regularly shot for parking on the double-yellow line, re-education centers are being added to most prisons, the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit, citizens recently voted in favour of declaring bubblewrap an 'abomination of nature', the government pours millions of navarros into rehabilitation programs annually, hunters have been known to lose limbs while attempting to 'play tag' with their prey, the government is spending billions of navarros on helping citizens find spiritual enlightenment, 'The Anti-Government Hour' is a popular programme on many of Culdado's radio stations, the space program has been scrapped in order to focus on more terrestrial pursuits, shops were recently ransacked as cigarettes returned to the shelves, the government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles, computer users are buried daily in thousands of unsolicited emails, roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews, soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers, drunk drivers are sent to rehabilitation paid for by the government, drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government, people are now classified as male, female, or genderqueer, elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume, CDs are regularly copy-protected,religious organizations are being forced to leave the country or pay income taxes like everybody else, scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway, graffiti graces every city's streets, all-natural foods are becoming a major fad, fur coats have become the latest fashion trend, the poor are often seen pale and dizzy after selling their blood to make ends meet, refugees from other nations are flocking to Culdado's border, retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites, and the nation's drinking water tends to glow green at night. Crime is totally unknown.
Currency and Animal:
Culdado's national animal is the snail, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the navarro.
Region:
Culdado is in the great region of Lancre. Poised on top of the world's largest megalith, the inhabitants of Lancre have not only developed an immunity to acrophobia but are also accredited with having the world's largest bungee jumping society.
He is also a participant in the Lancre Cup XIII. His first match in The Lancre Cup will be against the UN Delegate of Lancre, The Cheesy Empire of Determined cows. Culdado's line-up for this cup will be composed of fine and able athletes. All four defenders are professional wrestlers from WWE. They are Batista, Kane, Big Show, and Triple H. Strikers for the national team are Speedy the national Snail, the Philippines' President Gloria Arroyo, and her highness Queen Arra (the wife of King Mark and the ruler of Culdado's capital, Arra City). Another royalty will be suiting up for play as Princess Arniella will be one of the midfielders, together with Saddam and the owner of world renowned Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs!! Completing the powerhouse line-up will be the inspiration for Culdado's national flag, Mr. Patrick Star.
Culdado was beaten badly in his first match in the cup. He was beaten, 4-1 by Determined cows. This was the actual game commentary from [1]:
Culdado vs Determined cows
Determined cows Spokespersons had described their team as "heavily armed, and ready to destroy anyone who uses the word 'lol'." When told that Culdado had used a thing known as a 'fluffle' in announcing their team, that same spokesperson rubbed his hands together and said "I can't wait. It's going to be brutal… Mwa ha ha ha. Ha."
The Determined cows strategy was to keep the ball on the Culdado side of the court. "It's really self sacrificing of us. That way the lovely Queen Arra won't have to deal with The Annihilator, B*stard boy, Fingers Mcree, Jack or Butcher. Especially Butcher."
After the game the Culdado captain spoke "We have realized, after this experiment, that animated characters have an awkward tendency towards slapstick humor that prevents them from keeping goal. The way he turned himself into a soccer ball, for example."
Culdado 1, Determined cows 4
At Lancre Cup XIV, Culdado is facing last cup's champ Tonca in the first heat... [too bad] Here is the line-up for Lancre Cup XIV: Our line-up stands as: DEFENDERS: a seal clubber, a turtle tamer [these two have excellent brute force and large muscles, eventhough their labels are a little gay], a attention-deficit demon, and a Jill-O-Lantern MIDFIELDERS: a pastamancer, a sauceror, and a naughty sorceress [these three have all magical and mystical powers, especially serving distracting and mind controlling foods for the foes] STRIKERS: an accordion thief, a disco bandit [these two are very good at evading defenders due to their high moxie level], a spooky pirate skeleton, and a super sexy harem GOALKEEPER: still Patrick Star, our flag mascot NOTES:
- the seal clubber and turtle tamer can summon the animals they control to help them defend the opposition
- a disco bandit can dance his way around defenders while stealing their shoes
- the harem is one of the personal harems of King Mark
- the demon is one of the unknown players of Culdado since the coach was so afraid of him that he immediately accepted him when he tried out for the team
Culdado was beaten (again) in the cup. These are the official results from [2]:
Tonca vs. Culdado
The Toncan team seemed sluggish on the field. Perhaps it was the short break between the cups, with little time to recover from the grueling play, the all night celebration of the win, and the press circuit back home in Tonca afterwards. They seemed content to let one of Culdado's defenders, the demon, score 10 goals in a row.
The Toncan Captain noted later to the press "After he got bored with running all the way to are goal, he just started scoring on his own team. We weren't going to stop him."
Tonca 9, Culdado 1
United Nations:
He is also a member of the United Nations. The country's motto is "I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying!"
Links:
http://www.nationstates.net/culdado
