Dazza Dallas

Dazza Dallas is the ex-coach of Jeruselem's national football team.

Personal data

• Name: Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas
• Gender: Female
• Date of birth: 23rd October, 1973
• Citizenship: Jeruselem
• Ethnic mix: Russian / French
• Star sign: Libra
• Religion: Roman Catholic
• Blood type: A
• Nickname: "The Village Bike" or just "Dazza". Old schoolfriends know her as "Rabbit". Recent one is "The Goddess"
• Hair colour: Brunette naturally but it's either red (ginger) or blonde now
• Languages spoken: English, French (Ariddian), Russian

Family

• Grandmother: Betty Dallas (Ariddian)
• Mother: Natasha Dallas (Ariddian)
• Father: John Jerk (Jeruselem, not mother's husband)
• Husband: Finn Fumbles, Jeruselem
• Children: Michael Dallas, Kate Dallas, Jacinta Dallas
• Sister: Debbie Dallas

Corporate/Government career

• Owner of Razza Dazza, a female lingerie and general sports gear store
• Owner of Kinky Kitty nightclubs, established to give exotic dancers work while keeping them away from the illegal prostitution business. Very popular place for young men to find dates.
• Owner of Razzle Media, the risque media company which does the shows no one wants to do in Jeruselem for religious reasons. A recent TV show is DazMania, which is just QuizMania.
• Owner of Tel Aviv Sharks football club
• Jeruselem Ambassador to Ariddia

Media Career

• Former host of YAP YAP, a current affairs chat show. The show's name was based on Dazza's YAP YAP in The Football Life.
• Former host of DazMania
• FormerhHost of Hello Girlz!
• Host of Top Gear Jeruselem
• Actress for Dazzi, the Anime character based on Dazza Dallas

Jeruselem Government News reporter for

• World Cup 29 to 36 (as part of The Football Life)
• Women's World Cup 5 to 11

Sports Career

Current jobs: Tel Aviv Sharks coach

Tel Aviv Sharks

• Current Coach

Jerusalem United

• Cheerleader
• Player
• Former-Assistant coach of Jerusalem United (part time only)

World Cup for Jeruselem

• 29 to 33 as player (with interruptions due to pregnancy)
• 34 to 36 as a coach

Women's World Cup for Jeruselem

• 5 to 9 as a player (with interruptions due to pregnancy)
• 10 as a coach
• 11 as an assistant coach

Oxen Cup

• 1 to 2 as coach/manager of Jeru FC

Scandals

• Her inability to keep out of videos involving sex or nudity. A lot of them are filmed by herself on webcam.
• Her habit of sleeping with "business associates" occasionally. During World Cup 34, Dazza had a drunken sex session with "THE SCOUT" from Cafundéu after negotiating a deal to send male Jeruselem players to clubs in Cafundéu.
• Her rise to international fame was a mixture of her pure ability on the football field and on the TV mixed with her ability to sleep with right people to get her way.

Medical conditions

It is rumoured she was genetically modified at birth due to a secret government project.

• Nymphomania
• Weak knee ligaments
• Anxiety mood swings

Useless information

Faves

• Favorite things: Her kids
• Favorite dance: Cha cha
• Favorite color: Pink
• Favorite activity: Sex (anywhere)
• Favorite food: Spaghetti
• Favorite phase: On ya bike

Worst habits:

• Not wearing underwear
• Tripping over cracks
• Constant giggling
• Exposing herself in public
• Sleeping with men when she's drunk

Passions

• Fast cars - when she's not having sex or working or taking care of the kids. She has a collection of exotic fast cars. She has a fondness for Ferraris.
• Protection of sex workers - Dazza puts money into local schemes to allow former prostitutes on the street to get real work and respect in community. She employs a lot of them in her media company which explains why there's so many good looking women working there.

Best friends

• Monique Alexander, football player and porn star
• Dazza Deux, cybernetically enhanced human molded to look like Dazza
• Anna Goldstein, former football player and coach
• Kate Bush, former football player and coach
• Wayne Wastle, rival sports presenter
• Ricky Pointy Stick, champion cyclist
• Kylie Kool, champion cyclist

Related Media

• The Dazza Test, a test given to prospective female JGN employees
• Dirty Football, NC-17 documentary about Dazza Dallas's rise to fame.
• Football Floosie, XXX movie based on Dazza Dallas's rise to fame. Dirty Football is based on this movie.

Quotes about Dazza

"I want be infamous! Because I was born to be infamous."

Dazza Dallas the Jerusalem United Cheerleader aged 16

...

"It's a good thing my sister spends a lot time away from home or she would have more kids than I do. Looking at the way Kate behaves, you'd think Dazza was some cloning machine or something."

Debbie Dallas, Dazza's older sister

...

"Us Geeks live on a diet of soft drink, pizza and naked Dazza Dallas pictures. Yeah, it's the truth!"

Editor of the Jeruselem Geek

...

"Yes, she's a bigger whore than Mary Magalene but I'm not Jesus Christ. I'm the invisible man really."

Finn Fumbles

...

"The difference between me and my friend Dazza is she likes being naked for fun and I do it as a profession. Funny thing is she makes more money from it."

Monique Alexander, Dazza's best friend

...

"Can I be as naughty as Mum?"

Kate Dallas, Dazza's 2nd daughter

...

"Dazza Dallas become a Nun? She'd keep the monks busy in the bedroom but that's all she's good for if she joins. Actually, it might be a good thing if think about it. It might keep the Monks away from our Nuns."

Mother Superior Mary of the Jerusalem Catholic Girls School when asked if Dazza could join the sisterhood

...

"I used to be a real whore, but I leave all that to my daughter Dazza these days. Considering she's self-taught, she is better than me and makes a million times more money."

Natasha Dallas, Dazza's mother

...

"She's the she-devil! She's Satan's whore! She's the ultimate temptation of men! She's going straight into hell, but I suspect she's going to have nice bed to sleep on and lots of horny devils for company."

Reverend Robert Smith