Drunken Pagan Weirdos

The Socialist Federation of Drunken Pagan Weirdos (Greek: Μεθυσμένος Γλεντοκόπος Ομοσπονδία, Drunken Reveler Federation) is a large island nation, notable for its unique levels of personal freedom, highly democratic government, 100% income tax rates, and complete absence of drug laws. Though the nation is socialist through-and-through, the majority of the people aren’t particularly ideological; they just like the system as it is, and dislike being mentioned in the same sentence with commie revolutionaries running around in the jungle or any of that radicalist nonsense.

Although the name of the nation may make it seem as though the government sponsors paganism, there is total freedom of religion - all citizens are allowed to honor and worship any god(s) they choose, or none at all. However, the other parts of the nation's name mean something - since alcohol is incredibly cheap, large percentages of the public are at least moderately drunk at any given time. And they're all a bunch of weirdoes.

History

The Achaikos Dynasty Rises To Power: 1282 A.D.

Long ago, the archipelago now known as Drunken Pagan Weirdos was inhabited by warring Celtic tribesmen. One day, the fleet of a Greek corsair and raider named Magnus Achaikos stumbled across the island chain, having been lost in a great storm at sea. They quickly conquered it with their superior weaponry, and Achaikos declared himself to be Magnus I, Emperor of the Intoxicated Empire of Drunken Pagan Weirdos (so called after the pirates themselves, who rather liked the name.) Legend has it that after his coronation, Magnus stepped forward and boldly proclaimed, “Damn… now what?”

Greek slowly became the predominant language of the island, and many islanders began to take Greek first names.

The Line Of Emperors

For further information on the country's history during the monarchy, look at the individual biographies of the Drunken Pagan Emperors to read about their reigns. These biographies are currently incomplete, and probably always will be.

• Magnus I "Drunken Pagan Weirdo"
• Magnus II "The Odinist"
• Alexius I "The Penetrator"
• Julian I "The Impotent"
• Julian II "Laughs At Julian I"
• Manuel I "Hammerheart"
• Manuel II "Love At First Sting"
• Alexius II "Magnus Erectus"
• Valentinian I "In Nomine Satanas"
• Alexius III "Smiter Of Virginity"
• Manuel III "Hell's Bells"
• Alexius IV "Schoolgirl Hammer"
• Valentinian II "Wrathchild"

Establishment Of The Republic: 1873 A.D.

Only half a year into his reign, Valentinian II chose to abdicate his throne and leave the country for religious reasons. Before he left, however, he wrote a Constitution and chose his economic advisor and chief military tactician, Siegfried Duke, to take over as a temporary “steward” of Drunken Pagan Weirdos until a republic could be established. Duke promptly tried to use the army to declare martial law and impose himself as the new Emperor. A poll taken during that era found, however, that a good 94% of the armed forces of the time were either drunken or stoned, and thus couldn't be arsed to enforce martial law. Duke was promptly subdued by some angry citizens and sent into exile blindfolded and tied to the back of a baby elephant. The weak, ineffective former Foreign Minister, Ragnarøk Jørdbær, was installed as the new steward until elections could be held, and the military was formally disbanded, as it was seen as being detrimental to the peace-loving nature of the nation, and it hadn't received any funding for the last few years anyway.

Forming The Government: 1874 A.D.

One year later, some random citizen sat up in a marijuana-fueled reverie and gasped, "Egad! We’re supposed to have elections!" The woman to his right murmured, "Honey, it's only two o'clock in the afternoon. Go back to sleep. But pass me the roach first." Such was the excitement among the populace when elections were finally held. Voter turnout was, surprisingly, nearly 55%, and over thirty parties ran in the election.

Having come across as the clear winners of the election, the Intoxicated Socialist Party (ISP) entered into a coalition with the PFP and the Mario Party to govern, keeping many of the socialist policies of the last two Drunken Pagan Emperors. As support for even more radical changes under the Drunken Pagan Communist Party (DPCP) began to grow, the ISP and the PFP consolidated themselves into one party, the Pan-Socialist Coalition (PSC). Control of the Legislature has primarily passed between the PSC, the DPCP, and the Mario Party ever since.

DPW Today

The new Republic quickly developed into one of the most proudly liberal democracies in the world, and began to turn the nation into an international-minded community, meaning that much cultural contact has transpired between DPW (as the nation is affectionately known by its citizens) and other countries of the world. Today Drunken Pagan Weirdos prides itself on being an open and liberal culture that all world citizens are invited to share.

Government

Political Structure

There are three branches of government: Legislative, Executive, and Judicial. In addition, any citizen may petition the government in order to introduce and pass a law, challenge a law, remove government officials from office, or amend the Constitution; if a certain amount of signatures are obtained (and, in the case of a possible constitutional amendment, a majority of state legislatures vote in favor of the amendment), the law, dismissal, or amendment goes into immediate effect. Thus, Drunken Pagan Weirdos is, in a way, considered to be a direct democracy.

• The Chancellor is the Head of State, elected by direct popular vote every four years. He (or she) can dissolve the Legislature, though such an action must be approved by at least 40% of the Monitor Council. The President is the head member of the Executive Council.
• The Executive Council is made up of seven members, six of which are appointed by the federal legislature every four years with consultation from the Chancellor. (The Chancellor himself is the seventh member, and is considered the head of the council.) Each Council member heads a different government department (Finance, Defense, etc). Once installed, a Council member cannot be removed from office unless 75% of the DPA votes for his or her removal or though a citizen petition. The Council members are the collective Head of Government. They hold veto power over the DPA, though vetoes can be overridden.
• The Drunken Pagan Assembly (DPA) is the unicameral legislative body of the nation. Each state receives 15 representatives in the DPA, for a total of 135 representatives. It can pass laws, amend the Constitution, decide the national budget, and remove any publicly elected official from office. Passed laws can be vetoed by the Executive Council, but vetoes can be overridden with a 75% plurality. Members are elected every four years.
• The Federal Court is the only national court of Drunken Pagan Weirdos. The Judicial branch is mainly concentrated in the state governments, and the Federal Court exists primarily to be the highest court of appeals in this system. It also hears cases of national importance and interprets the Constitution. There are 15 judges, elected for eight year terms by direct public vote. Judges cannot be removed by the DPA, but can be removed by citizen petition.

Major Political Parties

The current ruling party is the Pan-Socialist Coalition (PSC), formed out of the old ruling Intoxicated Socialist Party and the Pulp Fiction Party. Its platform is to keep Drunken Pagan Weirdos pretty much as it was during the Imperial period by securing all of the social freedoms that have been accorded to the citizens while keeping a tight hold on businesses. The current Chancellor is a member of this party. They have formed a governing coalition with the Mario Party.

The Drunken Pagan Communist Party (DPCP) has the second-largest amount of seats in the DPA, and it advocates a Trotskyist government system. They are considered to be the primary opposition to the PSC-Mario Party coalition.

The Mario Party is considered to be the centrist party of Drunken Pagan Weirdos. They advocate a gradual drop in taxes and the reintroduction of minor capitalist economic policies (to create a system similar to the Scandinavian nations). They have formed a governing coalition with the PSC.

The Party for a Capitalist and Fiscally Responsible Government (PCG) is a libertarian party. They advocate the immediate dismemberment of the socialist economic system while keeping the social freedoms citizens already have. Their support comes mostly from rich, obnoxious business leaders and radical libertarians.

The Emperor First Coalition (EFC) is a coalition of minor royalist groups in favor of restoring the monarchy or some other kind of central authoritarian rule over the nation. These groups formed the coalition after performing incredibly poorly in the first federal elections, with the aim of organizing and spreading their message more effectively.

Executive Council Members

• Chancellor and Foreign Affairs Councilor: Mr. Vien Ai Chan, PSC
• Finance and Labor Councilor: Mr. Nicholas Adrelakos, DPCP
• Internal Affairs Councilor: Mr. Michael Spiridakou, PSC
• Health Care Councilor: Mrs. Sophia Ahkmetov, Mario Party
• Transportation Councilor: Mrs. Toula Chrysanthopoulos, PSC
• Education Councilor: Mr. Leonidas Katevatis, PSC
• Development and Growth Councilor: Mrs. Dorcia Fourakis, DPCP

Economy

The government is economically socialist, enforcing an income tax rate of 100% and banning all private enterprise in favor of a planned economy. The money from taxes generally goes towards the country’s massive social welfare system, as well as running government industry. These are the current figures (as of July 14, 2007, taken from http://www.sunsetrpg.com/economystatistics.php?nation=Drunken+Pagan+Weirdos):

• GDP: ฿57,523,097,334,980.61 ($33,639,238,207,591)
• GDP Per Capita: ฿56,595.87 ($33,097)
• Exchange Rate: ฿1.00 = NS$1.71
• Unemployment Rate ฿12.03%

Culture

Ethnicity

The country has a very strong Greek heritage due to the foreign rule by Greek emperors for nearly 500 years, but the majority of citizens have indigenous Celtic roots. There are, however, also large amounts of other ethnic groups throughout the nation. A census was taken recently by the Drunken Pagan Census Bureau, but the project leader later drunkenly admitted to "pulling the numbers out of me ass", so there is no official estimate.

Religion

The traditional pagan religion of the area that is now Drunken Pagan Weirdos revolves around the worship of hundreds of gods and goddesses, each representing a different facet of life. In recent years, multiple gods and goddesses from other religions have been incorporated into the pantheon. The major gods and goddesses have large Churches or Groves in the Temple District of Augustgrad, led by a High Priest or High Priestess.

The citizens of Drunken Pagan Weirdos have complete freedom of religion, and many Churches and Temples dedicated to other religions can also be found in the Temple District, as well as in other major cities around the nation. A census conducted by an independent (and slightly more reliable than the Drunken Pagan Census Bureau) organization found that 45% follow the traditional religion, 19% are Orthodox Christians, 18% are Buddhist, 6% are Catholics, and 5% are members of the Cult of the Peanut Butter & Jelly Banana. The remaining 7% are of other assorted faiths, or atheist/agnostic.

Language

The official languages of DPW are Greek and Gaelic. Greek (or Hellenic) was introduced with the founding of the Achaikos dynasty, which was Greek in origin itself. It is easily the dominant language in the nation today. Gaelic, on the other hand, is an indigenous language that is very rarely used in day-to-day life, but is kept alive due to tradition and pride in the nation's roots. English, while not an official language, has come into wider use among younger citizens. Most government business is still done in Greek.

National Personification

The nation is represented in newspapers, television, and other media by the Drunken Pagan Weirdo, a figure established by Drunken Pagan Emperor Magnus II to encourage national unity during the civil war at the beginning of his reign. Today, the Drunken Pagan Weirdo is generally used in political comics to represent the nation, as well as by the national Frisbee Golf team as their mascot.

Holidays

Drunken Pagan Weirdos recognizes the eight holidays in Celtic neopaganism, and has adapted them to be secular government holidays. They are:

• Samhain – October 31st
• Yule – December 21st
• Imbolc – February 2nd
• Ostara – March 21st
• Beltane – April 30th
• Litha – June 21st
• Lughnasadh – July 31st
• Mabon – September 21st

Tourist Attractions

The 1337 Socialist Beach Party

This is a humongous party/orgy that spontaneously springs up every Wednesday at a random beach somewhere in the nation. It is an honored national tradition, started in 1337 by Drunken Pagan Emperor Alexius I to commemorate his fifth marriage, and it became tradition for all Emperors thereafter to marry during the festivities. After the establishment of the Federation, its purpose was shifted towards promoting socialism and getting chicks to take their shirts off for beads, and today it is a popular tourist attraction/family vacation destination. Be there or be square!

Drugs and Alcohol

Drunken Pagan Weirdos is renowned by drunkards and stoners the world over as the only place in which they can truly be free, as there are no prohibitions on the manufacture, sale, transport, possession, or consumption of drugs of any kind. Alcohol, especially, is a vital and inalienable part of the local culture, and more often than not a majority of the population is at least moderately drunk. Use of these substances is allowed both within the home and in nearly all restaurants and bars that provide a safe and mostly consequence-free environment. It is our hope that foreigners will continue to take advantage of the freedom to use substances that are unobtainable in their home countries! (The DPW Tourist Authority does not officially condone the trafficking of drugs from our country into any nation that does not permit them, as this may cause unwanted and unneeded problems.)

Political Capital Augustgrad

Augustgrad is well-known throughout the country for being a beautiful city of canals, vegetation, and a relaxed attitude. Built after the last Emperor's abdication in order to commemorate the founding of the Federation, Augustgrad is a modern city with many gems, both hidden and out in the open, for tourists to uncover. Rent a boat and have a romantic ride through the canals, take a tour through the magnificent Drunken Pagan Assembly building, or just sit back, relax, and have a psychedelic experience in any of the fine bars located only a short walk away from any hotel!