Difference between revisions of "Edward Bernard"
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| − | The next election is due in §204, where Bernard is expected to stand for a third-term. However, as discussed before, success is looking very unlikely given his current wavering with regard to policy, most of which is severely illiberal. Opinion polls currently put him in 3rd place behind other left-wing candidates. | + | The next election is due in §204, where Bernard is expected to stand for a third-term. However, as discussed before, success is looking very unlikely given his current wavering with regard to policy, most of which is severely illiberal. Opinion polls currently put him in 3rd place behind other left-wing candidates. The next election is now imminent, within the next 1 §. |
He has recently made sounds that if he is not re-elected he will return to cleaning the sewers of Formica Woodtops, which has prompted speculation that opposition politicians will adopt the slogan "Flush Him Down To Earth!" at the next election. | He has recently made sounds that if he is not re-elected he will return to cleaning the sewers of Formica Woodtops, which has prompted speculation that opposition politicians will adopt the slogan "Flush Him Down To Earth!" at the next election. | ||
Revision as of 06:02, 19 May 2005
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Edward Bernard is the current President of Wharf Springs
Contents
Biography
Born §152
Bernard is a 4th generation Wharf Springian, and as such is part of what academics are now calling the "forgotten generation" of Wharf Springs citizens. First elected after a close campaign in §196 at the age of 30, he became Wharf Springs youngest ever President in its history, and the 18th President since the country's inauguration.
He grew up in a suburb of Formica Woodtops, the capital city, and came from a large family. He often claims to have witnessed the travesty that is Formica Woodtops' transportation system first hand, but those claims are much disputed by his autobiographers, who say he has never set foot on a bus in his life, preferring instead to use the Presidential Flying Umbrella to get to events. It is perhaps unsurprising that his talent for arriving at ceremonial events at the last second by descending from the sky and onto the Presidential Podium is gaining him the disparaging nickname "Mary Poppins".
Political Background
Bernard follows a long line of respected and revered individuals who have made it to the position of President without being affiliated to a party. He is the 5th Independent to be elected to the post, and the achievement becomes even more apparent when one considers the size of the population at the last election, and how difficult it is to mobilise campaigns without party apparatus and fundraising support.
The "Forgotten Generation"
Bernard is a 4th generation Wharf Springian, who have been classified by noted sociologists as the "forgotten generation" of Wharf Springs. This is believed to be one of the major factors in his political ideology, or rather lack of it. It largely encompasses the years §148 to §160 which coincide with the term of former President Randy Flypops. These years were marked by an almost entire breakdown in society as ultra-liberal values were enforced on Society by the then President. Society disappeared overnight as Randy Flypops ordered it (ironically, in a most illiberal way) to be captured wherever seen on the streets and deported to Lands Faraway.
Without Society to love and protect the Wharf Springs children, the generation grew up almost entirely on their own. As such, most of them grew into extreme-individualists, but with no particular sense of what is expected of them. This is believed to manifest itself in Bernard's continual flip-flopping between left and right ideologies, culminating in his sudden conversion to Grahamonomics.
Grahamonomics
In a recent fit of rage, Bernard decided to switch to neoliberal economic doctrine, encouraged by Grahamonomics. The nation is currently in turmoil as Bernard attempts to impose these policies across the board, but is struggling to get them through the Parliament of Wharf Springs. It has made him distinctly unpopular, and as a consequence he is going beyond Grahamonomics into authoritarian right-wing rule, which has never before been seen in Wharf Springs, not since the days of the assassination of Richard Tatorial, the 3rd President.
Opinion polls are not looking good for Bernard's future, and a third term is now in severe jeopardy.
Election Campaign, §196
Full results available on Wharf Springs page.
After the end of Walter Qubic's third term, Wharf Springs' presidency came up for grabs in a completely open election. It drew an unprecedented five consecutive Socialist Party Presidents, all grabbing the maximum three terms each across 60 §'s to a close. Many in the country were beginning to sense that this was the opportunity for a change, especially as the Socialist Party candidate Bryn Hoffnen was not as charismatic as any previous offerings from the party. There were many now, including Bernard, who had not seen anything other than a Socialist presidency.
The campaign itself was long and brutal, and ended up being an extremely close fought race between the top four candidates, including one from the new Conservative party that had risen in response to the Socialist domination.
No one anticipated the arrival of Bernard to the field. A former sewer cleaner, he was known to his friends as "Shitbreath" as he was always assigned to clean the master sewer of Formica Woodtops. It is well known in sewer cleaner folklore that the skin and breath takes on and absorbs the smell of the surrounding sewer. It's one of the hazards of the job.
His friends encouraged him to run for office after realising that Bernard had a number of rather amusing anecdotes about the sights of the drainage system that would naturally endear him to the electorate.
The opinion polls recorded significant gains for Bernard, and at one point it was looking quite likely that he would romp to victory.
The eventual result, however, was much closer thanks to the intervention of one of his "friends". An informant revealed that there was a reason why Bernard's press conferences always took place with the media kept outside a 5m radius. (see diagram to the right)
Yes. Once the smell was noted by journalists, sales of Smell-O-Vision TVs fell through the floor, and Bernard's popularity took a nose dive. They led a relentless campaign to ensure that Ol' Shitbreath never made it to office, fearing that his breath could be mistaken for the discharge from a nuclear warhead which could trigger a major international incident.
They ultimately failed, although the final result of the first round was touch-and-go in the final days. When the second round occured, in a straight face off between Bernard and Bryn Hoffnen, he was eventually elected quite comfortably when Bernard called upon the sympathy vote by inviting the cameras into the sewers to show just how tough his life was. It was remarkable that the same day there was also a storm-flood through the sewers, and in the panic of the evacuation, Bernard managed to rescue a small kitten that was destined for certain doom, washed away amid a torrent of feculence.
The rest, as they say, is shitstory.
Election Campaign, §200
Full results available on Wharf Springs page
The election for the second term was much less eventful than the first. As the incumbent president, Bernard decided to remain above the fray and engaged in virtually zero electioneering until the final week.
The polls had initially put the President on incredible 90% support levels, as people decided they were pleased by the fact that Bernard had managed to clean up his breath (which required considerable botox injections of sweet smelling Lemon bought from Kloompamia) and not caused any disgraces on the world stage.
He eventually secured the election with over 50% support in the first round, negating the need for a second.
Future
The next election is due in §204, where Bernard is expected to stand for a third-term. However, as discussed before, success is looking very unlikely given his current wavering with regard to policy, most of which is severely illiberal. Opinion polls currently put him in 3rd place behind other left-wing candidates. The next election is now imminent, within the next 1 §.
He has recently made sounds that if he is not re-elected he will return to cleaning the sewers of Formica Woodtops, which has prompted speculation that opposition politicians will adopt the slogan "Flush Him Down To Earth!" at the next election.
Quotes
"Even if you're in a rush, you never should forget to flush!"
"Get that microphone out my mouth; I don't know where it's been!"
| The Presidents of Wharf Springs Series | ||
| Preceded by: Walter Qubic |
18th President of Wharf Springs | Succeeded by: Incumbent |
| Preceded by: Sleepap Nia |
5th Independent Party President | Succeeded by: Incumbent |
