Glerica

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Glerica
glerica.jpg
Flag of Glerica
Motto: "Where does the evidence lead?"
glericamapeb2.png
Region England
Capital Mattopia
Official Language(s) Glerican, English
Government
 - King Trucast Aldos Glerican II
 - Prime Minister (Pending)
Population Around 1 Billion
Currency Frond (GLF)
Internet TLD .gl
Calling code +107
ISO Code CMGL
NS Sunset XML

The Modern Monarchy of Glerica, previously The Constitutional Monarchy of Glerica and also referred to colloquially as Glerica, is a country in the north-west of England it occupies around half of the most north-western island in England, and shares a land border with Safalra. Glerica is bounded by the Hypocriscian Sea to the East, International Waters to the West, and the “Most Northern Sea” to the North. Glerica was formed as a nation around 1200 years ago and takes its name from its first King, Mattian Glerican.

Glerica plays host to two fantastic lush forests, one of which spans the border between Glerica and Safalra. The “Rehn Forest” is situated in the north of the nation, and is a National Heritage site, as well as a wildlife park. It has never been officially explored fully, due to its massive size. Before some of it was cut down, it was recorded that Rehn Forest spread so far south that it bordered Mattopia. Now however, numerous private explorers have ventured into the forest and reported of various ruined toadstool settlements, Candy mines, Massive purple lakes, strange (and alarming) giant animals that have supposedly talked to the explorers in British Accents. Scientists believe that these explorers have encountered a plant which generates hallucinogenic spores, although this has never been fully proven.

“Queens Forest” originally was cut down until the border, but was replanted under the command of Queen Trillgif Glerican in the Trillgifian Ages. Due to its density and the two main highroads which ran through it, it fallen foul to famous highwaymen and women, such as June Gerl, Polly Will, and Robert Yillian. Highwaymen and women have plagued the area ever since, although now rather than a sword and pistol, it is usually a semi-automated weapon and an off-road vehicle. However, the current government has cracked down on highway robbery, and is now an incredibly rare sight.

Although seen as a fairly new country, Glerica ranks as a fairly influential nation, and tries to develop significant scientific and cultural developments to share with its Region, such as The "Glerican Herald". It is the place of origin for the Glerican Language ( language that is incredibly like english except there is no letter "X" simply because "It is a useless letter anyway") and the “Glerican Church of Whatever” (a religion which allows its followers to believe in anything as long as their beliefs don't hurt anyone and that they do not pressure anyone into their beliefs).

Brief History

Prehistoric Glerica

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The cavepaintings found in Riverton Caves
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Cave paintings which have been found in the Riverton Caves have suggested that humans first settled in what is now Glerica at around 1500BC. Unusually, these paintings suggest that instead of the typical “Hunter-Gatherer” pictures common from that time, Prehistoric Glericans seem to have bought what can be described as fast food from traders carrying trays. There are also scenes of these people with domesticated Glerkbacks. Scientists agree that this is incredibly fascinating behaviour for people of these times, or just a really, really, really good hoax.

At this time, Glerica was connected to mainland England by numerous land bridges, and therefore increased population diversity.

The Formation of Glerica

The first group relating to “Glerica” was first recorded when Monk Cherimine Samuel of Yults Land wrote in his journal about a group of citizens of the nearby town setting of into the forest and creating a crude settlement. “A groupe total of 65 peoples set off this day under a flag of which I have not seen before. I asked a peasant who they were, and he said they called themselves the Franderks and were setting off to build their own town, free of the Lord, Before telling me to mind my own business.” The lord the monk is speaking of is Lord Yult, an oppressive leader who collectively controlled 1200 acres of land and the 25,000 peasants which lived on it. Yult was infamous for his “personal executions” in which the lord himself killed whoever he chose if that person was on his land. It goes without saying that many a person was chased to death by Yults dogs and horses as they attempted to leave his land.

The group of 65 (25 Women, 30 Men and 10 Children) that set off that day were under the collective name of the “Fanderks”, due to their leaders name, William Fanderk. The group travelled a total of 210 miles from the border of Yults land and settled in dense woodland, next to a river. Unknown to them, the land they had settled in belonged to Mattian Glerican. The group’s first settlement, simply dubbed “The Fanderk Town” consisted of crude, wooden tent-like houses and one hall-like structure which served as a fast food hut. Unfortunately, no remains or documentation has survived to tell us more about this settlement.

When Mattian Glerican heard of what was described as a “bandit camp” in his land, him and his personal army of 120 men charged toward the so-called camp. However, when Mattian arrived he soon saw that this was far from a bandit camp and rather refugees. Mattian dismissed his army, and asked to speak with Fanderk (who was defending himself with a frying pan), with who he sympathised with his current situation and offered him to stay on his land with no charge and no work quotas. The new settlement(which didn’t have an official name) originally had around 17 houses and one community hall inside Mattian’s land, but quickly grew into a small town, as various people migrated from Yults land, and other lands surrounding Mattians land. Before long, the small settlement grew into a thriving town, and was dubbed Fanderk, even though Mattian Glerican was the so called “lord”.

It wasn’t before long that the Lords of the surrounding lands of Mattian’s noticed a large amount of their people leaving, causing them to attack Fanderk. The most famous battle is the Battle of Yult, in which Lord Yult attacked Fanderk, only to be fended off and then defeated and killed in his own manor house. Mattian then claimed ownership over Yults land and founded Mattopia, the second city in his land.

Unfortunately, William Fanderk was killed by an arrow to the chest in the battle and was buried in Fanderk Cemetery. A statue was also erected in the city centre of Fanderk.

The Battle of Yult was the first in a series of battles in Mattian’s Campaign, which spanned over 150 years and resulted in the formation of the country of Glerica. After the Battle of Yult, Mattian’s army were the most powerful in the region, and due to this might many of the Lords in the surrounding land immediately handed over control to Mattian. The main exchange happened when 5 surrounding countries agreed to allow Mattian rule over their lands as long as they still held the title of lord, and were allowed to advice Mattian on certain issues, forming the Council of Lords. This was called the Treaty of Weltin, due to the location of its signing. The five lords which did surrender and become founding members of the council where:

  • Lord Santura of Sashil
  • Lord Remmin of Weltin
  • Lord Gurqua of Briane
  • Lady Pranses of Tillyland &
  • Lady Rofget of Poll

With these additions, Mattian’s land became a nation named Glerica, with Mattian becoming King.

The Mattian Campaign

As mentioned above, the Mattian campaign spanned over 150 years and was the ongoing battles, wars and treaties of the kings of Glerica aiming to occupy the entire island. Some of the battles are listed below.

Battle of Swans River

This battle occurred when Rattal navy forces (around 5 Caviliers, 6 Warships and a mascot duck called "Admiral Quacks") attacked Riverton, a small settlement on the Glerican coast. In response, the Glerican army attacked and captured the Lord’s manor house, causing Cal Rattal to enter into the Treaty of Weltin. Rebelions of the Rattal people were recorded for days after their lords surrender, so Lord Rattal announced that "no sharpe objects, or horrible pointy thingse shall be allowed for the gruff peoples". As a result, the traditional Rattalian dress was fashioned out of their own hair.

Attack on Rens Beilding

A small attack force of the Glerican army attacked Beilding under the cover of night. This occurred because of said reports suggesting that Beilding was poisoning water supplies. Beilding was killed, and his land (and people) taken with minimal effort. There were reports of the Beilding people not really caring.

Seige on Mattopia

Known as “The final battle” not because it ended the Mattian campaign, but because it was the battle in which Mattian Glerican (The first king of Glerica) died. Some of the Lords of surrounding lands joined forces and attacked Mattopia and its people. They made it past the borders due to it being "opposite night" of the nation, where the gaurds thought that seeing an invading force signal meant that there wasn't actually an invading force. Few of the Glerican Land force was able to help support the Royal guard stationed in Mattopia at the time of attack. Two trebuchet shots were fired at the palace, killing the King, Queen and two gaurds that were asking the King if he'd just heard two trebuchet shots being launched. The attacking forces were eventually driven off by the regular citizens of Mattopia, armed with regular items such as spades, pitchforks, sickles, rolling pins, and "quite tough cushions".

The Unifying Battle

This battle was, in fact the ending battle of the Mattian campaign, but was rather a sharp attack on a rebel hide-out rather than a military battle. For 15 years, small attacks on markets, army patrols and parklands occurred, mainly by the Rebel group “Red Yurons”, who were fighting for the liberation of their old Lord who had signed the Treaty of Weltin. A small force of men forced there way through a Yuron bunker, killing all inside.

The final battle unified all the Lords of the land, and The Constitutional Monarchy of Glerica was finally formed under its third King, Regin Glerican. At the end of the campaigns, a total of 20 Lords and Ladies had signed the Treaty of Weltin.

The Depression

Several years after the unification, the nation moved onto its second Royal Bloodline, meaning that it was the first monarch not directly related to Mattian Glerican. However, the Council of Lords decided that all monarchs should carry the title of “Glerican” after their surname to (according to Lady Franc Olivia) “Carry on the heritage, prosperity and… rugged good looks of Mattian Glerican)”. King Hans Regstul Glerican I was chosen as the next King, and his coronation took place swiftly to avoid civil unrest in the cities. Despite what is now looked upon as the darkest time of Glerica, the nation’s spirits were high, and the sounds of celebration filled the streets.

Regstul’s first act as King was to abolish the Council of Knights, giving him complete control over the nation. He then proceeded to turn the nation into a Dominion, forcing all citizens available to fund his crackpot schemes, (such as creating a giant offshore clock so that people in high places can always tell the time) and his offshore invasions, namely the Safalran-Glerican war.

The Peoples' Government

An effect of this forced dominion was massive civil unrest, starvation, disgusting housing conditions; causing skirmishes and the eventual breakout of war. The most notable battle of the Civil War was the “Bakers Strike” which involved the bakers of Mattopia filling the palace of Regstul with dough. “It really wasn’t that bad” a palace official claimed “We just set the heaters on High and lit all the fires in the place and had bread-floors for a month or two.” Despite the civil unrest, society eventually crumbled, forcing Regstul to have an emergency meeting with “the people’s representatives”. Regstul was forced to abdicate, and a "People's Government" was set. This led to the People’s declaration, which is still active today, as it holds dear many regulations which effect modern life, such as Free Speech, Right for a trial, but also included more obscure laws, such as the right to curvy or straight bananas, or the right to use public statues of cherubs as a home for a maximum of 43 days.

Roughly 60 years later, the monarchy was re-enstated and the Council of Knights was reformed. However, the People’s declaration made it clear that the people should be able to vote for the "Knight" of their region.

The Formation of the Modern Nation

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The Council Buildings in Mattopia
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With the monarchy now on its seventh bloodline, the current government is implimenting a strong "pro regional" tactic, with hopes of not only increasing the political standing of the nation, but also the ties with foreign regions. Glerica is now a active member of England, and with its recent UN membership, hopes to continue to contribute to ongoing developments of the nation. Ex-Prime Minister Truman Rondershop was once quoted "England? oh yes, very nice region. Took a holiday there once... problem was, it was full of English people". Rondershot was swiftly kicked out of office, and replaced with a prime minister with a higher intelligence, Pell Quill.

The Attempted Coup

In March, 2007, Glerica was subject to a military takeover by the recently retired section of the military, the SSSSPMKAU (The Super Secret Service that is so sectret that the Prime Minister doesn't Know About Us". The SSSSPMKAU leader, Commander Hilly Rolgt, charged the Capital buildings in Mattopia and completely disbanded two branches of the government, The Council of Knights and The Divisional Government by killing and capturing various ministers. The U.N Office was not affected, but it did not help or raise the alarm about the takeover because nobody filled in "Military Takeover Form 67#PR1". The last form of the government, the Monarchy took shelter along with a few thousand citizens in various strongholds across the nation, but the main centre was Fanderk Palace in Mattopia where the King held fort. After several weeks, the King and the citizens camped inside the palace charged at their captors clad in metal tea-trays and antique armour and were successful in overthrowing the facist leader. The Prime Minister, Pell Quill, was found several weeks after hiding in the Capital Buildings basement, eating various insects. He was removed from office as he was classed as "Completely Mental"

The Modern Monarchy

After the attempted Coup, no political party in Glerica could find a new leader, ergo meaning that there was no person to stand in as Prime Minister. After several months, King Trucast Aldon Glerican II announced that he will be abolishing clause 3 set out by the People's Decleration and making Glerica into a Monarchy once again. Despite worries from the palace, this decision was met with a 85% approval rating. Citizens could still vote for their Royal advisors and Devisional governers. The title "Modern Monarchy" was chosen because "Kingdom is extremely sexist, and as you know, the palace in an equal oppurtunities employer. So, it was out of Modern Monarchy or Non-Gender-Descrimititory-Governmental-Based-Position-Form or NGBSGBPF for short. It was an easy choice..." -- Palace Official.

Politics

The Government of Glerica has four official strands, each elected or nominated separately. The four strands are The Council of Knights, The Divisional Government, The Monarchy and the U.N Office.

The Council of Knights

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Election results of 2005
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The Council of Knights is essentially what makes up the Parliament of Glerica. Led by the Prime Minister, there are 21 Seats, each one representing each Division of the nation, which are chosen through elections held once every 4 years on March 16th (Birthday of Mattian Glerican) which was set in the Peoples Declaration. Although the government is split into divisions, this doesn't mean they concern themselves with local issues. The party which has won the most seats becomes the leading party, whose leader becomes the Prime Minister of the country. The winning party must then choose a cabinet for the different offices in government, such as foreign affairs, Utility Office, environmental office etc.

The current winning government is the “Social Democrat Party” winning a total of 12 seats against the opposing “People Party” which only one a total of 4 seats, along with “Environmental Party” (3 Seats) and the “Republican Party” (2 seats).

The Divisional Government

This branch of the government concerns themselves with more local issues directly effecting the divisions they come from. Again, the Divisional Government is divided into 21 seats, which are chosen yearly on varying dates. The winners of the divisional government does not effect the Council of Knights elections, nor do they effect the other seats of the divisional government. The different divisional minsters mainly concentrate on the direct local effects, and rarely meet one another.

The U.N Office

This new, seperate branch of the government concerns itself with the U.N and foreign affairs. The UN Officer is elected by the Council of Knights. The U.N Officer stands on their own, rather than as a party to prevent bias in elections. The Current U.N Officer is Gatefold Randerby, and the Deputy U.N Officer is Richard Ferdland.

The Monarchy

Unlike other constitutional monarchies, Glerica's Royalty play an active role in politics. Despite overseeing the electoral process, the monarch has the power to propose new laws, potentialy veto laws or declerations (if he or she has a majority backing them) and is essentialy a 22nd Knight. The King or Queen in power also usually chooses two or three "Royal Advisors" which are usualy ex-Knights or ex-Divisional ministers.

Geography

Glerica comprises the top half of the most north-western island in England, plus many tiny offshore islands which are uncharted in the official map (Which are remenants of random projects - such as the "Chocolate Land" Project of '89, which sunk causing the North Glerican Sea to become super-chocolatey for the next 5 years. The Wildlife didn't seem to mind). It is bordered to the south by Safalra and is close to "mainland" England. Most of Glerica consists of rolling highlands, but is much more mountainous in the West, with a chain of medium-sized mountains "The Grey Giants". The flattest area of Glerica is mainly around Mattopia, which despite housing the Capital City, is used for agricultural uses.

The list of Glerica's cities is fairly set, due to the "Royal Decree of Urban Naming of 1690". This claims a "City" is a "continuously built-up area, incorporatinge a cathedrale and sports stadium and one of those delighteful nice McDoodles. I do love their Burgers". This definition was changed in 1890 to include numerary values of population. A number of cities, equally spread all over the country are of substantial size and influence. These are: Farldon, Riverton & Zanside.

Climate

Glerica has a fairly mild climate, with moderate rainfall all year round (except from October to November, where extremely heavy rainfall is inexplicably present). Temperatures rarely fall below -9°C or rise above 37°C. Wind is generally from the southeast, bringing mild weather to Glerica from the mainland. Snowfall regularly occurs during Winter and Spring, though it is more found on higher ground.

The highest natural temperature ever recorded in Glerica was during the Glerican Heatwave of '96, which reached a temperature of 49.5°C on July 16, 1996 in inner-city Mattopia. The lowest natural temperature ever recorded was -37.1°C on 1st February 1965 at Base Camp 4 in Hilldake Valley in The Grey Giants.

Major Rivers

  • Bibay River (Lower)
  • Grannit Lake (named as it was mistaken for a lake due to its sheer width)
  • Redis River
  • The Quandiel
  • Bibay River (Upper)

Major conurbations

  1. Mattopia
  2. Riverton
  3. Terra Bay
  4. Zanside
  5. Feri Port
  6. Farldon
  7. Elenen Area

Economics

Glerica is unique in the fact that is uses an economic model that is not used elsewhere in the world. The so called "Bubble-gum-Whoopsie Economic Model" (B-WEM) is so called because it frequently changes shape (Bubble), sticks (Gum) and then albeit less frequently, crashes (Whoopsie). Glerica is not really a major centre in region economics, due to its harsh anti-business regulations, although does have one of the most advanced nail-salon sector in the world.

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The Childrens Stock Exchange
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Glerica main exports are manufactured goods, such as Gleri-fruits, petroleum, wool, Diamonds and those little-packets-of-stuff-that-looks-like-mints-but-you-shouldn't-eat-it-because-you'll-die you find in boxes of new shoes. Safalra, Ithania and Disposablepuppetland being the biggest importers of the latter.

The central bank of Glerica is the Bank of Glerica in Mattopia. Mattopia is also home to England's only "Childrens Stock Exchange", the only stock exchange in England which allows minors to compete in the stock markets. As a result of this, suicides in 4-11 year old skyrocketed after the great sweet crash of '99.

The primary sector (farming, mining, fishing etc.) has declines sharply in Glerica for the last couple of decades. However, services such as tourism, callcentres, and "Dial-a-pet" (a company which delivers pets to lonely people) have grown into supreme importance and now contributes to almost 41% of the countries economy.

Glerica's official currency is the Frond (GLF), although bartering, dubloons and poetry/songs/creative writing are still accepted as currency.

Language

Glerican

Glerica's official language is Glerican, which is thought to have spawnned from the "Restrictional" period in the Rantorium times. During this period, certain aspects of life were banned and in one case, letters of the alaphabet. Accourding to the "Proclomatione of the alphabet resticktion, any persons found swearing, making merryment with oneself, or danceing will have letters reemoved frome their speakeing list". This meant that most of the population was sson loosing letters at an alarming rate. However, due to the "Alphabet Rank System", which ranks letters in order of importance, many people lost the letters X, Z and Q, making high scores in Scrabble impossible. Because of this common letter-loss, the modern Glerican language is now (due to a complete coincidence accourding to the Glerican government) exactly the same as English, except that there is no letter "X", because it was "a useless letter anyway, and we're all glad to get rid of it".

Little has changed because of this, except that X-Rays are called SMARTSIY, for "Super-Mega-Atomic-Rays-That-See-In-You"

Other Languages

Although there is a massive cultural diversity in Glerica, only 7% of the population can speak a second language. The government doesn't seem to acknowledge other languages either, as in a recent highly publicised meeting, the then-prime minister Roger Stockport threw water over a SuperFrench ambassador after the ambassador said "Scuwyoo" a native greeting.

Despite this, a variety of languages is beggining to be taught in public schools from an early age.

Religion

A recent survey in Glerica found that 91% of all Glericans are atheist or beleive in no religion. This isn't a fairly new thing either, as religion has played a miniscule effect on the history of this Nation. Although religions are present and welcomed in modern Glerica there are strict rules an regultions against them. For example, it is ilegal for any 'High level' worshipper of a religion (such as priests or bishops) to be allowed to enter into politics. All laws also must have a non-religious meaning or stand behind them in order to be passed. For example, it is illegal to commit murder in Glerica not because a religious book told you, but rather because it is an incovenience to the person you have murdered.

Building Reneweal

In the past many religions have tried to "break" into Glerica, such as the Catholic Push of '86 using the slogan "If you need to sin, tell us about it". Meaning that many buildings built by these groups such as churches and Synagogues used to be misused and quickly fell into disrepair. However, many of these buildings have now been turned into Science Enrichment Centres, were citizens can freely perform their own experiments or stay up to date on the most recent research. Because of these centres, citizens can volunteer for ground-breaking research which would usually require masses of man-power and time, allowing it to be preformed much quicker. The most recent success of this programme was the “Duck Bill Project” which, in ’05 found a cure for the disease Glerkbackitis, which was rampant in the nation. Glerkbackitis makes you act like the animal Glerkback, and causes you to grow horns.

The Glerican Church of Whatever

Despite the mass ammount of atheists in the nation, the country does have an official religion. The Glerican Chrurch of Whatever (GCW) was chosen as the state religion in 1932 simply because it sounded the best. Apparantly, in order for the nation to recieve more funding from various comitees, it required a state religion as mentioned by ex-Prime Minister Bon Frelly. "It said on the form that if we had a state religion we would get another 700 grand, so we just picked a one from the list that sounded quite good. In this case, it was the GCW."

Curiously enough, although chosen by chance, the GCW actually conforms most to the Glerican ideas of Religion. The GCW allows its memebers to believe in whatever they like, as long as it doesn't harm other living things. In a recent poll, it turned out that most GCW worshipers beleive in a deity called "Franky Delb", a cockney who served really good chips at a local shop.