Havl

History

The Nation State of Havl was founded on 6 December, 2004 and with the discovery of land, founded the region of South Eastern North West. As other nations began to form in the region, Havl joined the United Nations. Throughout history, Havl has been noted for a platform of high social and political freedom at the expense of the national economy. Since the inception of the democratic socialist government, Havl has had only three executive leaders. Founding father Sparky the Dog served as the first president of the fledgling nation as the government was being established. Sparky stated that Havl needed to establish an official policy regarding the leader of the government and stepped down, despite being both a popular and effective leader. Both Aris State and Howard Mahoyhoy have served as only temporary figureheads. In fact, despite semiannual national elections, neither acting president had been elected but rather were selected by members of congress. The decision to instate an acting president was made by the Senate to fill a void left by continued deliberation as to the nature of Havl's chief executive. Current Acting Acting President Howard Mahoyhoy is actually a temporary replacement for previous replacement Acting President Aris State who suffered pants failure during the Wort Moat Scandal.

Flag

Heraldry

The first flag, as adopted by the settling party, was a fess of two blue stripes separated by a white stripe (see the flag of El Salvador). This flag was in turn replaced by the current national flag as adopted on 7 December, 2004. The flag, as described in the national constitution, is a field of medium blue (of a ratio 2:3) upon which a white lozenge (of a ratio 5:9) is centered. Centered on the lozenge is a dark blue circle (of a ratio 4:7 in relation to the height of the flag) upon which the constellation Orion is graphically depicted. The constellation is represented with nineteen stars of five points, eighteen of which are white and one of which (in the position of Betelgeuse) is red.

Symbolism

The original flag (a fess of two vertical blue stripes split in the middle by a white vertical stripe) was said to represent the settlers' first view of the land. The bottom stripe represented the sea, the middle white stripe represented the snow-covered land, and the top stripe the sky. However, this flag was soon replaced with the current design in an attempt to create a unique flag with a broader meaning. Perhaps the most easily recognizable element of the design, the depiction of the Orion constellation was the guiding idea behind the heraldry. The settlers were quite fond of the winter constellation, as its presence in the sky was probably the only familiar sight in the newly discovered land.

Economy

Among the eight nations in the region, Havl's national economy is by far the least impressive. Fitting with the original goals of the founding society, Havl's government has struck down legislation in favor of industrial involvement and has passed doctrine that, as an effect, has limited the gains of industry in the nation. The currency exchange rate is absolutely appalling, with each Havl dollar equal to half the value of a US penny. Compared to the roughly one to one ratio in Veego, Havl's economy looks be be in rough shape. Havl is rated within the lowest 1% in terms of economic growth in the entire Nation States world. However, the citizens of Havl enjoy a very high quality of life, and the government is contantly considering new ways to improve itself.

Politics

Local Politics

The primary focus of the Havl government is the betterment of society. Education, health care, and social issues such as welfare and equality are the major concerns of the congress, and various strides have been made to ensure that civil rights and political freedom are upheld to the utmost.

On 17 January 2005, the citizens of Havl voted to make private enterprise illegal, therefore putting the role of industry in the hands of the government.

UN

Since Havl was founded, it has been an active member of the UN. On 3 January, 2005, Havl replaced KilgoreTroutia as the UN Delegate. Since then, Havl has come out strongly against the Global Library resolution (due to its inherent technological and funding impossibilities) and has been a strong supporter of for the repeal of Resolution #46, Legalization of Prostitution.

International Conflicts

"Weather Gate"

In January of 2004, relations between Havl and region local nation Franklin Asthma began to sour. A series of telegrams between the nations' leaders (included in full below) lead to a conflict which is currently unresolved.

Telegram from Havl to the leader of Franklin Asthma, 11 January, 2004

"Frank: Look, pal, it's H-A-V-L, get it right or pay the price. although my nation is in deep debt, we still have a massive standing army (which also serves as our fire department and supreme coure) and 3 fighter planes, one of which has a really menacing eagle stenciled on the side. So the next country's name you misspell may be your last! as long as it's, you know, my country that you...like...mispelll... the next name you spell wrong on purpose may be your own, pal! also, you're squad A "

This telegram is believed to be a relatively idle threat after delegates from Franklin Asthma misspelled Havl in a public cermony. This telegram, from Franklin Asthma to Havl, was sent later on the same day.

"To the Outstanding Gentleman of Havl: First and foremost I'd like to commend you on being the first country to send me a telegram. Secondly, I'm deeply disturbed about offending you in the misspelling of your country, I will obviously fire my publicist and probably make his family disappear. I'd also like to warn you before you make any drastic military moves that my country is ruled with 4 iron fists, all of them mine. Next, be aware that by keeping the people down they are all unaware of most things and all of their news they recieve is via me. I will tell them that that the president of Havl has just insulted each one of my citizens' mothers, following that my country will have 100% military to population ratio.

Thank you, i've always wanted to be a team.

k bye Frank why are you wearing that stupid human suit?"

On 12 January, Havl sent this reply:

"Dear Frank: Let me be frank; my people are thirsty for war. So thirsty that they are like drooling. Needless to say, they're still pissed about how you mispelled Havl. I did what I could, Frank. Well, actually, I've really only added fuel to the fire... You remember that threat about saying that my people called your people's mothers some rude names? Well, I used it and it worked great! So, anyway, I was initially thinking that instead of an all our war, we could have like a live chess game, you know? With real people as the pawns and knights and kings and queens and what not, and they'd maybe even kill each other if the right move was made... Anyhow, that won't do, because, well... you know how there are like 8 pawns, and 16 players altogether? Only four people signed up for tryouts, and three of them are actual chess players that I had to trick into coming... So, I was thinking, in lieu of an all out war, and since we can't get this chess thing together, I was thinking maybe like a thumb war, or maybe some Yahoo games or like Dance Dance Revolution to sort this out, mano e mano. Oh, wait... You probably don't want your people to get riled up about dance dance 'revolution,' other wise you might find yourself at the business end of a guillitine! or not, whatever. ttyl "

During this period, speculation about a possible conflict between the two nations began to circulate within the region. Then, on 13 January, 2004, Havl made the first move. The following is the headline that appeared in the region's newspaper.

"EXTRA! Nations at War! Jan. 13, 2005 The foothills of the South Eastern North West shook with the sounds of the weapons of war as foot soldiers from Havl's 1st Division Light Infantry/Marine Unit/Air Force/Firefighing Union made the first strike against the rogue nation of Franklin Asthma, attacking a weather outpost near the Havl/Frank Asthma border. Tanks from Franklin Asthma's 42nd Panzer division quickly arrived, causing the enemy troops to retreat, but not before a meterologist was heckled and a weather balloon was shot down. News of the strike has shocked citizens of both nations; the people of Franklin Asthma collectively jumped for joy as their dictator shared the news of their triumphant vitory at a war rally, and simultaneous anti-war demonstrations and concerts intstantly sprung up at every major university, coffee house, and corn field in Havl. "This is just too much," screamed activist Kent State through a megaphone. "It's bad enough that our military has guns; now they're trying to use them!" A press release issued by the dictator of Franklin Asthma quotes that "we have defeated our enemies once, and we shall do it again. We rule with four iron fists, all of them awesome." We will keep you updated as this story unfolds."

Following the attack, Havl released the telgram from Franklin Asthma as evidence that a threat had been made. Franklin Asthma followed with this response:

"To the fine outstanding son of a b*tch of havl: I am sick of your attacking my weather machines. If you would have left that guy on the ballon alone in a few days i would have been able to control the climate, all of the weather fronts, and all desired precipatation. You have seriously asked for it now. What have you asked for you might be wondering, well your beloved economy (enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk) may be taking a hit soon my friend. Just remember this all could have been avoided if you weren't so sensitive of your name.

Yours, Frank (Havl take off that stupid human suit) The Holy Ruler of Franklin Asthma the people gave me that title i think it has a good ring to it so don't mess with me!"

On the following morning, Franklin Asthma made a counterattack.

"EXTRA! Nations at War! 14 Janurary 2005 A retalitory strike has brought Havl's already struggling economy from its knees, to God knows what. Members of the 104th Division Armed Forces stormed the streets of Havl today dressed as clowns and passed out video games to the enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk. The surrogate clowns informed the boys that if they spend their time playing video games and stop selling that lemonade there will be more games from where these came from and it will do a lot of good for their families as well as the great country of Havl. But those military service men just couldn't trust those 14 year olds because they are very crafty, so they took all of their lemonade mix as a pre-emptive strike. The country of Franklin Asthma has all set up a trade embargo with Havl to force Havl to cry.

I will keep you posted, Frank"

On January 16, 2005, the local news ran this headline.

'EXTRA! Rogue Nation of Franklin Asthma surrounded by enemies! 16 January, 2005 In a press conference this morning, the acting president of Havl, Sparky the dog and his translators, resolved the government of Havl from the attacks last week by rogue Havl agents against a Franklin Asthma weather facility.

"Although the attackers were indeed members of Havl's proud defensive units, their actions do not reflect the policies or wishes of this administration. Those soldiers were merely abusing their world-benchmark civil rights and have been mildly scolded." However, defense secretary Large Plastic Bag noted in his speech that the supposed weather center in Franklin Asthma was in fact an unsanctioned weapons testing facility that Franklin Asthma failed to clear with the UN.

“It’s interesting that, just before entering the UN, Franklin Asthma decided to setup this experiment. We have first hand information that proves that Frank was going to use this technology to alter the weather, and in effect to control the population. Furthermore, we have photography which proves that this illegal test was impairing life within Havl borders.” During his state of the brain debriefing, education secretary Dr. Professor Teacher displayed colorful graphs relating the direct relation of enemy video game deployment into the streets of Havl and the significant drop in both standardized test scores and the national economy.

“By fiddling with the minds of our young students and keeping them occupied with mind numbing graphics and pitiful storylines, Franklin Asthma has single handedly destroyed all hope for this young generation. A weather balloon may be expensive, but the damage done here is too much to put a price to.”

At the closing of the national telecast, acting president Sparky the dog (with the aid of translators) issued this statement:

“Although Franklin Asthma was indeed counterattacking, this blow was indeed too low. While Havl’s national policy remains isolationist, and while we have no plans to attack or counterattack, the citizens of Havl have begun a twenty year period of being passive aggressive towards the nation of Franklin Asthma. Within this time period, if any citizens of that rogue nation are ever allowed to leave their country, they will be greeted by upturned noses and the constant phrase “rude Franklinians. *humph*”

“However, in our war against ignorance, we have a key ally within the region. The virgin nation of Confederata has accepted our call, and we are proud to present to the ambassador this half chewed piece of bubble yum brand bubble gum.”'

The conflict came to a close as both nations accepted the misunderstanding. Historians contribute the end of the conflict to the statements made by the Havlian government and the inagural South Eastern North West Soccer Cup tournament, which began shortly thereafter and allowed both nations to participate in friendly relations.

"The Moat Wart War"

EXTRA!! Havl Declares War!

August 15, 2005

Acting Havl President Aris State, citing a letter sent to his office by Veegonian administrators, claimed to have reason to declare war. And then he did declare war! On Veego!!

EXTRA!!

August 15th 2005

In a move of confusion president J. Xango Marshall has made an executive decision to build a giant moat around his palace where he plans to sit outside with many alcoholic beverages to wait for havl's next move. ON VEEGO!!

STILL EXTRA!!

August 15th 2005

In a move of complete chaos, Acting President Aris State picked up a late-night edition of the Havl Fish Wrapper, the nation's most popular newspaper, and was so struck by J. Xango Marshall's meniacal moat that he suffered a very sudden and painful panic attack which shot his pants right off of him, somehow.

The half naked, furiously shaking man barked orders to his secret-security guard; "Take off every Zig!!!" The guard, unsure of what the order meant, yelled the same order to his bodyguard, who then yelled at his dog, who then barked morse code into a red telephone.

Somewhere in Capital City, a small man with a headset understood the order and called for every plane in Havl's arsenal to take off toward Veego.

Somewhere in Havl, two planes sputtered to a start, slowly took off into the sky, loaded with monkey wrenches, WWII grenades, and fireworks. The mission: Blow Up the Veego Moat.

Unfortunately, both planes collided in mid air above a vegetable stand. Both pilots survived, but wished they had crashed above a Dairy Queen or something.

Acting President Aris State, recovering in-hospital, issued a statement; "X. Jango Marshall, take down that moat! Or don't, whatever :)"

EXTRA! Boring War Over After Exciting Half Hour!

August 15, 2005

Acting Acting President Howard Mahoyhoy issed a statement to the press corps this evening effectively ending the close conflict between neighboring nations Veego and Havl.

"Mr. Acting President has asked me to ask you here to ask you to ask some questions regarding the questionable task of asking irksome questions regarding the conflict with Veego. But I have my own agenda, and will not be following his orders. "This evening, Mr. State received word that a moat was being built around Veego. The news shocked him to no end, and his pants shot right off of him. Honestly, they shot clean off, like some sort of pants gun or something. Anyhow, he's in stable condition, and has received a pants transplant. We will wait and hope that his body accepts the new pants. "We have spent the last 15 minutes trying to understand the nature of this conflict, which has resulted in the loss of our Air Force/Air Mail/Crop Dusting Corps, and we believe that the entire event stems from a simple miscommunication. "This evening, Extra ran a bulletin that read as follows; 'Acting Havl President Aris State, citing a letter sent to his office by Veegonian administrators, claimed to have reason to declare war.' "It turns out that there was a big misunderstanding. Mr. State did not declare war, but rather declared that a picture of J. Xango Marshall appeared to have a wart on it. So he declared 'Wart,' not 'War.' See, it's funny, really. Also, Mr.State wanted to clear up that he received a leather from Veego, not a 'letter.'"

EXTRA

President J. Xango Marshall hurt by phantom wart.

In the wee hours of the morning it was heard that President J. Xango Marshall couldn't be consoled over hearing that he has a wart. He spent several hours staring at himself in the full mirrors in his bathroom. Searching over every single inch of his body to see if he could find the wart.

When asked about the recent war with havl the president was said to wish the acting president state luck with his pant operation and hopes that acting acting president Mahoyhoy can find sucess with his own agenda but he quickly told the press that he must find this wart for the sake of his sex life.

Havl

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