Roycelandia

Overview

Roycelandia is something of an anomaly in the modern world, the last remaining Empire with Colonial territories.

When most people think of "Roycelandia", they think of the Roycelandian Empire, a globe-spanning affair that hasn't quite shaken off the last vestiges of the late 19th and early to mid 20th Centuries.

Roycelandia itself is made up of the islands of Cuba, Jamaica, Hispaniola, The Bahamas, and St Kitts & Nevis.

With Blackjack, and Hookers!

The Roycelandian National Motto- With Blackjack, and Hookers!- pretty well sums up the Roycelandian attitude towards things, which basically involves having a good time. Indeed, Gambling and Adult Entertainment (and the resulting Tourism) are mainstays of the Roycelandian economy, although Arms Manufacturing/Sales, Aerospace, Movies, and Financial Services are also huge parts of the Economy as well, not to mention Raw Materials and Minerals from the Colonies.

Currency

The currency of the Roycelandian Empire is the Imperial Wibble, which is divided into 100 Caps.

Language

The official Language of the Roycelandian Empire is English, but Swahili, French, Spanish, and Arabic are all widely spoken, depending which part of the Empire you're in. The official line, however, is that English is the ONLY language to be used for official and everyday purposes.

Television and Radio

The Roycelandian Broadcasting Corporation is the best-known of the Media Services in Roycelandia and the Empire, for obvious reasons, mainly because the RBC World Service is highly regarded for it's impartial and up-to-date reporting of News and Current Affairs, irrespective of Imperial Government Policy. There are, of course, plenty of commercial TV and Radio stations in the Empire, including the RoyceTel Satellite TV network.

Colonies

The Roycelandian Colonies, as of 20/12/05, are:

• Roycelandian East Africa (Kenya, Uganda, The Sudan, Socotra)
• Roycelandian Equatorial Africa (Western Gabon, and part of Nigeria)
• Cape Verde Islands
• Vanuatu
• Glimmer Twins (Attu and Kisaka islands, in the Aleutians)
• Roycelandian Polynesia (acquired from France)
• Southern Algeria

The Emperor & The Government

Roycelandia's government is a form of Constitutional Monarchy, albeit one in which the Emperor (or Empress) has a lot more power than is usually found in contemporary Constitutional Monarchies.

Roycelandia's current Emperor is His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I.

Born on September 21st, 1971 in Port Royal, His Majesty was named Emperor on May 1, 1988, after the previous Emperor, Erik VI, suffered a mysterious "Hunting Accident". Conspiracy Theorists maintain this "Accident" was engineered by General Jack Sword and Royce I to ensure his succession to the Imperial Throne, as well as being the result of widespread satisfaction of Emperor Erik VI's "Get Rid Of The Empire" Policy.

After The Emperor, the Chain Of Command gets a bit muddled.

Nominally, the Executive, Legislature, and Judiciary are separate entities (The Separation Of Powers Doctrine being in effect in Roycelandia), but they are all answerable to The Emperor, who can and does exercise powers over all three of these areas. Convention dictates that these powers generally be limited to Veto powers, but Royce I has quite frequently made laws by decree, overturned convictions, refused Imperial Assent on Legislation, and told Government Departments what to do, so convention can safely be said to be subject to some fairly loose interpretations in Roycelandia.

There is actually an Elected Imperial Parliament (the current PM is Sir James Brosnan), with representatives from all over the Empire, but as far as most people are concerned, The Emperor is in charge and runs the show.

The Stupidity Gestapo

Perhaps the most controversial law in Roycelandia (aside from the laws providing tax breaks for attractive bisexual women) is the Stupidity Elimination Act, which makes it a crime to be Stupid. The law defines degrees of Stupidity, from having a lack of commonsense (which carries a small fine for minor incidents, such as holding up the queue in a restaurant, bank, etc) to Dangerous Stupidity (stupidity or ignorance with the potential to injure or seriously harm other people), which has the penalty of Deportation to a Penal Colony.

The law makes no allowance for Mental Illness in this respect (confining those found Dangerously Stupid and Mentally Ill to psychiatric hospitals), but the overall effect of the law is to eliminate or reduce the amount of inconvenience in everyday life bought about by peope who are Ignorant, Stupid, or just not paying attention.

The Stupidity Gestapo are the rather unfortunately named branch of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, whose job is to investigate and handle cases of actual or alleged Stupidity. In their early years they were fond of simply hustling people into cars with tinted windows, however nowadays they function more like plainclothes detectives.

Roycelandia's Early History

The Roycelandians themselves confess to being a bit unsure where their ancestors came from, but it's generally thought to be a Flotilla of Anglo-Saxon trading vessels blown horribly off course in approximately 995 AD.

What is known for sure is that the memoirs of the Duke Of Dorque in 1326 make reference to "Islands inhabited by Whyte Menne to the Weste of the Pillarse of Hercules, who are as Civilised as any Nation inne Europe"- this is generally accepted to be the first written reference to Roycelandia in Westen literature.

In 1470 the Portuguese Explorer Vasco di Sectomi made landfall on Jamaica, near the modern-day capital city of Port Royal, and was astonished to find "A countrie of Europeans, who speaketh and writeth Englishe, and whome are in all wayse and mannerse European".

Di Sectomi also noted "These People, who calleth themselves Roycelandianse, are skilled withe the Crossbowe and can shooteth a Birde on ye winge at fifty paces with ease".

It would appear that, until this point, Roycelandian contact with Europe had been limited, although the Roycelandians had established an incredibly lucrative trade network with the other Carribbean Islands, as they were "Reknowned Merchantes of Spiritous Liquors, Sugare, Timbre, and a plante they calle 'Tobacko', which they rolleth into tubes and then ignite, drinkinge ye smoke thereofe".

Furthermore, the Roycelandians "Had a Greate and Wise King, Whome Treated all his Subjectes equallie, regardless of Race or Sexe", and "Evene allowed Womynne to Vote on matters of Importance!"

The Portuguese visit was to have lasting consequences on the Roycelandians, as History has subsequently shown...

Roycelandians Discover Gunpowder

One of the many important results of di Sectomi's visit was that Roycelandians were introduced to the Arquebus, a primitive musket. As the Portuguese Explorer noted, Roycelandians were skilled Crossbow shots, and had even found a way of mounting short spears or blades on their crossbows to create the earliest known Bayonets. Gunpowder was well known to the Roycelandians, who had been using primitive cannon (including hand-held versions known as "Handcannone" since the mid-1300s, but the Arquebus represented a major leap forward in Firearms technology for the Roycelandians, and it was only a matter of time before Roycelandian Merchants traded for cases of Arqubuses and spare parts, and by the time another Portugese trading Caravel arrived in 1473, the Roycelandians had completely abandoned the Crossbow and were now armed with Muskets, "Whiche they derived greate Pleasure from firinge at everye oppurtunitie".

The Age of Roycelandian Imperialism Begins

Roycelandian Cartographers traded with the Portugese for maps of "The Olde Worlde" in 1473, with the Roycelandians providing extremely detailed and accurate maps of Central America, as well as he area around the Gulf of Mexico and northern South America. These maps subsequently found their way to the Spanish in the late 1490s, and several reputable Historians have pointed to them as being one of the causes of the Spanish Conquest Of The New World.

Later that year (1473), King Martin II ordered a Caravel be built, and that an expedition "Cross the Eastern Sea, seek out new lands and peoples, and boldly go where no Roycelandian has gone before". Nearly 500 years later, the Roycelandian Government won a lawsuit against the TV show Star Trek, citing blatant plagarism of the Charter of the Royal Africa Company.

The maps acquired from the Portuguese showed most of the coast of Africa, and it was from these Maps that Roycelandia established a "Plan For A Glorious And Expansive Empire"

Cape Verde Islands- Roycelandia's First Colony

The Royal Africa Company's expedition made landfall on the Cape Verde Islands on February 6th, 1475, and established a settlement at Sunderland Bay (named after the Captain of the expedition, Sir Thomas Sunderland). Nominally, the Islands had been claimed by Portugal, but the Roycelandians bought shiny baubles, promises of a better life, and Firearms, thus ensuring the resident Portuguese and the Islanders came around to their way of thinking rather quickly.

The Cape Verde Islands provided an excellent base for Trade in the West African area, and the Royal Africa Company made a lot of money trading with Native Peoples in the region, although attempts to establish Colonies on the West African mainland were thwarted by the fact that although the Roycelandians had guns, the Natives had sharp spears and extremely large numbers, as well as Voodoo, which unnerved the largely agnostic Roycelandians.

The Royal Africa Company (and, by extension, The King) sent expeditions right around the Coast of Africa, rounding the Cape of Good Hope, and in 1495, finally winding up near present day Dar-Es-Salaam.

There were numerous Roycelandian Trading Settlements established all along the west coast of Africa in present day Cameroon, Gabon, Angola, Namibia, and South Africa, as well as in Mozambique on the East Coast.

Roycelandian East Africa

On March 28th, 1495, Captain Zaphod Brannigan stepped ashore at Dar-Es-Salaam and claimed the area on behalf of the Roycelandian Crown. Relations with Arab Traders and local Native Tribes were both prosperous and friendly, and the fledgling Colony prospered, with Captain Brannigan as the first Governor. At its peak, Roycelandian East Africa occupied most of East Africa, in a region from the Egyptian Border to the South African Border, and west to The Congo.

The Spanish-Roycelandian War

In 1501, the Spanish began to aggresively explore the New World, and soon Roycelandia found Spanish ships in her territorial waters (ie, the islands of Jamaica, Hispaniola, and Tortuga).

Initially the Spanish came in search of Gold, but when they discovered the Roycelandians wouldn't give them any without trading for it, and more importantly that the Roycelandians "Knewe No God and did not believeth the Holy Bible to be True", it was an excuse for War.

The Spanish hoped to conquer the fledgling Roycelandian islands, subjugate the Roycelandians, convert them to Catholicism, and make the Islands part of the Spanish Empire.

As History records, the Roycelandians beat the stuffing out of the Spanish, in a long, protracted, and bloody war that lasted until 1521 when the Roycelandian Army, under the command of William Enfield, stormed and captured the Spanish port of Havana in Cuba, and from there, annexed the rest of Cuba and most of the rest of the Caribbean for good measure.

After signing the Treaty Of Lisbon, the Spanish agreed to leave the Roycelandians alone, and the Roycelandians agreed to leave the Spanish to do their thing in South America. What ensued, of course, was 460 years of sabre-rattling and sniping (literal and figurative) between the two Empires. Roycelandia claimed victory by proxy in 1898 when the Quinntonians captured Manila in the Spanish-Quinntonian war, ending the Spanish Empire.

The Roycelandian Empire Expands Again

By 1560, Roycelandian trading vessels were regularly sailing to the East Indies, and a small trading post had been established in Goa, on the Indian west coast, to resupply these ships and trade with the Indians. As trade with the East Indies grew, Goa expanded to become a sort of Merchant Hub, Bazaar, and Military Garrison all in one. To this day, Goa is Roycelandia's Hong Kong, providing a Gateway to the Subcontinent, a Bazaar where anything can be acquired for the right price, and a very large Naval, Airforce, and Imperial Guard base.

By 1914, the Roycelandian Empire had expanded to encompass most of Sub-Saharan Africa (Including a very convenient treaty with the British Government awarding the Sudan to Roycelandia), several Islands in the Pacific and Asia, as well as Port Arthur in China, several other concessions thereof, several trading posts in Burma and India, and a very close relationship with Great Britain and the US.

The late 19th century was characterised by the Scramble For Africa, and the Imperial Guard were involved in innumerable conflicts

World Wars I & II

When World War I broke out in 1914, Roycelandia joined in on the Allied side, sending troops to the Dardenelles as part of the ill-fated Gallipoli Campaign. Unlike the ANZACs and the British, however, the Roycelandians realised that the whole thing was a lost cause and decided to focus their efforts on the Middle East and Pacific theatres, with the Imperial Roycelandian Camel Corps causing untold havoc along the Hejaz Railway, famously riding on Aqaba with Lawrence of Arabaia and his Arab Irregulars, and causing all sorts of havoc with anyone silly enough to try and tangle with the Empire's soldiers.

Rather disappointingly, the sole Post-WWI concession to Roycelandia was the island of Socotra, which had been occupied by the Roycelandians in the 1880s anyway, but never formally recognised as part of the Empire until that point.

Roycelandia declared War on Nazi Germany and Japan on September 3rd, 1939, fighting alongide Commonwealth Forces throughout the war- and losing most of their Pacific Colonies and Concessions to the Japanese, (The telegram famously sent by Emperor Hirohito to Emperor James IV in March 1942 simply said: "All your base are belong to us"), and which were not regained after the war due to the political situation in China. Having said that, the Roycelandian Economy was immeasurably boosted by the war (and their subsequent victory with the other Allied nations), and entered the post-war years with a massive economic boom and a future full of prosperity... before getting involved in Vietnam.

The Vietnam War

The French colony of Indochina had been occupied by the Japanese during WWII, and the Roycelandians found themselves helping the French (a fellow Colonial Power) re-establish control there after the war, much to the displeasure of the locals. Things eventually developed into a full-scale Guerrilla War in the late 1940s, and culminated in the French Defeat at Dien Bien Phu, after which the French felt that their position in Indochina could no longer be maintained. Iin July 1954, the French formally ceded Indochina to Roycelandia, which was then known as "Roycelandian Indochina".

Roycelandia's attempts to retain control of the Colony were long, bloody, protracted, and ultimately unsuccessful. As the situation in Africa worsened, Roycelandian eventually withdrew from Vietnam, attempting to destroy large chunks of the country's infrastructure and/or lay waste to parts of the land as they left.

c. 1965: Decolonisation In Africa

By the mid-1960s, Colonialism was no longer seen as being politically acceptable, and the other European Powers began to wind down their African holdings. It wasn't long before Roycelandian East Africa was the only major European colony in Africa (besides Mozambique and Angola, which were thoroughly neglected by Portugal). Unlike the other European colonies, however, the Natives in Roycelandian East Africa were divided on the idea of the area being Decolonised. The Roycelandian Constitution, law, and society recognised all men and women as equals- regardless of skin colour, and so as many of the other African countries collapsed without the Europeans propping up the country, tensions in REA rose as both sides of the debate grew more heated and proactive in making their views known.

1975: Lusakan War of Independence

In 1975, the area now known as Lusaka became embroiled in a protracted Guerrilla war, with the Natives there determined to rid themselves of the Roycelandians and establish themselves as independent. The war dragged on until 1982, by which time Roycelandia realised she couldn't fight a Colonial War in both Indochina AND Africa. The Roycelandian people were getting sick of the constant wars, and in the end Roycelandia gave up on both campaigns, pulling out of Vietnam and Lusaka (although the Lusakan war has never officially ended- Port Royal still regards Lusaka as Roycelandian territory, albeit under foreign control).

1989: Operation Bayonet (The Gabonaise Civil War)

The Gabonaise Civil War seemed like a strange war for Roycelandia to get involved in... after all, it was on the other side of the continent and really had nothing to do with Roycelandian East Africa. But the Lusakans were involved. And so was the African Commonwealth. And then United Elias got dragged in- something to do with an attempted use of an Atomic Bomb on United Elias- and it wasn't long before the Special Operations Command were in there training Gabonaise irregulars to fight the Lusakans... then the Imperial Foreign Legion were fighting with them... then Roycelandia somehow acquired control of the South-Western quarter of the country, and then UE withdrew in the mid-90s, ceding their quarter of the country to Roycelandia. The whole thing was an outstanding success for Roycelandia, with the Empire gaining the majority of Sub-Saharan Africa's oil reserves, a Colony on the Western Coast of Africa, and a much needed morale and PR boost back home. A popular joke runs thusly- "Q: Who won the Gabonaise Civil War? A: Roycelandia!"

2001: The Second Golden Age Of Imperialism Begins

With the French Recolonisation of Africa, Roycelandia is also experiencing a resurgence in Imperialsm, having acquired Southern Algeria and Polynesia from France in exchange for material support and military assistance in their efforts...