Difference between revisions of "Talk:Kanami"
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== Review of Kanami == | == Review of Kanami == | ||
First off, let me say one thing: what were you smoking when you decided to use an ''anime image'' as a ''flag?'' A flag is used to coordinate militaries on a tactical level; they're ''not'' supposed to be just random images you found on Google Images. Imagine if America decided that it wanted to change its flag to...say, an apple pie? Are you laughing? If you are, good—now you know how every sane world leader is feeling about your country, based ''solely'' on your flag. If you aren't, then here's a tip: start buffing up your IQ before you attempt to get involved in writing—it's best to know about your subject before you're subjected to mockery by people who actually ''know what they're doing''. | First off, let me say one thing: what were you smoking when you decided to use an ''anime image'' as a ''flag?'' A flag is used to coordinate militaries on a tactical level; they're ''not'' supposed to be just random images you found on Google Images. Imagine if America decided that it wanted to change its flag to...say, an apple pie? Are you laughing? If you are, good—now you know how every sane world leader is feeling about your country, based ''solely'' on your flag. If you aren't, then here's a tip: start buffing up your IQ before you attempt to get involved in writing—it's best to know about your subject before you're subjected to mockery by people who actually ''know what they're doing''. | ||
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| + | ''Okay your personal tastes vs. mine has absolutley nothing to do with the content of this article. Nationstates is a based on the creative mind and prefrences of the player. I'll chose my flag as I will thank you. Don't like it, get over it. But if you are looking for an IC refrence the answer comes from the founder being worshiped as a hero.'' --[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Second, why in the Holy Saviour's Name did you name your capital after a city in .hack? You do realise that the name ''Carmina Gadalica'' is a mis-spelling of {{wpl|Carmina Gadelica}}, correct? To save you some clicking, the ''Carmina Gadelica'' is a collection of prayers, hymns, charms, incantations, blessings, runes, etcetera, made by the Gaelic peoples and compiled by Alexander Carmichael. I bet the creators of .hack thought they were being real cute, but this name has exactly zero meaning for a city: it means ''Incantations of the Gaelics'', roughly. ''Carmina'' (a word meaning incantations, poems, songs, etc.) has never been used in the context of naming a city: it a strictly literary term. | Second, why in the Holy Saviour's Name did you name your capital after a city in .hack? You do realise that the name ''Carmina Gadalica'' is a mis-spelling of {{wpl|Carmina Gadelica}}, correct? To save you some clicking, the ''Carmina Gadelica'' is a collection of prayers, hymns, charms, incantations, blessings, runes, etcetera, made by the Gaelic peoples and compiled by Alexander Carmichael. I bet the creators of .hack thought they were being real cute, but this name has exactly zero meaning for a city: it means ''Incantations of the Gaelics'', roughly. ''Carmina'' (a word meaning incantations, poems, songs, etc.) has never been used in the context of naming a city: it a strictly literary term. | ||
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| + | ''Ooh I don't know, because I like it?! Again my personal tastes vs. yours doesn't mean a thing. I don't care if you like, hate, love, distaste, think your all that, Anime/.hack. I do so deal with it because that is what I chose. I'm aware I did not spell it according the game. I did that on purpose.'' --[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
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Third, what ''is'' your currency called? Kanamian. . .what? Pounds? Dollars? Drachma? Yen? Yuan? Francs? 'Kanamian' describes your country's people and things related to it: is your currency made of your citizens? I certainly ''hope'' not—even Kraven isn't ''that'' despicable. | Third, what ''is'' your currency called? Kanamian. . .what? Pounds? Dollars? Drachma? Yen? Yuan? Francs? 'Kanamian' describes your country's people and things related to it: is your currency made of your citizens? I certainly ''hope'' not—even Kraven isn't ''that'' despicable. | ||
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| + | ''It's the Kanamian. Get over it. I'll chose a new description for Kanami citizens.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Fourth, please finish your map and place it on the planet some place, so we know where you are. While you're drafting a new map, however, ''please make it PNG''. JPEGs burn eyes to a pulpy crisp when they're used as maps, and are the target of much hatred because, frankly, they look unprofessional (read: the work of a four-year-old who got on his mom's computer and started playing with the graphics editor). | Fourth, please finish your map and place it on the planet some place, so we know where you are. While you're drafting a new map, however, ''please make it PNG''. JPEGs burn eyes to a pulpy crisp when they're used as maps, and are the target of much hatred because, frankly, they look unprofessional (read: the work of a four-year-old who got on his mom's computer and started playing with the graphics editor). | ||
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| + | ''Of course it looks that way! Don't you think if I could I would have the greatest map of all time. I drew the map when I first joined. It's not a perfect map but it's a rough concept and it get's the basic idea across of what my county looks like. And in case you couldn't tell it is near land masses. I did not lable them becuase location is a vauge concept thrown around losely in NationStates. In the intrest of simplicity I focused in on the map of the island. Why don't you draw it?''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Fifth, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjhOBiSk8Gg proofreading] is your friend. Some examples: | Fifth, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjhOBiSk8Gg proofreading] is your friend. Some examples: | ||
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* feisty '''swords girl''' | * feisty '''swords girl''' | ||
* The people selflessly left everything behind''',''' to form a colony in the name of principals, thousands boarded a ship called the S.S. ''Oka'' (or Cherry Blossom) to depart for new '''horizions'''. | * The people selflessly left everything behind''',''' to form a colony in the name of principals, thousands boarded a ship called the S.S. ''Oka'' (or Cherry Blossom) to depart for new '''horizions'''. | ||
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| + | ''Spelling noted and taken care of.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
There are more, of course—a metric fuckton more. ''Stop forming incomplete sentences. They are not dramatic, just annoying.'' | There are more, of course—a metric fuckton more. ''Stop forming incomplete sentences. They are not dramatic, just annoying.'' | ||
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| + | ''Noted will be taken care of.'' --[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Sixth, humility and humbleness come from the ''same'' root word—that is, the Latin ''humus'', which means ''earth; ground'' (naturally, those who were humble were on the ground, so to speak). If you're going to add in a synonym, please make it something different. Actually, just take it out: you don't need it. | Sixth, humility and humbleness come from the ''same'' root word—that is, the Latin ''humus'', which means ''earth; ground'' (naturally, those who were humble were on the ground, so to speak). If you're going to add in a synonym, please make it something different. Actually, just take it out: you don't need it. | ||
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I hope you see my problem—but if not: you have multiple heritages in the opening paragraph, but later imply your founders were ruled by ''one'' government. Grammar makes all the difference. Spelling, too—'Governments' shouldn't be capitalised. | I hope you see my problem—but if not: you have multiple heritages in the opening paragraph, but later imply your founders were ruled by ''one'' government. Grammar makes all the difference. Spelling, too—'Governments' shouldn't be capitalised. | ||
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| + | ''I'll have to fix it.'' --[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Eighth, explain this, please: | Eighth, explain this, please: | ||
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It's ''a part'' and ''invitation'', but anyway: what is this committee? Why is it never mentioned previously? What did it do? Who was a part of it? What were its goals? Its ideals? What, exactly, were they escaping? Who was the ruler of this damnably ambiguous nation? Where is/was it? What is its history? What was going on that prompted revolutionaries to ferment ideas of, well, revolution? | It's ''a part'' and ''invitation'', but anyway: what is this committee? Why is it never mentioned previously? What did it do? Who was a part of it? What were its goals? Its ideals? What, exactly, were they escaping? Who was the ruler of this damnably ambiguous nation? Where is/was it? What is its history? What was going on that prompted revolutionaries to ferment ideas of, well, revolution? | ||
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| + | ''Will revise to elaborate.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Ninth, this: | Ninth, this: | ||
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does not make sense. How (and why) would The Man disseminate messages to foreign governments that your rebels were, in fact, rebels? How would your average harbour-master know what to look for? More importantly, ''why would he?'' In any case, if they leave the country and shirk their citizenship, why should anyone care? Hell, if I were an enemy of your George III of England, I'd be ''very'' happy to accept people that I could incorporate into a partisan force to infiltrate the land and blow the fuck out of this England analogue. | does not make sense. How (and why) would The Man disseminate messages to foreign governments that your rebels were, in fact, rebels? How would your average harbour-master know what to look for? More importantly, ''why would he?'' In any case, if they leave the country and shirk their citizenship, why should anyone care? Hell, if I were an enemy of your George III of England, I'd be ''very'' happy to accept people that I could incorporate into a partisan force to infiltrate the land and blow the fuck out of this England analogue. | ||
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| + | ''Well that can be left up to the imagination. The assumed answer would be is Himura and co would ask for refuge but be turned away. But if I must I will elaborate on that. --[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)'' | ||
Tenth, please elaborate on this: | Tenth, please elaborate on this: | ||
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Where is this (also damnably ambiguous) landmass? How big is it? What was the landing's terrain like? | Where is this (also damnably ambiguous) landmass? How big is it? What was the landing's terrain like? | ||
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| + | ''Probably should go onto a new article.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Eleventh, elaborate: | Eleventh, elaborate: | ||
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Again, 'Government' shouldn't be capitalised, and that comma is ''not'' needed. Who helped her draft the constitution? Was it everyone? Was it just her? Was it a select cadre of people? What type of government was it? A republic, you said, but under what system? There are two types of government: the style of the ''State'' and the style of the ''government'' that handles the State. What was included in the constitution? What powers does it give the head of state? Does it establish a head of government? Does it establish a legislative body? How about judicial? Is all power in one person's hands? Or is it in one party's hands? What rights does it give the people? Are there separate but equal races? What about the administrative subdivisions? Is it a unitary state? Is it a confederacy? Is it a federal republic? What rights do the subdivisions have? What sort of autonomy do they possess? Is there more than one type? What are the differences between the types? You can see why this one line does not explain anything to me, other than | Again, 'Government' shouldn't be capitalised, and that comma is ''not'' needed. Who helped her draft the constitution? Was it everyone? Was it just her? Was it a select cadre of people? What type of government was it? A republic, you said, but under what system? There are two types of government: the style of the ''State'' and the style of the ''government'' that handles the State. What was included in the constitution? What powers does it give the head of state? Does it establish a head of government? Does it establish a legislative body? How about judicial? Is all power in one person's hands? Or is it in one party's hands? What rights does it give the people? Are there separate but equal races? What about the administrative subdivisions? Is it a unitary state? Is it a confederacy? Is it a federal republic? What rights do the subdivisions have? What sort of autonomy do they possess? Is there more than one type? What are the differences between the types? You can see why this one line does not explain anything to me, other than | ||
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* it is not a complete anarchy and | * it is not a complete anarchy and | ||
* it has a constitution of some kind. | * it has a constitution of some kind. | ||
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| + | ''Okay I will go into detail in a new article.'' | ||
Twelfth, why was the Aqua-Oka Pact of 1809 signed? Just because you felt like it? Or were there genuine geopolitical concerns present that led to your Yasashii to seek camaraderie with 'Aqua-Oka'? If the former, you ''fail'' at politics, but if the latter, please explain why this was done. What was the historical basis? Political? Social? Economic? No country simply goes around and says 'lol, who wants to b mai frind?'. They'd become the laughingstock of the political arena, and would be subsequently invaded because their government was obviously too stupid to figure out just what an alliance with one bloc or another entailed. | Twelfth, why was the Aqua-Oka Pact of 1809 signed? Just because you felt like it? Or were there genuine geopolitical concerns present that led to your Yasashii to seek camaraderie with 'Aqua-Oka'? If the former, you ''fail'' at politics, but if the latter, please explain why this was done. What was the historical basis? Political? Social? Economic? No country simply goes around and says 'lol, who wants to b mai frind?'. They'd become the laughingstock of the political arena, and would be subsequently invaded because their government was obviously too stupid to figure out just what an alliance with one bloc or another entailed. | ||
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| + | ''There is a main article for that treaty. Read the article. Did I not link it?'' | ||
Thirteenth, | Thirteenth, | ||
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Thirteenth, please, ''do not'' use images of anime characters for your characters—it's just. . .''gah''. | Thirteenth, please, ''do not'' use images of anime characters for your characters—it's just. . .''gah''. | ||
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| + | ''I don't care what your personal taste is. The purpose of Nationstates is to form a nation according to your imagination and desire. That is how I formed it, deal with it!'' | ||
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| + | Secondly: | ||
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| + | ''I can't at risk of defaming an existing nation. One will just have to assume it was a nation long passed.'' --[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
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Fourteenth, | Fourteenth, | ||
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Ha, ha. Amusing, but recall that you're writing an encyclopædia article, not a propaganda textbook. | Ha, ha. Amusing, but recall that you're writing an encyclopædia article, not a propaganda textbook. | ||
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| + | ''Cute, but that is the story. Care to be more specific as to why you think it's propaganda? It simply states Yasashii fought with her sword in battle and her strategy.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Fifteenth, | Fifteenth, | ||
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(nonetheless) Care to explain how? What battles led up to the expulsion of your unnamed invasion force? Were they defeated by low morale, bad weather, severed supply lines, guerilla warfare, head-on conflicts, strategic superiority, tactical superiority, a mix of these—what? | (nonetheless) Care to explain how? What battles led up to the expulsion of your unnamed invasion force? Were they defeated by low morale, bad weather, severed supply lines, guerilla warfare, head-on conflicts, strategic superiority, tactical superiority, a mix of these—what? | ||
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| + | ''Will explain in new article.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Sixteenth, you need more detail in this line: | Sixteenth, you need more detail in this line: | ||
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Did he actively plot Yasashii's death? Why? What was the background? Who supported him? Who opposed him? Was there fighting in the coup? What was the PM's take on all this? Or was ''Yasashii'' the head of state and the head of government, such as is the case in South Africa? | Did he actively plot Yasashii's death? Why? What was the background? Who supported him? Who opposed him? Was there fighting in the coup? What was the PM's take on all this? Or was ''Yasashii'' the head of state and the head of government, such as is the case in South Africa? | ||
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| + | ''No. Given the period obviously you had to assume the worst.'' | ||
Seventeenth, this very nearly made me lol: | Seventeenth, this very nearly made me lol: | ||
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Study economics. ''Now.'' | Study economics. ''Now.'' | ||
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| + | ''No. I should probably change it. They aren't interconected''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Eighteenth, this is straight out of a cartoon: | Eighteenth, this is straight out of a cartoon: | ||
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Like what? No political party can ever control more than two-thirds of the Parliament? Sounds like a tyrannical despot to me, to be perfectly honest. Checks and balances are meant to be used between branches of a government—using them in this way turns it into a one-party state (a la communism). | Like what? No political party can ever control more than two-thirds of the Parliament? Sounds like a tyrannical despot to me, to be perfectly honest. Checks and balances are meant to be used between branches of a government—using them in this way turns it into a one-party state (a la communism). | ||
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Twentieth, | Twentieth, | ||
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Why? I thought she was opposed to corruption and power-grabbing, but here I see her doing the ''same thing.'' As well, 'The' does not need to be capitalised, unless it is part of the official name (like The Gambia). | Why? I thought she was opposed to corruption and power-grabbing, but here I see her doing the ''same thing.'' As well, 'The' does not need to be capitalised, unless it is part of the official name (like The Gambia). | ||
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| + | ''The order has no active pupetry or role in Government. More like they are on stand by just in case corruption should occure.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Twenty-first, what disease is ''Shinjiku Syndrome''? What does it do? What is the causative agent? Symptoms? Incubation time? Is it hereditary? Transmitted through bodily fluids? Airborne? Ingested? About how long does one live after contracting it? Or do they contract it at birth, and live with it for their entire life (very short, seeing as she died just as she reached sexual maturity)? Is it a psychological syndrome? | Twenty-first, what disease is ''Shinjiku Syndrome''? What does it do? What is the causative agent? Symptoms? Incubation time? Is it hereditary? Transmitted through bodily fluids? Airborne? Ingested? About how long does one live after contracting it? Or do they contract it at birth, and live with it for their entire life (very short, seeing as she died just as she reached sexual maturity)? Is it a psychological syndrome? | ||
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| + | ''A fictional condition. Will make a new article on it.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Twenty-second, you come to your description of your government a bit late. I'd have liked to at least have a basic description of it earlier, when you were covering the history behind the government's formation. Nevertheless, here we go: | Twenty-second, you come to your description of your government a bit late. I'd have liked to at least have a basic description of it earlier, when you were covering the history behind the government's formation. Nevertheless, here we go: | ||
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Please learn something about the {{wpl|parliamentary system}}—the Prime Minister is ''not'' the head of state; they are instead the head of government, the title being a tradition from the British monarchy where a particular man may have been required to hold more than one post, all the while being superior to all other government officials, save the monarch him- or herself. | Please learn something about the {{wpl|parliamentary system}}—the Prime Minister is ''not'' the head of state; they are instead the head of government, the title being a tradition from the British monarchy where a particular man may have been required to hold more than one post, all the while being superior to all other government officials, save the monarch him- or herself. | ||
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| + | ''Please learn the basis of Nationstates, I really don't want to keep repeating my self.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Twenty-third, | Twenty-third, | ||
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Good ''God'', you'd never get anything done! You'd be so wrapped up in placating picketing masses on the floor that no useful discussion would ever take place! There ''would'' be discussion, I imagine—much like baboons 'discuss' things while screaming at one another. | Good ''God'', you'd never get anything done! You'd be so wrapped up in placating picketing masses on the floor that no useful discussion would ever take place! There ''would'' be discussion, I imagine—much like baboons 'discuss' things while screaming at one another. | ||
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| + | ''For the love of God, I don't recall asking for your opinions on my style of Government that I chose. I don't criticize yours oocly now do I?''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Twenty-fourth, | Twenty-fourth, | ||
| − | how do i copied cyprus and american national symbols | + | how do i copied cyprus and american national symbols. |
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| + | ''The symbol was just an example, read the text.''--[[User:Kanami|Kanami]] 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT) | ||
Twenty-fifth, | Twenty-fifth, | ||
Dear God I have twenty-five points to bitch about. I'm gonna let someone else take this up. [[User:Blast|Blast]] 02:38, 6 August 2007 (GMT) | Dear God I have twenty-five points to bitch about. I'm gonna let someone else take this up. [[User:Blast|Blast]] 02:38, 6 August 2007 (GMT) | ||
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| + | '''And I have ways to bitch back. I appreciate your content criticisms (i.e. spelling, etc) but your personal tastes have no bearing in how I structure my nation. So perhaps someone else can go to your page and do the same crap you pulled on me. I won't however. Again thank you for your review but next time stick to the content and styles not my creative choices.''' | ||
Revision as of 20:29, 21 September 2007
I would like to eventually put this as a feature nominee, but before I do I would like to have some feedback. --Kanami 16:53, 3 November 2006 (GMT)
Do it if you're still interested in it. It's good. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 217.245.119.114 (talk)
I'd like to, I just need someone to nominate me. --Kanami 02:52, 15 July 2007 (GMT)
Review of Kanami
First off, let me say one thing: what were you smoking when you decided to use an anime image as a flag? A flag is used to coordinate militaries on a tactical level; they're not supposed to be just random images you found on Google Images. Imagine if America decided that it wanted to change its flag to...say, an apple pie? Are you laughing? If you are, good—now you know how every sane world leader is feeling about your country, based solely on your flag. If you aren't, then here's a tip: start buffing up your IQ before you attempt to get involved in writing—it's best to know about your subject before you're subjected to mockery by people who actually know what they're doing.
Okay your personal tastes vs. mine has absolutley nothing to do with the content of this article. Nationstates is a based on the creative mind and prefrences of the player. I'll chose my flag as I will thank you. Don't like it, get over it. But if you are looking for an IC refrence the answer comes from the founder being worshiped as a hero. --Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Second, why in the Holy Saviour's Name did you name your capital after a city in .hack? You do realise that the name Carmina Gadalica is a mis-spelling of Carmina Gadelica, correct? To save you some clicking, the Carmina Gadelica is a collection of prayers, hymns, charms, incantations, blessings, runes, etcetera, made by the Gaelic peoples and compiled by Alexander Carmichael. I bet the creators of .hack thought they were being real cute, but this name has exactly zero meaning for a city: it means Incantations of the Gaelics, roughly. Carmina (a word meaning incantations, poems, songs, etc.) has never been used in the context of naming a city: it a strictly literary term.
Ooh I don't know, because I like it?! Again my personal tastes vs. yours doesn't mean a thing. I don't care if you like, hate, love, distaste, think your all that, Anime/.hack. I do so deal with it because that is what I chose. I'm aware I did not spell it according the game. I did that on purpose. --Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Third, what is your currency called? Kanamian. . .what? Pounds? Dollars? Drachma? Yen? Yuan? Francs? 'Kanamian' describes your country's people and things related to it: is your currency made of your citizens? I certainly hope not—even Kraven isn't that despicable.
It's the Kanamian. Get over it. I'll chose a new description for Kanami citizens.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Fourth, please finish your map and place it on the planet some place, so we know where you are. While you're drafting a new map, however, please make it PNG. JPEGs burn eyes to a pulpy crisp when they're used as maps, and are the target of much hatred because, frankly, they look unprofessional (read: the work of a four-year-old who got on his mom's computer and started playing with the graphics editor).
Of course it looks that way! Don't you think if I could I would have the greatest map of all time. I drew the map when I first joined. It's not a perfect map but it's a rough concept and it get's the basic idea across of what my county looks like. And in case you couldn't tell it is near land masses. I did not lable them becuase location is a vauge concept thrown around losely in NationStates. In the intrest of simplicity I focused in on the map of the island. Why don't you draw it?--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Fifth, proofreading is your friend. Some examples:
- Kanami is a nation founded upon principals of philosophy – principles vs. principals
- He attend protests for both sides, and talked to average citizens Elenore admired his concerns about the state of the interior, and hired him.
- Establishement
- Constituiton
- Ratafied on June 10, 1805
- Membership from 1999-2005 (Withdrawl)
- Yasashii, reluctently took the position, with great humility and humbleness.
- Storms battered the ship frequantly, and supplies ran short.
- Anything to at least restock out much needed food and water.
- if they got close to a nations ports
- The decleration didn't specify any one country nor call any crimes, it meerly declared Kanami independent from all foreing bodies and declared it as a Republic.
- Which has since become a controversial statement amongst the people of the nation and of the world.
- "And this our motto shall be, Unity, Justice, Freedom, Peace for All People."
- BELLOW: While this girl enjoys the warm sunshine in the southwest)
- feisty swords girl
- The people selflessly left everything behind, to form a colony in the name of principals, thousands boarded a ship called the S.S. Oka (or Cherry Blossom) to depart for new horizions.
Spelling noted and taken care of.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
There are more, of course—a metric fuckton more. Stop forming incomplete sentences. They are not dramatic, just annoying.
Noted will be taken care of. --Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Sixth, humility and humbleness come from the same root word—that is, the Latin humus, which means earth; ground (naturally, those who were humble were on the ground, so to speak). If you're going to add in a synonym, please make it something different. Actually, just take it out: you don't need it.
Seventh, this line doesn't make sense:
- When word leaked out that this new underground committee was teaching non government-approved material, they attempted to put a stop to them once and for all.
Who are they? I thought that
- [the founders] hated their Governments. Some came from countries with no morals, no principals, others from tyrannical dictatorships, and places of complete anarchy.
I hope you see my problem—but if not: you have multiple heritages in the opening paragraph, but later imply your founders were ruled by one government. Grammar makes all the difference. Spelling, too—'Governments' shouldn't be capitalised.
I'll have to fix it. --Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Eighth, explain this, please:
- anyone apart of the committee and made an open invite for anyone who wanted to escape tyranny.
It's a part and invitation, but anyway: what is this committee? Why is it never mentioned previously? What did it do? Who was a part of it? What were its goals? Its ideals? What, exactly, were they escaping? Who was the ruler of this damnably ambiguous nation? Where is/was it? What is its history? What was going on that prompted revolutionaries to ferment ideas of, well, revolution?
Will revise to elaborate.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Ninth, this:
- However no nation wanted a band of rebels
does not make sense. How (and why) would The Man disseminate messages to foreign governments that your rebels were, in fact, rebels? How would your average harbour-master know what to look for? More importantly, why would he? In any case, if they leave the country and shirk their citizenship, why should anyone care? Hell, if I were an enemy of your George III of England, I'd be very happy to accept people that I could incorporate into a partisan force to infiltrate the land and blow the fuck out of this England analogue.
Well that can be left up to the imagination. The assumed answer would be is Himura and co would ask for refuge but be turned away. But if I must I will elaborate on that. --Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Tenth, please elaborate on this:
- By morning the storm had finally cleared, and in the distance there was a great mass of land, completely unoccupied.
Where is this (also damnably ambiguous) landmass? How big is it? What was the landing's terrain like?
Probably should go onto a new article.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Eleventh, elaborate:
- Carefully Yasashii helped form a constitution, and Government.
Again, 'Government' shouldn't be capitalised, and that comma is not needed. Who helped her draft the constitution? Was it everyone? Was it just her? Was it a select cadre of people? What type of government was it? A republic, you said, but under what system? There are two types of government: the style of the State and the style of the government that handles the State. What was included in the constitution? What powers does it give the head of state? Does it establish a head of government? Does it establish a legislative body? How about judicial? Is all power in one person's hands? Or is it in one party's hands? What rights does it give the people? Are there separate but equal races? What about the administrative subdivisions? Is it a unitary state? Is it a confederacy? Is it a federal republic? What rights do the subdivisions have? What sort of autonomy do they possess? Is there more than one type? What are the differences between the types? You can see why this one line does not explain anything to me, other than
- it is not a complete anarchy and
- it has a constitution of some kind.
Okay I will go into detail in a new article.
Twelfth, why was the Aqua-Oka Pact of 1809 signed? Just because you felt like it? Or were there genuine geopolitical concerns present that led to your Yasashii to seek camaraderie with 'Aqua-Oka'? If the former, you fail at politics, but if the latter, please explain why this was done. What was the historical basis? Political? Social? Economic? No country simply goes around and says 'lol, who wants to b mai frind?'. They'd become the laughingstock of the political arena, and would be subsequently invaded because their government was obviously too stupid to figure out just what an alliance with one bloc or another entailed.
There is a main article for that treaty. Read the article. Did I not link it?
Thirteenth,
- Eventually one nation marched in.
Who?! What was their specific reason for invading? How did this fare with the other nations that were carving out little pieces of Kanami for themselves?
Thirteenth, please, do not use images of anime characters for your characters—it's just. . .gah.
I don't care what your personal taste is. The purpose of Nationstates is to form a nation according to your imagination and desire. That is how I formed it, deal with it!
Secondly:
I can't at risk of defaming an existing nation. One will just have to assume it was a nation long passed. --Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Fourteenth,
- She fought only with her sword, and wisdom.
Ha, ha. Amusing, but recall that you're writing an encyclopædia article, not a propaganda textbook.
Cute, but that is the story. Care to be more specific as to why you think it's propaganda? It simply states Yasashii fought with her sword in battle and her strategy.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Fifteenth,
- Non the less they all fought bravely, and miraculously the enemy was defeated, and driven out.
(nonetheless) Care to explain how? What battles led up to the expulsion of your unnamed invasion force? Were they defeated by low morale, bad weather, severed supply lines, guerilla warfare, head-on conflicts, strategic superiority, tactical superiority, a mix of these—what?
Will explain in new article.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Sixteenth, you need more detail in this line:
- The Vice Prime Minister was granted emergency powers, in the event Yasashii would die on the journey.
Did he actively plot Yasashii's death? Why? What was the background? Who supported him? Who opposed him? Was there fighting in the coup? What was the PM's take on all this? Or was Yasashii the head of state and the head of government, such as is the case in South Africa?
No. Given the period obviously you had to assume the worst.
Seventeenth, this very nearly made me lol:
- Communist-Capitalist Nation
Study economics. Now.
No. I should probably change it. They aren't interconected--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Eighteenth, this is straight out of a cartoon:
- Yasashii with her superbious sword techniques killed Yukito
What does superbious mean, anyway? Don't you mean superb? Furthermore, why would this VPM (you refer to him as a VP earlier—I'd suggest fixing that) agree to face her on a battlefield? Did she call him on his honour? Was he aware that she was even around beforehand? Did he attempt to kill her by proxy first? Did he have other people ready to kill her if he should appear to be near to defeat? This needs more detail.
Nineteenth,
- She also enacted a checks and balance system, to assure no party would gain too much power.
Like what? No political party can ever control more than two-thirds of the Parliament? Sounds like a tyrannical despot to me, to be perfectly honest. Checks and balances are meant to be used between branches of a government—using them in this way turns it into a one-party state (a la communism).
Twentieth,
- She also enacted a secret society known as The Order of the Hawk. A special elite group of hand picked people to assure Governmental order and stability.
Why? I thought she was opposed to corruption and power-grabbing, but here I see her doing the same thing. As well, 'The' does not need to be capitalised, unless it is part of the official name (like The Gambia).
The order has no active pupetry or role in Government. More like they are on stand by just in case corruption should occure.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Twenty-first, what disease is Shinjiku Syndrome? What does it do? What is the causative agent? Symptoms? Incubation time? Is it hereditary? Transmitted through bodily fluids? Airborne? Ingested? About how long does one live after contracting it? Or do they contract it at birth, and live with it for their entire life (very short, seeing as she died just as she reached sexual maturity)? Is it a psychological syndrome?
A fictional condition. Will make a new article on it.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Twenty-second, you come to your description of your government a bit late. I'd have liked to at least have a basic description of it earlier, when you were covering the history behind the government's formation. Nevertheless, here we go:
- The Prime Minister runs the Executive Branch, which is the Parliament.
Please learn something about the parliamentary system—the Prime Minister is not the head of state; they are instead the head of government, the title being a tradition from the British monarchy where a particular man may have been required to hold more than one post, all the while being superior to all other government officials, save the monarch him- or herself.
Please learn the basis of Nationstates, I really don't want to keep repeating my self.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Twenty-third,
- But it is open Forum to anyone of the nation.
Good God, you'd never get anything done! You'd be so wrapped up in placating picketing masses on the floor that no useful discussion would ever take place! There would be discussion, I imagine—much like baboons 'discuss' things while screaming at one another.
For the love of God, I don't recall asking for your opinions on my style of Government that I chose. I don't criticize yours oocly now do I?--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Twenty-fourth,
how do i copied cyprus and american national symbols.
The symbol was just an example, read the text.--Kanami 00:29, 22 September 2007 (GMT)
Twenty-fifth,
Dear God I have twenty-five points to bitch about. I'm gonna let someone else take this up. Blast 02:38, 6 August 2007 (GMT)
And I have ways to bitch back. I appreciate your content criticisms (i.e. spelling, etc) but your personal tastes have no bearing in how I structure my nation. So perhaps someone else can go to your page and do the same crap you pulled on me. I won't however. Again thank you for your review but next time stick to the content and styles not my creative choices.
