The Pazhujeb Islands
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| Flag of Pazhujeb Islands | |
| Motto: Qinekha xdegmi j'et | |
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| Region | Hyrule |
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| Capital | Evir |
| Official Language(s) | Pazhujebi (official), Yoruba, English |
| Leader | Pehemastia Aqhorassi, Juchum Cujaste, Temaya Duhayey, Nirramash Kam,
Mubirassi Mendi, Pidrisha Qarmati, Etimumam Umatojo, and Za Yerevancham |
| Population | 7 million |
| Currency | Pazhujebi riyal |
| NS Sunset XML | |
Contents
The Country
The Jingoistic States of the Pazhujeb Islands is a tiny island nation in the Atlantic about 700 miles off the coast of west Africa. The nation is notable for having been closed off to the outside world from 269 to 1926 AD. The islands had never been occupied by any except its occupants and by occasional Yoruban invasion forces, but had never been noticed by European cartographers until it was accidentally run across in the 20th century. The country's population are found to have been mostly genetically descended from North Indian peoples. There are various explanations for this bizarre phenomenon, however, native legend and leading Roman historian Frederick Büchel agree on one key explanation; read the historical summary below for more details.
The Pazhujebi people are known for being frustrating at the best of times, and militant at the worst. They are vehemently protective of their independence, and have in the main refused to adapt to modern society or technology (although they have in recent years latched onto several modern conveniences that have piqued their interest, such as modern literature and printing and world football), the current exception being the national monorail service which is currently under construction (see below).
History
When Augustus I conquered Egypt in 1 AD, India's major trade partner in the West came under the control of the Roman Empire. Though trade at first was enormous, and very profitable for both sides, over the next two centuries the balance of equality in the trade agreement increasingly began to shift more in favor of the Indians. The exact reasons for this are unclear; but most theories center around Roman decadence only increasing even as their empire was declining.
At any rate, the vast wealth that Indians were making off of the Roman empire gave them the opportunity to spread out in the world. By the year 200 AD, over 1 million people of Indian descent resided within the range of the Roman Empire. Though they remained very protective of their native culture, and most continued to speak either Sanskrit or other native Indian tongues, some truly settled into life as Roman citizens, learning Latin and becoming entrepreneurs or soldiers.
What happened in the year 269 has not been well documented, and what native Pazhujebis allege happened is not even remotely backed up by the discoveries of modern Roman historians. However, according to Pazhujebi historians (most notably the historian Ndubuj) in 269 AD the emperor Claudius II failed to defend the city of Athens from the Heruli (northern European invaders), and frustration among the Roman people at the disrepair of their great empire reached a zenith. Though the previous sentence's events are backed up by Western historians, the allegation that this frustration took the form of a mass deportation of the Indian population is still under massive debate. Many Roman historians allege that it never happened, where as Pazhujebi historians (and leading German historian Frederick Büchel) are adamant that it did.
In any case, what is known is that by the end of 269, the population of Roman citizens of Indian descent fell abruptly to zero. The Pazhujebi account is a reasonable explanation for this exodus: Claudius issued a decree (which is by Western accounts undocumented) ordering that all people of Indian descent be either killed or taken forcefully to the western coast of Spain and shoved off in poorly constructed boats. 700,000 Indians left from the coast. It is completely unexplained how 200,000 of them found their way to the isles several hundred miles off the coast of West Africa; but what is known is that most of the citizens who were deported off the coast of Spain in those flimsy boats died at sea.
Some geologists suggest that there may have been a radical but temporary shift in the Atlantic Ocean's current, such that rather than being carried north towards the British Isles, the refugees instead floated hundreds of miles straight west, and were then snatched by the cold current on the far side of the ocean (tantalizingly close to the American coastline) and propelled back towards Africa. If this were to happen it would surely have had to take place during the winter months, which matches with Pazhujebi history.
In any case, Western historians and cartographers knew nothing of the islands until 1926, when they were tripped across by a British military vessel en route to South Africa. In that empty nearly two-millenia-spanning period, the Pazhujeb Islands' society and culture remained remarkably unchanged. Having arrived at the islands, these former Indians built a new culture, though they were obviously (literally) beginning from rock bottom. Reflecting in some ways the culture of India that they had not forgotten, and resembling in others the Roman culture they had adopted, Pazhujebi society revolved exclusively around democracy.
The flag, which allegedly had been developed long before it was officially hoisted in 1955, is a perfect example of this dichotomy. Though some assume that the unique purple of the country's flag comes from respect for the Roman emperor, this assumption is incorrect; in ancient Indian culture, the color purple was synonymous with mourning. The first Pazhujebis never wanted their descendants to forget the horrors of their terrible journey. However, they did not reject positivity: in the right hand corner of the flag is the symbol for the Roman god Jupiter, the most powerful and grand of all the Roman gods. This illustrates the enormous pride of the Pazhujebi people in their Roman identity, even though the state they loved persecuted them so terribly.
However, simply because Western historians knew nothing of islands does not mean that other peoples were not aware. In fact, Yorubas from the coast of Africa apparently did know of the islands, and mounted various attempted invasions around the 10th and 11th centuries AD. This is presumably where the tendency of Pazhujebis to be exceedingly militant allegedly began; the invasions were voraciously repelled by the Pazhujebis, whose knowledge of Roman warfare gave them a distinct advantage.
Though the invasions failed, many Africans who landed on the islands were ultimately allowed to stay, mostly because the Pazhujeb Islands are quite remote from the coast (Ascension Island is closer than the African coast actually is). This influx of Yoruba culture added yet another color to the rainbow of Pazhujebi society, the most notable being the native African faiths. These religious traditions were, incidentally, the ancestors of modern voodoo practices, and so this is why the most prevalent religion on the Pazhujeb Islands is known as Pazhujebi voodoo.
Government
- See also: Government Figures of the Pazhujeb Islands
- See also: Party Politics of the Pazhujeb Islands
Allegedly, after their deportation to the islands, there were several years of chaos for the people who would eventually be known as the Pazhujebis. They had extreme difficulty bring about law and order up until the start of the 5th century AD. However, after a while, true colonization of the islands began in earnest, and a society began to grow. What came to be known later as the National Committee ran the government, and was made up of an eight-man panel of shamans and wise men. Years later when voodoo became popular, this panel fell under the control of the voodoo establishment. In approximately 1730, however, what is known in English as the Pazhujebi Senate was formed, and government became dramatically more secular in a period of just a few decades. This makes the Pazhujebi Islands one of the planet's earliest democracies.
The current structure of the Pazhujebi government allows for some truly unique occurrences. Whereas in other democracies, huge bodies endlessly debate the makeup of a law before it is passed, so as to ensure that it does not have to be revamped, Pazhujebi law is constantly in flux, and everyone seems to be all right with that. A small non-elected (though it is appointed by the Senate, an elected body) council, the National Committee, makes quick decisions, sometimes even radical ones, that cannot be immediately vetoed – they come into law immediately. However, the judiciary appeals process is so well-lubricated that laws are often struck down by the government’s highest court (the Senate) within a month of the law being issued by the Committee, if they are considered unconstitutional.
The system can in many ways be seen as the United States legislative system, but reversed: instead of a large elected body passing legislation which is struck down by a small appointed body, a small appointed body passes legislation which is struck down by a large elected body. The Pazhujebi people pride themselves on this; they are the courts. The anomaly in the Pazhujeb Islands’ system is that unlike the United States’ system, there is no single high executive. The National Committee both passes the laws and governs the nation (though again, it is much easier in the socialist island nation than it is in many other nations to challenge the constitutionality of any given law).
There are four major branches of government.
The National Committee
- Members: 8
- Appointed by: The Senate
- Veto power over: The People's Advocacy Board
This body is the only one in the Pazhujebi government whose decisions cannot be directly overturned by any other body. For this reason, foreign bodies consider the 'heads of government' in the Pazhujebs to be the eight members of this council. They are responsible chiefly for lawmaking, which tends to be a much smoother process in the Pazhujeb Islands than it can be in other democracies. They also have direct command over the extensive Pazhujebi military. The Committee is the oldest body in the government, as mentioned above, their history reaches back to a period when government was much more faith-based. Consequently they are regarded by the more conservative Pazhujebi voodoo practitioners as vaguely religious figures, and so they are directly responsible for all environmental initiatives on the islands, numerous enterprises which the citizens take very seriously, often due to their faith.
The Economic Interests Czars
- Members: 3
- Appointed by: The National Committee
- Veto power over: The Senate
The three members of this body are generally not powerful within the overall structure of the government, but within the context of their jobs they hold enormous influence. The Czars (the term is a poor translation of a Pazhujebi word) are the ironclad administrators and overseers of the business sector. Private business is heavily restricted on the Pazhujeb Islands; it is often easier to simply apply for work with the government than to attempt to acquire the requisite licenses for opening a private enterprise. These three figures monitor this behemoth of a socialized economy, and though more capitalist countries slam their titles as well as practices, both of which occasionally recall Soviet totalitarianism, they tend to be respected by the Pazhujebi people.
The Senate
- Members: 549
- Appointed by: Elected by constituency
- Veto power over: none
The pride of the Pazhujeb Islands' government, this gigantic body dwarfs not only the other three branches of the Pazhujebi government, but comparable elected bodies of other world nations. This tremendous assembly is directly responsible for all domestic issues, like public transport, education, and law and order. They also are the highest court in the country, so if a citizen opts to take use of the nation's efficient appeals system, they will come before their elected peers in the Senate. As stated above, this is something that the citizens of the islands are extremely proud of, and they tend to see other countries' judicial systems as elitist, corrupt, or both. Though the Senate's decisions can often be overturned by a lengthy chain of veto opportunities, they either directly or indirectly are responsible for the appointment of most of the rest of the government.
The People's Advocacy Board
- Members: 4
- Appointed by: Elected by constituency
- Veto power over: The Economic Interests Czars
This fourth and most recently formed branch of government is the only one whose appointment is beyond the control of the Senate. Though their range of control is limited, for a small and relatively new body the four members of the Board are quite powerful. Their decisions regard the Pazhujeb Islands' vast social welfare infrastructure, including health care, automatic welfare for every citizen, social work, social equality initiatives, and other entirely free government programs. Additionally, their decision on said programs are generally final, as the only body with veto power over the Board's choices is the National Committee. Further, they have the capacity to appeal many of the Senate's decisions and block law strike-downs that the Senate might otherwise have no challenge in implementing. Though the People's Advocacy Board is frequently overlooked, it is a subtly powerful council that is not to be underestimated.
Geography
- See also: Map of the Pazhujeb Islands
Some seven hundred miles off the coast of Africa, the Pazhujeb Islands are geologically very old. They seem to have come into existence due to a volcanic fault line on the floor of the Atlantic which is now dormant or closed off entirely. The islands are extremely remote; the nearest island is Ascension, which is a little over five hundred miles away.
There are three islands in entirety: Akhekhur, Xhede, and Fajr. Fajr is the easternmost, more distant from the other two, and by far the biggest. It is on the average somewhere around 33 miles long and 25 miles wide, though it is cut up by jagged bays which were long ago caused by super-directional lava flows. The island is named after the large city of Fajr, on the very southernmost tip of the island.
Akhekhur and Xhede Island are considerably smaller by comparison: Xhede is about 14 miles long and 8 miles wide near its northern ends (far less wide closer to its southern end), and Akhekhur is a little over a mile long and a little under a mile wide. Like Fajr, Xhede Island is cut up by bays, but Akhekhur is far to small for this to have happened. A bit of trivia: Xhede is one of the only placenames in the Pazhujebs that is derived from Yoruba. The 'Xh' is pronounced with a click of the tongue on the hard palate.
Climate-wise, the islands are very tropical. They are almost exactly four degrees south of the equator, meaning that both the atmosphere and the ocean surrounding the islands can be extremely warm and humid, particularly in March and April. Akhekhur tends to be the wettest: its hefty population is accustomed to rain about once every two and a half days, and more in March and April. Many have lamented that the small but gorgeous rain forest on the tiny island has given way to a sprawling metropolis.
Xhede is also quite wet, though its rain forests remain mostly intact. Throughout these forests an entirely unique fruit tree species lives: when ripe the Xhede fruit is extremely crisp but delicious, and its purple skin is commonly (but mistakenly) cited as an origin for the country's national color. The fruit tree itself is quite tall (though its fruit grows in stalks near the bottom), with its average height at somewhere over 55 feet, and its expansive canopy-like branches bear greenish-black leaves that cause most of the rain forest on the island to take on a darkly romantic quality. This island also contains the nation's highest peak, Mount R'nitak, which stands at a remarkable 5,113 feet, on the eastern peninsula of the same name. The very top of Mount R'nitak is actually only a little over half a mile from the coastline, meaning that most of the mountains east slope is made up of dreadfully steep cliffs.
Fajr Island is quite metropolitan, particularly in its major cities, but in its interior it is notoriously jungle-ridden; at times unnavigable. In fact, one of the most notable aspects of the island is that there is no major thoroughfare between the southern and northern half of the island; the only means of transport from the city of Fajr to the city of Urajbina, for example, is by naval means. The jungle is considered a religious place by voodoo practitioners; it is a threatening yet natural place that is respected in its autonomy, and for the most part the Pazhujebi people respect this.
Economy
Whereas Pazhujebis may have a great deal to be proud of in their political system and their environment, their economy is, by international standards, rather poor. Their per capita GDP lies at a weak $881, and the gross product is less than $6.2 billion. The Pazhujebi riyal is valued at less than eight American cents, ranking it among the least valuable in the world.
Unemployment is common across the islands, with a rate of over 41%. Further, a significant income tax (an average of 69%) occasionally exasperates families already hard-pressed for cash. However, the government is notable for having had corruption under control since the dawn of the Senate, and well over a third of that tax money funds massive welfare programs. As mentioned above, every citizen receives a monthly check from the government, hunger is almost non-existent because of huge food stamp programs, and the Pazhujeb Islands have some of the world's finest social outreach programs.
There is effectively no private sector on the islands; the government has a monopoly on all major corporate entities. Some of the world's other, more capitalist nations slam this system as communist, but no one in the Pazhujebs seems to care. The government is practically anal retentive about ensuring that all employees at all levels (from simple merchant to senator) are fairly paid.
Free healthcare and education are other major spending points for the government; like other socialist economies, citizens are extremely well rewarded for the significant taxes they might pay. If there were more wealthy people on the islands, there would likely be more complaints about the system in place, however, social equality is so broad on the Pazhujeb Islands that this never happens.
Infrastructure
Of all the so-called third-world infrastructures of the world, the Pazhujebs have the most unique. For starters, cars, trains, bicycles, skateboards, motorcycles, and buses are all banned. Some modern boats are permitted into select harbors, but these are only available for diplomatic purposes. The Pazhujebis are extremely defensive about their insistence upon walking, as it stretches back millenia. As the local saying goes, 'qinekha xdegmi j'et,' or 'move no faster than the sun.' Citizens believe that "modern" forms of transportation increase the pace of life beyond what is livable. This said, as of extremely recently the government has signed a contract with a mainland monorail infrastructure company. This service is to be state-run, which satisfies some Pazhujebis who might be suspicious of the service, but many radicals are still extremely off-put. The Economic Interests Czars have assured the public that the monorail service will only provide affordable city-to-city and inter-island transport, and that walking will still be strongly advocated within cities themselves. But many are still angry about the project; and remain resistant to modernization in general.
Similarly, there are no "modern" buildings on the islands, however Pazhujebis have developed their own unique forms architecturally. Marble and brick are extremely prevalent, and are used quite beautifully. In many ways, architecture in the Pazhujebs resembles what Roman architecture might look like had the empire not collapsed, with many buildings (even unremarkable ones) featuring beautiful arched marble doorways and ceilings, with brick used as a stabilizer for the harder and less malleable marble.
Of course, not all buildings are palaces, in more rural areas on Xhede and Fajr Island the government has ordered far less construction over the years, and so much of the people living in these area build their homes out of simple brick, or less. There is, when compared to global standards, very little material wealth on the islands, and so citizens truly must be self-sustainable.
Electricity is available but rare. The infrastructure for such power exists only in select urban locations, generally right next to wind power generators the Europeans recently installed. (This is why in many large Pazhujebi cities, if power is available, it will be on the west side, because this is where wind flow is not blocked by taller buildings; see above for why this phenomenon occurs.) Phones, whether land or cell, are unheard of. There is a postal system that is widely used and quite fast, considering the nation's transportation limitations, and this is how people usually communicate with one another.
Culture
Because of the aforementioned free education programs of the Pazhujebi state, literacy is a flat and unquestioned 100%. Citizens love to read, and though they still relish a spoken word tradition, particularly in their inherited African voodoo practices, popular works from other countries have great success in the Pazhujeb Islands. For example, the Pazhujebi translations of the Harry Potter series are enormously popular. In fact, one of the only "modern" industries in the nation is the publishing industry. In many ways, this love for the written word in the Pazhujebs fuels their love for democracy, and vice versa.
Unfortunately, this love does not necessarily negate common misconceptions about outsiders or foreigners for the Pazhujebi people, who habitually mistrust literally anyone who is not from their beloved nation. Though a visitor need not fear for her life while on the islands, she should be aware that xenophobia is not viewed as xenophobia on the Pazhujeb Islands, but rather as civic duty. Lynchings and murders are rare (Pazhujebis tend to strongly dislike excessive violence), but angry protesters have been known to mob outsiders in the streets and shout slurs. To avoid such confrontations, visitors to the islands should attempt to appear as immersed in the culture as possible; wear the traditional Moghul-style turban (both men and women), do not publicly use a cell phone, and make sure you have exchanged your currency into Pazhujebi riyals, for example.
In terms of past-times, Pazhujebis have a wide-ranging and diverse tradition. The item which simply cannot be ignored is the tradition of boat racing on the islands. Such a tradition should not come as a surprise for a people who have lived in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean for centuries. The most common type of ship used in a boating race is the xebec, a three-masted ship with a long-overhauling bow and stern. Xebec is a word of French origin; the original word in Pazhujebi is fujudu, but that word fell into disuse after foreigners began to assist in boat-building. (Note the irony with regard to the paragraph above; despite the fact that they widely despise foreigners, if Pazhujebis have something to gain from having an outsider around, they will make exceptions.) Races traditionally last 19 hours: the ship to have traveled the farthest or covered the most laps in that time period is the victor. Almost all Pazhujebis, both men and women, participate in this sport at least casually.
As part of their unique voodoo-ish religious practices (but also commonly outside of it), Pazhujebis enjoy indulging in a form of philosophical rationalization known to them as 'Rab.' Rab generally begins with someone outlining an abstract act committed by an abstract person, and a group (often a family) of people will attempt to explain or list the possible motives for that act. For example, a poor beggar robs, rapes, and strangles an elderly wealthy woman (this is an extreme example). Pazhujebis would start by listing possible motives (derangement, poverty, loneliness, et cetera), and debating the merits of these motives.
It is important to note that very rarely is Rab used to clarify one clear morally correct motive for an action. It is a form of ritualized debate that does not search for answers, but encourages practitioners to broaden their ethical views. Outsiders frequently berate the practice as 'relativist,' but a Pazhujebi would simply view the practice as a rhetorical exercise.
Another common religious practice is dusk-watching, or, as it is known in Pazhujebi, ubnejajat-em. This ritual is no more complex than it sounds, other than that Pazhujebis consider ubnejajat-em as a cleansing spiritual practice. It is for this reason that Pazhujebi cities are frequently built with the tallest buildings relegated to the eastern side of cities, so that residents of such towers can still practice ubnejajat-em without an obstructed view. Though non-voodoo practitioners are less likely to take part in dusk-watching, many outsiders or vacationers like to take part in the practice along with the islanders, because sunsets on the islands can be quite beautiful (and, as many have noticed, are frequently tinged with purple, another mistaken origin for the national color).
Appallingly enough to conservative visitors is Pazhujebis casual, common, and perfectly legal drug use. Marijuana tends to be the most frequent, but alcohol and barbiturates are also fairly commonplace. Though drug use at work is typically frowned upon (though sometimes not even then), Pazhujebis simply have no moral qualms about narcotics use. Various world powers have even cut off communications with Evir and emptied their embassies over this issue.
Sport
Though, as mentioned above, boat racing is considered the official national sport of the Pazhujeb Islands, football has taken off tremendously. The sport's popularity on the west coast of Africa has in many ways transferred over the ocean, managing to penetrate an obviously traditionalist cultures. Though irrigation in the Pazhujebs is efficient enough to conduct some minor farming, overall the soil does not support grass well, and while a Western country could easily overcome this, the Pazhujebs cannot, and so even top-level football on the islands is played on sandy dirt.
However, this only adds to the color of the sport. The ancient coliseums that were built over a millenium ago, designed to replicate the Roman coliseums the Pazhujebis left behind, have been adapted to be used for football. Public spectating has been culturally important to Pazhujebis since before they were Pazhujebis; football is simply the latest practice to fill the tradition. There is a domestic system, known as The Ivheshbum, but the most popular club by far in the country is the Pazhujeb Islands national football team, whose purple and black kits mirror the flag. Though the team does not have a particularly good international record, the 23-man squad of the Purple Sea Urchins (as they are known) are among the most beloved people in the country.
There are other sports, but they are generally considered recreational and not competitive. Archery and track have some popularity, and water polo has been gaining some popularity and is considered by many as the number two team sport in the Pazhujebs; the people have always felt comfortable in the water and so water polo's popularity is understandable. There is a Pazhujeb Islands national water polo team, but their reputation is not as famous as the football squad's.
