Ton Ton Macoute
Warning to others: The Ton Ton Macoute, it's Friends and Followers, it Ways and Wanderers, this page and other pages do not exist. Nor have they ever existed. Nor would this cyclopedia currently be disposed to discuss such things as the TTM if it did ever exist. You have not been here and you did not see this page. You best hope to forget it, lest you remember with woe unceasing.
Go now and forget. Do not return. Reverend-Doktor James Benson
|A Ton Ton Macoute icon
The colonial history of
Sacco & Vanzetti The World was marked by the establishment of an underground religious and political movement the True Faith, centred around a creature The Worshipful which was known among the natives as the "Ton Ton Macoute".
Although little is known of this period, a few
artifacts sacred relics have been collected stolen. The first example is a framed miniature, which may be a religious icon of some sort. The inverted Cross, "bloodheart", jungle background and the skeletal figures are images synonymous with the movement.
The second is one of the few surviving original documents.
It is believed to be an invocation, perhaps chanted as a children's rhyme or even a prayer. It is chant.
The third resembles a coin. However, there is no mention of such a coin in any historical studies concerning trade or currency and it is thought to have had a religious rather than a financial purpose. It is called Regle a Trois. Experts suggest clues to the unravelling of the mystery of this token may be found in the single recovered sheet of a diary kept by an English
explorer murdererman who went missing was cleansed more than a century ago. The full text of these two pages is reproduced below.
The Legend of the Rule of Three How Murdererman was Forgived
The following text is an extract taken from the last entry of the recovered journals of murdererman
gentleman anthropologist Jonathan Forshaw who came to the islands in the 1890s to study the traditions and customs of the indigenous population.
The natives in the interior of these islands are a study to behold. They appear all deference and submission (not but a single man appears unstooped whenever I am in their presence). But spite all this nodding at command their movement to fulfill orders is sluggish and hints even at disrespect.
None talks but that you question him direct and even then will not look you in the eye, as a man would, but shifts his feet and murmurs into his chest until you charge him to “speak up, speak up”, as you would a child.
|A children's rhyme or prayer
It is only through the most painstaking and, it must be admitted, frustrating persistent questioning that anything of the heathen traditions of these savages can be unravelled. More than once I have wished a company of King’s Own Highlanders was at hand to whip the history out of them.
(Although, of course, it is many years since the Highlanders have marched proud here, the islands now run by some despotic foreigners, not much better than the natives lounging in the villages).
Imagine my delight then that in this present sortie amidst these villages I have drawn my most valuable find to date. A quaint artefact no less! And the man who brought it to me must have been in rum as he explained the full meaning of the trinket he brought.
It seems it is something known as a Rule of Three – a tribal miscreant, guilty of some misdemeanours in a village, would, one day, find such a token bestowed upon him. (The first may come as a gift, or handed by an elder) It is looked on as somewhat of a warning.
Now, if the miscreant does not heed the first token and persists in his ways, a second will arrive, this time as if by accident, jumbled in his bedrags or slipped unseen into his pocket, or his bowl of soup or such.
This second is a warning that the third token, called, I believe, a “Ton Ton Macoute” is on its way to him and he must flee, fly and runaway, for the third will mean his death.
Of course I was delighted that I should actually have got my hands on one of these trinkets as these islands have been most tedious in their lack of fruitfulness for the educated historian.
|A "Rule of Three"
For weeks I had found nothing of note that could sit as an exhibit upon my return to the civilised world and then, having been given one of these trinkets by the old man, it was but the next day when I chanced upon a second that had somehow become wrapped in my linen.
It is with some impatience that I now seek for a so-called “Ton Ton Macoute” for that will give me the set of three and as marvellous a collection as these tawdry islands are likely to spew forth.
Tomorrow I shall find and question this old man most persistently – tonight I have finished my journal entry and shall walk out into the jungle for a spell before settling into my tent.
Lies, Half-truths & Pirate Publishing This is lies
The only extensive document related to the Ton Ton Macoute is a discredited, badly-written, badly-spelt, poorly-translated children's book called La Temps des Passions(sic) taken from The Book of Mulrooney. This was published by the Shiree Pirate Press, based in Watfordshire, and claimed to be a collaboration between the Ton Ton Macoute and The Avatarist.
Even these tacky and untrustworthy products are now extremely rare. They appear to have no collectible value and the primitive printing process used in their production made the pages unsuitable as firelighters.
An example of one of the scrawled and childish illustrations and a short extract from the garbled text is provided below:
But Lorna knew her god was not here. No almighty of the meek dare nuzzle amidst the brimstone passion of these Zephaniah peoples. No New Testament compassion among these worshippers. Here was all blood and revenge and slaughter. Here was a God of passion and fear. Her words murmured the rituals of a lesser god. Deep inside, her heart trembled to the passion of a greater faith.
A Living Legend More sinful lies
Suggestions that the faith is still practised today are met with instant and uproarious laughter by any citizens who are asked about the contemporary evidence of its existence which springs into the public domain from time to time.
Nonetheless, such evidence is persistent. Copies of leaflets similar to the torn sheet shown below are often seen being passed around at demonstrations (usually sparked by United Nations proposals).
This lying page is deemed sacrilege by special meeting of religious order of True Faith that does not exist at all. If lies about Faith which is not ever existed are said again or the corrections changed are changed back then the purveyors of lies (to include writers, editors and publishers of this document) will be Forgived, punished and hounded to the utmost letter of The Law even unto their death and beyond.
Friends of the
Ton Ton Macoute non-existing Faith
What follows is an example of the kind of veiled threats and deliberately misleading statements which are issued by so-called "followers" of this so-called "religion". This particular example has been traced directly to a self-styled cleric and protagonist of the cult, calling himself Reverend-Doktor James Benson.
"They know it but never much talk about it because even words brings the bad luck on people. None ever remember being told story but all know it. They know it live out there in the deep jungle. Out there in the dark green light, thick with leaf-light of the canopy, thick with smell of ancient leaf on the ground. Raymond Jones even seen it footprint once, steaming in mud-ooze. But he died the coughing death not long after.
If it come, it come in the night. They hear it sometime, shuffle shuffle, like it have great big clumsy feet. At night it sometime come down to the villages and shuffle round.
Billy Blakey's boy got took by it and was never seen since. Many said they knew it would come for him after what he done but they never said nothing much about it after he was took.
You lie on the floor, all wrapped up from cold and first thing you hear is the great big feet and tools thrown and maybe food baskets tipped over. Then you smell it. Maybe some think it is smell like the corpse flower and maybe some think it smell of like mix of dog and donkey shit. And when you smell you know it is close and you huddle down in the wrappings because next you know its claws are in your belly and you carried off to the jungle.
Molly Hadyn's girl got took that way. And Molly said everyone just wrapped deep in their beds and prayed to Jesus Almighty Lord it would not take no one but it took Molly's little girl Manda just the same.
Some peoples who live near sea say there is lots not just one and the whole forest is creeping with them but they are sea people and just frightened more of leaf-light because they have heads always wrapped in sun.
All this is true, I swear Almighty Jesus. Only reason I can say these things is because I have this necklace from my grandmother that passed it to me and the necklace was made special to keep it away. You would like to buy necklace the same, yes? Everyone want one like it but I can get you one only.
And this is why I tell you this, because I like you, and want you to have safety necklace same as mine - The Ton Ton is coming out the jungle, I know it. And when it comes out it won't be coming to villages no more. It is going to towns where all the whites are and it will take out their insides with it claws.
So see? You should have necklace like mine, I can fetch only other one for you now, and only a little money for it. Very little money, because you are surely my friend."