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Baranxtu is known under a variety of names, including Baranxi (common on the internet), but is also called Bernhard, Bernie and Great Austrian Sloth. He is a medium sized male bipedal omnivorous member of the species Homo sapiens.



The Baranxi reaches an average height of 192cm when standing upright, but can mostly be found in a seating or lying position.

He is easily recognizable by his pale appearance; in an unclothed state his simian heritage can clearly be detected by the thick dark fur. However, the Baranxi usually uses black or dark blue fabrics as camouflage (commonly called the "clothes").

The hair of head is dirty dishwasher blond and usually shaggy and unkempt.

During the day, the Baranxi normally keeps quiet and can often be found resting or wasting time instead of pursuing anything at all.

Due to its crepuscular and nocturnal nature, he often enters periods of increased activity in the evening and during the night.


The Baranxi can quite efficiently solve problems in the fields of history, Biology and linguistics. Although he possesses a lot of mathematical knowledge, he displays a lot of aversity when faced with mathematical problems.

He is almost incapable of drawing and singing, but nevertheless frequently does so.


The Baranxi can fluently communicate in his native language German and also in English. It is known that he possesses additionally some fluency in French and Latin.

Apart from spoken language, he uses a wide variety of body language, especially gestures and facial expressions. He particularly favors what has been dubbed the "eye roll" and "shivering lower jaw" which both express extreme annoyance.


Although indigenous to Austria, where the Baranxi's nearest relatives can also be found, he is now an invasive species in Bavaria and is frequently sighted in and around Munich.

There have been single sightings in a few other countries:

However, the Baranxi is not known to be a permanent resident of either of these regions.

Hunting and Diet

The Baranxi subsists largely from a strict diet consisting of caffeine, ethyl alcohol, nicotine and refined sugar. He also frequently eats meat.

He usually hunts in medium or large sized structures enclosed by walls, but can be frequently seen at facilities distributing almost pre-made food.


Mating and Reproduction

The Baranxi has so far not fathered any offspring and probably never will.

Little is known about his mating behavior, and even if it were, it would probably be better to not talk about it in public. He does, however, frequently talk about his experiences in a tight-knit group of likewise minded individuals called friends.

Group Behavior

The Baranxi is a highly social animal and can often be seen talking to what is commonly called "friends". As a matter of interest, a large percentage of other individuals in this group is female; an estimated ratio is 2:1.

He avoids conflicts with other members in the same hierarchical class but can be quite aggressive towards alleged alpha animals.


So far noone has attempted to domesticate the Baranxi. Experts still debate the chances of success; whereas some deem it highly improbably, others say that a qualified person could be able to subdue the Baranxi.

The Baranxi in Culture