Vecen

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Vecen
flag.jpg
Flag of Vecen
Motto: "Thank God for Casual Wednesdays"
No Map Available Yet
Region Central Europe
Capital Isenija
Official Language(s) Vecenian
Leader Archduke Soren VI Somarivaaren
Population Fantastic
Currency Lira 
NS Sunset XML

The Kingdom of Vecen - Overview

Vecen [pronounced VETS-en] is a tiny nation which often pretends to be ex-Soviet but is, in fact, merely bored. Vecen is best known (?) for the ostensibly sinister IleCorp, whose official press release states that it produces "everything you need to stay alive."

History

Legend holds that Vecen was founded by the ancient hero Vlad the Easily Amused, a hyperactive fourteen year old boy who drew straws and lost and so came to be the Black Prince, destined to conquer the Princes of the Kievan Rus. Vlad, however, was perfectly happy with the little patch of barren, rocky foothills in Central Europe that is modern Vecen.

For many centuries, the crown of Vecen didn't sit very long on anyone's head before they were assassinated in particularly grisly ways. The three major Houses of the Vecenian Empire (Somarivaaren, Londirzjez, and Venäjokku) vied for power in all manner of combat from sissy-slap fights to all-out crusades until Somarivaaren emerged the victor, having purged every member of the other two houses. They were assassinating each other for a few years until they realized that they had won, and so in 1682 their leader Duke Franz Ferdinand (no connection to the early 20th-century Austro-Hungarian dignitary, or, for that matter, the early 21st-century Scottish rock band) established the Duchy of Vecen from his massive castle at Isenija, which became the new capital.

The leaders of the neighboring countries decided they would "let Ferdinand have his fun," so they didn't try to take back the rain-drenched hill country that nobody really wanted as part of their empire.

Vecen wasn't heard from very often (even if they did have a competitive literacy rate, few people could understand the language) until about 1914, when a representative from the sinister economic machine Ilemauzar Trading apparently purchased all of Serbia. When Franz Ferdinand (the Austro-Hungarian) came down to Sarajevo to see what the hell was going on, Jan Yliksujo, the Serbia-purchaser and a centuries-old crone, mistook the young prince for his ancient enemy, Duke Franz Ferdinand of Vecen. Yliksujo, then 274 years old, disguised himself as a Serb and shot the prince, unwittingly setting off the Great War. Ilemauzar's Disaster Recovery division chalked the whole thing up to nationalism, and covered their tracks by promptly firing Yliksujo... out of a cannon.

Ilemauzar then struck Serbia from its records and gave it back. They used their Political Machine division to keep Vecen out of both world wars. Luckily nobody noticed or wanted the country (it is said that a high-level Nazi general, marching through Vecen on the way to the USSR, remarked, "My God, what a (expletive) miserable little country. Looks like northern England." He then fell into a puddle and drowned), so everything went great for the Vecenians, who were by then more or less obsessed with The Charleston.

Several years later, in performing the national hobby of annoying America, Vecen became a Soviet satellite, but as few knew the first thing about communism, the years 1950-1990 consisted mostly of waving red flags and marching in parades and calling each other "comrade."

Once communism became unfashionable, the Vecenians did what they do best: pretend nothing ever happened. Since then, the country is basically run by the frighteningly large IleCorp conglomerate, the modern incarnation of the ancient Ilemauzar Trading syndicate.

Culture

The Vecenians love to spend what money doesn't go straight to taxes, which is a pity because they don't have much to spend it on except trendy modern furniture. They spend their time drinking coffee, driving Swedish automobiles, and smoking foreign cigarettes.

Vecen's most cherished tradition, dating back to the 13th Century, is Casual Wednesday. This is the day on which all Vecenians, regardless of status or profession, go to work wearing whatever they want, whether that be their streetclothes, bathrobe, lingerie, other people's clothes, or just completely nude. Casual Wednesday is mandated by strict laws ("I forgot" is not an excuse) and enforced by specially-trained agents from the Terrifying Debriefings wing of IleCorp's world-famous Disaster Recovery division.

IleCorp basically runs the people's lives. It is a massive state-run conglomerate übermonopoly. Various IleCorp products and services Vecenians use every day include IlePhone (the phone company), IleVision (the tv), IleH2O (the water works), IleCtricity (the power company), and of course IleFüd (the massive culinary wing that owns all food and restaurant franchises within Vecen, most of which are McDonald's and Starbucks).

The National Pastime is the liberal bias, and the National Anthem is "California Dreaming" by The Mamas & The Papas.

Economy

According to IleCorp's official press release: "WE ARE THE ECONOMY."