Difference between revisions of "Wank"

Revision as of 08:05, 15 October 2004

Wank

The derogatory term "wank", originally slang for masturbation, or hacker-speak for a particularly clever and quirky styling, has a special meaning in NationStates. In the NS usage, wank is the abusive over-use of a particular strategem, technique, or style. The word "wank" is often hyphenated to form a specific type of wank, as shown below. Remember, wank is not always bad or a godmod, but some forms can be.

Tech-Wank

The most common and least offensive form of wank. It is abuse of high technology, either to break the laws of reality , or to enforce adherence to minutae on an RP not concerned with technicalities of combat systems.

In general NS, most people are not technophiles, and will become irked when you proceed to explain to them exactly how your 8mm Tungsten-Carbide, Armor-Piercing, Fin-Stabilized, Discarding-Sabot fletchette firing assault rifles are perfectly designed to penetrate their mere level three kevlar vests; this would be considered wank because most players would not know about the benefits of TC/DU APFSDS Fletchettes, and would negate their infantry armor. This is NOT a godmod, however, since it does not change the rules of reality or break the roleplay. (And yes, I used my own weapon as an example of wank. It's the SAG ACR, if you want to know.)

However, announcing that, because your opponent only claimed to use "RPGs" on your tank, it did no damage (since the RPG-7 is incapable of piercing the glacis plate of a Main Battle Tank, and your opponent did not use an RPG-29 specifically) is tech wank AND a godmod, because it allows you to ignore their attack, and take no damage. Most players couldn't tell an RPG-7 from an SA-2, and they had the right idea (firing rockets at a tank), but not the intrinsic knowledge of weapons. In this case, assume that they are using the correct weapon.

Most blatant of tech-wank is the "inpenetrable shield" and the "unstoppable bullet" syndrome, in which the technology becomes a get-out-of-jail-free card, allowing blatant godmodding to be disguised as legitimate gameplay. On a side note, the effect of an unstoppable bullet striking an impenetrable shield has proven catastrophic.

Magic/Psy-Wank

Generally, the most offensive form of common wank. It is the use of magic or psychic powers to drastically alter the flow of an RP in an un-agreed-upon manner. Just as tech-wank does not preclude high-end tech use, magic wank is not simply the use of powerful magics, but the use of magics to break the RP.

For example, using your psychic or Magical Scrying abilities to instantly reveal your opponent's every move would be magic wank to a godmodish extreme. Like its technological twin, the impenetrable magic shield and the Power Word Kill are surefire techniques to be ignored on charges of Magic-Wank.

Jedi-Wank

Not common, but definately annoying, is the use of Jedi armies. Pretty self-explanatory, really.

Gene-Wank

This is one of the hallmarks of potentially great sci-fi and usually terrible RP... the use of genetic engineering/cloning to gain an advantage in an RP. This is not a rail against all GenEn in roleplay, but rather against UNSTOPPABLE, LIVING DEATH-MACHINES OF DOOM that tend to pop up every once in a while. For the use of story purposes, or scripted character-RP, this can be a great story-arc; when utilized for an advantage in a conflict, particularly en masse, it is wank of the highest caliber.

God-Wank

The mother of all wanks and godmods, it is the use... any use of Divine Intervention to sway an RP to your favor. You want to have Deus Ex Machina in a thread? Write a story. There are very few, if any, players who would tolerate the use of the Almighty, or even a Semi-mighty, to let you win a battle.

Realism-Wank

The opposite of techwank, though closely related to it. Claiming that nothing but real, existing stuff exists, comparing and arguing over [FAS.org] statistics, constantly bitching about others not doing the same, and, in extreme cases, claiming that nations not using RL equipment don't possess any equipment at all. (EOTED had to suffer from such a case).

Weakness-Wank

Developed on IRC, this is a somewhat humoristic version, where NS players flaunt their weaknesses, rather than their strenghts.

Number-Wank

One of the most, if not the, most common kinds of Wank. This comprises of using excessive numbers of Money and/or Equipment without any kind of rational thought, logistics, or whatnot. Incidentally, this can apply to basically any other kind of wank (With the possible exception of Weakness-Wank), it also includes claiming puppet populations or simply ignoring NS population statistics (E.g. to create galactic empires with multitrillion populations).

Statwank

This can refer to blatantly flaunting ones' UN stats, disregarding any kind of roleplay, as well as flaunting (biased) calculator stats, RL equipment stats (See Realismwank) or, even more amusingly, made-up equipment stats. Also refers to posting page-long statistics without any kind of actual content, be it numbers (See Numberwank) or weapon statistics. Poll-group wank ("99.847% of my citizens agree with me and think you smell") also falls into this category, as it's unrealistic to claim unflagging and total domestic support.

Caliber Wank

Rare among Players, but common in N00bs, this is the use of obscene cannon sizes, such as 800mm Artillery. Nations participating in Caliber Wank are probably compensating. See also: "Fascist White States".

IGNORE Wank

This is the Wank of choice for Anti-N00bs, who serve as a sort of xenophobic N00bish Rear Guard against other N00bs. IGNORE Wank is the overuse of IGNORE and IGNORE technology. You may be comitting this Wank when you create a special "IGNORE Cannon". You are committing IGNORE Wank when you make an IGNORE Storefront.

The most common use of IGNORE Wank is by nations who IGNORE anyone they don't like, lost an RP to in the past six months, or otherwise feel like falling into a bitch-fest with. IGNORE Wank often leads directly into Flaming, as both sides accuse the other of being the worse N00b. This is the most likely form of Wank likely to escalate into a breach of Terms of Service.

Honorary C'tan Wank

Self proclaimed on IRC, this medal is awarded to nations participating in God Wank, Tech Wank, Psi Wank, occasional Magic Wank, occasional Realism Wank, Gene Wank all in one efficient package, and for the low, low price of an internet connection.

Disclaimer

Remember, wank can be a godmod, but not always. Sometimes, an accusation of wank is simply a lack of knowledge on the part of the player complaining. Think before you accuse or condemn. Unless they have The Lord Jesus Christ in a tank. Then, complain away.