Creative Solutions Agency

Creative Solutions Agency (also called the Creative UN Solutions Agency) is the office charged with bringing the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny into complaince with United Nations mandates. Although the office is charged with finding loopholes in UN legislation, their suggestions are often silly, boneheaded and just plain stupid. Turnover in the policy drafting office has been very high as a result.

How a UN Resolution becomes law in OMGTKK

Once a resolution passes on the General Assembly floor, a few things will happen: Compliance Ministry gnomes will try to infiltrate the nation's borders, but they are usually held back by the nation's strictly enforced shoot-on-sight policy. Gnomes usually resort to changing the nation's stats via remote-control device, but for laws or regulations to issue to bring the Federal Republic into compliance, Creative Solutions must first examine the legislation, in the time-honored UN tradition of "exploiting loopholes for fun and profit."

Creative Loophole Exploitation

Over the years, the Creative Solutions office has issued a good many advisories on UN loopholes, most of them extremely controversial. The following are some examples of Creative Solutions findings.

Resolution #61: Abortion Rights

The Creative Solutions Agency has found that the text of UN Resolution #61 only protects the "woman's right" either "to choose whether to have an abortion," or "to have an abortion." It only enjoins member governments not to interfere with the "woman's right." It says nothing about holding abortion doctors responsible for performing abortion procedures. Therefore, federal prosecutors may still prosecute doctors for perfomring abortions, Federal Republic law may still allow family members to sue doctors for wrongful death, the Federal Republic may still impose taxes and additional regulations on abortion clinics to the point that abortion doctors simply decide they can't afford to stay in business -- all the while not interfering with the "woman's right."

The text also specifically enjoins "member governments" not to interfere with the "woman's right," and as state governments are not members of the United Nations, the Federal Republic allows states to infringe upon abortion rights.

The vagueness of Abortion Rights is so apparent (the official Creative Solutions advisory says of the loopholes: "You can drive a Big Rig through them bad boys!"), the Federal Republic actually opposes a repeal of the resolution, fearing a repeal would allow the United Nations to propose stricter abortion rights legislation.

Resolution #81: Definition of Marriage

Creative Solutions has ruled that a "definition" does not obligate any member state to change its marriage laws. Therefore, the Federal Republic, while allowing gay marriage, continues to outlaw incestual unions, which are tacitly authorized in Definition of Marriage.

At the United Nations, however, the Federal Republic may argue that Resolution #81 either does or does not obligate nations to recognize same-sex unions, depending on which position is most convenient to its point of view.

Resolution #106: Protection of Dolphins Act

Omigodtheykilledkenny famously defied Protection of Dolphins Act while it was still in effect, although the government did not officially sanction such activities and in fact created the Dolphin Protection Enforcement Squad (DoPES) to prevent dolphin abuse over the high seas. DoPES proved a remarkably inept agency, and managed not to save a single dolphin from the time it was created to the time the Defense Department "accidentally" nuked its fleet after PoDA's repeal.

Resolution #107: Ban Chemical Weapons

Creative Solutions' official advisory on Resolution #107 focused on its incredible vagueness: "The Federal Republic could conceivably classify all chemical arms as 'gummy bears' and there's not a thing the United Nations could do about it," it said. Unfortunately, the Defense Department would tragically take that statement literally, leading to several lawsuits from parents who really thought they were buying their children candy. (One important thing to remember about Kennyites: they're not too bright.)

Resolution #122: Promotion of Solar Panels

For the first time in its history, the Creative Solutions Agency recommended outright defiance of a UN proposal following the passage of the ill-conceived, and quickly repealed, Promotion of Solar Panels. "We reside in the Antarctic; we don't even get the sun six months out of the year; there is no way the Federal Republic can stop burning fossil fuels," read the official advisory. However, the Federal Republic decided to punish fellow member states over past infringements on national sovereignty and cast its votes in favor of the resolution.

Resolution #126: Fossil Fuel Reduction Act

Resolution #135: Right to Divorce

Forced Banishment Ban

Repeals

Doomsday File