Difference between revisions of "Errinundera"

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Errinundera (WIP)

Contested NSWCs: 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9

NSWC 5: Qualified, lost in group stages

NSWC 6: Reached semi-finals and lost 3rd place play-off

NSWC 7: Champions

NSWC 8: Reached 2nd round

NSWC 9: Lost in group stages

From the archives:

THE AGE

LEATHER SCANDALS

ERRINUNDERA TO FORFEIT MATCH AGAINST EUROPA BRITTANIA

LEATHER SUBSTITUTED FOR LEATHER SUBSTITUTE

With just hours to go before the sixth round of World Cup 7 qualifying, the NationStates World Cup community is about to be rocked by one of its biggest scandals yet. The University of Milosis in McKillops Bridge has explained why Ploser microfibre is indistinguishable from leather.

It is leather.

The university has carried out extensive tests on footballs and boots provided to them by labour union officials who collected them from retail stores all over the nation. This secret collection has been going on since the dispute over wages began in Fanny Moo five weeks ago. Professor elassdomg from the University’s department of Chemical Engineering explained to us that the tests are simple, quick and precise. “Preliminary results show conclusively that only microfibre that has been manufactured within Errinundera can be trusted to be the real thing, that is, a leather substitute. Any material that has been manufactured offshore has so far tested to be a fake, that is, a leather substitute substitute. I’m getting confused here. Let me start again. If the source material was made in Errinundera it’s microfibre, if imported it’s leather.”

Spontaneous boycott planner and activist, swellen, explained the implications. “First of all I want to make two points clear. Errinundera makes very little microfibre for Ploser. Most is imported. On the other hand we make almost all of their finished products such as footballs and football boots. As you know, in the last couple of weeks all their products have been recalled and shipped overseas. So if you want genuine microfibre gear in Errinundera, well I’m sorry, there’s none to be had. It’s as if Ploser Microfibres has played an elaborate joke on our nation.”

To find out how this scam came to be uncovered we need to visit the its epicentre: Fanny Moo. The first person to have suspicions was sniffer wombat trainer, whoaboy. “My wombats are trained to sniff out banned substances such as meat, leather, cigarettes, guns, cars, police and military personnel. For some time now the wombats have been getting very agitated whenever I went near the factory. I didn’t think much of it until I mentioned it in passing to my mate, sharonb, the union organiser. Suddenly it struck me that my girls and boys could be on to something. sharonb agreed and promised to have it investigated.”

Errinundera’s Protector of Sport, filthyl, was informed and instantly recognized the implications for the national side. He immediately sent samples of the team’s gear to the University of Milosis for testing. “It’s all leather. Every last scrap of the stuff we use. Breaking the news to the team was one of the most horrible things I’ve ever had to do. Several members of the team, including the team coach fionar, became so ill they vomited.”

A very green about the gills moschatuma told The Age that the team will not play any more matches until they can be assured that their footwear and balls are not manufactured from dead animal products. “Words cannot express my horror at what has happened. To think that I’ve been kicking the shit out of ex-cows is horrible beyond words.” Team coach, fionar, has expressed her solidarity with the team’s decision to forfeit the match against Europa Brittania. Expressions of support have come from the Protector of Sport, filthyl, and from the Main Protector, willd, who issued the following statement: “We are currently endeavourng to locate any Ploser products still around the nation so it can be given a decent and respectful burial. Anybody who thinks the may have a dead animal product can have it tested. Magistrates will be investigating what sort of compensation will be appropriate. It is our intention that Ploser Microfibres be required to pay this compensation.”

It is clear that, despite the nation’s pride in the achievements of their national team, it too supports the players’ decision. As we go to press reports are coming in of angry crowds gathering at Ploser plants around the country.

It also remains to be seen how the NSWCC reacts to these developments. At this stage it is too early to tell what the implications are for the longfoots’ prospects of qualifying.

As yet we have not been able to get an official comment from the Europa Brittania team which is currently lodging at the former palace in McKillops Bridge ahead of the game which had been scheduled for this afternoon.