Habeas Corpus (Wharf Springs)

Habeas Corpus
Office Held Former President of Wharf Springs Elected Years §4, §8, §12, §16, §20, §24, §28, §32, §36 Political Affiliation Independent. Legend? The term is overused these days, but this man really is a Legend!

Habeas Corpus was one of the original Wharf Springians who arrived in the country at the time of the mass exodus of 5 million left-wing liberals from Scandinavia. He is considered to be a genuine, authentic member of an elite group of people known as the Four Fathers Who Were Our Fore Fathers (FFWWOFF).

Biography

Born §-38 - Died §62

Habeas Corpus was the first President of Wharf Springs, who took office at the moment of the country's inception in 1947, or §0 in local year definitions. He is considered by historians to be one of the greatest politicians of all time, given the fact that the managed to win nine successive elections, and leading his people to true Enlightenment. While he was technically an immigrant, like everyone else who founded the nation, he always considered himself to be a Wharf Springian first and foremost when he renounced his Swedish citizenship on the day of travel to the islands that make up the 18 Beech Grove region.

Origin of His Name

It may surprise some people to learn that Habeas Corpus was not his real name. Hailing from Sweden, his original moniker was in fact Valfrid Ökvist. He was bestowed the name of Habeas Corpus shortly after he formed the first government, when he used the newly formed legislatures to pass an Act of Habeas Corpus, thus ensuring great liberal freedoms and traditions would be upheld in Wharf Springs for all eternity. This single, magnificent gesture was met with great approval by the population, and so he was renamed in honour of his achivement in creating a True Liberal state, in strict defiance of Evil Anti-Liberals everywhere, including David Blunkett and Charles Clarke.

The First President

None were more surprised to become the president of a brand new nation than Corpus himself. In §0, Corpus was aged just 20 and had never shown an interest in politics before. Yet, fate was deliver him an unusual surprise. On the long flight across from Scandinavia to their new home land, it was decided that a Mighty game of Scissors, Paper, Stone would take place in order to settle who should become the new Leader to bring them into existence. Winning after a marathon 43 individual challenges, and then the final game on a decider, Corpus immediately set about forming his plan for government, showing maturity beyond his years. He was the sole creator of almost all the articles of the Wharf Springs constitution, further details of which can be found on the Wharf Springs page. It has stood the test of time and has been amended only once since in order to place a term-limit structure in the wake of Corpus' unprecedented nine term presidency.

He was fortunate to have had such favourable political conditions. The populace were patient and worked hard to foster the new political culture and system required of all new nation-states. As a result, the process of settling in new democratic values and creating a sense of nationalism towards a new state was remarkably easy. Loyalty to Scandinavian states was soon ousted from culture, and Wharf Springians soon became the most fiercely patriotic people in the region, led by the example set by Corpus.

Once the legislatures had been formed, the first task was to push through all the tenets of liberalism. First the constitution, then the Code of Laws, and then legislation to deal with Wharf Spring's biggest problem: the lack of citizens. Growth was needed, and rapid growth at that. It needed a visionary response.

An Unparalleled Virility

To solve the problem, Corpus decided to take matters to hand. Literally. Once the Code of Laws was in place, he forced through, in secret, Acts of Parliament that established the so-called "Corpus Copulation Club". It was not a well kept secret that Corpus was astonishingly ugly: a problem that only became worse in his advancing years and ultimately earned him the nickname "The Corpse". Desperate to finally lay the ghost of his school days to rest amidst endless rumours of his frigidity, Corpus enacted plans that would see him father more than 400 children in his lifetime - both naturally and in later years with the aid of a turkey baster, and the exact figure will never be known.

The Club was a nine member rotating society, into which a new woman between the ages of 18-24 (it is said Corpus preferred 'em young) drawn randomly in a monthly lottery was entered each month to replace one who had just dropped out. As a woman entered the Club, they would be impregnated by Corpus and would leave the club on time of birth of the child. They would be richly rewarded throughout the rest of their life, and the new child would be supported well until its 18th birthday. Corpus liked to boast of his extensive sacrifices in bringing up child after child, and set an example for the nation to follow. His efforts helped ensure that the population grew at an impressive rate, and the average number of children a family has is well above the world average, at some 7 per family.

As a thank you from the nation to Corpus for all his hard work in forming the nation, when he was finally defeated in his 10th election run by Timothy Head in §40, Timothy Head's first act was to keep the Club a secret and to allow Corpus to keep on fathering children in this special way until his death.

And Continue Fathering He Did! Tales are often told of how Corpus spent his final days. Legend has it that on his deathbed, Corpus managed to procreate naturally, without the aid of a turkey baster, with a simply extraordinary ten woman in a marathon session, culminating in him crumpling in a heap and dying. His long stated wish was to go out with a bang, and a Bang it was. Young men of Wharf Springs often try to emulate this feat in honour of Corpus in a challenge known as the "Dec-A-Corpse". This has given rise to an increase in chlamydia - Wharf Springs has the worst sexual health of any nation in the world, granny snatching and necrophilia, since certain young men take the name of the contest too literally.

The Club would have remained a secret were it not for the publishing of documents by 15th President Randy Flypops who leaked all details of Corpus' exploits in an effort to divert attention from his own inability to keep his trousers buttoned up when his administration was embroiled in scandal.

This reputation of his has earned him a rightful place in history as the original founding member of the Four Fathers. Three other people, all friends of Corpus, also engaged in similar antics at the same time. Between the four of them, they are now deemed to be responsible for more than 30% of the Wharf Springs gene pool. It has been noted by biologists that very large ears, such as those exhibited by Corpus, are present in an extremely high percentage of new babies. His efforts will be felt forever.

Election Successes

Corpus was a natural born election winner. Once appointed in §0, he made it clear that his first election in §4 would be a chance for the people to cast their judgement on his work. He was endorsed by 90% of the electorate, which has never been repeated. Similar figures occured for his elections in §8, §12 and §16, as the population went through the feel good effects of the first economic boom.

In the elections that followed, Corpus' support steadily declined. The election of §36 saw Corpus have to face a second round run-off election for the first time, and then he just scraped him with 52%. He attempted to restore popular support to his presidency in a desperate attempt to cling to power in §39 with his proposal to increase tax rates to 101%, a move denounced by economists as "absurd" but approved strongly by the people. However, in §40 he was finally replaced by a younger model in the form of Timothy Head, in spite of the support for the 101% tax rate. Richard Head then pressed through changes to the constitution to ensure that nine-term presidents were no longer possible, and so the three-term limit in place today is also another effect of Corpus' legacy.

Post-Political Years

After being removed from power, Corpus lived for a further §22 until the age of §100. He remained influential right up until his death through his contacts in the Centre Liberal party that he helped to set up to keep pushing his own agenda. He lived to see the first success of the party he was the Chairman of in §56, when Egbert Ethereal-Ethernet Port was elected the 5th President of Wharf Springs.

His final years were mostly spent in solitude as Corpus allegedly worked hard "writing his memoirs" although such a book was never published. In light of the publication of recent evidence surrounding the actions of his Club, it does not require a great leap of logic to work out what was actually going on.

Quotes

"There's a little bit of The Corpse in everyone!" - an often used catchphrase by Corpus that at the time seemed innocent but in fact with hindsight now makes a lot more sense.