Kegmenistani Etiquette
Etiquette is of great importance within Kegmenistani society. What follows are excerpts from "A Guide to Etiquette". These show some of the more important customs and traditions which should always be followed whilst in Kegmenistan.
Everyday Etiquette
General Etiquette
Writing on a wall, sitting on the floor, or throwing things onto the floor are glaring vulgarities.
Of course, cursing or discussing "inappropriate" or "impolite" subjects is a social taboo.
It is impolite to spit in public.
A gentleman is to stand up when a lady enters a room; in a large room where there are many people, stand up when a lady comes into your presence. Stand up when a lady stands. Offer a lady your seat if no others are available. Assist a lady with her chair when she sits down or stands, especially when at a table or when the chairs are large and heavy. Open doors for a lady and allow her to pass through them before you. Help a lady with her coat, cloak, shawl, or other outer garment that she desires to remove in order to be more comfortable in the room. Always offer a lady refreshments if refreshments are available.
Cleanliness is always appreciated.
True politeness costs nothing, but yields the largest interest and profit to the possessor than any known securities
Humility is rarely misunderstood, and even more rarely is it offensive to any.
Practice modesty in all situations.
All your actions should therefore be so unexceptionable as to give you a frankness of character that will inspire confidence in yourself in the presence of the most exalted or venerated of your friends.
Conversational Etiquette
A loud tone of voice in conversation is to be avoided, as well as loud laughter. Both are considered vulgar in the extreme.
At the same time, speaking in a whisper, particularly for the purpose of excluding others from a conversation or a confidential aside, is exceptionally rude. If there are matters which must be communicated privately, there is almost always a better time and place to do so than while in the company of more than just the two who are communicating privately.
Conversation should be held in a melodious and friendly tone of voice.
It is considered impolite for a person to address another by first name when in public.
Ask after others, particularly the one with whom you are conversing, but never in the form of a question, as more direct questions are considered blunt and crude. Rather than saying, "How are your parents?", the acceptable form would have been to say, "I trust that your parents are well".
Personal or private matters should never be discussed on the street or in public gatherings.
Controversy and confrontation should be avoided in conversation, and one who assumes a disagreeable manner of speaking or tone of voice should not be met with the same stock-in-trade.
Not every spoken wrong or inaccuracy requires that you address it and set it right. While doing so may make you perfectly right or appear to be perfectly knowledgeable on a subject, it also reveals you to be perfectly petty and boorish.
Always refrain from explaining any expression or word you may use unless asked to do so.
Men and women are advised not to praise themselves, their kin, their possessions, or anything so closely personal as to prevent the listener from participating - other than to listen.
The failures of other people are likewise to be avoided as conversation pieces, and one is considered rude in the extreme if he or she ridicules another.
Unless a gathering is political or religious in nature, it is considered impolite to introduce the topics of religion or politics.
Avoid the use of slang terms and phrases in polite company. Those terms belong to bar-rooms and other low places. In the same vein, by all means should you avoid the vulgar habit of joking at the expense of women.
There is only one proper way to make a request, and that is in the form of a question, not a directive.
Mealtime Etiquette
There are considered to be three common meals of the day and these are referred to as: breakfast for the morning meal; dinner for the mid-day meal; and supper for the evening meal.
At the evening meal, a family share daily routines and experiences, family legends are passed on, and moral lessons shared. At supper, the father leads the family and carved the entree while mother holds court and directs the serving of side dishes and beverages. Dinner is generally served between noon and 2:00 PM, and supper is served anywhere between 3:00 PM and 7:00 PM.
Supper is often followed in the evening by a family time, and then private time in each person's room. Evenings are commonly used for letter-writing, music, handwork, conversation and reading.
Etiquette is different around the family table from what it is in a formal setting. While the fundamental manners such as asking for food to be passed rather than exercising the "boarding-house reach"; chewing with one’s mouth closed; not speaking while food is in one’s mouth; and using a napkin rather than the trousers or skirt to clean of the fingers or mouth when necessary were to be observed regardless of the setting, The primary differences came in where eating utensils were multiplied; where seating was an issue; and even the quality of the utensils, serving pieces, and food would be different.
Formal meals or suppers or dinner parties are associated with "company". As such, they have an etiquette all their own. A formal meal or dinner party is an opportunity to introduce friends and associates to their sanctuary from the world - their home. It is also an opportunity to show off the best of a home’s linens, plates, flatware, mannerliness and hospitality, as well as the house-cleaning skills of the residents of that home. A lady’s best dishes and glasses would be used, and a formal menu would be planned that would commonly include at least four courses. All would be on display for that brief time, including the host and hostesses’ taste in decorating, furnishing their home, and social skills. For some, it is an opportunity to elevate themselves socially by impressing their friends or associates with their good taste and generous larder.
The four courses that are so much a part of a formal meal are soup, fish, an entree, and dessert. While the second course and the entree course often includes wine, dessert would be followed with coffee, and perhaps fruit to help cleanse the palate. The soup or appetizer course includes water, although a rich cream soup or cream sauce for that course might be complemented by serving sherbet or flavored ices after the soup or appetizer to help cleanse the palate.
The household’s mistress sits at the head of the table, while the master is seated at the foot of the table. Guests are seated, and thereby mixed, according to personality so as to keep the conversation flowing and lively. Married couples are almost never seated next to each other. A dinner party is a social occasion, not so much a family affair.
The table would include soup bowls, bread plates, dinner plates, glasses for water and wine, silverware (often a multitude of specialized utensils beyond the simple fork-knife-spoon), knife rests, salt cellars, and napkins; a fish course would add a fish fork and fish plate to each place setting. After those dishes had been cleared from the table in preparation for dessert, dessert would require dessert plates, forks or spoons, finger glasses, and perhaps fruit plates and fruit knives as well. One should never eat a fruit (other than a banana) in the hand; instead, when at table one should place it on a plate, cut it with a knife, and eat it with a fork.
Finger glasses - not finger "bowls" - are an elegant accessory to a meal that normally appears with the dessert course. The proper manner in which to make use of one is to dip your finger tips into the warm water of the finger glass, wet your napkin with your now-wet fingers, and use the damp portion of the napkin to touch to your face and mouth. It is a genteel complement to the meal's functional pieces. During this ablution, men are advised to pay particular attention to "facial hair residue", or the crumbs and other food particles that tend to gather and linger in mustaches, goatees, and beards. People should be reminded that the finger glass should not be considered an opportunity for public bathing, nor are they intended to provide a mouth wash - and ladies and gentlemen should never, ever rinse their mouths out and expectorate into the finger glasses or water glasses.
While at table, ladies and gentlemen should been mindful to always take what is offered them, even if you they do not want it. This includes wine or other adult beverages. If offered a food that was not to their liking, they are expected to take a sampling. For those who chose not to partake of alcoholic beverages, good manners require that they receive the glass offered with thanks, and merely - but at least - touch the glass to their lips.
Church Etiquette
One most remember the need to exercise restraint in their behavior, and to demonstrate an appropriate level of piety in church activities in honoring and respecting God.
Children are expected to be part of the worship services. It is incumbent upon parents to raise their children from infancy to be able to sit still and quietly during divine services in deference to their pew neighbors, to the pastor, but most especially before God. Having children in the adult worship services does not absolve the parents of their responsibility to catechize their children, as well as to read with them from the Bible daily and to pray with them. The role of religious educator falls, in godly homes, to the parents as well as the pastor and the Sunday School teachers.
As for matters of form, they reflect those of society. Gloves are to be worn by ladies while in church. A man should remove his hat during any church function, whether indoors or out, as a sign of respect to God.
A subdued atmosphere should attend a meeting place of worship where all should be preparing their hearts and minds to receive the Word of God. All distractions should therefore be avoided, which would include loud noises, bright colors, an excess of jewelry, extravagant or gaudy clothing, and talking in church. It is highly inappropriate to socialize during the service or mass. Quiet moments, either before or during the service, should be given over to prayer and meditation.
Snoring in church is a public disgrace, and the height of vulgarity.
Symbolic Etiquette
Symbolic etiquette is peculiar to Kegmenistan. It is important to the people and is widespread though strangely it is not known where it originated from.
Hand Held Fans
Hand-held fans are a necessity for much of the year beyond all discussions of fashion and style. Fans range from the extraordinarily simple and inexpensive to those that are quite elegant, elaborate, and costly. Some fans are scented, made of woods such as cedar or other inherently fragrant woods, while others might be doused from time to time with the favorite perfume or cologne of the fan holder.
Fans are reputed to have far greater utility than just helping to keep a lady cool. Fans are also used to communicate an extensive body of phrases and meanings that almost rival those sent by semaphore.
There are a number of visual communications that may be carried on with a lady’s fan that have been circulated in recent years. A simple listing of "fan talk" would include messages as follows, and conveyed in the manners indicated:
"Yes." Rest the fan on your right cheek.
"No." Rest the fan on your left cheek.
"I wish to speak with you." Close the fan.
"I desire your acquaintance." Carry the fan in your left hand before your face.
"I am engaged." Fan yourself very quickly.
"I am married." Fan yourself slowly.
"We will be friends." Drop the fan.
"Wait for me." Open your fan wide.
"Follow me." Carry the fan in your right hand before your face.
"We are being watched." Twirl the fan in your left hand.
"I love you." Draw the fan across your cheek.
"Do you love me?" Present the fan closed.
"You are too willing." Hold the handle to your lips.
"I love another." Twirl your fan in your right hand.
"I am sorry." Draw your fan across your eyes.
"You have changed." Draw your fan across your forehead.
"You are cruel." Open and shut your fan several times in succession.
"I wish to get rid of you." Place your fan against your left ear.
"I hate you!" Draw your fan through your left hand swiftly.
Flowers
The people of Kegmenistan use flowers to express what they can not say aloud. Complex messages can be exchanged without a single word being spoken. Mixing flowers, under this method of communication, can alter the meaning of any one flower’s inclusion in the bunch, making some flower arrangements a real mystery - or a novella.
Apple Blossoms. Hope
Camellia (white). Loveliness
Carnation (pink). Woman's love
Daisy. Cheerfulness
Fern. Sincerity, fascination
Forget-me-not. True love, remembrance
Iris (common). My compliments
Iris (German bearded). Ardor
Hyacinth (white). Beauty
Ivy. Fidelity, loyalty
Pansy. Thoughtfulness
Peony. Bashfulness
Primrose. Childhood, youth
Rose. Refer to the list below
Violet. Modesty
Lilly Rememberance
Every aspect of roses, including their color, openness, and number, carries different shades of meaning, as is true with other flowers.
Giving a rosebud. I love you.
Red rosebud. You are young and beautiful.
Full-blown rose above two buds. We must keep this a secret.
Single white rose. Worthiness of the receiver.
Yellow rose. Jealousy or infidelity by the giver.
The way in which a flower is presented says as much as the flower itself.
Flowers with blooms facing upward. My message is favorable.
Flowers with blooms facing downward. My message is unfavorable.
Flowers given with the right hand. I agree with you.
Flowers given with the left hand. I disagree with you.
Kissing a flower upon receipt. Yes.
Plucking or discarding a petal. No.
Flower worn in a woman's hair. Exercise caution.
Bloom pinned in a woman's cleavage on receipt. I'll remember you fondly
Flower pinned over the heart on receipt. I love you.
Herbs & Flowers
Following are the herbs, and the meanings that have been attached to them.
Angelica. Inspiration
Lavender. Devotion
Basil. Love, good wishes
Lemon Balm. Sympathy, regeneration
Bay. Achievement and fame
Marjoram. Joy
Beebalm. Virtue
Mint. Refreshment
Bell Flower. Gratitude
Mugwort. Pleasant journeys
Borage. Bravery
Parsley. Merriment
Chamomile. Wisdom, fortitude
Rose. Love, success
Chervil. Sincerity
Rosemary. Remembrance
Chives. Usefulness
Sage. Long life, wisdom
Costimary. Sweetness
Salad Burnett. Cheerful disposition
Dill. Good cheer; survival in adversity
Santolina. Full of virtue
Fennel. Power, and endurance
Savory. Interest
Scented Geranium. Happiness
Sweet Woodruff. Humble spirit
Speedwell. Female fidelity
Tarragon. Lasting involvement
Goldenrod. Encouragement
Thyme. Daring
Iris. Pure heart, faith
Violet. Modesty, devotion
Lady's Mantle. Protection
Yarrow. Health
Specific Ettiquette
Mourning Etiquette
Wreaths for funeral services are usually made from rosemary and lavender. Common flowers are lilies.
Visits of condolence are expected to be made within a week for those who were unable to attend the wake or the funeral of the departed.
The "proper" mourning period for a person mourning the death of a spouse is two-and-one-half years. During this time black is the only colour worn. This clothing should also be very simple - no beading or trims.
Mourning jewelry is common and is generally made of materials such as jet; gutta-percha; gold and pinchbeck. Mourning jewelry and clothing is an acceptable prompt to allow others to ask about the one mourned.
