The Second Realms

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Introduction

The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!) are quite an odd place indeed. They are located slightly to the left of the Normal, or First Realms. You know how if you squint you see those wierd fuzzy lines? You're looking at The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!). On this page is some basic information about them, as well as an official World Factbook Entry. Enjoy!

Natural Laws of The Second Realms

This is a list of every natural laws The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!) have. Natural laws in the Normal Realms include falling downwards when you jump off a cliff, dying when a bullet blows your head off and so on. In The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!) they are slightly different. Well, REALLY different.

Law 1: Whenever a human being says the words "The Second Realms" (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!) anywhere with the borders of the aforesaid region, they are immediatley followed by loud noises, usually involving drums and trumpets. This law is constant and unchangeable.

Law 2: Gravity is subjective. All living creature decide how it affects them. Therefore if you WANT to go up, or someone is controlling your mind and makes you want to go up, gravity will change around you and you will fall upwards. Most animals can't think thoughts of such complexity and gravity either affects them normally, or at it's own discretion (flying elephants are common, as are burrowing eagles). Gravity also affects nonliving objects at it's own discretion.

Law 3: The Creator has a sense of humour. This has been proven many times, mainly by the fact that most deaths occur from pianos being dropped on people's heads.

Law 4: Everything is happening everywhere at the same time. This makes tourists very confused or usually dead. This law is very useful if you want to travel: if place A is also place B (and places C - Ö inclusive), and a train at place B is also a train at place A (and places C - ß inclusive), then you will automatically be at all places from A to Ç inclusive. It's getting OFF the train at the right place that is the difficult bit. Most people seem to get off at place Ý.

Law 5: No matter where and when you entered The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!), upon exiting you will appear 4.7293473 km to the south-south-west of where you entered, and at 9:00 in the morning of last thursday.

Law 6: This brings up the question of HOW to get to The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!). Just go somewhere that is not within 4.7293473 km to the north-north-east of any dangers (like seas, volcanos, herds of enraged elephants), and squint until you see a fuzzy line to the left of you. Throw yourself at it. If you miss, you will look very stupid. If you succeed, you will vanish, and anyone talking to you at the time will look very stupid. This method is used by politicians when they have to get away from the media. It is interesting to note that the politicians then can't get OUT and form their own nations. Most of these are dictatorships, utopian societies or both at the same time.

Law 7: There are special laws for death in The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!)

1. If a usually fatal thing happens to you, and you don't notice it, you will not die.

2. If you do notice, or someone else notices and tells you, you will automatically die.

3. If you decide that you want to die, you will die.

4. If a thing that is impossible NOT to die from (such as old age or getting your head ripped off) happens to you, you will die but continue living. Don't get me wrong here: you will stop breathing, your heart will stop beating, your brain will stop working. It's just you'll be alive. Not undead, simply alive like the rest of us. It is easier to understand this concept if you can think on 2 planes of conciousness of the same time (humans are limited to 0.7), or even better on 8.

Basic information about some nations

Samarnia: tries to stay sane, but seems to be failing.

Uult: a huge rainforest populated by hyper-intelligent orang-utans.

Great Jongo II: the governemt enforces caniballism and does not allow anyone to leave their computer screens.

Medicalis: their greatest mistake was to pledge that they will find a cure for the common cold. They are still looking.

More nations to come...

World Factbook Entry

Background: The Second Realms (DAN DADAN DAN DAAN!!!) are an extremley wierd place. Here, just about anything can happen. We mean it. You haven't heard the story about the walrus, have you?

Location: We're... not... sure...

Area: Imagine a potato. Then imagine an apple. Then imagine another apple. It's something like that, but bigger.

Climate: Anything between atomic winter and the surface of the sun. And that's on a good day.

Terrain: So far we have seen oceans, deserts, tropical rainforests and something resembling fairy floss. A good rule of thumb is that it changes with the climate. And we noticed the southern islands keep vanishing off the map.

Natural resources: Most of the surviving mines mine Improbability and Randomness.

Natural hazards: We won't even start. I mean, how much more hazardous can you get than suddenly dissapearing landmasses???

Population: 0. Don't ask.

Birth rate: See above.

Death rate: See above.

Religion: Everyone prays to whatever diety they prefer that they don't suddenly stop existing or, even worse, turn into a walrus.

Communications: Extremley difficult. Some bright guy decided to experiment with phone lines floating above the surface of the region. It worked for a while. Then the sky fell down.

Transportation: Stand under a tree. In at maximum an hour both you and the tree will move somewhere else. It's getting somewhere SPECIFIC that is a problem.

Travel warnings: Highest possible level. Getting into the region itself is a major problem. The population of penguins has almost doubled due to tourists entering.

Time

Time in The Second Realms (toot toot) is a very complex thing indeed. Time was created when the Realms were created, 3250 years SRT (Second Realms Time) ago. However at the start of the year 3001 SRT Time started flowing backwards because of some rather unwise actions by Great Jongo II. Therefore the year is currently 3000-250 SRT. For every second going forward Time goes two seconds back. For every minute going forward Time goes 15 minutes back, then corrects itself to 2. The fact that Time goes backwards goes not actually seem to influence anything happening on The Second Realms (BANG! BA-BANG! BA- *sound of breaking drum* Oops...), apart from clocks and the rotation of The Second Pyramid (Very Loud Silence) around the Sun (see below).

The Universe

The whole of the Second Realms consist of 9 light-years SRT (yes, they go backwards) of space so empty that it is devoid even of emptiness, a small, pink and rather lost poodle, and the Second Solar System. This consists of The Second Pyramid (Very Loud Silence), the Sun, which is made of very very hot pie, and the fake sun created by Pharaoh Mobius, and which is actually made out of gas.

The Second Pyramid

(Very Loud Silence). All of the known countries of The Second Realms (Sound Effects Cut Because Of Copyright Infringment) are placed on the Second Pyramid (Very Loud Silence), a planet-sized triangular-based pyramid. It's tip points towards the sun, and rotates around it in a circle. Also the pyramid rotates around it's own axis, which passes through the tip. This motion means that the base of the pyramid never had daytime, but this flaw was corrected by Mobius, Pharaoh of The Empire of Pharoh Mobius. He used his knowledge of 'weird science', and built a giant artificial sun that lights the whole base of the pyramid during the 'day'.

Timeline

The following is a record of important events from the histories of various nations. All years are in S.R.T. (Second Realms Time). More detailed information can be found on each nation’s specific page.

Too bad, I've cut the timeline. It's now on the website at [1].

Actually, I've moved it because it's out-of-date, and you can't have an out-of-date timeline, can you?