Difference between revisions of "McKillops Bridge"

Revision as of 13:26, 10 June 2006

In the far north of the Errinundera lies McKillops Bridge, the most famous of the nation’s populous northern cities. Built on the banks of the grand Snowy River, which has its headwaters in nations to the north, McKillops Bridge is the usual entry point for visitors to Errinundera.

When you arrive at the docks the first of many surprises awaits you. There are no border controls. Entry to and from Errinundera is totally unrestricted. The only barrier to your entry is an enormous receptacle and the following sign:

Please leave all meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided.

Most visitors happily comply. The Errinundrian sniffer wombats are legendary.

McKillops Bridge has been built on a section of the river that has bent around to flow towards the north again, before looping around again to continue its journey south to the sea. With the western side of the city in the eastern half of the country and the eastern side in the western half, visitors are easily confused. That’s Errinundera for you – always contrary.

Despite the fertility of the great river, this region of Errinundera is in rainshadow so you will find no sign of the famous rainforests of the central plateau. Instead the landscape is dominated by white and black cypress pines. As these are quite unsuitable as house trees, the Bridge folk live in ground houses or in caves built into the cliffs along the river.

Sixty metre granite cliffs dominate the western bank here in McKillops Bridge. (Remember, this is in the eastern side of the country). The eastern bank is flat. Connecting the top of the cliff to the opposite bank is the centuries old pride of the city, a staircase 30 metres broad, spanning the width of the river and supported by a pair of beautifully proportioned ellipses. At the top of the staircase that gives the city its modern name is the palace of the former royal family. A wide avenue leads from the red granite palace to the beautiful white Star Temple, home of a religious sect that used to hold Errinundera in its thrall. The palace and temple are now national museums.

Until the 1905 revolution the city was known as Milosis. Indeed the upper section of the city still goes by that name. The royal family, priests, soldiers and government officials lived on the upper bank and artisans and workers lived on the lower bank. In 1889 British explorers arrived in Errinundera. One of them seduced the then queen and was anointed king. A venal and arrogant man, he was despised by Errinundrians. Civil war broke out with resistance led by the queen’s younger sister. This culminated in the defeat and death of the younger sister and the complete subjugation of a rebellious nation by the queen and her usurper husband. Resistance continued, especially in the dense forests of the plateau where the queen’s army was ill equipped to fight. Finally, following a massacre of thousands of protesters upon the bridge, the army itself revolted and liquidated most of the royal family. A puritanical government took control and moved the capital to First Creek Falls. It, in turn, collapsed in 1941 to be replaced by the current libertarian regime.

Adjacent to the palace upon the cliff-top is the ancient coliseum. This three-sided granite structure has been refurbished to bring it up to international standards. Now accommodating 41,000 fans, it has all facilities expected of a modern stadium, including giant colour screens, heated seating, corporate boxes and state of the art player amenities.

The unusual feature of the McKillops Bridge Coliseum is that the pitch goes almost to the edge of the cliff affording a dizzying view for players and spectators alike. Fans in the top row seats can see far into the west of Errinundera. A secure mesh fence prevents people and players from falling over the edge. The ground is the home of 2nd division side Milosis (The White Guard) and, much to the chagrin of the upper city folk, has become a sort of permanent temporary home to powerful 1st division side McKillops Bridge (The Kingfishers) which has its support among the lower city folk.

There is mild resentment that political power has resided in First Creek Falls for the last century. Bridge Folk see their city as the cultural, historical and intellectual capital of the nation in much the same way St Petersburg natives would view their city in relation to Moscow. The rivalry is not bitter but it is an undercurrent that is always tugging away. The Falls Folk are airheads (they live in trees) and the Bridge Folk are blockheads (the live in rectangular stone houses).

Visitors are free to travel about McKillops Bridge. Walk into any house – you will be most welcome. You’ll also get a hearty, but stodgy vegetarian meal: lentil soup or nutloaf. As the welcoming sign on the docks suggest, the great curses of modern civilization, guns and cars, are absent here. A comprehensive tram and monorail network will take you anywhere you care to go. And they’re free.

Sure, we have a tendency to ban things. It’s probably a relic of our puritanical past. So along with guns and cars you won’t find cigarettes, gambling, meat or leather, police or armies. These things are considered quite nasty. On the other hand, our drug raves are internationally famous and our attitude to nudity and sex is quite relaxed. If sex and leather is your thing we have no shortage of substitutes for you. It’s all a question of what is harmful. You may also be surprised to discover that private enterprises have not been banned. We just tax them to buggery.

If you don’t like the way we run things that’s OK, just hop up on the home of our national leader and tell him what you think.