First Creek Falls

The Errindundrian capital, First Creek Falls, lies on the southern escarpment of the Errinundera Plateau. It is named after and located at the base, the top, around and behind the waterfall of the same name. The falls plunge 600 metres from the plateau to the southern lowlands.

The populace resides in trees at the base of the falls. In order that the national animal, the long-footed potoroo, may frolic freely, it is illegal to disturb the ground in any way beneath the trees. All the trees are owned by Errinundera. People rent trees at market rates from the government and build tree-houses of any design they choose provided the tree is healthy and the house is built safely. There is a magnificent array of aerial walkways between trees that grow as high as 130 metres: mountain ash, alpine ash, shining gum, messmate and cut-tail (also known as brown barrel). The gullies below feature the most loved of all the trees - the southern sassafras - with its lime green foliage, nutmeg fragrance and Enid Blyton toytown shape. The currency is named for the tree and a seedling appears on the nation's flag.

The most sought after locations are naturally close to the falls where the constant spray allows magnificent fern and epiphyte gardens to flourish in the trees.

Other than shops, which can also be built in the trees, all business and administrative buildings are located on the plateau at the summit of the falls. Regulations prohibit these buildings from being visible from the tree houses. An extensive but hidden elevator network has been mined in the rock behind the falls so that people can quickly and easily go about their business.

The greatest threats to this idyllic lifestyle are bush-fire and political skullduggery. On Black Friday (13 January 1939) over 6,000 perished when a crown fire raged through the house trees. This prompted the then Protector to implement the notorious "War Against Bushfirism" policy which severely curtailed human rights throughout Errinundera. Historians estimate that somewhere between 12,000 and 30,000 Errinundrians died as a direct consequence of this policy. In a backlash against this dark time in our history, the people began the great, peaceful civil disobedience campaign which culminated in that particular Protector shooting himself - the last known gun death in the country on 7 December 1941, now celebrated as Liberation Day.

On Ash Wednesday (16 February 1983) another bush-fire destroyed Upper First Creek Falls, wiping out many businesses, much to everyone's glee. This part of the city has been completely re-built since, with the marshes and creek (river really) being developed into a beautiful "water quarter" as it is affectionately called. Transport between all buildings is by gondola. Much to the embarrassment of Errinundrians the largest (and ugliest) building in the water quarter had been, until recently, headquarters of NGDV Ltd, Errinundera’s notorious woodchip export company. After Errinundera qualified for WC5, happy revellers levelled the building.

Errinundrians in general, and Falls Folk (as they call themselves) in particular, know that they will never be rich but they have a smugness, that is internationally irritating, because they know they live in paradise. Along with this smugness is a tendency to ban things that are contrary to their nature. Among banned items are meat, cars, cigarettes, guns, police and armed forces. Due to progressive social policies there is virtually no crime. And as no NationState has yet developed the necessary technology there are no fears that Errinundera will be invaded.

Visitors to Errinundera are warned that no dead animal products are allowed into the country. Local businesses can provide teams with the finest quality football gear made from a microfibre that is indistinguishable from leather. Team dietitians need to take into account the needs of the players under a vegetarian regime within Errinundera.

Environmental concerns do not permit the building of a football stadium within First Creek Falls proper. The national stadium, seating 32,000, is located at Frosty Hollow, about 30 km to the northeast of First Creek Falls. Qualifying matches will be held in winter and, given that Frosty Hollow is about 1200 metres above sea level, teams are warned that snow is quite possible during matches. Transport to the ground is by rail, which is free. Public transport is comprehensive and there are no restrictions on travel within the country. Visiting footballers will be feted wherever they go.

Errinundrians may have banned many pernicious things but generally speaking they are egalitarian to a fault. Few people lock their house-trees. Besides, not being terribly materialistic, they have very little worth stealing. Few Errinundrians have a television, let alone a home entertainment centre. Since WC5 Errinundrians have placed thousands of huge screens in public places where they can watch the football matches in a community carnival atmosphere. Visitors can feel free to hop up on anyone’s home for a chat. Don’t be alarmed if you see naked people among the treetops – it’s just the way they are. Errinundrians are also fairly relaxed about sex.

Good luck and enjoy your football.