Minnesotan Confederacy
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| Flag and Coat of Arms of Minnesotan Confederacy | |
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- Official
- Unofficial
English
Spanish, Hmong, Somali
- Kaiser
- Chancellor
- Ruling party
· Free-market capitalist state
His Imperial Majesty J.L. I
Calvin Cyprian, Jr.
Minnesotan Patriot Party
- joined Union
- seceded
- formed confederation
- became a monarchy
May 11, 1858
June 8, 1949
June 23, 1965
October 3, 1985
- Total
- % water
2,353,469 km²
6.47
- Total (2006)
70,333,210
- Total (USD)
- GDP/capita (USD)
$22,934,825,655,795.91
$68,702.81
English name
Common Loon
English name
Showy lady slipper
English name
Norway Pine
- sport
- government
MIN
MIN, MNC
- Military
- Civilian
MCS
MCV
The United Empire of the Minnesotan Confederacy is an absolute monarchy located in the Midwest, and comprised of the following states: Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, and West Virginia. While the Minnesotan Confederacy is an authoritarian single-party state that never holds elections, the government is highly decentralized and almost completely free of corruption. Most civil liberties are fully protected, on paper and in practice, by the government; however, even the remotest semblance of dissent is ruthlessly smashed. The Minnesotan Confederacy has a robust free-market economy characterized by tremendous annual growth, minimal inflation, a favorable balance of trade, and huge budgetary surpluses. The nation is a prominent actor on the world stage.
Contents
History
Roots of secession
The Great Depression
Secessionist tendencies first began to bubble shortly after the Great Crash devastated the economy of the United States. As bumbling bureaucrats conceived a string of half-baked plans riddled with fallacies, and Washington's meddling in the economy grew ever greater, the economy went into free-fall, and continued to decline at an alarming rate. Disgusted with the ineptitude and "creeping socialism" of the federal government, many Minnesotans started or joined pro-independence Minnesotan nationalist parties and began to clamor for Minnesota's secession from the Union. A 1931 poll indicated that support for secession ran as high as 67%, with only 13% opposed and 20% undecided. State-wide elections were held in 1932, and the pro-independence Minnesotan Freedom and Independence Party won an overwhelming majority of seats in both the House and Senate, and the party president, Ian Gibbs, became governor. A resolution calling for "immediate, complete, and unconditional independence" was drafted, but Governor Gibbs told his colleagues to "wait and see" how the presidential election went before making a "rash decision." To their chagrin, the left-of-center Franklin D. Roosevelt won by a landslide.
A private little war
One of Roosevelt's first actions as President was to denounce Minnesota as a "rogue state." "We will not allow these reactionary crackpots to disrupt the unity of our nation," F.D.R. warned. "Any attempt by the State of Minnesota to secede from this Union will be dealt with in the strictest fashion necessary." Few heeded his words, and most Minnesotans scoffed at what they considered to be an empty threat. However, they learned soon enough that the President was not joking at all. When, on May 19, 1933, Governor Gibbs signed the Minnesota Secession Act, F.D.R. deployed 18,000 soldiers of the U.S. Army to "restore order." The Minnesotans, confronted with a daunting foe bent on their annihilation, faced their imminent destruction without fear, and fought the invaders with all their heart and soul. Their guerrilla tactics were, for a time, highly successful. However, four months later, in desperation, the Army resorted to scorched earth tactics, such as carpet bombing cities, depriving rural areas of food supplies, and imprisoning thousands in concentration camps. After seven months of brutal warfare, at a total cost of more than 700,000 Minnesotan lives and the destruction of 65% of Minnesota's economy, the "skirmish," as F.D.R. euphemistically dubbed it, was over. It would be more than fifteen years for the fires of secession to burn in the hearts of Minnesotans again.
The Second World War
Prior to the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, the vast majority of Minnesotans opposed American involvement in World War II, preferring instead that the U.S. remain neutral. After the 1930s Minnesotan War of Independence (as it was called in Minnesota; in Washington, D.C. it was called the "private little war"), few if any Minnesotans trusted Roosevelt, and few had any desire to send their sons to die for "that dirty fascist bastard" in the event that war came. When war did indeed come, most Minnesotans supported American involvement, but not Minnesotan involvement. Though none sympathized with fascism or the Axis Powers, they opposed Minnesotan involvement for two reasons: A) Minnesota itself had not been attacked; and B) Antipathy toward Roosevelt. While thousands of Minnesotans voluntarily joined the U.S. military, the Minnesotan government openly refused to comply with the draft, said it did not apply to Minnesota, and said that only volunteers would enlist. While Roosevelt threatened to "destroy utterly" Minnesota, he did not have the resources to do so, as the entire military was occupied fighting the Axis nations. Most Minnesotan men stayed in Minnesota, openly defying the federal government and earning the ire of most Americans but the admiration of most Minnesotans. When, on April 12, 1945, Roosevelt died of a stroke, a national holiday was declared, and the entire state celebrated.
After the war
Roosevelt's successor, Harry Truman, continued his predecessor's beligerent policy toward Minnesota. He denounced the denizens of the state as "seditious sons of bitches who would have proudly kissed Hitler's ass if given the chance," expressed regret that more Minnesotans had not died in the "private little war," and imposed punitive sanctions on Minnesota, devastating its economy. Unemployment, infant mortality, and inflation skyrocketed to unprecedented levels, crime became endemic, homeless people appeared on almost every street corner, and marital strife tore apart untold numbers of families. Truman even had the United States Army blockade Minnesota and mine all its borders. This compounded the state's economic depression further still. Thousands starved to death, inflation reached 10,000%, nearly half of the work force was unemployed, conditions in cities were near anarchic due to rampant street crime, and thousands of children were forced to work in sweatshops or as prostitutes to help their families survive. Whatever reservations they may have had before, most Americans openly sympathized with Minnesota, and some even began to call for their own states to secede.
Minnesota tried fruitlessly to negotiate with the federal government, but to no avail. In fact, the more concessions Minnesota offered, the more intransigent Truman became, and the more he repressed the state. With no alternatives, faced with total destruction, on June 8, 1949, Minnesota announced its secession from the United States of America.
The stage was set for the Second American Civil War.
The Second Civil War
Within ten days, the following states announced that, in support of Minnesota and in protest against Washington, D.C., they would henceforth secede from the Union and become independent states: North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, and West Virginia. Exasperated and livid, Truman declared war on each of the newly independent states individually, and mobilized the entire U.S. military, and launched invasions of the secessionist states. Refusing to attack their "sister states," the states of the South (Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and Florida) simultaneously seceded, and united into a nation called Kahta.
