Talk:Robert Tredegat

Alright, here's what I mean

You have:

Robert Francis Tredegat was born to George and Martha Tredegat on 5 October, 1960 in Fenoria, UKTGM. He was accepted into the Royal Military Academy at age 18. He graduated fifth in his class, in 1981, and served little under a year in the Trans-Galasian Army, before he was deported, despite serveral pleas from his superiors for him to be left alone.

My re-write:

Rober Francis Tredegat was born to George and Marth Tredegat on 5 October, 1960 in Fenoria UKTGM; an only child. Upon graduating High School, he was accepted into the Royal Military Academy where he graduated fifth in his class. However, despite his success and several recommendations from his superiors, he was deported when the King William IX's (Insert Law name) Laws were enacted.

Forgottenlord