Kothuwania
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| Flag of Kothuwania | |
| Motto: "Mr. Pibb + Red Vines = CRAZY DELICIOUS!" | |
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| Region | Paradiso of Inferno |
|---|---|
| Capital | Ko |
| Official Language(s) | Kothuwanian English Dialect |
| Leader | Ko |
| Population | 283 Million |
| Currency | w-PANG |
| NS Sunset XML | |
The Rogue Nation of Kothuwania is a huge, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its punitive income tax rates. Its hard-nosed population of 289 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.
It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, socially-minded government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Religion & Spirituality, and Defense. The average income tax rate is 62%, and even higher for the wealthy. A large private sector is led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, followed by Automobile Manufacturing and Door-to-door Insurance Sales.
A weakened police force struggles to maintain law and order, wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct, local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food", and public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is a serious problem. Kothuwania's national animal is the Bloodthirsty Trouser, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the w-PANG.
Contents
Geography
Kothuwania is located in the southeast of the region Paradiso of Inferno. Many port cities are located along the coast. Kothuwania is an active trade nation and since it’s founding has expanded into other regions.
The Mainland
Kothuwania is the third nation to enter the borders of P of I. Since it’s founding, eleven other nations have entered and become part of the region. Three of them were welcomed. Kothuwania is the fourth largest nation in P of I. The mainland features major port cities, the largest being Onrefni, the hottest place in the world to host an ice sculpture competition. There are many tropical islands off the coast, the largest being Osidarap, which is also the name of the major tourist resort city located on it.
Colonies
Several colonies exist in another region that was discovered by the Kothuwania space program. A series of floating islands orbiting the earth became the new home to many Kothuwanian explorers. Several years later, there was an evacuation decreed by the nation's most renowned scientist, Michael Donk. Not taking any chances, the colonists evacuated. The next week the air islands were gone. Nobody knows just how they disappeared, but many theories have been made. The leading theory suggests that a highly evolved cockroach with heavy artillery hijacked an interstellar cruiser and crawled into the ship's computer, merging itself with the brain of the machine. The bug/ship flew to the planet Xarqua and detonated several nuclear devices on the planet, killing all forms of life on the planet except for it's cockroaches. Then the bug/ship (we'll say Bip) absorbed all the energy from the bugs and became a super-intelligent entity. He grew so large that he became the size of a small planet with its own eco-system. The local wildlife (roaches) scurried about in their happy lives. Then one day, Bip moved too close to a black hole and was sucked in. At the other end, he came out 3,000,000 years and many light-years away in the shape of a glass of milk. Then a vicious creature made of malice, evil and tungsten came up and drank it. For some reason, nobody could figure out what happened to the glass.
Donk claims he saw a cockroach acting out of the ordinary. Coincidence? I think not. Everyone believes him.
There is another theory that states that Donk is the b'donk da'crazy parawhackasmack'da-gon wizz-onk to-the chizzi'dag whackjob (in Kothuwanian: slightly mentally challenged). In fact, the abbreviation for b'd/d'c/p'ws'd-g/w-o/t-t/c'd/wj is the word "Donk."
For some reason this theory is not widely accepted.
Currency
The Kothuwanian currency is the w-PANG, a small, sentient piece of unidentified metal.
History
The w-PANG was founded by Yeagle Barnes Akyurit, who discovered a new type of metal that closely resembled an aquamarine stone. Y. B. Akyurit claimed he had found massive deposits of the valuable stone, but a closer scientific look showed the mystery substance to be a combination of plastic, very small rodents, and paper from ancient tabloid magazines. When Mr. Akyurit found this out, he decided to forget it and tell everybody that it was valuable. By the time the public got wind of the truth, it was too late and the stuff had become the national currency. Mr. Akyurit was later quoted as saying, "Why be Precise?"
Behind the Name
A better name than "that stuff that's made of plastic, very small rodents, and paper from ancient tabloid magazines" was proposed by a group called All Hail Our Young Mother Earth (or AHOY, ME (don't ask)). The activist group wanted to use the word w-pang-b'dongua-chizzoquo, the word for "pinky toe" in ancient Jizzokian, from the Jizzoke people that once lived in the area centuries ago. These people were known for their humorous oracles, from whose descendents became known as comedians. AHOY, ME stated that calling the money the same name as the word for "pinky toe" was funny. Experts say that it would have been funny in the time of the ancients. Maybe.
The PANG that puts the PANG in w-PANG is capitalized by some people in an attempt to make profit. However, some people just capitalize the letters. The reason is to stress the second syllable in an exaggerated way. This happens frequently in the Kothuwanian dialect for the sole purpose of making funny noises in one's mouth.
Alternate spelings are:
- wh-pang
- wimpong
- whoppang
- whpnag
- dag
- w-pang d'dang diggy-diggy
- apple
Alternate spelings of the word "speling" include:
- Spelling
Although why anyone would want it to be this way is beyond me.
Value
1 w-PANG is approximately equal to the value of a BIGGIE size Wendy's combo meal. But not one of those GREAT BIGGIE things. No way. That would be, like, 1.4 w-PANGs. And nobody can handle that chizzong-b'dong (Kothuwanian for "large quantity"). That's way hardcore.
Conspiracy theories concerning w-PANGs
It has been rumored that the small smelly metal pieces of currency are in fact alive and plotting the demise of all Kothuwanians humans. This has not been proven, but there was an incident involving a w-PANG and a battle-axe. Nobody was hurt, but a squirrel sustained critical injuries. Hang on, little buddy. You're gonna make it.
Language
Modern Kothuwanian is an unusual dialect of English, with many embedded apostrophes, dashes, and surprise birthday parties.
