Alfredistan

Alfredistan

The Flying Island of Alfredistan is a massive, devout nation, notable for its punitive income tax rates. Located in the Golden Shanty of Saint Bens ,its hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 1.944 billion are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, pro-business government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is mainly concerned with Law & Order, although Defence and the Environment are on the agenda. As of November, 2007, citizens pay a flat income tax of 82%. A very small private sector is dominated by the Soda Sales industry.

The Algronsdorf Family

The history of the Alfredistan Royal Family is best summed up by former Kaiser of Commerce, Nook Cranny, in his forwarding letter to the general public in responce to foreign criticism during Alfgronsdorf VIII rule:

"King Alfred is AKA Alfgronsdorf III. When his father, Alfgronsdorf I (III's brother is the II), was still living on the Siberian Moon, he defeated a Siberian Moonish Bear with his bare hands. At which point he became Kaiser Alfgronsdorf I. Unfortunately, when Alfgronsdorf III was seven and his brother was seventeen, Alfgronsdorf I was tragically harpooned down by his brother, Ishmaelgronsdorf. At this time Alfgronsdorf II stabbed Ishmaelgronsdorf to regain the throne! But although he was a powerful man, Alfgronsdorf II was not fit to rule the country. Alfgronsdorf the Super, they called him. So Alfgronsdorf III, with all his great wisdom, killed his brother Alfgronsdorf II in his sleep and became Kaiser of the Siberian Moon. Alfgronsdorf then honored his father by going to the very same field and killing a Siberian Moonish Bear with his own bare hands and a musket. He then went a step further and renamed the Siberian Moon; Alfredistan, to honor his family's tragic history. He was then forced to kill his two-year-old son, Alfgronsdorf IV, for planning a coup against his own father. There are those foreign politicians who would question the intent of the royal bloodline. Some who would prefer alternate rule. To which I reply: how dare you question the rule and wisdom of the great Alfgronsdorf family! Has a Bush or Clinton or Churchill or Licoln or What Have You ever killed a Siberian Moonish Bear? I should think not, being that they only exist on the Siberian Moon on certain weekends. So all hail: Alfgronsdorf III and his recently renamed wife Alfredagronsdorf XXII. May they bless us with their rule and grace for ever and ever. We will make the cheese, but we will not eat it."

It should be noted that this occured before the colapse of the Siberian Moon's gravitational stability which cause the surface to crumble and fall to it's current island shape and position in the Earthy sky.

Fun Facts

"Black Bearded Whale"

When it came time to choose Aflredistan's representative in the animal world, the choice was quite clear. Taking into cosideration that all of the Siberian Moonish Bears were all but killed off by the generations of Alfgronsdorfs and then destroyed entirely during the Moon's gravity incident, and that there was only one other animal that inhabited the land, it was decided that the Ballena Barbuda Negra would become the nation's animal. There is only one of these whales in existance at one time and today's is named Trudy. She is a symbol of stregnth, wisdom and enourmous size. The beards that they sport grow at the same rate as a man's, though their gargantuan size makes this hard to notice for at least a hundred years (Trudy is 532 years old). They do have the ability to speak, but this occurs rarely and always in spanish, which is why Alfredistanians are required to learn the language lest her message be lost.

Jaunty Tunes

In times before Alfredistans aquisition of it's current economic status, the people would trade in solid gold dollars known as Yari. But success in the book publishing business would put an end to that. When suddenly it was discovered that the GDP was well over twenty trillion Yari, it was decided that the current system could be done away with. Now, citizens pay for their goods by singing a little song. The bigger the item, the longer the song. Visitors to Alfredistan are welcome to join in the tradition, but foreign Jaunty Tunes are not accepted as currency and, therefore, people are asked to pay in their home currency upon reviewing a conversion chart.

"The Alfman Cometh"

The National Anthem was written sometime during the Bread Loaf wars of the 1980s. It's simple melody was designed so any citizen could sing it, and it's lyrics are simple enough that any one can remember it. It was written by an anonymous lyricist who wrote a letter to the capitol building in the summer of 2007, and the rest is history.

The lyrics go something like this:

"Alfred. Istan!

Alfredistan!

O' Yay, Yay, Yay

Bread! Wars!

I see you have cheese?

No thank you, I don't want any!

We don't eat cheese in...

ALFRED! ISTAN!

ALFREDISTAN!"

The song is quite popular in modern Alfredistan and has been covered by many rock bands from heavy metal band "Death, Cheese, and Death" to the award winning bluegrass band "We're 'A Comin' Lord, Jaunty Tune Intact".

See As Well

Golden Shanty of Saint Bens

Pochinco

Folkington

External Links

Alfredistan

Alfredistan's Economy

References

"Alfredistan, A History" - Nook Cranny

"On Alfredistani Foreign Relations" - Nook Cranny

"Why, Cheese, Why?" - Chuck Limbourgh