History of The Eternal Kawaii

A Brief History of The Eternal Kawaii

The nation referred to as "The Eternal Kawaii" is unusual among NationStates for being almost a pure theocracy. To understand its government, one must first study the history of the Church of the Eternal Kawaii in its various forms, since the two institutions appear to be synonymous. Historically, there have been three recognized forms of government, know respectively as the (prehistorical) Primitive Church of the Eternal Kawaii, the (until recently) Holy Otaku Church of the Eternal Kawaii (aka HOCEK), and the (current) Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii.

Prologue -- The Sanrio Kittens

According to Kawaiian mythology, before the Cute One placed Man on earth, there existed in the spirit world thirteen clans of Divine Beasts: the Rat, the Ox, the Tiger, the Rabbit, the Dragon, the Snake, the Horse, the Sheep, the Monkey, the Rooster, the Dog, the Pig, and lastly the Cat. When Man arrived on earth, the Beasts took pity on the primitive and ignorant creature, and each of them (unknown to the others) came down from the spirit world to take turns educating him. Armed with their knowledge, Man became powerful enough to challenge their authority. Realizing what had happened, the Divine Beasts took council, and debated whether to destroy Man before they were usurped. All but the Cat agreed Man should be destroyed. This saved Man but doomed the Cat. The Beasts' council decided that instead, they would depart Earth and return to the spirit world, except for the Cat. Its clan was ordered to stay behind and keep tabs on Man.

This is supposedly the origin of the creatures known as "Sanrio kittens." Not much else is known about them, other than they are worshiped as avatars of the Cute One by the Kawaiians. They apparently originated in the lands of the Eternal Kawaii, on and around Mount Sanrio, a tall mountain near the center of the Kawaiian homeland that is regarded as the home of the Cute One. Physically, they resemble small, bipedal and slightly anthropomorphic kittens. They are apparently intelligent, but since no scientific study has been made of them, no one is really sure if that is true or how intelligent they may actually be. To the Kawaiians, it's a moot point, since they're considered divinities and what thoughts they may have are ineffable.

The Primitive Church of the Eternal Kawaii

Little is known of the origins of the Eternal Kawaii. However, the current theory is that the body of religious beliefs that make it up arose from a primitive combination of nature- and ancestor- worship. It was apparently poly- or pan-theistic, with belief in multitudes of divine/spiritual beings that resided in natural phenomena. Chief among these were the Sanrio kittens, who were worshiped as deities. It was during this period that shrine-worship was developed. Natural phenomena (such as mountains, waterfalls and other unusual geographic features) were believed to house spirits, and shrines were built for people to go to and pay reverence to them. Also, because such features represented an intersection between the spirit world and earth, it was at these shrines where homage was paid to one's ancestors.

The Holy Otaku Church of the Eternal Kawaii

The second phase in the religious development of the Eternal Kawaii was the formation of the otaku ("zealots"), and the transition from a poly- or pan-theistic worldview to a monotheistic one. According to HOCEK doctrine, the Cute One revealed Itself approximately 5700 years ago and established a priesthood to direct worship of Itself. (Most historians dispute the antiquity of this origin, but all sources tend to agree that the HOCEK existed in one form or another throughout the Eternal Kawaii's recorded history.) It was during this period that the body of religious customs and laws that guide Kawaiian society were laid down.

HOCEK Doctrine

The central doctrine of the HOCEK was the veneration of all things cute, and the maintenance of a constantly happy frame of mind. As a result, the church/government focused much attention on areas such as the environment, entertainment, youth culture, etc. Its most striking feature was a thoroughly repressive moral code. Drugs (including tobacco) were banned, alcohol was allowed to be drunk only in prescribed religious rituals, pornography and anything suggesting it were not permitted in public spaces, and nearly all common vices (with the noted exception of gambling) were illegal and carried serious penalties. Most significantly, HOCEK teachings held sexuality to be a taboo subject, to the point where even casual public displays of affection were regarded as scandalous.

"Cuteness", whether physical or natural, was prized with religious fervor, which was reflected in the nation's strict dress codes and environmental laws:

• Gracious Speech and Behavior: People exhibiting indecorous dress, speech, or behavior were shunned by the Kawaiian population as ecchi. Unpleasant topics such as violence or crime were considered unfit for public discussion and were regularly suppressed. A UN report on Kawaiian society once described public life there as "one long and very formal tea party."

• Shrine Culture: One of the primary ways the Cute One interacted with man, according to HOCEK teachings, was through nature. The primitive pan-theistic nature spirits were now recognized to be Manifestations of the Cute One, and the sacred buildings set up to venerate them became houses of otaku-led prayer. This led to the development of the nekomusume ("cat-eared girls", named for their traditional headgear), or "shrine maidens". The otaku were a strictly male organization, the nekomusume was its female counterpart: while the otaku led the faithful in worship, the nekomusume tended to the physical needs of the shrines.

"Happiness", the second aspect of HOCEK doctrine, was featured in the government's focus on entertainment and youth culture. The arts, sport, and other "beautifications of society" were frequently government-sponsored. The doctrine was also reflected in the nation's legal system. HOCEK teachings regarded crime as the outcome of unhappiness, which was caused by alienation from the Cute One. Accordingly, in lieu of a normal prison system, offenders were commonly sent to re-education camps, where they were taught to be more "in tune" with The Cute One.

HOCEK Organization

Because of its secretive nature, the true organization of the HOCEK was never known, but it appears to have been a complex, multi-tiered priesthood. Its leadership, known as otaku, were ranked by degrees, the lowest being 1st, then 2nd, and so forth. The highest degree of otaku was unknown; however, the public rarely came into contact with higher than a 3rd degree otaku. Otaku never referred to themselves by name; all government pronouncements were said to be "declarations of the Eternal Kawaii."

The day-to-day affairs of the Eternal Kawaii's government were decided and conducted through a series of HOCEK "conclaves". There were numerous conclaves, the most important of which were:

• The Conclave of Peace, concerned with national defense.
• The Conclave of Wisdom, concerned with youth education and running the nation's extensive system of re-education camps.
• The Conclave of Joy, concerned with internal security.
• The Conclave of Friendship, concerned with diplomacy and commerce.
• The Conclave of Beauty, concerned with the environment and culture.

The Happiness Police

This large, quasi-governmental organization was (and remains) probably the most visible and best-known (or most notorious) group within The Eternal Kawaii. It developed in parallel with the HOCEK to enforce its numerous moral rules, and to ensure that ecchi people were kept from interfering with the rest of society's happy frames of mind. Its members constist mainly of athletic, martial arts-trained teenage girls dressed in brightly colored seifuku ("sailor suit" -style uniforms) and carrying large wooden mallets. They are feared and respected by the populace, both for their cuteness and piety and for their nearly unlimited and arbitrary powers of arrest and detention. (More mundane criminal activity is handled much more discreetly, with suspects disappearing off the streets in order not to disturb the public happiness.)

The Kawaiian Apocalypse and the Fall of the HOCEK

On Himechan 5 of the 1189th Moon of the Fire Tiger (corresponding with 24 November 2006 on the Gregorian Calendar), the HOCEK's millennia-old rule over the people of the Eternal Kawaii came to an abrupt and terrifying end. The history of the apocalyptic events surrounding that date is still being written, but a few points are known and agreed upon:

Rough Diplomatic Relations with Omigodtheykilledkenny 

The NationState of Omigodtheykilledkenny (OMGTKK) had for some time engaged in a low-level propaganda war against the HOCEK, accusing the church of promoting religious extremism and seeking weapons of mass destruction (WMD). How much of this was a legitimate concern, how much was merely intended to pacify the Kennyite population, and how much was based on a personal feud between the two nations' NSUN ambassadors is still being debated today.

The Exploding Penguin Controversy 

In the Moon of the Water Tiger (about one year before the apocalypse) reports of unusual behavior among penguins in OMGTKK prompted speculation by the HOCEK government on whether it was related to a Manifestation of the Cute One. An ambassadorial mission was sent to that country with orders to investigate the phenomena. This led to accusations by the Kennyite government that the Kawaiians were spying upon them, possibly to obtain intelligence on the production of weapons of mass destruction.

The Kittens' Revolt 

A month later, the Sanrio kittens, who for as long as anyone could remember had lived peacefully side by side with the Kawaiian people, suddenly rose up and began attacking buildings, automobiles, and every other man-made object they could get their paws on. This led to considerable distress and no small amount of property damage, since it was against HOCEK law to harm a Sanrio kitten regardless of the destruction it was causing. Numerous attempts at coaxing the kittens away from the Eternal Kawaii's cities were tried, until an unnamed junior otaku hit upon the blindingly obvious solution of going up to one of them and asking it nicely to leave. No explanation could be determined for the kittens' bizarre behavior. In retrospect, however, it is commonly believed by the Kawaiians that it was some kind of warning of the events that were to come.

The War with Omigodtheykilledkenny 

During the midst of the kitten crisis, Kennyite President Manuelo Fernanda decided to up the stakes by launching an attack upon the Eternal Kawaii. Using the kittens' destruction as cover, the Kennyite forces launched waves of high-altitude exploding penguin bombers to prolong the chaos, giving them time to insert teams of Stripper Commandos to harass (and thoroughly embarass) the Kawaiian military forces while gathering "evidence" of Kawaiian involvement in the production of WMD. The war ended when international diplomatic and military pressure was brought upon the Kennyites to cease their attacks, followed by an armistice hammered out by the two feuding NSUN ambassadors.

The Weapons Inspection Regime 

Part of the armistice agreement included provisions to allow the NSUN to send inspectors to factories and military facilities in the Eternal Kawaii. In theory they were there to assure the NSUN that the HOCEK was keeping its promise not to develop WMD; although some UN observers noted that the heavy presence of Kennyites in the inspection teams suggested they were there to collect intelligence on the Kawaiian military.

The Kawaii Bomb 

It is at this point the history of events becomes murky, and speculation replaces hard evidence. It is believed that the HOCEK, chafing under the undignified terms of the armistice, had in fact reneged upon the terms of it and were developing WMD in secret. Noone is sure what the HOCEK scientists were working on, but on Himechan 1 of the 1189th Moon of the Fire Tiger, the HOCEK announced that it had abrogated the armistice with OMGTKK, expelled Kennyite Ambassador Jack Riley (whose whereabouts are a mystery to this day), and was now an official nuclear power. Four days later, disaster struck.

The Coming of Lord Gojira and the Rout of the Eternal Kawaii 

Kawaiian mythology speaks of many demonic as well as heavenly creatures, and chief among these is Gojira Ku'tulu, Lord of the Hosts of Kaiju, Scourge of the Cute One. Described as a 100 meter-tall fire breathing behemoth, the demon was a regular part of Kawaiian folklore. On Himechan 5, those folktales became reality when Lord Gojira emerged from the harbor of Sanrio City and began laying waste to the city. The monster was soon joined by other similar creatures, the kaiju, who wrecked havoc thoughout the Eternal Kawaii. Despite the best efforts of the Kawaiian military, within two weeks civilization within the Eternal Kawaii was smashed.

The Fall of the HOCEK 

Their cities in flaming ruins, the Kawaiian people who had survived the monsters' onslaught fled into the countryside, where they discoved the otaku had fled before them and were hiding out in the stately mansions owned by the senior HOCEK leadership. As the crisis deepened with no relief in sight, the survivors rebelled (politely) against their church leaders and had them deposed.

The Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii

With the end of the HOCEK, Kawaiian civilization fell back on its primitive roots, primarily family ties. Kawaiian culture had always been semi-tribal, with day-to-day affairs decided within individual families and clans. The HOCEK had over the centuries bonded the various tribes into a single nation, but without the otaku to guide them it became clear that the nation was disintegrating. It is possible that Kawaiians could've disappeared from history were it not for a single individual: the former HOCEK Nuncio to the NSUN.

The Prophet 

About a month after Lord Gojira's initial attack, the former HOCEK NSUN Nuncio was working within his homeland to organize the surviving peoples' efforts to dodge the still-rampaging kaiju. On Jouchan 2 of the Moon of the Earth Rabbit (33 days after the attack), he apparently had some kind of religious experience. Exactly what happened is a matter of speculation, but according to Kawaiian witnesses he discovered he could speak with, and understand the speech of, the normally inscrutable Sanrio kittens. He was accordingly hailed as a Prophet, and was quickly recognized by the desparate people as their new leader. (A possible deciding factor was the endorsement of the new Prophet by the still-organized Happiness Police, who put themselves at his service to enforce his word as Law.)

The Patriarchs 

The new Prophet's first act was to put some semblance of order into what was left of Kawaiian society. Working with the family structures available to him, and after conducting a census to see which had survived the monsters' onslaught, he determined there were about 60 remaining clan/tribal groupings. Selecting the senior members of each clan, he declared them tribal patriarchs, naming them after the months of the Kawaiian calendar, beginning with the Wood Rat and on to the Water Boar. These patriarchs, sworn to follow and interpret the Law handed down by the Prophet and to support the Happiness Police who enforce it, are the foundation of the current government of the Eternal Kawaii.

The Exodus 

Realizing the kaiju attacks were not ceasing, the Prophet's second act was to declare the exodus of the Kawaiian people from their homeland. A plea was put out through the new NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii, the Prophet's young niece, who began working deals with various foreign powers to host Kawaiian tribes in exile. As of publication, this process is still ongoing.

Related Entries

• The Eternal Kawaii
• A Guide to Kawaiian Culture