Difference between revisions of "Voltaire Torture Day"

Latest revision as of 01:16, 26 October 2005

Introduction

In recognition of a traditional event in The Consumerist Oligarchy of F2B, Voltaire Torture Day is almost universally considered a national holiday by F2Bers.

Occurrence and practice

In the style of the social laissez-faire approach of F2B government, Voltaire Torture Day has never been officially proclaimed, and there is much confusion about its frequency and the date on which it is celebrated.

Some F2Bers consider it an annual event and participate in traditions very similar to those of major annual holidays in other countries. Families gather, small gifts are exchanged, special meals prepared and shared. In the spirit of the holiday, the mocking or taunting of Voltaire is a valuable relationship-building exercise as well as a fun time for everyone, both young and old.

Other F2Bers celebrate Voltaire Torture Day about once a month, though usually with less preparation. However, it is almost like an addiction, and the frequency of Voltaire Torture Day readily accelerates in the lives of many people. Hence the popular motto, "every day is Voltaire Torture Day!" For a few with little else to occupy their time, Voltaire Torture Days overlap - a new Voltaire Torture Day beginning before the sun sets on the previous Voltaire Torture Day.

Treatment and recovery

The prognosis for obsessive celebration of Voltaire Torture Day is usually poor. The afflicted will often cease normal behavior that is necessary to survival, such as eating, drinking and, in some cases, breathing. Treatment usually consists of appeals to logic and reason, such as statements of "Voltaire wasn't really such a bad guy... for a Frenchman" "settle down, dude" and "hey, hey... hey now."

Recovery is unknown among those who are not somehow caused to migrate to regions that do not celebrate Voltaire Torture Day. In neighboring nations, where recovery centers and self-help groups have been established, a 12 step program is sometimes undertaken. However, the theistic basis of such a program has often proven problematic.

Legality

The Consumerist Oligarchy of F2B has no specific rules or laws prohibiting any form of torture on any occasion. In the anarchic F2B social system, appeals to legal authority are rare.

Officials and media personalities in other nations have often expressed concern or questioned the legality of Voltaire Torture Day. It has been suggested that there is a body of international law that prohibits torture. However, these international statements are very specific. For example, the Wolfish Convention on POW only speaks against torture of prisoners of war, whereas Voltaire is not a prisoner of war. In another example, the United Nations resolution to End Barbaric Punishments only applies to witnesses in criminal trials. In any case, the withdrawal of Fade to Black region nations from participation in the United Nations has rendered these arguments moot.

Conclusion

Make your own.