Goongerah Green Left Online Edition
Masthead
Goongerah Green Left Online Edition
Catchment
- Location: Goongerah
- Nation: Errinundera
Archives
BLOODSUCKERS SIGHTED IN FANNY MOO
Excitement is growing in the tiny tree village of Fanny Moo up on the plateau. Yes, the annual Leech Festival is approaching. Organisers have announced that all events have been fully subscribed despite the radical changes to the rules. “With the demise of the local microfibre industry in Fanny Moo, this has really saved our smoked tofu,” says mayor haemo. “This event sustains the village for the rest of the year.”
We asked her about the rule changes. “We don’t have the resources or the capability to test the leeches for genetic integrity so we decided not to bother”, says haemo. “We reached the same conclusion with performance enhancing drugs decades ago and the competition continues to thrive. As far as genetic engineering goes it’s a free for all. That goes for the leeches and the humans. In fact, we have created a special category – most interesting genetic modification to a leech. This should really test the creativity of scientists throughout Errinundera. With the government fully supportive of genetic engineering we thought we might as well put it to a useful purpose. The only rule is, if the leech or the human dies during competition or practice, the team is immediately disqualified and banned forever from competing again. It’s a strong incentive to stay alive and healthy.”
A GIANT FALLS
The long awaited end of MONDA, Rodger River's beloved sacred tree, has finally taken place. Early yesterday morning, imbert, senior arborist from the Sacred Tree Registry, announced that the tree would fall that day. “The weather bureau has forecast moderate winds. Our arboreismic devices indicate that the tree will come down when the wind speed reaches 8 km/h. The expected wind direction is from the south west so, given the structure of the tree, we predict that it will fall / collapse in a south easterly direction.”
Our person on the sport reports:
“With crowds now estimated at 250,000, imbert and his assistants mark out the impact spot and cordon off the danger area. Anticipation grows as giant screens display the steadily increasing wind speed along with the tree movements provided by the arboreismic meters.
“At 11:11 in the morning the wind speed reaches 8.2 km/hr and the tree begins to shudder. What appears to be dust is emitted from the trunk. Then, the upper section slides, slowly at first, then with gathering speed, into the base. There is a huge CRACK! – the upper section topples exactly in the direction predicted and the base disintegrates, sending spongy, rotten timber in all directions. The falling portion of trunk breaks up on impact and, after the dust settles and the last wooden projectiles fall to earth, there is only a pile of rubble where once a proud giant stood. A brief silence gives way to a spontaneous roar of approval and devotion from the quarter of a million people who witness this awesome event.”
