Errinundera's First World Cup Match
Extract from The Contrary Age - the memoirs of willd, formerly Errinundera’s Protector of Civic Choice, Economic Participation and the Natural Environment*.
Probably the most profound change in Errinundrian culture occurred following our first match in World Cup 5. Hitherto our contrarian nation had been sceptical of spectator sports; indeed sceptical of all forms of mass entertainment. Football had such a low profile that nobody had noticed that the organizers had misspelt our nation’s name in its programs. The first match, against Quercustan, was not even telecast on either television or radio. For the true fanatic, an audio-streaming broadcast via the internet from Quercustan was the only option available.
An enthusiastic member of the national cabinet, filthyl, Protector of the Common Wealth, had assembled the Errinundrian team from scratch after World Cup 4. Indeed, filthyl captained that first team. Had it not been for him we in the cabinet would not even have known about the World Cup.
Yet everything was about to change. In the space of 12 hours Errinundrians went from unbelievers in all things to worshippers of football. The ramifications for the nation were wondrous.
Well I remember that day of the match against Quercustan, a nation much admired by ours for its wonderful environmental innovations. The match started at 9:00 am ewti (Errinundera winter time) and word of our 3 nil victory spread rapidly via the forest vine so that by the afternoon people were gathering spontaneously in public places to share the news. Nothing like it had ever happened in Errinundera before. The celebrations became quite merry. At one point I took part in an enthusiastic burning of political effigies. I have to say it’s quite an experience dousing your own image in kerosene and throwing a lighted national flag upon it. To forestall any possible damage to the housetrees** we quickly arranged for a replay of the Quercustan television broadcast to be shown throughout the nation. Later, as I wandered through the skywalks of our capital First Creek Falls, I noticed that that afternoon’s scheduled Nazi rally had totally lost interest in all things political. The two dozen would-be protestors had gathered around the front door of a house whose owner had kindly placed a television there for them.*** The merriment continued well into the night. Our Protector of Foreign Affairs, overseasj, fathered two daughters that night. Ah, the perks of office.****
The next day was declared a public holiday and because few Errinundrians have televisions, millions of people gathered in public places to watch continuous replays on large screens. The team’s vice captain and star striker, gabriellen, with her two goals in the first half instantly became a national hero. On a politcal level, filthyl scoring the final goal did our re-election chances no harm at all. No matter how many times people had seen the match by then, each goal brought thunderous applause and dancing in the skywalks. What had happened to this heretofore reserved and decorous (albeit non-conformist) nation? Perhaps we discovered that being contrary did not mean that you couldn’t have fun. Banning cars, banning weapons, banning meat-eating, banning business is edifying but hardly fun. Football is fun. A new spirit began that day in Errinundera.
But it was more than that. In a nationstates world where thousands of nations seem to be pre-occupied with war and developing weapons of mass destruction, the contrarian nation of Errinundera had become isolated and inward looking. Globalization came to Errinundera that day in the most joyful way possible.
*Neophytes to Errinundrian humour are usually unaware that this pompous title for the nation’s chief political position was adopted in the place of “Chief Protector” after it was used in parody by the notorious comedian, boomb. Sometimes other boombian epithets are used in official documents such as Protector of various things, I forget which or Protector of blah blah blah.
**Almost all of the billion plus population of Errinundera live in houses built in the canopies of the huge eucalypts that dominate the landscape. Naturally, bushfire is the greatest natural hazard we face.
***Televisions are quite rare in Errinundera.
****All child rearing expenses in Errinundera are paid for by the state with the mother having complete control on how it is spent.
