Logical Wits

Logical Wits

Flag of Logical Wits
Motto: To the streets and fields!
No Map Available Yet
Region	Bodycoded Islands
Capital	Unknown
Official Language(s)	English, French
Leader	Imperor Wits
Population	23 million
Currency	Monad
NS Sunset XML

The Seal of the Imperial Bureau.

The ISO code of the Empire of logical Wits is LW. The Empire of Logical Wits is a large, socially progressive nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape. Its compassionate, cynical population is ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up. A large private sector is led by: the Cheese Exports industry, followed by Arms Manufacturing and Trout Farming.

Gambling is outlawed, the government is attempting to impose a new national language on the public, organ donation is compulsory, and flash floods that dams could have controlled regularly ravage small towns in mountain valleys.

Logical Wits's national animal is the lama, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its currency is the monad.

History

The internal side of the Empire. This picture have been taken by the first settlers: no building is apparent, because they first settled in the North area of the Island.

Quite simultaneously, people from The Free Land of Sinless Singleness settled into the South of the island.

A lama (the imperial animal) on the top of a mountain of the Bodycoded Islands.

Early civilizations

(Date 11/06). During the construction of a new Hyper-Mega-Ultra-Super Mall, construction workers have unearthed what appears to be an ancient temple.

The Founding

A night view of the Empire of Logical Wits.

Elections

A badge from the first elections in the Empire.

The UN incident

A view of the Unmoderable Peninsule.

Issues

10 nov 2006

• A peculiar confederacy of small-government advocates, regular attendees at Logical Wits's annual Medieval Faire, and the super rich have demanded that the government grant estates and confer titles of nobility upon certain influential persons.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," exclaims noted civil rights advocate Calvin Hanover. "Those who are behind this espouse a system that grants inordinate amounts of institutional power to the rich and ensures that no one will be able to climb the social ladder. Everyone in society must be granted an equal opportunity to succeed or fail. Say 'no' to a nobility!"

• Due to the ongoing wars in neighboring countries, a recent rash of illegal immigrants have been caught at the borders of Logical Wits, prompting many citizens to call for tighter immigration laws.

Charles Dodinas of the Logical Wits Civil Liberties Union says "We must welcome these refugees from any nation into our open arms, they are fleeing one oppressive dictatorial regime in the only way they know, we must not let them think they're jumping from the frying pan into the fire!"

12 nov 2006

• Increasing reports of child abuse and neglect in Logical Wits has prompted local pressure groups to call for 'parental licences'.

"The answer to this problem is patently obvious," says Bill Chicago, your minister of Social Welfare. "The government simply needs to give more funding to the welfare department so that we can recruit more social workers to carry out regular checks on parents and judge whether or not they're doing a good job of looking after their children. It'll be expensive, but at least it's a damn sight fairer than licensing parents."

• After a recent left-wing broadsheet expose of agricultural practices, an outburst of public paranoia has stirred up the organic foods debate.

"I just can't stomach it any more," rants concerned parent Abraham Licorish. "My children's future is being put at risk by irresponsible corporate practices. We must outlaw the use of pesticides and additives by farmers and food producers."

• An organized crowd of leather-clad individuals, some of whom are on leashes, are protesting against discrimination for those who share their interests.

"We happen to express our love differently, with different hobbies and activities," explains BDSM enthusiast Aaron Falopian, while wearing needle-sharp spiked heels and holding a whip. "Shops exist to cater to the needs of 'normal' people, but do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get a quality whip? A little support for our hobbies would be appreciated!"

• A young mother was recently thrown out of a restaurant in Logical Wits for publicly breastfeeding her baby and 'upsetting the customers'. There are now demands for the government to state their position on the issue.

"We should have a perfect right to feed our babies where we want and when we want without fear of harassment from anyone," declares Catherine Gratwick, a likewise young mother. "Why should women hide themselves away just to assuage the silly attitudes of these narrow-minded fogies? It's totally natural, and much healthier than bottle-feeding for both mother and child so why the fuss? Today, women are afraid to breastfeed in public and the law should be on their side - if not for their benefit, then for that of the children."

13 nov 2006

• Free, youth-orientated martial arts programmes have gained popularity in communities where youth crime is a problem.

"This is ridiculous!" comments police officer, Clint Longbottom. "Teach junior thugs how to fight? Good idea, why don't we teach them how to make bombs out of duct-tape and cheese next? I say we ban this archaic mode of combat which only serves to encourage these punks in their violent ways, and introduce more government funding for the police force! With more cash we could really show the little blighters what discipline's all about."

• The latest "Harry Potter" book to hit schools across Logical Wits has stirred up the greatest controversy yet.

Teachers union President Klaus Clinton says, "Come on, the book is fantasy! And it's a damn good read. I'd like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians."

14 nov 2006

• The various branches of Logical Wits's military brought their budget petitions to your attention and, as usual, they are all asking for widespread increases over the rest of the military departments.

"You're all thinking too small!" exclaims Freddy Broadside, an avid Star Wars fan. "What we need is more research into the possibilities of space weapons! Big laser cannon and satellites with complete annihilation power! And cool spaceships! Boom! Rat-a-tata! Bang! Bang! It'll be expensive, sure, but think of the power! THE POWER!"

• Concerned mothers and nervous school-leavers are petitioning the government to abolish compulsory military service.

"Our children are forced to be trained to murder!" protests Al Utopia, chairman of the Parents Against All Things Violent organisation. "For too long now the government has been snatching away our children and training them to become killing machines. This arcane practice must be banned at once! Sure, some of them could end up breaking into cars or terrorising old people, but hey, kids will be kids, right?"

19 nov 2006

• An anonymous society of 'cinematic aficionados' have brought the debate over the proposed disposal of the watershed, the hour after which adult material is allowed to be shown on television, to your attention.

"We don't need a watershed!" scoffs 'romantic-movie' buff, Samuel Falopian. "I don't see why I should wait 'til way past midnight to watch my preferred film genre. It's high time that parents stopped treating their children like... well, children! If you sugar-coat these kids' lives, they'll just end up seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses - and we can't have a country filled with spoilt brats now, can we?"

• A monstrous debate between pro-life groups and pro-choice groups has erupted as a Logical Wits citizen launches an high-court appeal to overturn an ancient law prohibiting all abortions. Pressure groups have demanded the government step in to make a ruling.

Jean-Paul Hendrikson, lawyer for the woman known only as Miss X, says, "It is Miss X's right to choose! It's her body; she can do whatever she wants with it. In the interest of women's rights, abortion MUST be legalised throughout the country!"

• A recent, well-publicized UFO sighting over rural areas of Logical Wits has turned people's attention to the skies, and what... or who... might be up there.

"Extraterrestrial lifeforms? Alien invaders? I don't know why we even have to listen to such idiocy!" complains prize-winning physicist Roger Barry. "In my opinion, the idea of 'aliens' on another planet is highly unlikely, and even if they did exist, getting from there to here is technically impossible! I say we forget this nonsense and stop spending our tax monads on it. Leave this sort of foolishness to the people who attend those 'trekkie' conventions."

• The space research organization in Logical Wits has requested more government funding for space-related research and development, and the possiblity of creating orbital weapons platforms has become a topic of intense debate.

Noted Scientist and pacifist writer Hope Rubin thinks otherwise, "No! Space is a place for peace! It's the only place left we've got that we haven't screwed up. Oh, the space program still needs funding, don't get me wrong, but none of this 'military in space' stuff will do! We ought to divert funding from the military to education and space research instead!"

• Citizens all over Logical Wits have been petitioning for firmer action on public graffiti.

"I don't see what's so bad," comments Fleur Licorish, a famous art critic. "This is urban art at it's finest. It's vibrant, colourful, and simply reeks of culture! Just look at the form displayed in this string of racist expletives! Wonderful. Simply wonderful. I think we should really be encouraging these budding Rembrandts, not putting them down! I say we legalise it, in the name of culture!"

20 nov 2006

• A coalition of expectant mothers (Mothers 4 Justice) has banded together to demand legislation allowing for six months of fully paid maternity leave.

"I believe that passing this law will be a step in the right direction," says Fleur Johnson, the nation's most outspoken feminist advocate. "These kids need their mothers' love and attention during an important part of their growth development! I don't see why mums should be forced to juggle with the stress of bringing up children and having a job! It's simply too much! Six months maternity leave with full pay is what this country needs - even if it is at the expense of a few avaricious fat cats."

• A group of environmentalists are protesting against plans to expand urban and suburban developments into greenbelts, the designated countryside between settlements.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" exclaims environmental activist Anne-Marie Silk. "Tree museums? Police funding? Don't it always seem to be the case that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? We're talking about natural treasures and you're talking about destroying them. Is there anything that you can build that can really be better than nature? We should put a stop to all encroachment into natural areas. Think about it for a moment!"

• Tragedy struck Logical Wits today, as a gunman killed three people in a suburban shooting rampage. The community is united in grief, but divided in opinion as to what should be done.

The strongest voices demand tighter gun controls. "The only way to prevent further atrocities is to take the guns out of the hands of the murderers," says anti-gun campaigner Freddy Chicago. "There's no justification for them in today's society. We need tighter regulations on who can hold guns, so only our police and military have them."

22 nov 2006

• The National Poetry Society of Logical Wits is demanding government-funded programs to promote the arts, especially poetry.

"We need government help to promote culture." says Stephanie Hanover, chairperson of the National Poetry Society of Logical Wits. "Poetry is the soul of our nation, the very pulse of humanity! We will ultimately be judged according to our contribution to artistic enlightenment. In other words, please provide funding for our humble mission to bring the beauty of poetry to the masses!"

• Several musicians have recently produced songs in which "Violet" sings silly and offensive things, causing outcries of horror from the Order of Violet.

Speaking anonymously and from hiding, one of the musicians says, "It was just meant to be a joke! I never thought that they'd take it so seriously. I just wanted to give them a little ribbing like I do the other major religions of Pastafarianism and Frisbeetarianism." Dave Summers glances over their shoulder to see if anyone is watching, "Please don't try to figure out who I am. I'm scared for my safety. The government should protect my freedom to insult whomever I want. Freedom of speech should hold nothing sacred, not even God."

• A haggard group of new recruits in Logical Wits's army have spoken out against the brutal conditions experienced in their military training.

"THEY WANT WHAT?!" screams Sgt. Burkz, while pressing back a rising vein on her neck. "This is WAR, not DAYCARE! If anything, the training standards should be tougher! If I want to whip some pasty-faced, beer-gutted greenhorn because he can't climb over a razor-wire fence then I should be be given the permission to do so right away! The cry-babies won't like it, but they can run home back to their rich daddies if that's the way they're having it. War isn't a walk in the park, and training shouldn't be either. For all our sakes."

• Workers across the nation have gone out on indefinite strike over what they claim are substandard wages in the Trout Farming industry.

"We are the backbone of this country, and we demand a fair wage rise!" says union leader Jennifer Broadside. "I don't think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we'll shut this whole industry down! Let's see how well Logical Wits's economy manages without any Trout Farming, huh?

The Organization

Imperial Hierarchy

The Mighty Emperor of Logical Wits is assisted by some administrative organs:

• Counsellors, which are concerned by internal affairs
• Emissaries, which manage external issues

The Logical Studies Units

In a brillant message to the Internation Community, the Emperor of Logical Wits annonced the creation (and granting) of Units dedicated to Logical Studies. They are Commonly named LoSt units.

The Emissary of LOST units has his own seal.

External links

• The Emperor's message annoncing the creation of the LOST units.
• All the official messages coming form the Empire of Logical Wits.