The Sexy LTSGFSMANR

The Sexy L.T.S.G.F.S.M.A.N.R. is an age-old region. Once a scattered group of beings, some nomadic, some sedentary, it has grown into a strong, diverse, influential region with charismatic leaders. It is still developing, and many wars are being and have been fought, some over ideals as trivial as the retrieval of an old bologna sandwich, some as influential as entire nations clashing for supremacy.

Active Members

The Rogue Nation of Throat-Slitting Gnomes

The Isotopic Dominion of Atomic Ninjas

The Autonomous Community of Face-Shutting Machines.

The Transcendent Beings of Celestial Wolverines

The Insanely Industrial States of Oishiisaru

The Theocracy of Fides Rabidus

The Hippie-Infested Lands of Wchwchwawa

The Grand Duchy of Hedonistic Squids

History

The Sexy L.T.S.G.F.S.M.A.N.R. has a rich history, containing much lore, and grand tales of epic battles and alliances. Perhaps the most influential happening in all of its history was known as "The Great War."

The Great War

Pre-War History

In 59 P.W., the nation of Industrus, situated in an area now known as The Confederacy of Oishiisaru was much like it is today--inhabited by a ruthless, industrialist society. Overproduction of ozone-destroying materials such as chlorofluorocarbons and leprechauns had left a hole in the ozone layer above said nation. This left the area greatly unprepared for bombardment from solar flares. Inevitably, a devastating solar storm occurred, killing many of the inhabitants of the country. Those who were spared the direct exposure were subject to the bizarre side effects of the now irradiated soil. By 55 P.W., the victims began to realize that the radiation had given them strange powers over materials on an atomic level. Those that were able to wield this ability soon trained in its use, and became known locally as "atomic ninjas."

Meanwhile, atop Mt. Kilimanjaro on the island that is now Atomic Ninjas, the peaceful, simple society of gnomes were going about their daily lives. However, The Great Ricosuave had currently been attempting to impress the citizens of Oishiisaru, but sadly realized that there were few left after the explosion. He wandered off to find new people that would swoon over his insanely good looks, and came upon Mt. Kilimanjaro, and the gnome population that had lived upon it. Little did The Great Ricosuave know, some of the atomic ninjas had caught a glimpse of him as he wandered through their nation. They became infuriated that Ricosuave was leaving, and gave chase. They were angered further when they saw that Ricosuave had left them for a nation of hideous gnomes, and were thrown into a jealous rage. Come nightfall, the ninjas snuck poison into the water supply of the tiny gnome village, and all but one of the gnomes was murdered over time. Satisfied that they had completed their mission, the ninjas settled on the island on which the gnome village was located, and colonized it for their own, mutant society.

The Origins of Guardac the Crimson Blade

Now, this particular gnome that survived had been given the name of Spudcarve The Nimble by his people, for he was good at skinning potatoes and was quick with a knife. When he woke up from his poisoned daze, he was no longer Spudcarve the Nimble. In a blind rage, he left his precious home and started to hunt down the person he believed was responsible: Ricosuave. Now, since Mt. Kilimanjaro was a live volcano, there weren’t many places the gnome could go at first. He started his deadly trail in the home of Mrs. Stevens, where, as he was close to freezing to death, he came upon her warm oven. He was soon discovered and was forced to slit her throat and decided to take her tongue as a reward, as well as a warning to any Ricosuave's that might be in the area. This blood rampage continued for years, and many housewives were killed, but no Ricosuaves. Then, in the year 51, he came upon the home of Dr. Zaalarian, a mad scientist who had invented a machine for shutting up the people who criticized his cloning experiments, otherwise known as the F.S.M., or Face-Shutting Machine. As the good doctor was reaching for a freshly baked pie, the gnome jumped out and the job was done. As the gnome was about to leave, he noticed the machine and decided to take it.

The year was now 49, and the gnome, known by the name Guardac of the Crimson Blade, was adjusted to the surface temperature and still had not found any sign of Ricosuave. Wherever he went, he was always one step behind. Tired, slightly less crazy, and in desperate need of a bath and clean clothes, he decided to settle in a far corner of the world where he could start a new society and finally get his revenge. Now, even though he was the last gnome at the time, it is a little known fact that the gnomes can reproduce by simply cutting off a piece of their body, usually an ear. The only way they can do this is through a strange gas which is infused in their bodies, allowing Guardac the Nimble to build up an army, all of which had the same poison running through their veins. Now, they sit there, biding there time, waiting for the return of Ricosuave.

The Division of Industrus

After the mass pursuit of Ricosuave to the island that formerly housed the gnomes, there were few left behind in the nation of Industrus, and those who remained held little political power. The colonies that were established for the purpose of the envious hunt for Ricosuave were named Atomic Ninjas, and most of the political power was shifted there. The dregs left behind on the mainland were sickened by their mistreatment and rose up against the ninjas. Their revolution, led by one Hitogohoro Oishiisaru "Tasty Monkey Burglar", succeeded, and formed the new nation of Oishiisaru, named for their victorious leader. Yet more dissent arose in Atomic Ninjas's interior when a faction of cultists (a.k.a. "whack jobs") were outraged by the way that their ninja overlords treated the workers back on the mainland and the way that they slaughtered the gnomes. They left the nation to form a nation on an island to the far east, which they called Fides Rabidus.

The Father of the Face-Shutting Machine

The history of the Face-Shutting Machine begins with Dr. Zaalarian. Dr. Zaalarian was a genius in his time, though many of his practices were widely misunderstood at best. He spent days upon weeks in his ramshackle home trying to discover the secret to cloning, as he had great dreams of developing cures for genetic diseases and receiving great acclaim from all. He rarely divulged his information to any, for he faced great ridicule and occasionally violence from those who vehemently opposed his experiments. Dr. Zaalarian soon became more reclusive and took to spending nearly all his time in his lab. The two things that kept him going were his determination to prove himself and the company and unwavering support of his wife, Sinestra. The Dr. soon faced utter despair when his wife was taken and killed in a most bizarre manner.

This pushed the doctor to the limits of his insanity and beyond, and his all-consuming reason for being was to exact revenge. His first conception of the machine came from an illegally modified waffle toaster he saw in Junior Mad Scientist Monthly. He took to this idea for one reason; it seemed like the most painful way to cause death. He immediately began a project to silence his critics and demolish those who had killed his wife.

From Simple Machine to Advanced Automaton

Dr. Zaalarian had worked an entire month without sleep to develop the prototype, but it had been well worth it. His Face-Shutting Machine, which he called "Sinestra's Avenger", was relatively simple, but nonetheless deadly for it. He had also perfected his cloning technique and had managed to create 4 clones of himself. Dr. Zaalarian wanted to be sure that nothing would stop his revenge, but he also wanted to be sure that the clones wouldn't try and supplement him. He designed a device that would awaken a clone if his vital signs were to fail and so on with the next. With all his plans in place to produce better face-shutting machines the doctor was ready.

Dr. Zaalarian had planned to start his revenge on the eight-year anniversary of his wife's death, but luck was not on his side. As he was reaching for the pie that he compulsively baked every year Dr. Zaalarian thought he saw an outline of a figure, but it was already to late. The crazed gnome known as Guardac the Crimson Blade leapt upon the Dr. and slit his throat faster than he could blink.

Thanks to the Zaalarian's device, this resulted in the awakening of the first clone. Dr. Zaalarian 2 soon realized that he would not be able to exact revenge by himself. He needed a force to do his bidding for him. He first needed to create and perfect the face-shutting machine. It evolved through many stages, which will not be described here, but always kept the element of the most painful death possible: the face clamp and subsequent melting. The next step was to awaken the rest of the clones, for Dr. Zaalarian 2 required their assistance to build the machines and obtain revenge. As soon as the clones emerged from their suspended animation tubes, Dr. Zaalarian 2 informed them of the progress he had made and He requested that they help him finish the work that the first Dr. Zaalarian had started. The other clones, created with the original Dr's memories, hastily agreed and set about changing the machines from blueprints to reality.

They quickly realized that nowhere in the small town that they lived would they find the production capabilities to amass their mechanical army. The Dr. Zaalarians decided that they would build several small robots to search for a suitable location. The robots roamed the world until finally they came across the region controlled by the Aitzginorne Dynasty. The Dr. Zaalarians were practically drooling over the large amount of resources and largely intact facilities that were within the region.

Dr. Zaalarian 2 quickly went to the people who were living in the region of Industrus(as it came to be called) and made a deal with them. He was able to secure permission for the use of three facilities; Himmoro, Yojiro, and Pink Fluffy Bunny, with the Treaty of Zaalohoro. The next step was to tour the facilities he had just acquired. The Zaalarians did not expect much in the way of quality to their new properties and they were not disappointed. The buildings ranged from being dilapidated to utter pieces of crap, but the Zaalarians were not discouraged. They had already amassed a small force of about twenty robots, which put the buildings back in functional shape in about a month and a half. There were some unfortunate accidents during the renovations and tragically Dr. Zaalarian 3 was crushed when part of a ceiling collapsed.

The three remaining clones quickly split up and oversaw the production and management of each facility. The facilities progressed quickly and in little less than six months the facilities were able to produce nearly 225 units a day. Dr. Zaalarian 4 hit a snag when Facility Yojiro ran out of resources within a sensible radius. Zaalarian 4 decided to build a facility in the ocean and dub it "Yojiro; The Rebirthing". His plan was quickly approved by the other Dr. Zaalarians and the facility was built and operational within eight months.

All seemed to be going almost perfectly until Dr. Zaalarian 5, who was in charge of facility Pink Fluffy Bunny, sent a distress call to his fellow Zaalarians. He had been cornered in his facility by crazed mutant pink fluffy bunnies the factory sludge had altered. The other Zaalarians could only watch as Dr. Zaalarian 5 was devoured by the cutest and most rabid bunnies the world has ever seen. Fortunately they were so rabid, they proceeded to devour each other. Unless you like bunnies, in which case they all became miracously unrabid for no apparent reason.

Now that all the other Dr. Zaalarians were gone, Dr. Zaalarian 2 and Dr. Zaalarian 4 were having differences in the development of the Face-Shutting Machines AI. Dr. Zaalarian 2 felt that the machines should have virtually no ability to think outside the parameters that he set. Dr. Zaalarian 4 felt that they would be ineffective and had already started integrating an extremely adaptive and innovative series of programs to give his face-shutting machines great reasoning abilities. Thus the two Zaalarians became estranged and developed the Face-Shutting machines in their own way.

A final tragedy was to strike the Zaalarian clones when Dr. Zaalarian 4 was swept away in a freak storm and drowned. The machines that Dr. Zaalarian 4 had created drew his body out of the ocean and eventually they formed a society that became known as the Autonomous Community of Face-Shutting Machines.