Twafflonia

Twafflonia

Flag of Twafflonia
Motto: "Quiet! I am privatizing!"
Region	Libertarian
Capital	Twashington D.C.
Official Language(s)	English
Government
Population	2.08 billion
Currency	Twafflonian IOU
NS Sunset XML

Officially obtaining control of its territory in October of 2006, the Economic Council of Twafflonia is a massive, devout, socially progressive nation in the region of Libertarian. It is notable for its complete absence of social welfare and its barren, inhospitable landscape. According to a survey of September 28th, 2007, Twafflonia boasts a hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population of 2.08 billion. Twafflonia's national animal is the free-range twaffle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its currency is the Twafflonian IOU. The Twafflonian motto is "Quiet! I am privatizing!"

Twafflonia is a UN member with 20 endorsements. Its UN category is "Capitalist Paradise," and its Civil Rights are "Excellent," its Economy "Strong," and its Political Freedoms "Very Good."

History

Pre-Twafflonia

The area of land now under the name and jurisdiction of Twafflonia was once divided into four states, although reliable records document but three of them.

The largest of the three was known as the Royal Unity, an authoritarian triumvirate that claimed that the other two states were merely "self-regulating" provinces of the Unity. The Royal Unity's triumvirate consisted of one person (the Electant) elected by and from a High Council of military, scientific, and political leaders; one electronic intelligence (the Caster) programmed with three priorities (first priority the continuation of the human species, second priority the happiness of the human species, third priority the continuation of the Royal Unity); and one human (the Manifestant) cloned from the DNA of a random Royal Unity citizen, then raised by both the Electant and the Caster. The Royal Unity allowed its citizens to elect representatives, but the representatives had no authority, serving merely to voice the concerns of the citizenry they represented to the triumvirate's appointed governors. The Royal Unity maintained a powerful military, and ringed its established territory with a militarized zone denied to citizen travel and settlement. It had an active policy of expansion, scouting new areas with the military long before introducing settlers. (The original territory of the Royal Unity was renamed Stigler after the success of the Reprisal.)

The Royal Unity encountered three other nations in its immediate vicinity. The first was immediately conquered, and its name has been lost to history (the territory it occupied is now referred to as the Western Province). The second and third nations sued for peace and were accepted as Royal Unity self-regulating provinces. They were required to dismantle their military, although allowed to maintain their own police forces. The Unity established no-travel zones around the two provinces, effectively isolating them, although limited travel and communication passed between the three states.

One of the states was the Free Commonwealth of Twafflonia. It was a socialist state with a heavy-handed government designed to promote egalitarianism, denying citizens any sort of property rights. The state became (or always was) authoritarian and corrupt, with strict censorship laws and mandatory schools that promoted "proper" thinking. The Free Commonwealth of Twafflonia took its name from the free-range twaffle, a common animal raised by what used to be the lower classes, serving the Commonwealth regime as a metaphor for the working man under the heel of the bourgeoisie. (Under the new regime, the Free Commonwealth would come to be known as Twafflonia Prime.)

The other state was known as The Trove Sovereignty, a moralistic monarchy with a (mostly ineffective) democratic parliament. The Sovereignty's ruling family (the Troves) lived in quiet luxury, occasionally issuing mandates restricting certain "unhealthy" items and ideas, while the parliament squabbled over a plethora of constantly changing laws and regulations intended to promote the safety/equality/privacy/happiness/prosperity/respect/unity/individuality/artistry/education/culture/practicality/industriousness of the common people. (Under the new regime, the Sovereignty's former territory would be referred to simply as Trove.)

The Reprisal

The revolution that lead to the Economic Council of Twafflonia has its roots in the immigration of a young economist from a neighboring region. The Royal Unity had just discovered the new region and had begun a systematic conquest. The economist, Milton Stigler, resided in a city that was conquered and annexed by the Unity (a string of Royal Unity conquests in this direction resulted in the territory now known as the province of Annexion). While the Unity was bogged down in war with an enemy it had underestimated, Stigler quietly promoted his ideas and ideals throughout the Royal Unity and its provinces.

Details from that period are scanty at best, but eventually Stigler had established a widespread underground Reprisal. With the Royal Unity's military forces otherwise engaged, the Reprisal struck at the bastions in the heart of the Royal Unity, assassinating the Electant and sabotaging the Caster. The Caster, as its electronic brain slowly died, decreed that the Reprisal's new ideas were the salvation of the human race, and granted Stigler's movement priority access to the Royal Unity's military, gubernatorial, and economic infrastructure. Whether the Caster's decision was its own honest analysis of the information or whether the Reprisalists intentionally forced the artificial intelligence to give such a decree is an historical mystery argued to this day.

Peace was not easily won. Stigler's Reprisal managed to negotiate a peace treaty with the nations with which the Royal Unity had been at war, but in the meantime the nation was ravaged by civil war and internal strife. While some Unity military commanders gave their loyalty to the new government because of the Caster's decree, most maintained committed to the ideals of the old Royal Unity. Only thanks to the police forces of the Trove Sovereignty and the Free Commonwealth of Twafflonia, with occasional assistance from the nations with which the Unity had been at war, did the Reprisal succeed in establishing order. Purportedly because Reprisalists from the Free Commonwealth of Twafflonia were the most numerous and most committed in establishing the new order, the new government named the entire united nation Twafflonia.

The Royal Unity remnant force commanders signed the terms of surrender, were offered amnesty, and were integrated into the new Twaffloniam Departments of International Defence and Internal Security.

Holidays

Twafflonian citizens celebrate numerous religious and historical holidays as their conscience dictates. Three holidays are publicly supported and recognized by the government: Meckgin, Reprisal Day (celebrating the overthrow of the Royal Unity), and Milton Stigler's birthday.

Government

Government Branches:

• Economic Council
  • Department of International Defence
    • Military Council
    • Military Forces
      • Regular Military
      • Citizen Military
  • Department of Social Policy
    • Legislature
    • Budget Committee
  • Department of Internal Security
    • Judicial Committee
    • Police Force
  • Department of Foreign Relations

Twafflonia's government has three primary departments: the Department of International Defence, the Department of Social Policy, and the Department of Internal Security. Because the relatively small Social Policy Department is seen as the primary "political" arm of the government, outsiders see Twafflonia's government as a very minimalist. The Departments of International Defence and Internal Security, however, are well-funded and boast much manpower (if not political authority). Department heads meet as a triumvirate known as the Economic Council, which directly oversees a fourth and much smaller department, the Department of Foreign Relations. All three departments are governed by a strict constitution that severely limits their powers. All members of the three main departments (with the notable exceptions of police force, and all of the International Defence department excepting the head) are elected by the people according to province, and approved by at least two department heads.

The Economic Council (made up of the Department Heads of International Defence, Social Policy, and Internal Security) reserves the authority to authorize acts of international aggression (by unanimous vote only), and has other duties associated with each department (e.g. the Council can veto the Social Department's legislation and tax rates, and can veto the Internal Security Department's judge appointees). Every year the Twafflonian people appoint one of the three Economic Council members by election--so the terms for each Department Head/Economic Council Member are three years each (with no limit to the number of terms each may serve). They are elected from members of their own departments. In making decisions, such as vetoes, the Economic Council requires at least two of its three members to support its actions. The Economic Council has full authority over the appointment of positions in the tiny Department of Foreign Relations.

The Department of Social Policy consists of a legislature and a budget committee. The legislature is bound constitutionally to pass no legislation except to promote safety and the protection of citizen rights. The Economic Council may veto legislations it views as unnecessary or unconstitutional. The budget committee monitors the spending of all departments, and determines the percentage of government funds to be spent on each department (it is constitutionally bound to spend more on International Defence and Internal Security individually than on Social Policy. The committee also oversees sales tax collection and tax rates (with Economic Council approval). Citizen-funded private watchdog groups are given open access to the government budget records to prevent corruption. With the Economic Council's approval, the budget committee may fund other projects (such as public transport and road expansion). Taxes are collected through private firms.

The Department of Internal Security consists of an oversight committee, a judicial committee, and a police force. The police force is not elected, although the police chief is (from existing police officers). The judicial committee has courts throughout Twafflonia at which citizens may accuse other citizens of violating their rights. The committee appoints judges for each court (approved by the Internal Security Department Head, and can be vetoed by the Economic Council), although judges must prove themselves cognizant of the laws and constitution of Twafflonia. Judges issue sentences of punishment on the offender ranging from the death penalty (typically by electric guillotine) to prison time, to private rehabilitation programs, to community service. If found guilty, the accused may call for a retrial with a new judge. If the defendant is found innocent the charges are dropped, but if this second judge finds defendant guilty a third trial with a new judge may be called. If the defendant is found guilty a third time there are no more retrials; if found innocent, the case is brought before the judicial committee for closer review before a final verdict is passed. The well-funded police force consists of regular police troops and their officers, and works to provide security for all citizens, responsible for the detection and prevention of crimes. The police force often works in tandem with private security forces hired by businesses and citizen groups.

The main ruling body of the Department of International Defence is the Military Council, which consists of the division head (who is elected from the regular military by the Twafflonian people) and the unelected heads of each military division (Regular/Civilian Army, Navy, Airforce, Spaceforce). The Military Council suggests courses of action to take in the course of or in preparation for war. The Military Council is not democratic in nature; the Department Head is the chief executive officer of the armed forces, and does not require majority approval from the Military Council to take action--however, the Economic Council may veto any military actions. The military forces are divided into two main subdivisions: The Regular Military, made up of career military persons, and the Civilian Military, made up primarily of citizens serving their three-year term to protect their nation (although the officers of the Civilian Military are in fact Regular career military personnel, appointed by the Head of the Department of International Defence, or by his/her appointees of proper authority). The two subdivisions are then further divided into an Army, Navy, Airforce, and Spaceforce. The Head of the Department of International Defence is authorized to use the Defence budget to supplement the military with private militia forces if necessary.

The Department of Foreign Relations consists of Economic Council-appointed communicators and intellectuals chosen for their ability to represent Twafflonian ideals peacefully, eloquently, and defensibly. Examples of the duties of Foreign Relations Department appointees include the Twafflonian representative to the United Nations, and Twafflonian ambassadors/embassy personnel in foreign nations.

According to the UN: "Twafflonia is either ruled by a small, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which. There is no government in the normal sense of the word; however, a small group of community-minded individuals juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defence, and Religion & Spirituality."

Government Priority: Law & Order

Government Efficiency: 97%

Modern Twafflonia

Government Policy

Emigration: Twafflonian citizens with no outstanding crimes can leave the country at any time. However, extensive documentation is required to return through the Twafflonian border unmolested.

Expansionism: Twafflonia tends toward protecting its own people and is constitutionally bound to avoid government action in aggressive conquest or subsidization of colonies. However, in the interests of pursuing a global competitive market and in taking full advantage of Twafflonia's market strengths, the government seeks to loosen trade barriers and promote international business competition.

Nuclear Weapons: The government generally views nuclear weapons as a waste of otherwise economically harnessable nuclear material, but nuclear weapons are nevertheless maintained (primarily small-scale bunker-busting nuclear warheads capable of neutralizing biological agents). Depleted uranium is also used in certain armors and armor-piercing projectiles.

Pollution: Externalizing costs--by polluting, for example--is a market failure that should be taken into account when striving toward a free competitive market that benefits all citizens. Therefore, harmful pollutants are regulated, including most greenhouse gases. Carbon Dioxide, however, is officially considered an ecologically neutral emission and is neither monitored nor restricted.

Immigration: Foreign immigration is steady, although regulated so as to prevent the immigration of known criminals and foreign agents.

Industry: Most industry is unregulated, excepting government intervention in cases of market failures, and in cases when the business or businessperson in question threatens the rights of individual citizens.

Media: The media is unregulated by the government. This has resulted in an abundance of tabloid-quality news sources that promote fictional accounts of events. However, privately funded consumer-protection groups have risen to verify news sources and endorse news agencies that prove themselves routinely accurate and unbiased. Twafflonian citizens have access to all sorts of opinions, ideas, and information, and they have developed a means (through watchdog groups) of sorting the information for quality and promoting better media.

Leadership

Current Twafflonian leadership is as follows:

Economic Council:

• Head of Department of International Defence: Miss Ichibana Kirim
• Head of Department of Social Policy: Dr. Andrew Rydalmere
• Head of Department of Internal Security: Mr. Robert Libby

• Head of Foreign Relations Department: Ambassador Biddulph Strathfield
  • Assistant Ambassador to the United Nations: Mirah Leinenkugel
  • Ambassador to Tartarystan: Julia Jezebel
  • Ambassador to Cookesland: Zeren Chatswood
  • Ambassador to Kampfers: Dejirah Barsoom
  • Ambassador to Mathism: George Willis
  • Ambassador to The Indonesian States: William Hotaling
  • Ambassador to Jimanistan: Avram Esidor
  • Ambassador to Akimonad: Cassie Davidson
  • Ambassador to Kirav: Othar Tryggvassen
  • Ambassador to Calizorinstan: Emilia Powers

Flag

Twafflonia's flag is steeped in symbolism. The yellow disc on the leftmost side of the flag depicts the free-range twaffle waffle, a traditional Twafflonian dish, representing national unity, and reminding the Council of its duty to promote economic prosperity so that "every household can have their fill of twaffle waffles." The red background represents the blood of the Twafflonian people, shed under oppression and in reprisal, always red and unitingly human; no Twafflonian is any better than another against the law. The three horizontal bars (two black, one red) represent the Economic Council's three primary duties (and three corresponding departments): protection from foreign enemies (International Defence), legislation to protect the rights and prosperity of individuals (Social Policy), and protection of citizen rights even from each other (Internal Security).

Territory

Twafflonia is divided into five provinces:

• Stigler
• The Western Province
• Twafflonia Prime
• Trove
• Annexion

The capital of Twafflonia (regarded as a neutral province, without direct representation) is the city of Twashington D.C., lying on the border of the provinces Twafflonia Prime and Stigler.

Economy and Government Spending

Income tax is unheard of. A powerhouse of a private sector is led by the Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing industries.

The following information was determined by an independent private external survey service as of September 28th, 2007:

• Exchange Rate: 1 Twafflonian IOU = $0.67;

National Statistics:

• Gross Domestic Product: $27,443,642,219,722
• GDP Per Capita: $13,194
• Income Tax Rate: 0%
• Government Income (% of GDP): 4.6%
• Government Budget: $1,226,176,675,942

Federal Budget Distribution:

• Religion and Spirituality (7%): $83,257,396,296 - This money is used throughout the nation to ensure religious freedom;
• Defence (36%): $428,180,895,239;
• Law and Order (46%): $547,120,032,805;
• Public Transport (6%): $71,363,482,540 - This money is used for expansion of road systems (maintenance is privatized and funded by tolls);
• Government Waste (3%): $36,785,300,278;

Consumer Statistics:

• Private Consumption: $26,217,465,543,779
• GDP Per Capita: $13,194
• Worker Enthusiasm: 85%;
• Consumer Confidence: 84%;
• Unemployment: 7.41%;
• Population Growth Rate: 0.28%;

Crime

In Twafflonia, crime -- especially youth-related -- is relatively low, thanks to the all-pervasive police force.

Black markets have been unable to find a profitable foothold within Twafflonia both due to the general legality of most products and the all-pervasive police force.

Twafflonian Trivia

In Twafflonia:

• There have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'
• Record sales of 'child-whacking sticks' have been recorded
• Military spending is on the increase
• Ethnic minorities are often refused admission to some of the nation's best schools
• A National Academy regulates grammar and usage
• Travelers are often forcibly evicted by torch-bearing mobs
• Citizens are permitted to carry concealed handguns
• Graffiti artists spend lengthy periods of time in jail
• Only the rich can afford the latest medical innovations
• Twafflonia's children are widely acknowledged as the most foul-mouthed in the region
• Organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region
• The nation's infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields
• Wealthy parents-to-be can select their perfect baby
• Traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways
• Murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows
• Fur coats have become the latest fashion trend
• The government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments
• Major cities are suffering under water rationing
• 'The Anti-Government Hour' is a popular programme on many of Twafflonia's radio stations
• Anti-government web sites are springing up
• All major public areas are watched by police surveillance cameras,
• Employers may fire workers without giving any reason,
• Citizens must pay to enjoy Twafflonia's pristine beaches
• Businesses often fire workers in favour of cheaper automatic systems

Foreign Relations

Following Twafflonia's policy of minimal government, the Department of Foreign Relations has no more employees than absolutely necessary. Embassies on foreign soil typically have but three personnel: an ambassador, an assistant ambassador, and a chauffeur/pilot, all of whom are qualified to represent Twafflonia's foreign policy if necessary. Twafflonian foreign emissaries are instructed in the use of fire arms and are armed with, at minimum, Taurus PT 24/7 handguns while in foreign territory, except in cases in which such equipment is restricted by the government to which the emissaries represent Twafflonia. Government employees are encouraged to carry their own weapons while on duty, in addition to any assigned PT 24/7s. The diplomatic vehicle of choice (borrowed from the Department of International Defence) is the Bushmaster Infantry Mobility Vehicle.

Twafflonia has embassies in the following nations:

• The Most Serene and Holy Altaic Empire of Tartarystan
• The United States of Cookesland (Twafflonian Embassy at 1226 Aricon Avenue)
• The Neo-Prussian Dictatorship of Kampfers (Twafflonian Embassy on 33rd floor)
• The Republic of Mathism (Twafflonian Embassy on 17th floor)
• The Democratic Republic of The Indonesian States
• The Communal Democracy of Jimanistan
• The Autocratic Federated Empire of Akimonad (Twafflonian Embassy within the Akimonad Diplomatic Centre)
• The Imperial Confederacy of Kirav (Twafflonian Embassy at 24 Intl. Avenue)
• The United States of Calizorinstan (Twafflonian Embassy at 1019 India Street)

UN Activity

Twafflonia's ambassador to the Nation States United Nations is Mr. Biddulph Strathfield.