The derogatory term "wank", originally slang for masturbation, or hacker-speak for a particularly clever and quirky styling, has a special meaning in NationStates. In the NS usage, wank is the abusive over-use of a particular stratagem, technique, or style. The word "wank" is often hyphenated to form a specific type of wank, as shown below. Remember, wank is not always bad or a godmode, but some forms can be.
- 1 Common wank
- 2 Nation-specific wank
- 3 Rare forms of wank
- 4 Disclaimer
One of the most, if not the, most common form of Wank. This comprises of using excessive numbers of Money and/or Equipment without any kind of rational thought, logistics, or whatnot. Incidentally, this can apply to basically any other kind of wank (With the possible exception of Weakness-Wank), it also includes claiming puppet populations or simply ignoring NS population statistics (E.g. to create galactic empires with multi-trillion populations - see also Space Empirewank).
A very common and less offensive form of wank. It is abuse of high technology, either to break the laws of reality, or to enforce adherence to minutiae on an RP not concerned with technicalities of combat systems.
In general NS, most people are not technophiles, and will become irked when you proceed to explain to them exactly how your 8mm Tungsten-Carbide, Armor-Piercing, Fin-Stabilized, Discarding-Sabot fletchette firing assault rifles are perfectly designed to penetrate their mere level three kevlar vests. This would be considered wank because most players would not know about the benefits of TC/DU APFSDS Fletchettes, and would negate their infantry armor. This is NOT a godmode, however, since it does not change the rules of reality or break the roleplay. (And yes, I used my own weapon as an example of wank. It's the SAG ACR, if you want to know.)
However, announcing that, because your opponent only claimed to use "RPGs" on your tank, it did no damage (since the RPG-7 is incapable of piercing the glacis plate of a Main Battle Tank, and your opponent did not use an RPG-29 specifically) is tech wank AND a godmode, because it allows you to ignore their attack, and take no damage. Most players couldn't tell an RPG-7 from an SA-2, and they had the right idea (firing rockets at a tank), but not the intrinsic knowledge of weapons. In this case, assume that they are using the correct weapon.
Most blatant of tech-wank is the "impenetrable shield" and the "unstoppable bullet" syndrome, in which the technology becomes a get-out-of-jail-free card, allowing blatant godmoding to be disguised as legitimate gameplay. On a side note, the effect of an unstoppable bullet striking an impenetrable shield has proven catastrophic.
Generally, the most offensive form of common wank. It is the use of magic or psychic powers to drastically alter the flow of an RP in an un-agreed-upon manner. Just as tech-wank does not preclude high-end tech use, magic wank is not simply the use of powerful magics, but the use of magics to break the RP.
For example, using your psychic or Magical Scrying abilities to instantly reveal your opponent's every move would be magic wank to a godmodey extreme. Like its technological twin, the impenetrable magic shield and the Power Word Kill are surefire techniques to be ignored on charges of Magic-Wank.
This can refer to blatantly flaunting one's UN stats, disregarding any kind of roleplay, as well as flaunting (biased) calculator stats, RL equipment stats (See Realismwank) or, even more amusingly, made-up equipment stats. Also refers to posting page-long statistics without any kind of actual content, be it numbers (See Number-wank) or weapon statistics. Poll-group wank ("99.847% of my citizens agree with me and think you smell") also falls into this category, as it's unrealistic to claim unflagging and total domestic support.
In Sports roleplaying, statwanking means posting many meaningless stats or c'n'p them into the IRC-window. It is not considered to be anyhow bad apart from the fact that it can slightly annoy; nations utilising it here are often humourously mocked, not insulted. Total n Utter Insanity is probably the most famous example.
Many players choose to use puppet nations for roleplaying purposes, but it becomes Wank when the puppets are used to augment or otherwise unfairly benefit the creator player's main nation. Sometimes, however, it is the other way around. () One notorious variant of Puppet Wanking is the sale of puppet nations on storefronts. Another is using a puppet nation to add military strength to the main nation, without actually defining them as separate entities. Many roleplayers consider this to be unfair.
In NS General, a form of Puppet Wank exists when players use puppet nations to try to surreptitiously give the appearance of vocal support for a poster's viewpoint(s). If discovered (or 'outed' by the mods), this strategy can backfire rather dramatically. An argument in which most of the support comes from one's own puppets takes us back to the original definition of 'wank'.
This refers to the quasi-common practice of some NS nations to claim vast holdings of (usually RL) territories and countries without any plausible RP to back it up. Nations such as Chellis and California and Alaska have been accused of such "wank," which is generally frowned upon by NS Players. Nine out of ten times this kind of wank deals with "Earth" holdings to imitate a real life colonial empire such as Imperial Germany, Great Britain or Tsarist Russia.
Rare among Players, but common in N00bs. Generally involves the overuse of vast weapons on platforms not capable of supporting them and / or the belief that a larger gun is always better than a smaller one.
The mother of all wanks and godmodes, it is the use... any use of Divine Intervention to sway an RP to your favor. You want to have Deus Ex Machina in a thread? Write a story. There are very few, if any, players who would tolerate the use of the Almighty, or even a Semi-mighty, to let you win a battle.
A tamer variant of God-Wank. Using either the temporal Church or some variant to justify atrocities, or to counter atrocities committed by another religion-wanker. There is a fine line between having the "Most Holy Representative on Earth" reciting a proclamation condemning atrocities, and having the National Theocratic Army invade another country "in the name of God" and reducing the populace to dust. Many religion-wankers know the far side of that line quite well. Another variant has a nation demanding that other nations adhere to a given doctrine lest they be accused of heresy, or worse. Note that this isn't in and of itself godmoddery, but declaring another nation in violation of edicts they don't acknowledge is similar to, if less obnoxious than, assigning damage in battle.
The opposite of Tech-Wank, though closely related to it. Realism-Wank is claiming that nothing but real, existing stuff exists, comparing and arguing over FAS.org statistics, constantly bitching about others not doing the same, and, in extreme cases, claiming that nations not using RL equipment don't possess any equipment at all. (EOTED had to suffer from such a case).
This is one of the hallmarks of potentially great sci-fi and usually terrible RP... the use of genetic engineering/cloning to gain an advantage in an RP. This is not a rail against all GenEn in roleplay, but rather against UNSTOPPABLE, LIVING DEATH-MACHINES OF DOOM that tend to pop up every once in a while. For the use of story purposes, or scripted character-RP, this can be a great story-arc; when utilized for an advantage in a conflict, particularly en masse, it is wank of the highest caliber.
This is the Wank of choice for Anti-N00bs, who serve as a sort of xenophobic N00bish Rear Guard against other N00bs. IGNORE Wank is the overuse of IGNORE and IGNORE technology. You may be committing this Wank when you create a special "IGNORE Cannon". You are committing IGNORE Wank when you make an IGNORE storefront.
The most common use of IGNORE Wank is by nations who IGNORE anyone they don't like, lost an RP to in the past six months, or otherwise feel like falling into a bitch-fest with. IGNORE Wank often leads directly into flaming, as both sides accuse the other of being the worse N00b. This is the most likely form of Wank likely to escalate into a breach of Terms of Service.
Rare forms of wank
Not common, but definitely annoying, is the use of Jedi armies. Pretty self-explanatory, really.
Generally involves horrible abuse of NS stats to claim a series of star systems rather than a single nation; the most odious type is proclaiming your Nationstates population stat as 'my military' and claiming trillions of civilians because it would be unrealistic for a star empire to have such a small population.
Yes, people really do this.
Honorary C'tan Wank
Self proclaimed on IRC, this medal is awarded to nations participating in God Wank, Tech Wank, Psi Wank, occasional Magic Wank, occasional Realism Wank, Gene Wank all in one efficient package, and for the low, low price of an internet connection.
Also developed on IRC, this is a somewhat humoristic version, where NS players flaunt their weaknesses, rather than their strengths.
Like it's bigger (and less tolerated) brothers, Tech-Wank and Magic/Psy-Wank, MacGyver-Wank is the hijacking or unreasonable use of the RP, via the assumption that your nation or character is prepared for every possible occurence.
For example, you've sent one of your characters to your nearest enemy as a -peaceful- emissary. Upon his enrollment in an utterly inescapable prison in the belly of their fortress, however, he proves to have on his person 48 lbs of high-yield explosive, a collapsible jetpack, fifteen meters of nanowire, and a small shrubbery to spruce up his cell. Or, your sleepy, pacifist nation that has never fought a war suddenly has a full-featured, high-dollar military, just in time to repel invaders.
Unrelated to the forums, Crystalbotwanking is the overuse of <CrystalBot> on NationStates IRC channels. More in general it refers to the (over) use of bots to spam the channel. If the bot is used too often by a single user, this user is said to be "botwanking".
<@Goobergunch> cb ex Quin <@Goobergunch> cb ex Knoot <+CrystalBot> Quin has typed in 1898 lines since records began, putting them in position 21 out of 1490 known nicks. <+CrystalBot> random quote <+CrystalBot> <Quin>lol <+CrystalBot> Knoot has typed in 1345 lines since records began, putting them in position 39 out of 1490 known nicks. <+CrystalBot> random quote <+CrystalBot> <Knoot>*giggle* * Goobergunch was kicked by Goobergunch « Please do not wank CrystalBot, thanks. »
Remember, wank can be a godmode, but not always. Sometimes, an accusation of wank is simply a lack of knowledge on the part of the player complaining. Think before you accuse or condemn. Unless they have The Lord Jesus Christ in a tank. Then, complain away.