Difference between revisions of "Errinundera"

Revision as of 12:34, 10 June 2006

ERRINUNDERA

Errinundera

Flag of Errinundera
Motto: "Please leave meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided"
Our Cool Temperate Rainforest is of the imagination
Region	Forest
Capital	First Creek Falls
Official Language(s)	Many
Leader	willd
Population	over 3 billion
Currency	southern sassafras
NS Sunset XML

Regional UN delegate for Forest

NS WORLD CUP RECORD

Contested NSWCs: 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 26

• NSWC 5: Qualified, lost in group stages
• NSWC 6: Reached semi-finals and lost 3rd place play-off
• NSWC 7: Champions
• NSWC 8: Reached 2nd round
• NSWC 9: Lost in group stages
• NSWC 26: Failed to qualify

INDICES

Development

• Human Development Index (Forest comparative as at 10/06/2006) = .328 (7th in region)
• Sustainable Development Index (Forest comparative as at 10/06/2006) = .546 (6th in region)

Errinundera's political compass

• Economic Left/Right: -5.63
• Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.00

ABOUT ERRINUNDERA

CITIES

FIRST CREEK FALLS

The Errindundrian capital, First Creek Falls, lies on the southern escarpment of the Errinundera Plateau. It is named after and located at the base, the top, around and behind the waterfall of the same name. The falls plunge 600 metres from the plateau to the southern lowlands.

The populace resides in trees at the base of the falls. In order that the national animal, the long-footed potoroo, may frolic freely, it is illegal to disturb the ground in any way beneath the trees. All the trees are owned by Errinundera. People rent trees at market rates from the government and build tree-houses of any design they choose provided the tree is healthy and the house is built safely. There is a magnificent array of aerial walkways between trees that grow as high as 130 metres: mountain ash, alpine ash, shining gum, messmate and cut-tail (also known as brown barrel). The gullies below feature the most loved of all the trees - the southern sassafras - with its lime green foliage and Enid Blyton toytown shape. The most sought after locations are naturally close to the falls where the constant spray from the falls allows magnificent fern and epiphyte gardens to flourish in the trees.

Other than shops, which can also be built in the trees, all business and administrative buildings are located on the plateau at the summit of the falls. Regulations prohibit these buildings from being visible from the tree houses. An extensive but hidden elevator network has been mined in the rock behind the falls so that people can quickly and easily go about their business.

The greatest threats to this idyllic lifestyle are bush-fire and political skullduggery. On Black Friday (13 January 1939) over 6,000 perished when a crown fire raged through the house trees. This prompted the then Protector to implement the notorious "War Against Bushfirism" policy which severely curtailed human rights throughout Errinundera. Historians estimate that somewhere between 12,000 and 30,000 Errinundrians died as a direct consequence of this policy. In a backlash against this dark time in our history, the people began the great, peaceful civil disobedience campaign which culminated in that particular Protector shooting himself - the last known gun death in the country on 7 December 1941, now celebrated as Liberation Day.

On Ash Wednesday (16 February 1983) another bush-fire destroyed Upper First Creek Falls, wiping out many businesses, much to everyone's glee. This part of the city has been completely re-built since, with the marshes and creek (river really) being developed into a beautiful "water quarter" as it is affectionately called. Transport between all buildings is by gondola. Much to the embarrassment of Errinundrians the largest (and ugliest) building in the water quarter had been, until recently, headquarters of NGDV Ltd, Errinundera’s notorious woodchip export company. After Errinundera qualified for WC5, happy revellers levelled the building.

Errinundrians in general, and Falls Folk (as they call themselves) in particular, know that they will never be rich but they have a smugness, that is internationally irritating, because they know they live in paradise. Along with this smugness is a tendency to ban things that are contrary to their nature. Among banned items are meat, cars, cigarettes, guns, police and armed forces. Due to progressive social policies there is virtually no crime. And as no NationState has yet developed the necessary technology there are no fears that Errinundera will be invaded.

Visitors to Errinundera are warned that no dead animal products are allowed into the country. Local businesses can provide teams with the finest quality football gear made from a microfibre that is indistinguishable from leather. Team dietitians need to take into account the needs of the players under a vegetarian regime within Errinundera.

Environmental concerns do not permit the building of a football stadium within First Creek Falls proper. The national stadium, seating 32,000, is located at Frosty Hollow, about 30 km to the northeast of First Creek Falls. Qualifying matches will be held in winter and, given that Frosty Hollow is about 1200 metres above sea level, teams are warned that snow is quite possible during matches.

Transport to the ground is by rail, which is free. Public transport is comprehensive and there are no restrictions on travel within the country. Visiting footballers will be feted wherever they go.

Errinundrians may have banned many pernicious things but generally speaking they are egalitarian to a fault. Few people lock their house-trees. Besides, not being terribly materialistic, they have very little worth stealing. Few Errinundrians have a television, let alone a home entertainment centre. Since WC5 Errinundrians have placed thousands of huge screens in public places where they can watch the football matches in a community carnival atmosphere. Visitors can feel free to hop up on anyone’s home for a chat. Don’t be alarmed if you see naked people among the treetops – it’s just the way they are. Errinundrians are also fairly relaxed about sex.

Good luck and enjoy your football.

McKILLOPS BRIDGE

In the far north of the Errinundera lies McKillops Bridge, the most famous of the nation’s populous northern cities. Built on the banks of the grand Snowy River, which has its headwaters in nations to the north, McKillops Bridge is the usual entry point for visitors to Errinundera.

When you arrive at the docks the first of many surprises awaits you. There are no border controls. Entry to and from Errinundera is totally unrestricted. The only barrier to your entry is an enormous receptacle and the following sign:

Please leave all meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided.

Most visitors happily comply. The Errinundrian sniffer wombats are legendary.

McKillops Bridge has been built on a section of the river that has bent around to flow towards the north again, before looping around again to continue its journey south to the sea. With the western side of the city in the eastern half of the country and the eastern side in the western half, visitors are easily confused. That’s Errinundera for you – always contrary.

Despite the fertility of the great river, this region of Errinundera is in rainshadow so you will find no sign of the famous rainforests of the central plateau. Instead the landscape is dominated by white and black cypress pines. As these are quite unsuitable as house trees, the Bridge folk live in ground houses or in caves built into the cliffs along the river.

Sixty metre granite cliffs dominate the western bank here in McKillops Bridge. (Remember, this is in the eastern side of the country). The eastern bank is flat. Connecting the top of the cliff to the opposite bank is the centuries old pride of the city, a staircase 30 metres broad, spanning the width of the river and supported by a pair of beautifully proportioned ellipses. At the top of the staircase that gives the city its modern name is the palace of the former royal family. A wide avenue leads from the red granite palace to the beautiful white Star Temple, home of a religious sect that used to hold Errinundera in its thrall. The palace and temple are now national museums.

Until the 1905 revolution the city was known as Milosis. Indeed the upper section of the city still goes by that name. The royal family, priests, soldiers and government officials lived on the upper bank and artisans and workers lived on the lower bank. In 1889 British explorers arrived in Errinundera. One of them seduced the then queen and was anointed king. A venal and arrogant man, he was despised by Errinundrians. Civil war broke out with resistance led by the queen’s younger sister. This culminated in the defeat and death of the younger sister and the complete subjugation of a rebellious nation by the queen and her usurper husband. Resistance continued, especially in the dense forests of the plateau where the queen’s army was ill equipped to fight. Finally, following a massacre of thousands of protesters upon the bridge, the army itself revolted and liquidated most of the royal family. A puritanical government took control and moved the capital to First Creek Falls. It, in turn, collapsed in 1941 to be replaced by the current libertarian regime.

Adjacent to the palace upon the cliff-top is the ancient coliseum. This three-sided granite structure has been refurbished to bring it up to international standards. Now accommodating 41,000 fans, it has all facilities expected of a modern stadium, including giant colour screens, heated seating, corporate boxes and state of the art player amenities.

The unusual feature of the McKillops Bridge Coliseum is that the pitch goes almost to the edge of the cliff affording a dizzying view for players and spectators alike. Fans in the top row seats can see far into the west of Errinundera. A secure mesh fence prevents people and players from falling over the edge. The ground is the home of 2nd division side Milosis (The White Guard) and, much to the chagrin of the upper city folk, has become a sort of permanent temporary home to powerful 1st division side McKillops Bridge (The Kingfishers) which has its support among the lower city folk.

There is mild resentment that political power has resided in First Creek Falls for the last century. Bridge Folk see their city as the cultural, historical and intellectual capital of the nation in much the same way St Petersburg natives would view their city in relation to Moscow. The rivalry is not bitter but it is an undercurrent that is always tugging away. The Falls Folk are airheads (they live in trees) and the Bridge Folk are blockheads (the live in rectangular stone houses).

Visitors are free to travel about McKillops Bridge. Walk into any house – you will be most welcome. You’ll also get a hearty, but stodgy vegetarian meal: lentil soup or nutloaf. As the welcoming sign on the docks suggest, the great curses of modern civilization, guns and cars, are absent here. A comprehensive tram and monorail network will take you anywhere you care to go. And they’re free.

Sure, we have a tendency to ban things. It’s probably a relic of our puritanical past. So along with guns and cars you won’t find cigarettes, gambling, meat or leather, police or armies. These things are considered quite nasty. On the other hand, our drug raves are internationally famous and our attitude to nudity and sex is quite relaxed. If sex and leather is your thing we have no shortage of substitutes for you. It’s all a question of what is harmful. You may also be surprised to discover that private enterprises have not been banned. We just tax them to buggery.

If you don’t like the way we run things that’s OK, just hop up on the home of our national leader and tell him what you think.

BEMM RIVER

Like so many cities, towns and structures in Errinundera, Bemm River takes advantage of its natural environment.

We are now in the southern lowlands of Errinundera, just below the plateau escarpment. The tributaries of the Errinundera and Combienbar Rivers tumble over the edge of the plateau in beautiful waterfalls – First Creek Falls being the most famous. Eventually the two rivers join to become the slow moving Bemm River, meandering through dense warm temperate rainforest. At 1000 metres below the plateau the temperature is much warmer and the forest quite different in type.

The Bemms consider themselves forest folk just like the plateau dwellers. They too live in house trees connected by magnificent skywalks. Someone canooing down the river may think they are in a pristine wilderness until they round a bend in the river and see graceful parabolic fingers stretching from all directions out of the tree canopy to cross the river.

The big advantage that they have over their compatriots, however, is the temperature. Bemm River is the nudest place in the country. To dress for important occasions is to be considered terribly uncouth. Patrons and performers of the city’s several orchestras, opera companies and chamber groups never wear clothes to performances unless an unusually cold snap has struck. When this does occur the Bemms go overboard and dress outrageously. If you have to wear clothes, then treat it as a bit of naughty fun, seems to be the reasoning.

The Bemms are more prone than the plateau folk to altering their environment. Back from the river itself you will find many public monuments and stoneworks between the trees. They love ampitheatres and watergardens and statuary. Some of them date back over a thousand years, showing that the love of ornamentation has long been a feature of Bemm River life. A walk between the trees is a serene antitode to the pressures of daily life. The style is never grand but always graceful and intimate. Vines trail from the trees, bright green moss covers everything and staghorn ferns grow wherever they can obtain purchase: on tree trunks, walls, rocks and statues.

The Bemm River Recreation Reserve (known as the B Triple R) was one of the first large stadiums built when football was introduced to Errinundera and has therefore been well and truly overtaken by later developments. Built on an island in the centre of the river, the stadium expanded over the years so that, now, no trace of the island is visible from the riverbanks. The stadium gives the illusion of rising out of the river itself. Indeed, it can only be accessed via skywalks that bring the fans into the stadium through its roof. A new stand has increased the capacity to 35,000 and the facilities, while not bad, are only adequate.

FROM THE ARCHIVES

THE FIRST CREEK FALLS AGE

LEATHER SCANDALS

ERRINUNDERA TO FORFEIT MATCH AGAINST EUROPA BRITTANIA

LEATHER SUBSTITUTED FOR LEATHER SUBSTITUTE

With just hours to go before the sixth round of World Cup 7 qualifying, the NationStates World Cup community is about to be rocked by one of its biggest scandals yet. The University of Milosis in McKillops Bridge has explained why Ploser microfibre is indistinguishable from leather.

It is leather.

The university has carried out extensive tests on footballs and boots provided to them by labour union officials who collected them from retail stores all over the nation. This secret collection has been going on since the dispute over wages began in Fanny Moo five weeks ago. Professor elassdomg from the University’s department of Chemical Engineering explained to us that the tests are simple, quick and precise. “Preliminary results show conclusively that only microfibre that has been manufactured within Errinundera can be trusted to be the real thing, that is, a leather substitute. Any material that has been manufactured offshore has so far tested to be a fake, that is, a leather substitute substitute. I’m getting confused here. Let me start again. If the source material was made in Errinundera it’s microfibre, if imported it’s leather.”

Spontaneous boycott planner and activist, swellen, explained the implications. “First of all I want to make two points clear. Errinundera makes very little microfibre for Ploser. Most is imported. On the other hand we make almost all of their finished products such as footballs and football boots. As you know, in the last couple of weeks all their products have been recalled and shipped overseas. So if you want genuine microfibre gear in Errinundera, well I’m sorry, there’s none to be had. It’s as if Ploser Microfibres has played an elaborate joke on our nation.”

To find out how this scam came to be uncovered we need to visit the its [sic] epicentre: Fanny Moo. The first person to have suspicions was sniffer wombat trainer, whoaboy. “My wombats are trained to sniff out banned substances such as meat, leather, cigarettes, guns, cars, police and military personnel. For some time now the wombats have been getting very agitated whenever I went near the factory. I didn’t think much of it until I mentioned it in passing to my mate, sharonb, the union organiser. Suddenly it struck me that my girls and boys could be on to something. sharonb agreed and promised to have it investigated.”

Errinundera’s Protector of Sport, filthyl, was informed and instantly recognized the implications for the national side. He immediately sent samples of the team’s gear to the University of Milosis for testing. “It’s all leather. Every last scrap of the stuff we use. Breaking the news to the team was one of the most horrible things I’ve ever had to do. Several members of the team, including the team coach fionar, became so ill they vomited.”

A very green about the gills moschatuma told The Age that the team will not play any more matches until they can be assured that their footwear and balls are not manufactured from dead animal products. “Words cannot express my horror at what has happened. To think that I’ve been kicking the shit out of ex-cows is horrible beyond words.” Team coach, fionar, has expressed her solidarity with the team’s decision to forfeit the match against Europa Brittania. Expressions of support have come from the Protector of Sport, filthyl, and from the Main Protector, willd, who issued the following statement: “We are currently endeavourng to locate any Ploser products still around the nation so it can be given a decent and respectful burial. Anybody who thinks the may have a dead animal product can have it tested. Magistrates will be investigating what sort of compensation will be appropriate. It is our intention that Ploser Microfibres be required to pay this compensation.”

It is clear that, despite the nation’s pride in the achievements of their national team, it too supports the players’ decision. As we go to press reports are coming in of angry crowds gathering at Ploser plants around the country.

It also remains to be seen how the NSWCC reacts to these developments. At this stage it is too early to tell what the implications are for the longfoots’ prospects of qualifying.

As yet we have not been able to get an official comment from the Europa Brittania team which is currently lodging at the former palace in McKillops Bridge ahead of the game which had been scheduled for this afternoon.

THE FANNY MOO EXAMINER ON-LINE

FANNY MOO COW REMAINS RECEIVE SOLEMN INTERMENT

Following receipt of the final test results from the University of Milosis, the final remains of the victims of the Ploser – May bovine genocide were laid to rest beneath the spreading branches of Fanny Moo’s sacred tree, CUNNUSVACCAE. In all 45 footballs, 89 football boots, 1024 other shoes of various descriptions, 33 whips, 247 corsets, a saddle and 2 car bucket seats were buried in a moving ceremony led by the village mayor, vacam, and local magistrate, carmenl.

FORMER PROTECTOR OF TRADE INTERCEPTED AT McKILLOPS BRIDGE

The former Protector of Trade, invidio, tried to slip unnoticed into Errinundera recently. Advance warning of his arrival was received in time for thousands of stern and determined McKillopians to intercept him at the city docks as he came down the Snowy River. After haranguing him for four and a half hours the crowd then dumped him in the bin marked "PLEASE LEAVE ALL MEAT, LEATHER, GUNS AND CARS IN BIN PROVIDED". He managed to climb out 24 hours later, reportedly a broken man.

Football star and final-year undergraduate Magistracy student at the McKillops Bridge Polytechnic, snapier, is shocked at what happened. “Errinundera is a party to the United Nations covenant prohibiting cruel and unusual punishment. Being thrown in a container of rotten meat, mouldy leather plus assorted guns and cars is just about the worst thing I can imagine being done to a person. The trauma he must have suffered is hard to imagine. He is lucky that Errinundera has a free and extensive health system. Furthermore, I am in touch with community organisations that are happy to shelter him and provide him with all the tender, loving care he needs.”

(Note: invidio was implicated in the leather substitute substitution racket.)

REFERENCES

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Development_Index