Baramianism

Baramianism is a religious belief practiced by some in New York Jet Fanatics.

Overview of Baramianism

Baramianism is perhaps the most bizarre religious groups in the world. A Baramianist literally means, in Offensive NFL Speak, One who wakes up at five-thirty in the morning to dance and play five soprano saxophones at once by the moonlight. Baramianists are frequently seen, or rather, heard in the middle of the night doing whatever they can to generate as much noise as possible. Unfortunately for all that do not practice Baramianism, they are very successful at accomplishing this. These earsplitting rituals are called Baramgolpheripotumes. They are now illegal, with the punishment being a massive fine and a thirty day prison sentence for anyone who performs in a Baramgolpheripotume, yet Baramianists continue to perform them at the rate of about 1 Baramgolpheripotume every 2 months. The strangest part of this odd ritual is that nobody is quite sure why the Baramianists do it. It is simply one of those questions that cannot be answered. Some Baramianists have admitted that they have no idea why they do it. Others have never quite given a clear answer on its reason. Baramianism consists of about 25 other rituals which are equally strange, but, mercifully, far less deafening and far less noticeable. Nobody appears to be quite sure why Baramianists perform any of the other rituals either.

Religious fractionation

• Approximately 53% of citizens of New York Jet Fanatics practice Cyetaneloism.
• Approximately 21% of citizens of New York Jet Fanatics practice Fachillianism.
• Approximately 19% of citizens of New York Jet Fanatics practice Garatrism.
• Approximately 6% of citizens of New York Jet Fanatics practice Baramianism.
• Approximately 1% of citizens of New York Jet Fanatics practice Ilkestreyonism