Difference between revisions of "Errinundera"
| Line 15: | Line 15: | ||
}} | }} | ||
| − | + | [http://www.nationstates.net/04154/page=display_region|Regional UN Delegate for Forest] | |
Contested [[World Cup|NSWCs]]: [[World Cup 5|5]], [[World Cup 6|6]], [[World Cup 7|7]], [[World Cup 8|8]], [[World Cup 9|9]] and [[World Cup 26|26]] | Contested [[World Cup|NSWCs]]: [[World Cup 5|5]], [[World Cup 6|6]], [[World Cup 7|7]], [[World Cup 8|8]], [[World Cup 9|9]] and [[World Cup 26|26]] | ||
Revision as of 19:50, 9 June 2006
Errinundera
| |
| Flag of Errinundera | |
| Motto: "Please leave meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided" | |
| Our Cool Temperate Rainforest is of the imagination | |
| Region | Forest |
|---|---|
| Capital | First Creek Falls |
| Official Language(s) | Many |
| Leader | willd |
| Population | over 3 billion |
| Currency | southern sassafras |
| NS Sunset XML | |
Contested NSWCs: 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 26
- NSWC 5: Qualified, lost in group stages
- NSWC 6: Reached semi-finals and lost 3rd place play-off
- NSWC 7: Champions
- NSWC 8: Reached 2nd round
- NSWC 9: Lost in group stages
- NSWC 26: Failed to qualify
From the archives:
ABOUT FIRST CREEK FALLS
The Errindundrian capital, First Creek Falls, is named after and located at the base, the top and behind the 600 metre waterfall of the same name.
The populace resides in trees at the base of the falls. In order that the national animal, the long-footed potoroo, may frolic freely, it is illegal to disturb the ground in any way beneath the trees. All the trees are owned by Errinundera. People rent trees at market rates from the government and build tree-houses of any design they choose provided the tree is healthy and the house is built safely. There is a magnificent array of aerial walkways between trees that grow as high as 130 metres: mountain ash, alpine ash, shining gum, messmate and cut-tail (also known as brown barrel). The gullies below feature the most loved of all the trees - the southern sassafras - with its lime green foliage and Enid Blyton toytown shape. The most sought after locations are naturally close to the falls where the constant spray from the falls allows magnificent fern and epiphyte gardens to flourish in the trees.
Other than shops, which can also be built in the trees, all business and administrative buildings are located on the plateau at the summit of the falls. Regulations prohibit these buildings from being visible from the tree houses. An extensive but hidden elevator network has been mined in the rock behind the falls so that people can quickly and easily go about their business.
The greatest threats to this idyllic lifestyle are bush-fire and political skullduggery. On Black Friday (13 January 1939) over 6,000 perished when a crown fire raged through the house trees. This prompted the then Protector to implement the notorious "War Against Bushfirism" policy which severely curtailed human rights throughout Errinundera. Historians estimate that somewhere between 12,000 and 30,000 Errinundrians died as a direct consequence of this policy. In a backlash against this dark time in our history, the people began the great, peaceful civil disobedience campaign which culminated in that particular Protector shooting himself - the last known gun death in the country on 7 December 1941, now celebrated as Liberation Day.
On Ash Wednesday (16 February 1983) another bush-fire destroyed Upper First Creek Falls, wiping out many businesses, much to everyone's glee. This part of the city has been completely re-built since, with the marshes and creek (river really) being developed into a beautiful "water quarter" as it is affectionately called. Transport between all buildings is by gondola. Much to the embarrassment of Errinundrians the largest (and ugliest) building in the water quarter had been, until recently, headquarters of NGDV Ltd, Errinundera’s notorious woodchip export company. After Errinundera qualified for WC5, happy revellers levelled the building.
Errinundrians in general, and Falls Folk (as they call themselves) in particular, know that they will never be rich but they have a smugness, that is internationally irritating, because they know they live in paradise. Along with this smugness is a tendency to ban things that are contrary to their nature. Among banned items are meat, cars, cigarettes, guns, police and armed forces. Due to progressive social policies there is virtually no crime. And as no NationState has yet developed the necessary technology there are no fears that Errinundera will be invaded.
Visitors to Errinundera are warned that no dead animal products are allowed into the country. Local businesses can provide teams with the finest quality football gear made from a microfibre that is indistinguishable from leather. Team dietitians need to take into account the needs of the players under a vegetarian regime within Errinundera.
Environmental concerns do not permit the building of a football stadium within First Creek Falls proper. The national stadium, seating 32,000, is located at Frosty Hollow, about 30 km to the northeast of First Creek Falls. Qualifying matches will be held in winter and, given that Frosty Hollow is about 1200 metres above sea level, teams are warned that snow is quite possible during matches.
Transport to the ground is by rail, which is free. Public transport is comprehensive and there are no restrictions on travel within the country. Visiting footballers will be feted wherever they go.
Errinundrians may have banned many pernicious things but generally speaking they are egalitarian to a fault. Few people lock their house-trees. Besides, not being terribly materialistic, they have very little worth stealing. Few Errinundrians have a television, let alone a home entertainment centre. Since WC5 Errinundrians have placed thousands of huge screens in public places where they can watch the football matches in a community carnival atmosphere. Visitors can feel free to hop up on anyone’s home for a chat. Don’t be alarmed if you see naked people among the treetops – it’s just the way they are. Errinundrians are also fairly relaxed about sex.
Good luck and enjoy your football.
THE FIRST CREEK FALLS AGE
LEATHER SCANDALS
ERRINUNDERA TO FORFEIT MATCH AGAINST EUROPA BRITTANIA
LEATHER SUBSTITUTED FOR LEATHER SUBSTITUTE
With just hours to go before the sixth round of World Cup 7 qualifying, the NationStates World Cup community is about to be rocked by one of its biggest scandals yet. The University of Milosis in McKillops Bridge has explained why Ploser microfibre is indistinguishable from leather.
It is leather.
The university has carried out extensive tests on footballs and boots provided to them by labour union officials who collected them from retail stores all over the nation. This secret collection has been going on since the dispute over wages began in Fanny Moo five weeks ago. Professor elassdomg from the University’s department of Chemical Engineering explained to us that the tests are simple, quick and precise. “Preliminary results show conclusively that only microfibre that has been manufactured within Errinundera can be trusted to be the real thing, that is, a leather substitute. Any material that has been manufactured offshore has so far tested to be a fake, that is, a leather substitute substitute. I’m getting confused here. Let me start again. If the source material was made in Errinundera it’s microfibre, if imported it’s leather.”
Spontaneous boycott planner and activist, swellen, explained the implications. “First of all I want to make two points clear. Errinundera makes very little microfibre for Ploser. Most is imported. On the other hand we make almost all of their finished products such as footballs and football boots. As you know, in the last couple of weeks all their products have been recalled and shipped overseas. So if you want genuine microfibre gear in Errinundera, well I’m sorry, there’s none to be had. It’s as if Ploser Microfibres has played an elaborate joke on our nation.”
To find out how this scam came to be uncovered we need to visit the its [sic] epicentre: Fanny Moo. The first person to have suspicions was sniffer wombat trainer, whoaboy. “My wombats are trained to sniff out banned substances such as meat, leather, cigarettes, guns, cars, police and military personnel. For some time now the wombats have been getting very agitated whenever I went near the factory. I didn’t think much of it until I mentioned it in passing to my mate, sharonb, the union organiser. Suddenly it struck me that my girls and boys could be on to something. sharonb agreed and promised to have it investigated.”
Errinundera’s Protector of Sport, filthyl, was informed and instantly recognized the implications for the national side. He immediately sent samples of the team’s gear to the University of Milosis for testing. “It’s all leather. Every last scrap of the stuff we use. Breaking the news to the team was one of the most horrible things I’ve ever had to do. Several members of the team, including the team coach fionar, became so ill they vomited.”
A very green about the gills moschatuma told The Age that the team will not play any more matches until they can be assured that their footwear and balls are not manufactured from dead animal products. “Words cannot express my horror at what has happened. To think that I’ve been kicking the shit out of ex-cows is horrible beyond words.” Team coach, fionar, has expressed her solidarity with the team’s decision to forfeit the match against Europa Brittania. Expressions of support have come from the Protector of Sport, filthyl, and from the Main Protector, willd, who issued the following statement: “We are currently endeavourng to locate any Ploser products still around the nation so it can be given a decent and respectful burial. Anybody who thinks the may have a dead animal product can have it tested. Magistrates will be investigating what sort of compensation will be appropriate. It is our intention that Ploser Microfibres be required to pay this compensation.”
It is clear that, despite the nation’s pride in the achievements of their national team, it too supports the players’ decision. As we go to press reports are coming in of angry crowds gathering at Ploser plants around the country.
It also remains to be seen how the NSWCC reacts to these developments. At this stage it is too early to tell what the implications are for the longfoots’ prospects of qualifying.
As yet we have not been able to get an official comment from the Europa Brittania team which is currently lodging at the former palace in McKillops Bridge ahead of the game which had been scheduled for this afternoon.
THE FANNY MOO EXAMINER ON-LINE
FANNY MOO COW REMAINS RECEIVE SOLEMN INTERMENT
Following receipt of the final test results from the University of Milosis, the final remains of the victims of the Ploser – May bovine genocide were laid to rest beneath the spreading branches of Fanny Moo’s sacred tree, CUNNUSVACCAE. In all 45 footballs, 89 football boots, 1024 other shoes of various descriptions, 33 whips, 247 corsets, a saddle and 2 car bucket seats were buried in a moving ceremony led by the village mayor, vacam, and local magistrate, carmenl.
FORMER PROTECTOR OF TRADE INTERCEPTED AT McKILLOPS BRIDGE
The former Protector of Trade, invidio, tried to slip unnoticed into Errinundera recently. Advance warning of his arrival was received in time for thousands of stern and determined McKillopians to intercept him at the city docks as he came down the Snowy River. After haranguing him for four and a half hours the crowd then dumped him in the bin marked "PLEASE LEAVE ALL MEAT, LEATHER, GUNS AND CARS IN BIN PROVIDED". He managed to climb out 24 hours later, reportedly a broken man.
Football star and final-year undergraduate Magistracy student at the McKillops Bridge Polytechnic, snapier, is shocked at what happened. “Errinundera is a party to the United Nations covenant prohibiting cruel and unusual punishment. Being thrown in a container of rotten meat, mouldy leather plus assorted guns and cars is just about the worst thing I can imagine being done to a person. The trauma he must have suffered is hard to imagine. He is lucky that Errinundera has a free and extensive health system. Furthermore, I am in touch with community organisations that are happy to shelter him and provide him with all the tender, loving care he needs.”
(Note: invidio was implicated in the leather substitute substitution racket.)
