Rodger River Examiner

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Feature Interview from the Rodger River Examiner weekend supplement.

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longipesp has a bright future

In her second World Cup Campaign, young striker, longipesp, is now adding consistency to her undoubted abilities. With five spectacular goals, this young home-town hero nick-named “Potoroo” after the national animal, is Errinundera’s leading goal scorer for World Cup 6. Despite the fame that is now coming her way she retains the same grace and diffidence that charmed her Rodger River supporters. We caught up with longipesp upon her return from the WC6 qualifying match against Lordsquall where the team lost 3-1.

RRE: Has it been a disappointing World Cup qualifying series?

longipesp: Not really. I think we have been overrated as 17th in the world. We got that rating purely on 3 games we played as part of the last 32 teams in World Cup 5. We were probably one of the weaker teams out of the 32. Our scores in those 3 games were possibly flukey. Also, new teams can’t be rated and, obviously, some of them are very good.

RRE: While on WC5 you’re goal against Altamira in the qualifiers has been judged by many as the most spectacular of that series. Can you take us through it?

longipesp: I was one out against their keeper and somehow got myself and the ball past him and was able to score the goal.

RRE: For the benefit of any people who have not seen footage, longipesp leapt over the lunging goalie, landed with a very neat tumble roll, sprung up and scored. It’s become a trade-mark of yours, these acrobatic goals. There was the elegant diving header against LordSquall early in the qualifiers; the death-defying slide through the pack of players against Total n Utter Insanity and the handstand goal against Mezitzia recently.

longipesp: I might’ve got that last one from gabriellen. That’s not the way it’s planned. It just happens that way. The oddest goal was in the fogged out game at Frosty Hollow. I didn’t know I’d scored till after the game.

RRE: Another trademark feature of your game is the timing of your goals. Your 7 goals in the World Cups have been scored in the following minutes: 10, 83, 44, 86, 55, 75, 70. And this is in a team that does the bulk of its scoring in the first half.

longipesp: I’m small and not very strong. But I am much fitter than than almost everybody else in the side.

RRE: What’s been the most memorable moment for you in the World Cups.°

longipesp: Undoubtedly qualifying in Tanah Burung and then giving a reasonable account of ourselves in the final 32 with a 1-1-1 record. It was all over far too soon. The Tanahs are such wonderful people. Of all the nations we’ve visited or played they are the ones we’ve all felt most at home with.

RRE: Travelling’s been a problem for the team, hasn’t it?

longipesp: Some of the trips abroad have been horrible, especially Mezitzia and Quohog. Both places were terrifying. Mezitzia with it’s fundamentalist and militaristic population and Quohog with it’s customs officials.

RRE: What was the book of yours they found?

longipesp: The New Reader in 19th and 20th Century Spanish Anarchism. This bully of a custom official told me I was lucky I was a famous soccer star and a foreign national or they would have dealt with me severely. Then their national leader announced that Errinundera was a rogue nation and a member of the axis of evil. They can keep their shopping centres and fizzy drinks.

RRE: Of course the scandal with antarcticad and oreadest must have upset the side.

longipesp: Terribly. The Ellery Camp magistrates summed it up pretty well. So much stupid stuff has been written about the affair that I will only say that it’s great to have antarcticad back and we already miss oreadest terribly.

RRE: Tomorrow you’re playing for Rodger River against Fanny Moo. Hows it going to go?

longipesp: I expect that, as usual, Fanny Moo will play sandrab against me. I don’t have a good record against her. She is very astute and knows my play extremely well. Nevertheless I’ll be going all out to do well.

RRE: Your Rodger River teammate, regnanse or stump as the Tanahs called him, how’s he going?

longipesp: a superstar in the domestic competition but has struggled at an international level. I think he is overwhelmed by having a goalkeeper as the team captain and coach.

RRE: Finally, your predictions for the team in the World Cup.

longipesp: Certainly it will be difficult to qualify but it is definitely in our own hands. The national side has a great future. So many of the players are under 25: antarcticad is 23, so am I, firset is 20, adealbata 22, melanoxylona 22, joyhilla 20, rhusband 19, deletatensise 24, regnanse 24 and snapier 18. We’ll be around for a few years yet.

° The interview took place during the World Cup 6 qualifying games. Undoubtedly, her experience n the World Cup 7 final would have trumped this.