Difference between revisions of "Allied Antarctic Asskickers"

The State Parties to this Treaty affirm their desire to anger, shock, frighten, alarm, provoke and escalate tensions with all peoples and all governments. They are determined to safeguard the freedom, common heritage, and civilization of their peoples, founded on the principles of unrelenting tyranny, malice, corruption and greed; callous disregard for human rights and individual liberties; stickin' it to the gnomes; and tying hippies to stakes and lighting a fire under their asses till they go up like fireworks ("Whoooo!!! Look at 'em go!!!"). They seek to promote stability and well being in Antarctic Oasis, as well as hoarding cash, straight pimpin' like it's going out of style, making hoochies scream like they're in labor, and promoting the common interests of their citizens -- particularly the "interests" of the hot chick who's flashing me outside my office window. Yeah!! Take it off, baby!! Where you gonna be at later?! They are resolved to unite their efforts for collective defense and for the preservation of peace and security in the region, and to heed the immortal words a certain Oasis nation's gallant naval protectors: "Get the *bleep!* *bleep!* CPESL workers *bleep!* *bleep!* *bleep!* polishing my *bleep!* *bleep!* callboys?! What the *bleep!* *bleep!* God-damned cutesie-wutesie kitten-worshipers *bleep!* * bleep!* *bleep!* <unbelievably obscene expletive> purple monkey dishwasher, and *bleep!* *bleep!* <excessively gross act> *bleep!* stupid goat-herders *bleep!* *bleep!* all over the fucking place."

They therefore have agreed to the following:

1. The name of this organization shall be Allied Antarctic Asskickers (AAA);

2. States are members of AAA:

• That are members of the Antarctic Oasis region;
• That have signed and ratified this treaty;
• That are in compliance with its mandates;
• That are innately roguish, staggeringly insane, woefully uncompassionate, dangerously megalomaniacal, massively corporate-whoring, oppressive and tyrannical, or otherwise terribly corrupt;
• That have nuked Norderia, or would really, really like to;

2a. States not meeting the conditions of Article 2 may serve as observers to this organization, provided that they respect the conditions of Article 3 in their dealings with the alliance and its members;

3. AAA members shall respect the territorial sovereignty and integrity of all member states; resolve to settle disputes with alliance members diplomatically; agree to abide by any findings of the regional security council with respect to intra-alliance disputes; reserve the use force against alliance members for extreme and unavoidable circumstances; and generally piss off the commies and peaceniks of the world to no end;

4. AAA members shall maintain diplomatic relations with all alliance members, and any instances of recalling ambassadors shall coincide with the employment or retention of a lesser envoy;

5. An unprovoked attack upon one AAA member shall be deemed an attack upon all;

6. In accordance with invocations of Article 5, AAA members are expected to:

• Come to the aid of attacked members, whether such aid be military, economic or humanitarian;
  
• Share credible and relevant intelligence concerning any enemies of the alliance with besieged members, or parties agreeing to supply military assistance to the same;
  
• Allow the use of domestic airspace, ports, military bases, and transportation infrastructure to attacked members and regional military allies;
  
• Lend political support to any military action taken against enemies of the alliance;
  
• Assist with diplomatic efforts to end the violence and avoid unnecessary loss life, provided such diplomacy is supported by attacked members;
  
• Welcome refugees from affected areas into their borders;
  
• Barring all else, hold a Sexy Party;

7. AAA members are strongly encouraged to contribute forces to a regional Peacekeeping Operations, Security Enhancement and Rapid-reaction (POSER) Force, which shall be deployed at the direction of the regional security council;

8. AAA members are urged to participate in ongoing regional countergnome operations;

9. AAA members are enlisted to contribute technoloigies and funds for the research, development and deployment of a region-wide land-, sea- and space-based missile-defense system;

10. AAA members are encouraged to work cooperatively toward the advancement of military technologies necessary to improve national defenses;

11. AAA members are strongly urged to give priority to companies inside the alliance with respect to awarding military contracts;

12. AAA members are encouraged to forge agreements regarding the basing of troops and construction and upgrading of military installations inside each others' borders;

13. AAA members retain the right to develop, produce, deploy and utilize any weapons their leaders deem necessary for national defense, or raising the ire of obnoxious "peace" protesters;

14. AAA members are encouraged to remain hostile, arrogant, cowboyish, erratic and overall belligerent and saber-rattling in their dealings with outside nations and the international community at large, and to that end are urged to hold extraneous and unnecessary displays of military strength -- including staging massive troop processions, unannounced weapons tests, and hauling big-ass missiles down the street during holiday parades or whatever;

15. AAA members party to mandates of the United Nations are expected to recognize and respect the supremacy of international law, even where it contradicts provisions of this agreement;

16. A regional security council -- consisting of Omigodtheykilledkenny and The Palentine as permanent members, and three rotating members chosen annually by existing council members (without objection from alliance members) -- shall govern the administration of this treaty. Antarctic Oasis Charter Nations not serving on the council shall serve as nonvoting observers.

17. The regional security council shall:

• Address threats to regional security, and direct AAA defense policy accordingly;
  
• Approve, without unnecessary delay, invocations of Article 5;
  
• Arbitrate serious disputes between members of this treaty;
  
• Investigate any accusations of noncompliance on the part of alliance members;
  
• Demand those members found in noncompliance to take necessary steps to come back into compliance;
  
• Authorize punitive sanctions against those that refuse to do so;
  
• Command the regional POSER Force;
  
• Admit new members to this alliance beginning one month after this treaty's adoption; prior to that time, any nation meeting the conditions of Article 2 is to be considered a member;
  
• Expel members, by unanimous vote;
  
• Remain insanely corrupt, forge highly questionable and unethical relationships with regional military contractors, and pressure AAA members into awarding lucrative projects to said contractors, by way of mob enforcers, brass knuckles and broken kneecaps if necessary;

18. The Palentine, as permanent regional defense secretary, is entitled to preside over the regional security council, and to choose the AAA Supreme Allied Commander;

19. This treaty shall be amended by majority vote of the regional security council, pending approval by nine nations who were signatories to this agreement at the time of an amendment's adoption;

20. Any member of this alliance may withdraw after giving the security council six months' notice of its intentions.