Difference between revisions of "Kahanistan"

Revision as of 12:30, 26 September 2007

يمقراطي, جماهيري سوفياتي جمهورية, دولة جمهورية, رجال اّدب فيما يتعلقكحانستا
Democratic Soviet Republic of Kahanistan

Flag of the Democratic Soviet Republic of Kahanistan
Map of the Democratic Soviet Republic of Kahanistan
Motto  - English	"Lex asinus est." "The law is an ass."
National anthem	Born in the Fire
Official languages	Arabic, English, Hebrew, Latin
Capital	Najaster
President	Marcellus Valens
Area  - Total  - Water	32,531 square km 421 square km
Population  - Total (Aug. 2006)  - Density	>3,500,000,000 N/A
Government Type	Representative Democracy with unicameral legislature
National Animal	Rat
GDP (Aug. 2006)   - Total   - GDP/capita	KS111,874,292,262,328 KS38,192
Currency  - Code	Kahanistanian Shekel ( KS ) RS, R$ (old code, still in wide use)
Time Zone	GMT +2
Naval Craft Classification	RKS (Republic of Kahanistan Ship)
Internet TLD	.kn
Calling Code	+3561
Stats: NSEconomy Pipian XML

Basic Facts

• Major Cities : Najaster (capital), Al-Bahr, At Tahrir, Al-Qamar, Ash Shams, Al-Hisn
• National Animal : Rat
• Languages : Arabic, English, Hebrew and Latin; other languages with over 10 million speakers include Chinese, French, Japanese, Russian and Spanish
• Weather : Arid, but has two large canals and desalinization plants constructed to irrigate much of the land. Normally warm.
• Natural Disasters : Sandstorms, avalanches, rock slides, lightning, flooding in canal areas
• Ethnic Groups : 43% Arab, 46% European whites (including Hispanics), 7% African blacks, 3% Asian, 1% other
• Major Religions : 25% Jewish (mostly Reform), 17% Christian, 25% Atheist, 7% Muslim, 12% Satanist, 14% Other
• National Holiday : Constitution Day, March 11, Independence Day, August 2
• Main Exports : Weapons, computers, vehicles, corn, fruit, pornography
• Main Imports : Grain, fruit, heavy metals, aircraft, sanitation spacecraft.
• Military Branches : Republic Guard (land and air units), Imperial Marines, Republic Navy.
• Life Expectancy :

Male: 94.99 years

Female: 100.05 years

• Gender Ratio :

at birth: 1.07 males / female

under 15 years: 1.03 males / female 15-64 years: 0.95 males / female

65-90 years: 0.98 males / female

90 years and over: 0.94 males / female

Total population: 1.00 males / female

History of Kahanistan

Kahanistan (Arabic: كحانستان, Latin: Cohanista), full name Democratic Soviet Republic of Kahanistan, is a socialist, democratic Middle Eastern nation in the deserts of the Negev. It was founded by religious fanatics who gradually killed each other until the liberals killed the remaining theocrats and established a secular democracy.

In 2215, a team of scientists led by Dr. Hamed Abd-al-Karim al-Ezroti, a theoretical physicist, opened a time-gate, hoping to invent time travel. However, an accident in the laboratory somehow inverted time throughout the nation, sending them all to the year 2005, 210 years in the past. The society itself was unaffected, cities, canals, military bases, warships, etc., were all intact. Due to a weird and currently undiscovered principle of quantum particle mechanics, deployed forces were affected by the temporal inversion too. The timewarp wiped memories from the citizenry, and even altered records so that, for example, Dr. al-Ezroti (2155-2215?) appeared to have been born in 1945. Other than the reversion to MT, Kahanistan remained virtually unaffected. Until Shortly Kahan came here and acted like a gay retard. He killed thm all.

Resources

Kahanistan's major natural resources are farmland and petroleum, which its industries convert to plastics. Its energy is supplied by nuclear fusion, the byproducts of which it dumps on the barren Moon, where nothing lives anyway. Kahanistan's scientists have experimented with dumping pigshit on the nuclear dumps, to see what kind of mutations take place in the bacteria, however.Kahan Brown Likes turkey sandwiches on sunday.

Government

Main article: Constitution of Kahanistan

Kahanistan is governed by an elected President in elections every six years, and by three thousand Senators, elected from the hundreds of sub-districts in the major cities and rural areas. Senators serve terms of two years. The Supreme Soviet (also called Parliament, Congress, the Legislature, and more recently the Senate, but "Supreme Soviet" is the favored term used in most of Kahanistan's English-speaking population) is composed of over fifty committees, including the Defense Committee, which oversees the military, the Civil Service Committee, which oversees government employees, the Finance Committee, which oversees spending on various issues, and many others.

Any senator can introduce a law, but it must first pass the relevant committee (for example, a law to tighten security on aircraft would have to clear the Transportation Committee) and then be delivered to the Senate at large, where it would have to receive 60% of the vote. Then the President would either sign it into law or veto it, in the event of a veto, the President lists his or her objections and the veto requires a 75% majority to override.

The judicial system of Kahanistan is composed of the Supreme Court and several classes of inferior courts, including the Superior Criminal Court, which tries felonies (misdemeanors being tried in city or district courts), the Superior Civil Court (which handles civil disputes in major cases), and the Superior Constitutional Court, which oversees Constitutional issues.

Culture

The Kahanistanian culture is a composite of the numerous cultures that inhabit Kahanistan, but much more liberal socially. Kahanistanians consider it a right to do whatever they wish with their own bodies, but most military officers and other bosses oppose the use of drugs on company time. What one does off duty is viewed as one's own business, as long as one's dependents are not adversely affected.

Kahanistan is a haven for drug and sex tourism. While it cannot compete with other tourist spots such as Allanea and MassPwnage for sheer freedom, it still makes tens of billions of shekels from tourists all over the world, and its diverse array of official languages makes the language barrier less of an issue than in many other nations.

Kahanistanians marry late, the average age being 37 for the first marriage. This may sound unusual, but some of the main benefits from this aspect of their culture are that they generally have more money saved up for children, they have gotten to do the things they wanted to do with their lives without worrying about supporting children, and to decide if they even want children at all. With a population of nearly four billion concentrated into an area roughly 33,000 square kilometers, overpopulation is a serious concern.

Kahanistanians cherish democracy, freedom, and human rights, to the point where they believe that everyone in the world is entitled to them. This attitude is enshrined in their constitution, and has led to numerous invasions of violators, termed "humanitarian operations" by the government and military.

Miscellany

History and origin of the name

In the late 20th century, a Zionist extremist group known as Kahanists became visible on the Middle Eastern political scene. After the partition of Israel in the early 21st century between a Jewish and Arab sector, the Jewish sector was bisected by the Arab sector. The southern half of the Jewish sector was mostly desert. This desert area is what would become Kahanistan when Kahanist terrorists fled there to avoid the authorities. In 2044, the Negev Desert seceded from Israel, as by then most of its population was Kahanist. The suffix "stan" is not a Semitic term, and the name "Kahanistan" is not the original Hebrew name; it was called "Eretz Kahane Tzadik" - the land of the righteous man Kahane (the founder of Kahanism.) Kahanistan was the English name of this land, and was adopted by the Arabs, but even Hebrew speakers today call it Kahanistan.

As some Israeli nuclear weapons had been stolen by the Kahanists, they were able to blackmail Palestine, Egypt, and Jordan for land concessions. Fearing that Jews would once again be seen as aggressors, the Israeli government issued an ultimatum against Kahanistan, now calling itself the Zionist Entity of Kahanistan, some say to deliberately inflame anti-Semitism in order to encourage Kahanist solidarity. This resulted in the nuking of Tel Aviv and the counter nuking of Mizpe Ramon, then the capital of Kahanistan. Fearing a general nuclear war resulting in the death of most of the Jewish people at their own hands, the Kahanists and Israelis signed a fragile cease-fire in Ramallah, at that time the capital of the Palestinian Republic. This led to a civil war among the Kahanists, with the militant faction advocating conquest fighting the government faction advocating survival. This war lasted from 2048 to 2071, and killed over 750,000 Jews and 300,000 Arabs in the lands blackmailed from Egypt and Jordan, who mostly sided with the government faction for fear that a nuclear war would kill them.

In 2071, the war ended. Kahanism by then had been almost eradicated, as radical Islamism had in 2027 with a joint US-Arab-Israeli-European effort to build massive amounts of infrastructure in Arab democracies such as Lebanon, Iraq, Jordan, and Kuwait. Fundamentalism is generally caused by poverty and conflict, and many terrorist groups lay down their arms in months. The Constitution of Kahanistan, declaring a democratic socialist state, the Democratic Soviet Republic of Kahanistan or DSRK, was written and ratified on March 11, 2071, taking effect in 2073. Mizpe Ramon was rebuilt and named Najaster.

The name Kahanistan stuck at this point simply because nobody could agree on what to change the name to. Levantistan, Negevistan, Sinaistan, South Israel, and about 20 other names were suggested, but as nobody could agree, they stuck to Kahanistan. Some advocated reunification with Israel, but that was rejected as the war had created so many cultural differences that unification was not considered practical. No longer at war, and with ethnic tolerance improved, technology advanced at an astounding rate. In 2215, a temporal shift created by a scientific experiment shifted the nation 210 years into the past, erasing the technological advances, but oddly enough, not the social advances, though the shift altered documents so it was as if everything had taken place 210 years earlier (for example, the Constitution of 2071 was now the Constitution of 1861.)

Military of modern Kahanistan

The Kahanistan military consists of the Republic Guards and the Imperial Marines, as well as a small navy. It generally employs about one percent of the total population, and accepts all those between the ages of 12 and 96. While allowing twelve-year-olds into the military may seem barbaric, it is important to note that recruits so young spend years in training, and are usually 20 years old before they even complete training, let alone see combat. Soldiers who have completed the eight years of training are commissioned as officers, Second Lieutenants in the Imperial Marines or Republic Guards, or Ensigns in the Kahanistan Navy. Recruits 18 or older can choose the officer program or an enlisted program, making them combat ready in four months.

Foreign policy of Kahanistan

Kahanistan is generally friendly to its neighbors, but its interventionist policies with regard to human rights violators have earned it criticism that it is imperialistic. Notorious examples of Kahanistan militarism include the Invasion of Xirnium (now an ally) and the conflict with Jenrak, which led to a brief war with the Ottoman Alliance. Another controversial engagement was a case of brief hostilities with Neoma, ended only because most of the genocide targets had already been killed and war with Automagfreek was imminent.

Distances between cities in Kahanistan

The following data is intended to convey the size of Kahanistan.

Najaster - Al-Bahr 126 km

Najaster - At Tahrir 134 km

Najaster - Al-Qamar 137 km

Al-Bahr - At Tahrir 160 km

Al-Bahr - Al Qamar 255 km

At Tahrir - Al-Qamar 272 km

Trivia about the cities

Al-Bahr, sometimes called "Sea Town" by speakers of the various languages in Kahanistan, is the only coastal city in Kahanistan, and the name literally means, "the sea" in the Arabic language, one of the four official languages of Kahanistan.

Al-Qamar, or "Moon Town", near the Air Force base, is where the space program and lunar programs are based.

At Tahrir, in the southwest, literally means, "liberation." Natives call it "Liberty City." The democracy movement originated there when the theocracy began to collapse.

Najaster, the capital, is derived from the Arabic word najis or filthy. The "filthy" theocrats were rounded up and shot dead there. This act marked the beginning of true democracy in Kahanistan.

Allies

Kahanistan, as a member of the Adamantine Alliance, was allied with the Eternal Republic of Xirnium and is still allied to the Commonwealth of St. Fedski. Other allies include Allanea, Jagada, and Velkya.