Erisiya Montanya

Erisiya Montanya

Flag of Erisiya Montanya
Motto: "Fari ne preni malshpari de oni popolo."
National: [1] Regional:[2]
Region	Woe Unto Us
Capital	Port Kallisti
Official Language(s)	Esperanto
Leader	None
Population	330 Million (growing)
Currency	The Flaxscript
NS Sunset XML

GREATER POOP: Estas Eris vera?

MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER: Chio estas vera.

GP: Ebena ech falsa afero objecto?

M2: Ebena ech falsa afero objecto poto esti vera.

GP: Kiel poto tio esti?

M2: Mi fari ne koni viro, mi ne fari ghi.

The History of the Erisiyan Peoples

Pre-History

In ancient Greece many seperate religious groups existed. One of the most esoteric groups were the Discordians, a large group of people who followed Eris, the goddess of Discord. Around 1600 B.C.E, when Greece was beginning to form into its classical society, the Discordians were looked down upon and generally persecuted by their fellow Greeks. In 1598 B.C.E. the Discordians decided it was high time they left their vile Greek persecutors and followed a different path.

Discordian Diaspora

In 1597 B.C.E. the Discordians set out in a fleet of 40 ships, with an aim of finding a new land they could call their own. Using only the most basic of navigational tools and their pineal glands, the Discordians sailed past every continent on the planet, stopping along the way to dance with the native peoples and introduce them to Eris Esoteric. By 1564 B.C.E. the Discordians had tired of spreading the word of Eris and decided to seriously look for a place to settle down. In 1562 B.C.E. the Discordian fleet came into the region that is now known as Woe Unto Us, finding within it the land that was to be their own, Erisiya Montanya

Early Erisiya Montanya

On October 9th 1562 B.C.E. the Discordian fleet landed at the southern tip (which they called Kallisti Point) of an island roughly the size of the Indian Subcontinent. They promptly named the island for the goddess and the craggy region they landed in, calling it Erisiya Montanya. Using the wood from their dismantled fleet, the Erisiyans built their first settlement, naming it Port Kallisti. From there, the Erisiyans expanded like the Black Plague, moving through the main island and islands surrounding it with such vigor that the goddess gifted them with many messages via their pineal glands. By 1500 B.C.E. the entirety of the area was in control of the Erisiyans, though most of their newly aquired huge land laid unoccupied. Slowly the Erisiyan people grew in size, expanding out into the great plains, building many towns and villages and creating lush farmland. In 1425 B.C.E. contact was made with the nation of Piwahria, a country located on the other side of the region. Soon trade opened between the two nations, which proved beneficial to both, thus starting a long lasting friendship between the two states.

Erisiya Montanya as cultural melting pot

As time went on the remnants of Hellenic culture in Erisiya Montanya slowly began to fade away. This process was considerably expedited by the arrival of a small group of ships from Africa containing African Discordians in 913 B.C.E.. Unbeknownst to the Erisiyans, their traipsing through the world had left its mark; many groups of people began to worship the goddess and listen to their pineal glands. According to the Africans, word of Erisiya Montanya had spread far and wide from the last group of people the Erisiyans encountered, the Ainu of Japan. Roughly translated, the last words spoken by an Erisiyan (thought to have been Malaclype the Elder) to an Ainu were “we’re a goin’ that-a-way.” This message got passed throughout the Discordian cultures of the world, eventually leading some to attempt the treacherous journey to the fabled land of Erisiya Montanya. After the consulting their pineal glands, the Erisiyans decided “why the hell not” and let the Africans in and integrated them into their culture. By 400 C.E. literally hundreds of separate cultures had been integrated into Erisiya Montanya, providing a discordant mixture of cultures. The Erisiyans were pleased.

Erisiyan Politics

As new, younger countries began to crop up in the vicinity of Erisiya Montanya, a decision had to be made. The decision to be made was on how much of an effect non-discordian culture should have on Erisiya Montanya. It was decided in the first gathering of the General Erisiyan Synod to ignore foreign politics and do what Erisiyans do best; be discordant. All political bodies were abolished, with no de jure positions of government being available. All positions were held on a de facto basis, with anyone taking any political job if they were crazy enough to want it. The only official body was the General Erisiyan Synod, to which every Erisiyan citizen was invited to attend and vote in. This individualistic, Discordian system of government worked well for the Erisiyans and to this day Erisiya Montanya functions much the same way.

Political Parties

There are either no political parties in Erisiya Montanya or over 5000, depending on how one views it. The most prominent of these parties is the influential "Guns & Dope Party" which boasts of an overwhelming number of members. The Guns & Dope Party has 23 members. Generally, it's been agreed to live and let live and most people do not engage in political arguments, because no one really cares. This is both a blessing and a curse in the eyes of the Erisiyans, as a slow spread of apathy has been noted in Erisiya Montanya's youth. Fortunately, most adults don't really care.

The Apes

In 1472 C.E. a group of Mountain Gorillas arrived at the city of Mistassini Freeport, requesting asylum in their native tongue, Swahili. It was four months before someone figured out they were actually speaking a real language, thus causing much confusion. Eventually, the General Erisiyan Synod decided that the Apes were their equals and gave them much of the Eastern Forest to live in. Soon after, the Apes founded their own settlement, called Apetown, in the heart of the Eastern Forest. They have lived in harmony with the Erisiyans ever since, often serving as the nations most eloquent diplomats.

Linguistics

Up until 1908 C.E. there was no official language in Erisiya Montanya, thus causing much confusion and general flabbergastedness amongst the nations people. In 1908, however, it was decided that a change was due. In the spirit of Eris Esoteric, the constructed language of Esperanto was chosen as the national language of Erisiya Montanya, thus utilizing the first international language. While other languages are still seen and spoken with much regularity throughout Erisiya Montanya, Esperanto serves now as the lingua franca of the nation, allowing the peoples of different areas to communicate with each other.

Modern Day Erisiya Montanya

Today, Erisiya Montanya is a vibrant nation, giving personal freedoms out like sexual favors from a ten dollar whore. Erisiya Montanya is a very large, socially progressive nation, remarkable for its absence of drug laws. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population of 135 million (and growing) hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

International Dealings

Having no standing army whatsoever, Erisiya Montanya has never gone to war with any of its neighboring countries. That hasn't stopped the country from being a major player on the international stage though. Erisiya Montanya has sent observers to many of the most recent wars, including the War of the Clowns and the War of "Pwnage." In many cases, Erisiya Montanya has offered aid to both sides of a conflict, taking trade concessions in return. Most of the aid offered comes from either Ayana City or the Groove Collective, depending on who the aid is being offered to. For example, recently the Groove Collective engineers created something most in-the-box thinkers deemed impossible; a five foot long car that could fit 100 million people. This car was then painted white with multi colored polka dots and given to Vengeful Clowns as material aid during their unfortunate war with almost everyone.

Ironically enough, it was Vengeful Clowns that had attempted to wage war on Erisiya Montanya out of boredom in 1992 C.E. It was pointed out by Sk'ot, de facto leader of the Erisiyan Peoples, that war couldn't be waged on a nation that didn't exist. From March 2nd to December 14th 1992 C.E. Erisiya Montanya ceased to exist in any known dimension of man, temporarily moving to the 34 1/2 dimension where the entire nation dined on fairy cake with the native residents of that dimension, while the Vengeful Clowns fleet sailed around empty ocean in a state of utter befuddlement. This process is a last resort, and only used when there is a direct threat to Erisiya Montanya; other peoples wars is Erisiya Montanya's national sport.

A Note on Dates

While Erisiya Montanya functions on international time, most of Woe Unto Us uses the Uncommon Era (Another exception being New Pandemonia, which uses no units of time whatsoever). As of yet, the Erisiyan Diplomatic Corps has not been able to negotiate a method for translating the two seperate units of time, as they have very little in common and it is considered generally unnecessary.

National Holidays

Mostly the Erisiyan people take days off whenever they feel like it, but there are a few highly important national holidays.

Creation Day

-October 9th

Creation Day is a celebration of the landing of the Greek Discordian fleet at Kallisti Point. A traditional Creation Day Celebration includes large communal meals and huge amounts of imported Madeira wine. Also considered a celebration of the spiritual birth of the Erisiyan nation, and thus treated accordingly.

Eris Esoteric

-April 1st

The holiest day in the Discordian belief system, Eris Esoteric is a day to honor the goddess through a 24 hour consultation with the pineal gland. Only those over the age of 14 are allowed the Holy Sacraments (they allow for a better connection with the pineal gland) due to health risks involved with the ingestion of the Holy Sacraments. Consultations of the pineal gland can happen both alone or in groups, depending on how reckless people are feeling

Drying Out Day

-April 2nd to April 6th

A day where all citizens of Erisiya Montanya are obligated to stay at home and moan about how much their head and other related appendages hurt. Lasts anywhere from one to four days, depending on how wild the preceeding Eris Esoteric was.

Birth of the Universe Day

-July 14th

In 1686 C.E. Erisiyan astrologers plotted that the universe came into existence on July 14th some number of years before. Erisiyans quickly bought into this idea, and declared it a bank holiday. It was found in 1822 C.E. however, that the actual date of the creation of the universe was in fact July 16th, but no one really cared by then and the paperwork to switch the dates was too annoying. The celebration of this holiday involves sleeping late and dancing around pagan phallic symbols, similar to the May Pole in Western European cultures.

Day of the Original Snub

-September 4th

The date of the Original Snub as told by the great Erisiyan Discordian prophet Wang'Bawt via his pineal gland. A day of mourning, Erisiyans must think about all the times they've snubbed people in the past year and must refrain from eating hot dog buns for the entire day. Thus is atonement from the goddess received.

Geography

Internal Geography

The Free Land of Erisiya Montanya is slightly larger than the Indian Subcontinent (including Pakistan). Within it are diverse regions and environments, allowing for many different peoples to live comfortably. Erisiya Montanya is broken up into geographical regions. The southern tip is mostly small mountains and high cliffs, with the national capital of Port Kallisti situated at the only low spot in this area. North of Port Kallisti is Lake Serenity, home to the best bass fishing in Woe Unto Us. The center and east of the main island is the plains region, home to hundreds of miles farming land centered around the agricultural center of Ayana City. On the eastern shores of the main island is the community of the Groove Collective, a commune of all the artists of Erisiya Montanya, where most of the nations art, music and literature is produced. East of the Groove Collective is the island of New Formosa and the city of the same name. Founded by Taiwanese and Dutch refugees, the island is hilly and forested and is almost entirely of Taiwanese-Dutch decent. To the East and Northeast of the main island is the Eastern Forest, home to the Apes and their community of Apetown. In the southeast of the Eastern Forest lies Skyyport, the center of international trade in Erisiya Montanya and home to the Erisiyan Diplomatic Corps. A relatively new city (F. 1972), Skyyport (pronounced Skeeeport) was designed with no plan in mind and its architecture reflects this. To the far northeast is the island of New Basque and its city of Bastian, home to recent Basque refugees from Spain. Cutting across the north-center of the island is the St. Wilson mountain range, with the tallest mountain being Mt. Vostok, standing at a staggering 20,000 feet. At its foot is the industrial capital of Vostok. In the north and northwest is the Erisiyan steppes, with the semi-autonomous city of Mistassini Freeport located at the mouth of Harshaw Bay.

Regional Geography

The Free Land of Erisiya Montanya shares the region, Woe Unto Us, with The Dominion of Piwahria, The Most Serene Republic of Ubep, The Armed Republic of Janerosis, The Dominion of Lumoria, The Armed Republic of New Pandemonia, The Empire of Vengeful Clowns and others. The nearest Nation to Erisiya Montanya is The Dominion of Lumoria, a large archipelago directy to the north. To the east is The Empire of Vengeful Clowns and to the northeast is The Armed Republic of Janerosis.

NOTE

While the size and shape of Erisiya Montanya has been confirmed time and time again by both Erisiyan cartographers and Ainu cartographers, its place in the space time continuum of Woe Unto Us has recently come under fire. No one is exactly sure yet where any country is specifically located, and many maps have been devised (among them the Great Discordian Map). No consensus has yet been reached, and none probably will. The Erisiyan Scientific Corps. (based out of Vostok) advises all travellers to Woe Unto Us to avoid much thought on the matter, as their transportation (and by extension them) will suffer from a sudden reality failure and cease to exist.