Vengeful Clowns

Vengeful Clowns

Flag of Vengeful Clowns
Motto: "If you're reading this slogan, you're not working!"
[1]
Region	[Woe Unto Us]
Capital	Alexander City
Official Language(s)	NichtTaBa
Leader	Alexander Thomas Raphael Siddartha Nicholas Jonas Rodriguez Yamagatu-Omitsu McQuaid Orlando-DeCapriani Ulysses Boland
Population	393,000,000
Currency	The Hammer
NS Sunset XML

Factbook

Population: 393 million

Ethnic Distribution: 10% Fre-Kusa, 30% Bo-Zo, 40% Fre-Zo, 5% Ubepian, 5% Pandemonian, 9% Antarctican, 1% Misc.

Government: Corpocracy

Military Strength: 3 million armed; 5 million reserve; approx. 120 million reserve-reserve;

Conscription Age: 6 months - 14 years

Economics: See NS Economy

National Animal: The Milstein

History

The Birth of a Nation

It was in the very beginnings of the un-common era that the nomadic tribe of the Fre-kusa migrated to the region of Woe Unto Us. It was inhabited at the time by the nations of Ubep, Piwarhia, Erisiya Montanya, and New Pandemonia.

The Fre-kusa were a tribe of master artists and thinkers, with a strong will to survive. Upon their entry in the region, they found an indigenous people known as the Bo-Zo, a population of super-athletic hunter-gatherers, with an uncanny mathematical genius among the population.

The Bo-Zo did not take kindly to the Fre-kusa, and attempted to drive them out of their territory. The Fre-Kuza spent nearly a decade in harsh conditions, fighting off constant raids from the crafty, calculated, and savage Bo-Zo.

However, everything changed on the eighth year. A horrid tsunami hit the part of the region where the two tribes feuded, and tens of thousands were killed and many more wounded. In the wake of the destruction, the two tribes settled a peace treaty, understanding their vulnerability. Together, the Fre-Kuza's highly advanced culture, and the Bo-Zo's strong will and efficiency helped restore stability to their populations, and ended up creating the settlement now known as Alexander City.

The two tribes became friendly towards one another, appreciating the gifts which both had given to each other in these hard times. Together, they unified as one united against the adversities which their tribes had gone through, and becoming the empire of Vengeful Clowns.

The Early Years

The Empire quickly grew, with an economy growing ever faster. Soon, from the peninsula where Alexander City rested, they continued to expand westward, taking a sizeable portion of land. They soon established Porkon, Kitty Cat (which later seperated in the great urban-war), Insulin Deficiency, Chuckles, An Embryo, and Chicken McCity for starters. Already, their economy had grown to great heights without stopping for breath.

Interested in expanding the interests of their empire, Vengeful Clowns joined the United Nations, but almost immediately left, not wanting to abide to the idealistic policies of the global organization. As manufacturing expanded, Vengeful Clowns became interested in the expansion of their military. They created an operations center called the National Operations Office of our Glorious and Intelligent Evil. The Spherical Building, if attacked, can withdraw from attackers by rolling down hills with ease, and pulling itself back up with powerful motors. Early prototypes resulted in the deaths of thousands, but the government claims to this day that they died because they wanted to.

Soon, civil rights were removed, giving the empire amazing efficiency. The veritable human hive gained powerhouse status in the world factbook, making them economically the most powerful nation in the region.

However, setbacks later brought them down to thriving status, and they were surpassed by the Janerosians.

The Clowno-Janeroso War

Soon after, the Vengeful Clowns navy became a feared presence in the south of the region. The Armed Republic of Janerosis, allegedly self-indulgent and insatiable, became alarmed at this presence, and set to take control of the islands between them and Vengeful Clowns. This resulted in the Clownian takeover of the islands, and the bloody war known as the Janerian war.

Massive paradrop and naval operations were launched, taking borderline and island territories of Janerosis. However, Janerosian resistance proved strong at first, forcing Vengeful Clowns to publicly execute the stars of many sitcoms such as Friends, Frasier, Will and Grace, and Scrubs.

Ubep soon got caught in the mess, sending public insults to the Clowns. In response, their leaders were all given Wet Willies, followed by another round of Moist Michaels, Humid Harries, Hydrated Hectors, Damp Davids, and Aquatic Alans. However, Janerosis created a counter attack, and began to reveal intentions to take control of the island.

Elected as U.N. delegate, the Janerosians seized control of the region and ordered a massive expulsion of the people of New Pandemonia, resulting what seemed would be a trail of tears involving hundreds of millions of lives.

Instead, the Pandemonians quickly re-gained control, using their native knowledge of the land (having been in the region before all others), and a joint attack, soon involving the nation of Lumoria as well, forced the Janerosian forces to a setback.

Not wishing massive armed conflict, the Pandemonians forged a treaty with the Janerosians, and the Clownians and Lumorians agreed to this peace. The Janerosians were given control of the islands

Post-War

The Janerosians were once again surpassed in economy by the refurbished Vengeful Clowns, who once again gained poewrhouse status, while the Janerosians dropped down to thriving.

Currently, the government has laxed up on civil rights, giving the people enough freedom to reduce stress. Industry remains at an all time high, but health is a current problem in Vengeful Clowns. Education is also in major trouble, falling at the bottom of regional statistics. However, the masterminds at the top of the hive still excel academically in all areas, and continue to run the ever more powerful motor of the empire.

Geography

Vengeful Clowns exists as a nation south of Janerosis, seperated by a series of islands. It borders with the nation of Piwarhia, and has sea access to Piwarhia. Its terrain consists of generally normal elevations in terrain, with mountain ranges here and there.

However, the capital, Alexander City, is oftentimes prone to massive flooding, hurricanes, and tsunamis. To accomodate to the seasons, the city oftentimes will transform into a veritable venice, continuing to function with small boats as the primary mode of transportation. The sewage system is built in such a way that it cannot back up into the water, and the spread of disease is a crime punishable by death.

Government

Vengeful Clowns is a Corpocracy, government through the corporations. However, it is in a style known as "Patriarichal Corpocracy", in which an emperor is mandated with supreme veto power and a life term.

Below the emperor is the Corporate Council, which is run by a chairman. The chairman is elected by the corporate councils. The Corporate Council has the primary say on the Judiciary, The Legislature, and some parts of Law Enforcement. The Emperor holds any power to override, as well as being the commander in chief of Vengeful Clowns' standing army and secret police.

The corporate council is voted in by the people. However, voting is done differently. Rather than one vote to a person, votes are made by corporations and registered individuals. The vote's value is the net value of the company. A company may choose to register in the Corporate Registry for the right to vote, but as a prerequisite must keep an adequately armed and trained militia, and all stock belonging to a registered corporation may be liquidated by the government for extra money if the corporate council approves it.

The Emperor of the people, Alexander TRSNJRYOMODU Boland is considered to be the true son of the people. Born of an alleged 91 different heritages, he possesses many of the strengths and cultural wisdoms and traditions of these many people. In the legend, he was proclaimed Emperor after the salvation of the Vengeful Clowns in its most flegeling times. Possessing an I.Q. of 345, expert knowledge in 11 different forms of martial arts, able to bench-press 300 pounds, able to run as fast as 26 miles per hour, and holding an expertise in almost all known fields of science, history, philosophy, literature, mathematics, and political studies, he is considered a man of great education, strength, ingenuity, brilliance, and leadership.

In his early years, he educated himself completely on his own, running tests to find out the ways of the world. His mother, a woman crippled from beatings by her abusive husband (his stepfather), could not support herself, and therefore he trained himself to be able to catch animals for dinner with his bare hands, and eventually mastered the art of catching the lightning-fast cheetah.

By the age of 18, he was adept in all fields of knowledge, and left home after his mother died to study at the university of Woe Unto Us, a prestigious center founded by all of the nations.

Below the Emperor, all officials are elected, but votes are based off of corporate power, and all nominees are selected by the Emperor himself.

Military

The Clownian military is considered by 99% of Clownian citizens to be the best army in the world. 0.6% abstain on the basis of a lack of patriotism (a serious mental disorder), 0.3% say that Vengeful Clowns has a better military than Vengeful Clowns, and 0.1% go into epileptic fits.

The military is supplied by several corporations, the best known being the BloodyDays Incorporated. Other companies who control the military include Ugly Muffins Manufacturers and V.C. Richard and Son.

Vengeful Clowns currently has a standing army of approximately 3 million men, and 5 million reserves. However, in addition, every corporation registered to vote holds its own militia, therefore making an even higher number of reserves.

However, the current doctrine of conquest relies heavily on economic conquest. Although minimum wage laws are essentially non-existant, corporations are encouraged to outsource and globalize for other reasons, including an expanded market, and the rule that all outsourced workers are exempt from militia service (what can sometimes be a burdensome expense for corporations).

Vengeful Clowns allegedly stores approximately 800,000 nuclear weapons, because of The Great Nuke Puke, in which every single corporation went into a nuclear arms race in an attempt to dominate the market. The nuclear silos, in order to remain secret to outsiders and relatively small and inexpensive, are managed by ill-tempered midgets. Each cache of nuclear weapons is assigned a midget, which lives in the silos feeding off of whatever's thrown in (usually compost, rotting meat, garbage, or mice). When the nuke is requested to launch, he is poked in the head with a big stick, causing him to launch them in an angry rage.

Culture

Vengeful Clowns, in a pursuit to wipe culture from the face of Woe Unto Us, and weaken them for a far-off possible cultural invasion, has had the company Mein Music create a number of media weapons to be created that would wipe out whatever were in the brains of its listener. Codenames of these projects include Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Coldplay, and 50 cent. Another musical weapon project, known as Iron & Wine, was made recently iin an experiment to see if they could turn everyone who listened to it into a complete wuss, making military invasion more viable.

Aside from that, Vengeful Clowns has come out with smash hits across the globe. These include the bands Hot Poker and the King's Rectum, June June the Constantly-Tickled Methodone Addict, Mick Donalds, and Winkie and the Kitchen-Sinkie. Probably the most famous song ever to be heard in Woe Unto Us is the hit single by the Microwave Placenta My Cat Died (Diyiyied!)

Film has also been big in Vengeful Clowns in recent years, including famed comic-genius filmmaker Morton Pork, director of Mommy, I Accidentally Swallowed Cyanide and The Hyperactive Kid who Over-Dosed on Ritalin. Maverick journalist Jack-Crack McLaugh in recent years made the controversial documentary that shook the world, entitled Janerosis is the Shittiest Country in the World, in which thousands gripped their chairs upon the knowledge of this new reality. And who could forget romance director Jack Obin, who made the blockbuster love saga Cutie and the Quefe.

Televison however has been lagging. All that's on in Vengeful Clowns as of now is Spongebob Squarepants. The only thing slightly difference is the news, which is anchored and reported by Spongebob.