Roach-Busters

The Holy Empire of Roach-Busters

Flag and coat of arms of Roach-Busters
Who ya gonna call!? Roach-Busters!!!
Languages  - Official  - Unofficial	English Farsi, Generian, Tagalog
Capital	RB City
National Leader	Generalissimo J.L.
Ruling party	Patriot Party
Area  - Total  - Land  - Water	4,495,552.7 km² 3,361,302.7 km² 1,134,250 km²
Elevation  - Highest point  - Mean  - Lowest point	701 m 365 m 183 m
Population  - Total (2005)	4.406 billion
CHDI (2006)	0.878 (high)
Independence Day	1 May 2004
Government type	Absolute monarchy
Official religion	Roman Catholic
GDP   - Total (USD)   - GDP/capita (USD)	$178,679,944,425,763.09 $40,553.78
Currency  - Exchange rate	1 RB Dollar ($) = 100 cents (¢) $ 1.00 = US$1.8744
National Anthem	Every Breath You Take by The Police
Internet TLD	.rb
Calling Code	+19

The Holy Empire of Roach-Busters, or Roach-Busters, is a highly developed nation with one of the most robust and fastest growing economies in the world. However, RB's great prosperity and stability come at a heavy price: RB is one of the most heavily policed, tightly controlled nations on the planet, nearly universally regarded as an oppressive police state. Police, secret police, informers, military police, border police, etc. are all-pervasive. A myriad of documents, identification cards, passes, etc. are required in order to travel out of the country, between states, between counties, between cities, or in some cases, between sections of cities. Its borders are among the most heavily fortified on the planet, surrounded by millions (perhaps even billions, no one knows for sure) of land mines, in addition to SAMs, 25 feet tall electric fences with 10,000 volts of electricity and topped with razor-sharp barbed wire, concrete moats, etc. The Coast Guard rigorously patrols all borders and harbors, in which millions of mines are strategically placed and Navy ships are always on high alert. Some even go so far as to call RB "fascist," "neo-fascist," or at least quasi-fascist, which the government hotly denies.

History

Most people say that RB "did not have a history to be proud of" until "the Fateful Day," 1 May 2004. That was the day General J.L., the overall General of the Army, staged a coup against a totalitarian, highly unpopular Marxist government inexorably leading the country toward politically, social, and economic ruin. Massive inflation, an unemployment rate of almost 75%, massive governmental corruption, widespread famine, and power shortages crippled the country, and crime of all sorts was rampant. J.L. (one of the most militant anticommunists in history) had originally joined the military as a young man, for the sole purpose of one day being elevated to a position from which he could implement much-needed "regime change," via the barrel of a gun. His plan worked. The military coup lasted only three days, and during the fighting, less than 100 people (mostly members of the Presidential Guard) were killed. The President, Konstantin "Konstap" Pupin (his name was derisively mispronounced "can't stop poopin'"), was publicly hanged, and his cabinet, several corrupt senior military leaders, and others close to him were executed by firing squad. All gulags were closed down, the secret police force was abolished, censorship laws were relaxed, all parastatal industries were privatized, all tariffs, minimum wage laws, business regulations, etc. were abolished, opposition parties were legalized, and free and fair elections were held, which J.L. won by a massive landslide. The dawn of a new era had begun.

War with Socialist Cockroaches

In June 2004, scarcely a month after J.L. seized power, when he was still in the middle of the long, arduous process of putting things back together, a rogue nation known as Socialist Cockroaches declared war on Roach-Busters, for reasons unknown to this day. Although both countries were about evenly matched, Socialist Cockroaches gained the upper hand by resorting to scorched earth tactics, attacks on "soft" targets, and other tactics that most civilized nations would label war crimes. The death toll skyrocketed to huge proportions. For awhile it seemed as if the fall of RB was imminent.

Then, a coalition of nations, including Jordaxia, The Dark Nexus, The Metroids, Crimson Blades, and (supposedly) Sarzonia, rallied to Roach-Busters's aid, and formed an alliance against Socialist Cockroaches, which had by then achieved the reputation of being an international pariah. Vastly outnumbered, out-gunned, and out-fought, Socialist Cockroaches's military quickly collapsed, morale plummeted, and the nation itself began to crumble. To avert the country's destruction, Socialist Cockroachian generals overthrew and assassinated their intransigent president, who had adamantly refused surrender, and agreed to cease control of their country to the allies. The country was occupied and de-militarized, its administration handled by representatives of the allies, its former leaders tried for war crimes. The war was over.

Note: Roach-Busters officially denies Sarzonia's involvement in the conflict. Sarzonia's government will not comment on the issue.*

The Red Dragons

After the war, the future of RB seemed bright. Re-construction proceeded at a brisk pace, RB had several new powerful allies, and the economy was booming. Roach-Busters was establishing relations with dozens of nations around the world, and was in the forefront of the movement against dictatorships and genocide. RB became respected as the epitome of human rights, democracy, and moderation. Its prospects for the future were spoken of in the most optimistic terms.

Then came the Red Dragons.

Their exact origins and intentions are still the subject of debate to this very day. What was known is that they were a highly secretive, occultist terrorist organization that demanded total servility and obedience from all its followers, plotted a "new world order" (details remain sketchy), and committed ritualistic killings. Early on, it bombed restaurants, cars, and tourist attractions. Because of their extreme proficiency in stealth tactics, they easily eluded the police and escaped justice. It did not take long for them to decide to resort to more formidable targets. They began making attacks on embassies, most notably by the Irondinian and Doomingslandian embassies. Good as they were at terrorism, at actual fighting they were laughably amateurish, as the Irondinians and Doomingslandians easily routed the Red Dragons. They were subsequently plagued by bitter infighting, and the organization soon collapsed and its memories swept into the dusbtin of history.

Interestlingly enough, both Irondin and Doomingsland soon developed amicable relationships, and eventually became two of RB's closest and most trustest allies.

Saddam Insane and the Roach-Busters Civil War

In the summer of 2004, in the midst of a presidential election (which J.L. was winning handily), a previously unknown warlord named Saddam Insane and his minions seized power in an incredibly swift, almost bloodless coup d'etat. J.L. and his cabinet members fled the country and took up residence in The Orkin Man (a now-defunct puppet nation). Insane quickly gained a notorious reputation as the Roach-Busterian equivalent to Pol Pot. All industries, banks, corporations, property, resources, etc. were nationalized and placed under rigid state control; thousands were whisked away to concentration camps, where torture of the most abominable nature awaited them; virtually the entire population was relocated to the countryside to work as slaves in the fields; and hundreds of thousands of "enemies of the state" were executed.

Thanks to the intervention of Holy Paradise, Doomingsland, and Dailey, Insane's regime was short-lived. RB freedom fighters as well as soldiers who had fled the country joined forces with HP, Doomingsland, and Dailey, and Insane's forces, hopelessly inept due to massive corruption and low morale, were easily defeated. Insane managed to escape, and later made another attempt to seize power, this time with the Red Dragons; his second attempt, however, was a colossal failure, and he was captured by the Doomingslandian mercenary/bounty hunter/assassin Skar and turned over to Roach-Busterian authorities, who executed the ex-tyrant.

As a result of the brief (but very bloody) civil war, RB and Holy Paradise became close allies, and the already close relationship with Doomingsland and Dailey was further strengthened.

RB as Peacekeeper

In Holy Paradise

Incidentally, it soon became RB's turn to repay the favor. Holy Paradise itself soon became embroiled in a catastrophic civil war of its own, when a Marxist autocrat seized control of the southern portion of Holy Paradise and announced the south's secession. In spite of some opposition from the National Assembly, J.L. immediately came to Holy Paradise's aid by sending large numbers of troops. Also joining the fray was Doomingsland. The communist secessionists were defeated, and the war all but ended when a Doomingslandian missile killed the Marxist leader. After the war, the country was quickly re-built, stabilized, and resumed its long-cherished peace and prosperity. To protect its ally from further threats, RB maintained several military bases in Holy Paradise.

In Generic Empire

Another close ally, the fellow CAD nation Generic Empire, also suffered the unspeakable horrors of civil war (the summer of 2004 was full of many such wars). Roach-Busters pledged its full support, as did Doomingsland, and the conflict was soon resolved, though at the cost of many lives. Since then, Generia has been mostly at peace, except for an occasional ongoing insurgency in Buchiania, where RB troops are currently staioned, helping their Generian brethren against the insurgents.

Shoobooshaaba and the Birth of Roach-Busterian Slavery

Long ago, a nation called Demonic Terrorists committed routine genocide, terror, and repression against a small island off the coast of Africa called Shoobooshaaba. Later, DT became too big for its britches, committed outrageous atrocities merely for the sake of provoking international indignation, and was invaded, easily defeated, and conquered by The Burnsian Desert. Later, the people of Shoobooshaaba (called Shoobooshaabans, or 'Shoobans' for short) decided to get revenge by invading DT (which was in shambles following the invasion) and wreak havoc for its crimes against the Shoobans. Generic Empire, an ally of TBD, warned Shoobooshaaba not to attack DT, as DT was Burnsian territory. Shoobooshaaba refused, and was invaded by Generic Empire, Borman Empire, and Parthia. The Shoobans, armed only with arrows, spears, and other crude, primitive weapons, were defeated quickly and easily. GE, BE, and Parthia divided up Shoobooshaaba among themselves; later, Roach-Busters, a close friend of the three, was given one-fourth of Shoobooshaaba as a gift. Shortly afterwards, the Shooban slave trade began, and soon countries throughout the world, especially allies of GE, BE, Parthia, and RB, had thousands, millions, or even billions of Shooban slaves.

From Democracy to Dictatorship

Although RB had been a democracy for quite awhile under J.L., eventually he grew tired of political infighting, growing leftist influence, and communist subversion, and granted himself emergency powers and began to rule by decree. The Communist Party, Nazi Party, and other extreme left-wing and right-wing parties were outlawed, the press was heavily censored, defense and law enforcement spending skyrocketed, torture was legalized, several detention centers and re-education camps sprang up, and civil liberties were sharply curtailed. Opposition parties were allocated no more than 15% of the seats in the National Assembly, and its members were kept under close surveillance. At a stroke, RB had changed from being one of the most democratic nations in the world to an almost totalitarian police state. Relishing his new powers, J.L. decided to retain them forever, and thus had total control over the nation and all its people. Scathing denunciations of the new dictatorship came from around the world, and several nations, notably Sarzonia, severed relations with RB. However, RB's popularity among right-wing nations, especially dictatorial ones, increased substantially. Around this time, J.L. adopted the title Generalissimo.

The Eastmoreland Coup

Once again, an ambitious, power-hungry man ousted J.L. and seized power for himself. This time, however, it was not a petty thug who seized power, but one of RB's most highly-decorated war heroes, General Creighton Eastmoreland. Eastmoreland had served as supreme commander of Roach-Busterian forces during the Holy Paradisian Civil War and fought with great distinction and honor. Later, however, after embracing radical political views, he connived with a few other corrupt generals and plotted a coup. The other generals were under the assumption that Eastmoreland was merely a "patriot" wishing to revive Roach-Busterian democracy. Thus deceived, they joined with him, and J.L. was toppled in a bloodless coup and took refuge in Parthia. At first, Eastmoreland presented himself as a centrist, conciliatory, populist leader, and he promised to democratize and reform the government. It was not long before he showed his true colors. He granted himself dictatorial powers and began to rule as a tyrant, brutally smashing the opposition, until Parthian troops invaded the country, joined with Roach-Busterian troops loyal to J.L., and overthrew Eastmoreland's short-lived government. Eastmoreland was severely beaten by J.L., then executed by scaphism. His co-conspirators and the soldiers who had sided with him were all hanged.

Death of Thiensiri

Near the end of 2005, a great tragedy struck. J.L.'s second wife (his first wife had died many, many years previously), Thiensiri Theveenugul, fell ill and died. J.L. suffered extremely severe depression and mania as a result, and became suicidal. He became so mentally unstable that he was institutionalized, and his son, Anastasio "Tacho" Somoza Latimer, temporarily took control of the nation.

Carnage in the Homelands and Vang's Downfall

For many years, RB had operated under a system of apartheid, except, instead of being racially segregated, people were segregated on the basis of their political views. Liberals, socialists, anarchists, fascists, Nazis, communists, and other "dregs of society" were confined to extremely tiny, overcrowded, crime-ridden "homelands," where disease, infant mortality, illiteracy, and crime were rampant, and sanitation was next to non-existent. This system had been formulated by Minister of Ideological Hygiene Chue Vang, known as the architect of Grand Political Apartheid, as he called it. One day, attempting to deliberately induce homeland riots so as to resort to military force and kill as many residents as possible, Vang (who was responsible for the administration of the homelands) passed a controversial law which outraged and galvanized the homeland residents, as he knew it would. Huge riots broke out, and the military was mobilized and deployed to quell the uprising. In the ensuing carnage, over 1,000 people were killed. The incident caused an international uproar, and many nations openly threatened to impose economic sanctions. Under extreme pressure, Tacho (who was still in charge, as J.L. was still institutionalized) not only fired Vang, but dismantled the homelands and peacefully deported their residents to nations that offered to take them.

The Re-marriage

COMING SOON

The Coronation and Advent of the Monarchy

COMING SOON

The Cyprian Scandal

COMING SOON

Operation: Mongoose

COMING SOON

Recent Times

COMING SOON

Economy

Roach-Busters has one of the largest and most powerful economies in the world. It is quite possibly the most laissez faire, libertarian, unregulated economy in history. Tariffs, minimum wage laws, price controls, racial quotas, business regulations, environmental laws, worker safety laws, subsidies, social entitlement programs, etc. are completely non-existent. Corporations can do as they please, unhindered by bureaucratic control or government intervention. As such, the economy has grown explosively, at a breakneck pace. Moreover, because businesses are never taxed, and slave labor is perfectly legal, corporations accumulate massive wealth, which they subsequently invest in the economy, stimulating high growth and creating bountiful jobs. Also, not a penny on the government's budget goes to social programs, health care, or education, all of which are controlled and financed by private individuals and corporations.

Politics

COMING SOON

Foreign Relations

Allies

RB's closest ally by far is Parthia, which is economically, politically, and socially very similar to RB in many regards. They have fought side by side in many wars, trade extensively, and cooperate closely on economic and security matters. There are many Roach-Busterian immigrants in Parthia, and vice versa. Roach-Busterians and Parthians both hold each others' countries in high regard and have mutual respect for one another. Shah Khosru III is a personal friend of J.L.; one of his best friends, in fact.

Both RB and Parthia are members of CAD, a powerful alliance to which most of RB's close allies belong. RB's closest non-CAD allies include Irondin, Holy Paradise, The Real Anime Liberation Movement, The Lightning Star, Farmina, The Transylvania, and Ottoman Khaif.

Alliances RB is a Member of

In addition to CAD, RB is a member of:

• TBA
• SEATO (founding nation)
• World Capitalist and Communist Consortium
• Brothers in Arms
• UNA
• PRA
• CC
• Evil Dictator's Lounge and Gentleman's Club
• Who Gives a Damn About Human Rights Club (founding nation)
• RWC
• Circle Alliance
• ACE (founding nation)
• WACL (revived Chiang Kai-shek's WACL)

Enemies

Enemies of RB include Sarzonia (the arch-enemy of Roach-Busters), Praetonia, Hamptonshire, Ankhmet, Czardas, The Lone Alliance, and the Soviet Union. All communist nations and most socialist nations (except for the few which are anticommunist) are viewed with extreme prejudice and hostility by the RB government.

Alliances/Organizations Labeled "Terrorist Organizations"

• Woodstock Pact
• Socialist International
• Global Law Courts
• International League of Socialist States
• Left-Wing Alliance

Neutral/Other

RB has relatively cordial relationship with The Island of Rose, and an on-again/off-again relationship with Pacitalia. The two were once staunch and stalwart allies, then bitter enemies, but are now neutral. Their relationship constantly wavers between relatively warm and relatively hostile. J.L. does, however, remain a friend of ex-Prime Minister Tim Ell of Pacitalia.

Justice and Law

RB is famous - perhaps infamous would be a better word - for its extraordinarily harsh, brutal, and repressive methods of punishment. It has earned the ire of many countries and all human rights organizations for the excessively violent manner in which prisoners are tortured and killed. RB, however, nonchalantly deflects such criticism. Due to both an all-pervasive police force and harsh methods of suppressing crime, law and order prevail and crime is an extreme rarity, making RB one of the safest nations in the world.

Execution Methods (in order of "most extreme" to "least extreme")

• 1. Scaphism
• 2. Hanging, drawing, and quartering
• 3. Roasting in a brazen bull
• 4. Boiling/burning
• 5. Impalement
• 6. Disembowelment
• 7. Crushing
• 8. Hanging
• 9. Decapitation
• 10. Firing squad

Torture Methods

• 1. Castration
• 2. Denailing
• 3. Foot roasting
• 4. Disfigurement
• 5. Shabach technique
• 6. Chinese Water Torture
• 7. Drowning
• 8. Beating
• 9. Tickling
• 10. Sleep deprivation

Crime & Punishment

• Treason = Scaphism or hanging, drawing, and quartering, depending on the judge's decision
• First-degree murder = Hanging (if the criminal was a noble or upper-class), disembowelment (if the criminal was middle-class), or boiling alive (if the criminal was lower-class)
• Second-degree murder = Firing squad
• Manslaughter = 5-25 years' imprisonment at hard labor
• Tax evasion = Punishable by 2-5 years' imprisonment
• Shoplifting = Amputation of one arm (or firing squad if it is a repeat offense)
• Pickpocketing = Amputation of one hand (or firing squad if it is a repeat offense)
• Vandalism = 5 lashes & 5 years' imprisonment at hard labor
• Rape = Castration without anesthesia, followed by boiling if the victim was an adult, or followed by roasting in a brazen bull if the victim was under 16
• Non-rape sexual abuse = Castration without anesthesia (if it is a repeat offense, the punishment is the same as it would be if the crime were rape)
• Theft of private property = Amputation of both arms
• Assault = 10 lashes & 10 years' imprisonment at hard labor
• Kidnapping = Impalement
• Slander = 3-5 years' imprisonment
• Leading a riot = Firing squad
• Participating in a riot = 25 lashes & 10-25 years' imprisonment at hard labor
• Leading a strike = Punishable by 40 lashes & life enslavement by the employer
• Participating in a strike = Punishable by 20 lashes & 15-20 years' enslavement by employer
• Breaking and entering = Denailing & 5-10 years' imprisonment at hard labor
• Possessing or selling hard drugs = Denailing, foot roasting, disfigurement, and Shabach technique, followed by 10-30 years' imprisonment
• Possessing, advertising, selling, publishing, or promoting media or literature considered subversive = Disembowelment
• Following an outlawed religion = Burning at the stake
• Fraud = Firing squad
• Non-sexual child abuse = 50 lashes
• Animal abuse = 12-15 lashes, forbidden by law from ever again owning a pet
• Insulting Parthia or Shah Khosru III = Roasting in a brazen bull
• Insulting a Roach-Busterian ally = Burning at the stake
• Promoting public unrest/disorder = Crushing
• Insulting a law enforcement officer or a member of the armed forces = 20-30 lashes
• Insulting a minor, local, or state government official = 2-5 years' imprisonment
• Insulting a member of the National Assembly = 6-10 years' imprisonment
• Insulting a member of the cabinet = 11-15 years' imprisonment
• Insulting J.L. or a member of his family = No punishment necessary, as anyone stupid enough to do such a thing would be immediately killed by citizens
• Advocating Shooban or Turtan "rights" = 10-30 years' enslavement
• Possessing or selling soft drugs = Fine of $500-1,000
• Singing the Internationale or any other subversive song = Disembowelment
• Wearing, selling, or promoting a Che Guevara T-shirt = Impalement
• Belonging to an illegal political party = Roasting in a brazen bull
• Littering = Fine of $50
• Speeding = Revocation of drivers' license for 2 months for every mile above the speed limit (i.e., if the speed limit was 50 m.p.h. and they were driving 52 m.p.h., it would be revoked for 4 months)

Culture

COMING SOON