Difference between revisions of "Costa Bravo"

Latest revision as of 14:32, 28 April 2007

The Armed Republic of
Costa Bravo

National Flag
National motto: Remember, remember, the fifth of November.
In detail
Official languages	English, French, Russian
Capital	Tortuga
Largest city	Tortuga
Government  - Regent  - HOP	Armed republic Remy Lessard Meredith Gosselin
UN Status
Nation Code	COBRA
Area  - Total  - % water	220,850 sq km 10 percent
Population	200 million
GDP (PPP)  - Total  - Per capita	Ø 160.5 billion Ø 60,587
Establishment	November 5, 1505
Constitution  - Ratified  - Effective	December 7, 1505 January 21, 1506
Major Religions	Atheism, Catholicism, Islam, Judaism
Currency	Costa Bravan Credit
Currency Code	CBC
Internet TLD	.cob
Calling Code	101
Time zone	CET (UTC +1)
HDI	0.976 - very high
National anthem	Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture
National animal	Sea Otter
Heraldry

Costa Bravo

The Armed Republic of Costa Bravo is a small nation of an ever-growing one billion inhabitants. Located in the central Mediterranean, south of Italy and north of Libya, Costa Bravo is a largely dystopian, post-modern seafaring nation with an ancestry in piracy and anarchic government. The currently elected Regent, Remy Lessard, is serving out the prior Regent's (Jonah Jebediah Rudabaugh) thirty-year term, set to end as of 2008. Income tax is at a steady 25%, and the healthy private sector is dominated by the Information Technology Industry, with Arms Building, Robotics, and Biomedical Industries maintaining a steady foothold in the background. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Costa Bravo national animal is the Sea Otter, and its currency is the credit.

The nation's colloquial acronym (every cool nation has one!) is ARC (pronounced "ay-ar-see"), because ARCB sounds dumb.

Early History

300 BCE-80 BCE

Sauvage

The southern portion of Costa Bravo, the Isla de Muerte (technically not an island, but referred to as such regardless), was inhabited by various primitive cultures as early as 300 BCE. The southernmost portion of the isle, Sauvage, is still inhabited by a small community of tribal cultures. The Sauvages, as they are called by Costa Bravans, have recently begun to modernize themselves, adopting contemporary technology and straying from their traditional ways. The Sauvages claim that the entire Isla de Muerte belongs to them, and have resorted to terrorism to articulate their opinions. Most recently, they massacred a small fishing village in southern Isla de Muerte, and suicide bombed the Carthaginian Embassy in Durban.

80 BCE-400 CE

Sophora

Due to the great mountain ranges that ran the perimeter of much of Costa Bravo, it remained uninhabited until 79 BCE, when the Roman Empire laid claim to the greater part of what is now Costa Bravo. They named this new province Sophora, roughly translated as "Great Coast." Rome, quick to recognize the land's comfortable weater and rich soil, promptly founded a handful of cities upon the northern coast, to precipitate migration. They named the province's capital eponymously -- Sophorium. It was located on Tortuga Island, forming the foundations of what would later become Tortuga. In a manner of years, Sophorium grew to be the centerpoint of Northern Africa, rivalling Carthage in influence. Tortuga's harbors were second only to Alexandria's in terms of size and traffic flow, and, as such, Tortuga rapidly became an integral part of the Mediterranean's trade routes. Sophora's citizens were largely farmers and the like, and steadily generated a strong economy for themselves. Meanwhile, the tactical significance of Sophora was easily recognized by the world's powers. Rome placed dozens of garrisons between Sophora's thick mountain walls, and dozens, if not hundreds, of forts were built throughout the countryside. The Roman navy transferred the greater part of their forces to Sophora, due to both the accessable location and conveniently numerous bays and inlets. With the advent of its naval significance, new towns and cities sprung along the coastlines, and agriculture was slowly replaced by fishing, in terms of economic pull.

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The Coquillan Colosseum, a remnant of Sophora, is the most preserved Colosseum in the world, and is still home to a variety of sports, theater activities, and gladiatorial games.

In time, as the Roman Empire crumbled, its presence in Sophora trickled away. Eventually, all but the most meager of Rome's garrisons were withdrawn from the province to fight the Empire's enemies elsewhere, and the Carthaginians, having pined for Costa Bravo for generations, swiftly, and easily, seized the land, in approximately 270 CE. The few Roman citizens that had remained in Sophora fled, and, by 300 CE, almost no Roman citizens remained in the province. Eventually, the Carthaginian presence in Costa Bravo collapsed (circa 400 CE), similarly to the Romans, and only a few independent communities remained. For years to come, Costa Bravo would remain largely uninhabitated.

Middle History

1455 CE-1505 CE

Costa Bravo

The formation of contemporary Costa Bravo was instantiated in December of 1455, some eleven months after Spaniards "rediscovered" the forgotten land. Spain rapidly and promptly seized control of the Costa Bravan mainland, a surprisingly hospitable and lush isle, considering its oft-undesirable latitude. Although the Spanish government laid claim to the entire land of Costa Bravo, it was often largely in the control of various clans of pirates and sea-faring mercenaries. This was due to Spain's resources being stretched thin: it's rival, England, was commanding the country's attention at that time. A handful of towns sprung up throughout the country, generally along the coastline and near what once was Sophorium. Sophorium had lain in ruins after nearly a thousand years of abandonment. Quick to seize the area, Finneas Arkham and his band of nautical miscreants made landfall there and erected a shanty town over what once a majestic city. Tortuga became a spot of much anarchy and revelry, and was renowned for being the most lawless and dirty of places in the world. In general, Tortuga was considered Costa Bravo's capital city.

Spain, however, refused to acknowledge Tortuga, and formally decreed Alónso as Costa Bravo's capital. Due to the growing civil unrest throughout the country, Spain instituted strict measures, laws, and at once point martial law. Tensions grew, and a handful of small military campaigns were carried out by Spain against the established mercenaries and pirate bands. The most famous of such skirmishes took place in Tortuga, an event which lasted several days and resulted in the withdrawal of Spanish forces from what is know known as Coquille. Two months later, in June of 1504, twelve civilians (eight men, two women, and two children) were killed by Spanish officers during a small protest at town hall. This event, the Two-ten Massacre of Alónso was the 'last straw' for the Costa Bravan inhabitants. It sparked a full-fledged revolution against the established Spanish presence in Costa Bravo. The Costa Bravan Revolution carried on for over a year, and finally closed at the Battle of Costiglione with the decimation and prompt surrender of Spanish forces. They withdrew all troops from the country, and Finneas Arkham's son, Norbert Arkham was elected the first Regent of the Armed Republic of Costa Bravo. The occurance of the Battle of Costiglione, November 5, 1505 is recognized as the official "birthdate" of Costa Bravo, celebrated in tandem with Guy Fawkes Day every year in Costa Bravo.

Modern History

1900 CE-1950 CE

World War I

The turn of the twentieth century brought about Costa Bravo's perpetual, and persistent, arms race with the world's other superpowers. It was a key player in World War I, the outcome of which was greatly, yet arguably, influenced by Costa Bravo's immense Aeroforces. Costa Bravo, of the Allied Powers, had thousands upon thousands of fighter planes at its disposal, due to the magnitude of it's manufacturing sector. The country was also renowned for its technological advances on the warfront, famously constructing the virtually impregnable CBT Mark III, a tank similar in appearance to the British Mark V series. Costa Bravo was also involved in a variety of heavy naval engagements throughout the Mediterranean.

World War II

World War II was another principal venture for Costa Bravo. An integral participant of the Allies, yet again, Costa Bravo was prime real estate throughout the war. Had Hitler and his forces captured Costa Bravo at any time in the war, a conquest in Northern Africa would have been assured. Costa Bravo, for the Axis, would have been a tactically gigantic conduit into Africa. However, due to, again, Costa Bravo's industrial might and innumerable infantry forces, Costa Bravo warded off the handful of invasion forces the Axis sent its way. Costa Bravo participated in numerous key engagements through the war, including D-Day and MARKET-GARDEN, among others. As in the previous War, Costa Bravo's industrial might precipitated victory after victory on the battlefield.

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Costa Bravo ruled the skies throughout the two World Wars.

After a particularly crippling defeat at Ravenna, Costa Bravo lost a considerable amount of aero- and naval forces. It never recuperated from the loss, and lost every successive major battle -- at Cagliari, Cairo, Dzhankoy, Cyprus, Saarbrücken, Port Said, and Freiburg. Without much opposition, Costa Bravo was invaded and occupied by Mussolini's forces in September of 1944. Mussolini's forces pounded the northern coastline for three days, until Costa Bravo's primary line of defense collapsed and the Axis finally broke through on September 16, 1944. This Axis victory was one of the most monumental losses Costa Bravo experienced upon the battlefield in the twentieth century, and was later named "C-Day," a play-on-words of the famous D-Day engagement at Normandy.

From there, the Axis drew a conduit into Africa, and, as such, Costa Bravo became even hotter property for either side of the war. Months after the occupational force drew into Costa Bravo, in January of 1945, Stalin's forces invaded Costa Bravo and retook it, imposing order and, since the government had been all but destroyed and executed by Mussolini, the Soviets took emergency control of the country. Although they re-instituted the Costa Bravan government in 1947, the USSR briefly regarded Costa Bravo as a colony of their own, and kept an ever-watchful eye trained on the nation. Their presence became so pervasive in those few years that almost two-thirds of the populace claimed Russian to be their primary mode of communication, and Cyrillic eventually became the standard writing form. Over the years, the cultural and social presence has diminished, but still 1/3 of Costa Bravo's citizens consider Russian their first language, and public signs are often written in Cyrillic, due to the simplistic (and consequently cheap) style of lettering.

1975 CE- present

Sondonesian War

For the past quarter-century, Costa Bravo has found itself involved in a variety of wars. Foremost, in 1975, the Sondonesian War, a highly controversial escapade in which Costa Bravo's military aided in the deposition of the opressive, dictatorial, corrupt government of Sondonesia. The deposition was a failure. Consequently, the Sondonesian War is often compared to the Vietnam War, in which the United States of America was involved.

Bordura-Bravo Incident

In 1982, only two years after the end of the disastrous Sondonesian War came to a close, Costa Bravo was again involved in a war, this time with Bordura, a Slavic nation. The ordeal, titled the Bordura-Bravo Incident was spawned from Bordura's invasion, occupation, and attempted annexation of Syldavo, another, smaller, Slavic nation and neighbor to Bordura. The Soviet Union and United States were also involved in the war, and, conseuqently, Bordura was defeated and drew back from Syldavo. For the past twenty years, Bordura has gradually infiltrated the Syldavan government. As of February, 2005, Syldavo was declared a "protectorate" of Bordura, much to the dismay of the parties involved in the Bordura-Bravo Incident.

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The Sondonesian War was a highly contested conflict that resulted in the displacements and deaths of thousands of Sondonesian citizens.

Eugenics War

In 2001, Costa Bravo became involved in a full-fledged war with Dakkland, an opressive Eurasian regime that sought to acquire a foothold in the Mediterranean, via Costa Bravo. This conflict was titled the Eugenics War, due to the fact that it was the first major skirmish in which bioengineering was used prominently on a battlefield. Dakkland's navy swept out into the Mediterranean, seizing the northeastern coast of Costa Bravo. From there they moved inland, sweeping a broad sickle-shaped arc into the heart of Costa Bravo. The most famous battles were fought at the Janeiro Canal, where Costa Bravo's forces managed to hold back the invading forces for a solid twenty-eight days, and at Tortuga, which had been viciously and mercilessly shelled by Dakkland throughout the war. The latter battle, the Battle for Tortuga, was the conclusory one, in which Dakkland was decimated, and Costa Bravo was able to form a salient through the warfront, which made it possible for them to counterattack and drive Dakkland's army into the sea. Since then, severe economic sanctions have been placed upon Dakkland, which fell into a deep recession for a few years.

War for Costa Bravo

In June of 2006, the Bordura conflict rose anew, in the form of the recently-dubbed War for Costa Bravo. According to a speech Regent Rudabaugh delivered, this was the war in which "all the horrors, all the righteous battles and liberations we have perpetrated in the last half-century, have now come back to bite us in the ass". The Taschist Axis, an alliance of dictatorial and opressive regimes previously engaged in wars precipitated by Costa Bravo, invaded the Isla de Muerte on June 6, 2006. The Axis, consisting of Bordura, Syldavo, Khamed, Dakkland and Sondonesia, sought to conquer Costa Bravo, and demolish the government in favor of their own. As a result of the new threat, an alliance between benevolent, Taschist-opposed nations was formed. This alliance, called simply the Alliance, consisted of Costa Bravo, Bothnia, and Puerta Rica.

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Tortuga, from afar, during the Eugenics War, with the Citadel destroyed.

The war carried on for almost a year, engagements fought at both sides of the nation. Shellings aplenty ravaged the coastline, and Sondonesian and Khamed forces seized Chauvigny. They were promptly beat back into the sea by a Bothnian counterattack. After series of crippling blows at Bagnoles, Niverny, and the coast, most of the Taschist Axis withdrew and surrendered. Bordura was the last to do so, in February of 2007. All members of the Taschist Axis had suffered terribly at the hands of the Alliance, and most fell into an economic recess. Some 2,900,000 people, civilians and soldiers alike, had been killed during the duration of the war.

Cities of Costa Bravo

The cities of Costa Bravo are, with notable exceptions, derived from the French language -- Neuville, Chambois, Arromanches, et al. This is due to the singularity of French during the building of Costa Bravo in the 16th and 17th centuries. Many of Costa Bravo's cities and towns have names taken from, or similar to, previously existing settlements across the world, chiefly Western Europe.

List of Costa Bravan cities:

• Tortuga
• Dunsworth
• Durban
• Castelnau
• Tournay
• Canfranc
• Alónso
• Beaumont
• St. Albans
• Paradiso
• Chalons
• St. Germain
• Rouen
• Chauvigny
• Bourgaines
• Fresno
• St. Denis
• St. Blain
• Morlaix
• Neuville
• Ramelle
• La Roche
• Carcassone
• Belmont
• Barenton
• Pontarlier
• Vizille
• St. Malo
• Marquise
• Clermont
• Falmoth
• Stafford
• Vizier
• Wensleydale
• Aberdeen
• Dorchester
• Cornell
• Minster
• Grandvilliers
• Bagnoles
• Arromanches
• Mourmelon
• Dieulouard
• Sissone
• Sedan
• Pont-á-Gauche
• Tavernes
• Salernes
• Costiglione
• Raleigh
• Rochefort
• Talmont
• Favergnes
• Belcaire
• Carcans
• Argentan
• Carentan
• Avranches
• Falaise
• Chambois
• Clevedon
• Rosans
• Marennes
• Cavignac
• Fontaînebleu
• Dammens
• Soto
• Livernon
• St. Lambert
• Calais
• Biscay
• Halt
• Marie du Mont
• Slapton Sands
• Chase
• Boire
• Aîrdé
• Colmars
• Narbonne
• Rhodes
• Tarles
• Champennes
• Rura Penthe

Provinces

Main article(s): Provinces of Costa Bravo

Costa Bravo is divided into a variety of small states, known as provinces. The provincial system was established some time after Costa Bravo was founded, due to the government's distaste to federalism and secularism. After consequential mishaps involving the judicial, policing, and recording bureaus, a government mandate went through to initiate the subsidization of Costa Bravo into an organized provincial system. Twenty-four provinces were formed, some of which were later sub-divided into bureaus.

Flags of Costa Bravo

Main article(s): Flags of Costa Bravo

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The Jolly Jacques, flag of Costa Bravo since 1985

Costa Bravo has undergone an innumerable amount of flag changes throughout its history, through their general premise has remained congruous without: variations upon the original flag flown upon Norbert Arkham's ship, Barbosa. The flags have traditionally been altered whenever an upheavel or significant cultural or political change occurs in Costa Bravo, with exceptions. The advancement of the flags, six in number, is ostensible in their artistic progression. Their names are given by popular vote, generally based upon popular political figures or Regents of the era. The current flag of Costa Bravo, the Jolly Jacques is named for Jacques Pierot, Regent and instigator of the Pierot-Motisse Reformations in the 1980s. Its design is a dramatic departure from previous renditions, and is consequently either lauded or deeply criticized by the country's citizens.

Geography and Climate

Contrary to the climates seen in areas surrounding Costa Bravo, the temperature there is perpetually mild (15º to 20ºC), and often cloudy and/or rainy. This is due to the inexplicably high-pressure coastal winds that sweep across the coastline and into the mainland. Temperature variations throughout the seasons are minimal, making it a popular vacationing spot throughout the year.

The mainland of Costa Bravo consists largely of rocky, mountainous regions, temperate coniferous forests and broad, hilly grasslands, generally intersparsed within each other. For the most part, the mountainous regions are confined to the northwestern and southwestern regions of Costa Bravo, along with certain areas along the coastline, and the forests and grasslands consist of the rest of the country. The Isla de Muerte, south of the mainland, is similarly odd in climactic terms. Again, the northerly coastal conditions influence this area so that the Isla de Muerte is drastically different from its environs -- dark, wet, and rocky. Cloud cover is almost constant, and, while temperatures are generally higher than those seen on the mainland, it's relatively cold. Stray a few miles southwards, into Libya, and you would surprisingly encounter a completely and astoundingly different biome from the one you just emerged from -- one that consists of savannahs, deserts, etcetera.

Culture

Although generally renowned for its progressive government entities, manufacturing, and military prowess, Costa Bravo is also enriched with a somewhat homogenous, intrinsically complex culture. Costa Bravans indulge themselves in the oddest and most unique of recreational activities; the populace is majorly atheistic/agnostic, lending to a more developed scientific than theological community; and the numerous liberal arts colleges throughout the country provide prospective artists, authors, and the like with a rich topsoil for growth, so that they might contribute to society at a later date. Costa Bravan literature is well-known for its "zany, pedantic tones," and its art well-known for caricature. Such popular books as Knife Dreams by Halibet Cloister and Oosesl? by Captain Horatio are printed in dozens of languages, and lauded by critics everywhere. Costa Bravo is also birthplace to the famous comic Misunderstanding Between Friends, by Durka Durka Jones, the poem Glorbling Bindlewurdles Florting Bashedly by Basil Cousteau, and the classical masterpiece Flatulence in D minor by Brosef Arseton, among other things.

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Esteemed author Halibet Cloister.

Literature

Throughout the ages, the Costa Bravo government has seen it fit to endorse those who seek to contribute to artistic fields (authors, artists, philosophers, poets, etcetera) with slight monetary and societal incentives. As such, an innumerable amount of authors borne from Costa Bravo's bowels overwhelms the literary community. Classical Costa Bravo authors and playwrights from days of yore include Mildred Myrtle, of Romp in Thy Thicket Yonder fame, Alabaster DeSoto's classical play Hélas, j'ai Mangé mes Pieds, and Poinard Naissäc, who authored the critically acclaimed Ways Two and Ten to Throttle Thine Enemies in an Unfair Duel.

Perhaps the most famous of modern Costa Bravo literature is Halibet Cloister's Knife Dreams, a prime example of Costa Bravo's writing style. The book, fiction, revolves around two characters, Urquhart Portsmoth and Farquhart Starboardsmoth, dopplegangers. The former lives in an unnamed modern city in Western Europe, and the latter lives in a "Bizarro World" dissimilar in all ways to Earth. They are each cast into the other's world, and consequently each try to find a way back to their respective homes. An excerpt from the first chapter may be seen here:

With pale, sickly fingers and an ominously silent groan of strenuous effort, the sun peeled back the pair of bedraggled, vomit-colored flowery purple drapes and shone through the painfully windowless pair of bay windows, casting a sickly, dying, unwilling ray of light upon the bald man, hat asunder and pyjamas askew, mumbling inaudibly and stroking his creased, baby-smooth chin in a falsely and forcibly intellectual manner. He cried out, waving his hands, striking a lamp, and forming his lips into a puckered frothing mass, splattering the drapes that teased his tousled bangs. "I will do no such thing!" he bellowed, waving his hands again, this time narrowly missing something precariously fragile.

The string of oddly-accented, incorrigibly incomprehensible vowels and consonants echoed through the near-empty room, a bedroom, painted a shade of taupe that exactly failed to please the eye. Shards of painted porcelain and lightbulb-pieces shimmered, tauntingly, on the floor, dying to cry out in pain, if only they had mouths to cry with.

The room was a long, thin oval, which curved in such a way that it appeared to be, more or less, precisely rectangular. A similarly disguised, oblong-rectangle bed sat, pressed against the wall, awkwardly, in some god-forsaken corner on the opposite side of the room, which lay under a blanket of shadows, orange in huge and wavy, like the hair of a portly little boy who uses way too much conditioner.

A nightstand, twice the size of the bed and made of oak (it smelled of cedar; a lie), was home to an irritatingly small blue lamp and a row of religously-arranged cork coasters. They were stained brown with overuse, though each one had been left empty for quite some time; the obsessive desire for classy lattes with catchy names had gone unsatiated for far too long.

Lamps, or, at least, what appeared as such, hung, with gaiety and pomp and far too much color, in the center of the room, from the ceiling on white cords. An occasional tendril of air, from the windowless bay windows, would cause the lamps to swing around and clash against each other, like a group of giant, ugly chimes. Below the lamps squatted a short table, proportionally oblong (and yet precisely rectangular) to the room, and round the table was a grayish couch, weary and ageless, looking both as if it would collapse, surely, if anyone were to sit on it in a particular way, and pretentiously Swedish, or Norwegian, or something.

Four windows enclosed the perimeter of the room, one at each direction, each one without windows nor panes, and most without drapes. And so a draft knarled its knobbly fingers round the room, making sure that anyone who spent more than a few moments there would leave either trembling or with an appropriately grumpy disposition.

And yet the bald, pyjama-wearing, hat-bearing, chin-stroking, mumbling man did not seem particularly tremblish, nor discernably grumpy. He merely sat, in such a way that looked so uncomfortable that it made you want to clutch your knees and weep.

As one can see, Costa Bravo literature is exceedingly pedantic and wordy, a defining characteristic of the country's art. While many critics acclaim works such as Knife Dreams as engaging and original, a handful of persons criticize Knife Dreams, and similar works, for semantically annoying and distancing the literature from the reader. While it is notable that not all Costa Bravan artists employ this style of writing, it is the most prevalent and characterstic of the nation.

Poetry

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What an asshole.

Costa Bravo has a long-standing tradition of hating poetry. Many Costa Bravans claim that poetry is simplistic and common, and, famously quoted, that "the art of separating a sentence into seperate lines and ryhming it is not, in itself, intrinsically useful nor skillful, nor does it require a higher mental capacity, as other arts do" (as stated by Regent Ulbert Harrivév in 1959). Consequently, poets are far and few between, and generally ridiculed in the nation's higher echelons and societal circles. The few positively-received poets in modern history are those who practice nonsense verse, as to mock other poetry; Glorbling Bindlewurdles Florting Bashedly by Basil Cousteau is one of the most famous of such pieces. Said poem is a one-hundred page "epic" poem, in lieu to (and poking fun at) the work of Homer, the most hated man in Costa Bravo. An excerpt:

Faslslots, two and ten in number, froompting gallooptiously

in the tallern wind,

frackled feepishly in the foreign fangles,

torting Vargen Slend.

And harpish Jammel Bracklesocks

warkeled narpishly

honder trod of fen,

woe betide to sarkered carpeting,

and farting two and ten.

Recreation

Costa Bravo sports a variety of recreational activities, both traditional and progressive. While not renowned for the supplication of able atheletes, Costa Bravo has produced a handful of successful sportsmen: famous Street Luger Fannes DeSoto, baseball player Marq Dammens, footballer Gordon Pitcock, feces flingers Ted Strong and Mr. Sparkles, and gladiators David Nord and Natasha Barrack. Costa Bravo is a prominent participant in the Olympics, though its consistent lack of placement is the subject of constant ridicule.

Gladiatorial Games

Perhaps the foremost of Costa Bravo's achievements in sporting is that of its revival of traditional gladiatorial games. In country's millenia-ago existence as Sophora, colosseums were constructed in major cities throughout the land. Successful gladiators were honored members of society, and games held almost weekly. When Sophora crumbled, and, centures later, Costa Bravo was founded, many of the colosseums were left standing, if not wholly intact. Some were disassembled, while most were utilized for various purposes -- warehousing, "proper" games, theatrical productions. It was not until 1818 when Regent Balthazar Harles mentioned his fondness for gladiatorial games of antiquity, that a revival was instigated. Paradiso's then-mayor (and later Regent) Car Lîpon, a renowned suck-up, organized a fight between two criminals garbed and armed in Roman style during Harles' brief visit to the city. The idea soon caught on, and colosseums across the country were finding themselves home to matches between convicts, felons, or crazed volunteers. And so began the revival of traditional gladiatorial games.

Brockian Ultra Cricket

Spawned from the mind of eccentric Costa Bravan playboy Barnes Brock, Brockian Ultra Cricket is disputedly one of the greatest games ever conceived by man. Ever-popular with the citizenry, Ultra Cricketeers are lauded as some of the greatest atheletes in the world. The first game was held in Slapton Sands in 1950, and has grown in popularity ever since. The National Brockian Ultra Cricket League (NBUCL) was founded on February 8, 1962.

Brockian Ultra Cricket is well-known for its inherent complexity. A full set of rules is so massively complicated that the only time they were all bound together in a signle volume they underwent gravitational collapse and became a black hole. A brief summary, however, follows:

Rule One: Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need, them, but it keeps the crowds amused.

Rule Two: Find one extremely good Brockian Ultra Cricketeer. Clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous amount of tedious selection and training.

Rule Three: Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall around them. The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it is a lot more exciting than it really is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum game experiences far less life affirmation than a crowd that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event is sporting history.

Rule Four: Throw lots of assorted items of sporting equipment over the wall for the players. Anything will do -- cricket bats, baseball bats, tennis racquets, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.

Rule Five: the players should now lay about themselves for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores a "hit" on another player, he should immediately run away as fast as he can and apologize from a safe distance. Apologies should be consice, sincere and, for maximum clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.

Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team to win.

NBUCL matches are regularly televised on the premier Costa Bravan sports channel, NSB. NBUCL matches are well-known for attracting implausibly large numbers of viewers, making NSB the second most watched TV station in the history of the universe, right behind UPN. The televised 2005 NBUCL Championships holds the highest amount of people tuned into any one program, ranging at some four trillion viewers. Analysts are still trying to figure that one out.

Surprisingly, Brockian Ultra Cricket has yet to catch on across the globe.

Street Luge

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The famed Renault Piste, held in Durban, 2004.

Street Luge is a popular sport in Costa Bravo, although unlike gladiatorial games and Brockian Ultra Cricket, it is not singularly so. Tortuga and other major cities house a variety of Street Luge functions, often cordoning off large sections of the city in order to provide uninterrupted natural track through the city. In this regard, it is referred to as the "Grand Prix of Costa Bravo." Marennes and Durban are favored hosts of the annual Renault Piste, due to their sloping streets and dangerous turns.